That Dark Place

by W. Franklin Lattimore

  Irritation.

  Now she just wanted to rip that pretty purple flower out of the ground and dismember it.

  Jamie.

  She sighed again, the anger dissipating almost as quickly as it had developed.

  Jamie.

  JAMIE AND ZACH strode lazily along the sidewalk of Zach’s street. They’d gone up to the corner to Twist Freeze, an ice cream shop. Not as good as the ice cream parlor in Pittston, but it served the right purpose: cold sweetness.

  Zach took a momentary break from his ice cream. “So, God….”

  He delivered to Jamie a very obvious pregnant pause.

  “Okay. Yeah, God.”

  “So, he’s an everyday thing with you?”

  “Yeah, pretty much.”

  “Yeah, he’s becoming the same to me, I think.”

  “That’s cool.”

  “Yeah.”

  Jamie, sensing that there was more, decided to keep quiet.

  But Zach’s self-limiting response amounted to a mere “Yeah, that’s cool.”

  Okay, something’s definitely going on. “All right, Zach. What’s up?”

  “I kind of want to talk about him to people.”

  “Makes sense to me. Anyone in particular?”

  “Yeah.”

  Pregnant pause.

  “Okay. Who?”

  “My parents.”

  Jamie watched a dribble of chocolate run down onto Zach’s fingers.

  “Ahh. Got it. Not so easy, huh?”

  Zach licked away the dripping chocolate. “Don’t even know where to begin. A little scared about pushback.”

  “You don’t think they’d want to hear about him?”

  “I don’t know. I haven’t even told them about what happened to me Sunday.”

  “Oh. Umm … okay. Why not?”

  “Dude, you don’t have the same situation in your home. This is awkward. Their kid has just become a God freak. A bit of a bizarre subject, don’t you think?”

  “Yeah, I guess. About all I can do is pray for you.”

  “I guess that works. It’s something, at least.”

  “Zach, God’s got your back. He’ll give you the words and the timing if you’ll try to be sensitive to him.”

  “I sure hope I don’t screw this up.”

  “Nothing to worry about. No one can take from you what you’ve got now. And I doubt your mom and dad would try. They might not understand, but they are pretty laid back. And for some reason that I still haven’t figured out, they like you.”

  Zach glared at him with his best “you’re a dork” expression.

  Jamie caught the intended message and laughed.

  “Listen,” said Jamie. “My dad was about our age when he became a Christian. He told us that his dad—my grandpa—wasn’t in favor of him becoming a Christian and even laid into him for it. But it didn’t move him. His encounter was so real that no one was going to drive him from the one who had saved his life. It took five years for my grandpa to come around, but when he did, it was real and permanent for him too. Back before he got Alzheimer’s disease, my grandpa even prayed with me a couple of times. It was very cool.

  “So, no, you’re not going to know how your parents will react, but you and God have got this. He’ll stay by you like he did my dad. Like he does with all of us.”

  “You wanna come over when I tell them?”

  “Sure! I can do that! I’ll just wait outside with my bike until you’re done.”

  Zach rolled his eyes and shook his head. “You’re the best friend a guy could hope for.”

  Jamie smirked. “I am indeed.”

  Chapter 48

  D

  inner time.

  Confrontation time.

  Elizabeth was both nervous and determined. She was going to be as direct as she needed to be with the Lawton clan about her exclusion the previous night.

  She hoped.

  The anger was subsiding; the disappointment, not so much.

  Anger would have been the better fuel to fully engage her mouth.

  As she placed Kyla in her high chair, the little bundle of joy began looking around at all the goings on. She always seemed fascinated by the whole table preparation process. She watched as drinks were poured and placed, a large salad was centered on the table, and people gathered around the kitchen island grabbing plates to fill with food.

  Elizabeth loved her insatiable curiosity. You are going to be such a smart girl.

  Tara had told her recently, though, that Kyla’s quiet and constant awareness would soon transition into two questions that would test her patience: “Mommy, what…?” and “Mommy, why…?”

  Elizabeth thought that Tara might have been exaggerating a little bit.

  The scent of freshly cooked lasagna and garlic bread filled the kitchen. She knew it would be good. Tara’s pastas were always “to die for.” That is, if her nervousness didn’t kill her appetite.

  As soon as everyone else had their food and was headed to the table, Elizabeth grabbed two plates, the one for Kyla more bowl-like in design. She placed a small portion on each, grabbed two slices of garlic bread, then headed to the table.

  Kyla was beside herself with excitement as she watched the plate get lowered before her. She screamed in delight! Everyone giggled, and even Elizabeth couldn’t keep a straight face.

  “Think you’re going to like this, huh? Now remember the order: grace first, then blow and eat.”

  But Kyla was having none of it. Blowing on the food was going to come first.

  “We’ll see about that, young lady.” Elizabeth lifted the food and moved it to the table, out of her reach. “Sorry,” she said to the family.

  Jenna grinned. “Can’t blame a girl for trying.”

  Most of the others laughed.

  “Well, let’s say grace or I’ll violate the proper order of things too,” remarked Brent.

  They all took hands. It was always a bit of an awkward occurrence for Elizabeth, but never more so than for this evening’s meal.

  Brent took the reins. “Father, thank you for another day that we all get to gather together. It’s a great thing having a full table. Thank you, also, for meeting our needs daily and for this meal before us. We love you. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

  Everyone said an amen in response. Even Elizabeth. Kyla did as well but quickly crossed her arms and stared at her mom with a look of defiance.

  “Mom-Mom!”

  “Oh no, you don’t,” said Elizabeth in response. “Place your hands down on the tray.”

  Slam!

  Kyla smacked the surface of the high chair tray as hard as she could.

  “Wow,” Jamie said, eyes wide in surprise.

  “Oh no, you did not!” Elizabeth lifted Kyla’s arm and smacked her hand.

  Kyla’s look of defiance immediate shifted to shock and tears. About two seconds of whimpering quickly evolved into a loud wail followed by some rather intense crying.

  “Someone has a little bit of an attitude today,” said Jenna.

  Elizabeth responded, “Hence, the application of a little attitude adjustment.”

  She knew that the smack she had applied may have hurt a little bit; there were times when Kyla, in an angry tizzy, had been dealt the same in the past, resulting in nothing but a hard stare. It was shocking at times how her “little bundle of joy” could become so indignant. Where had she learned that?

  Tara once told her that it didn’t need to be learned. It was “the sin nature within all of us.”

  Elizabeth hadn’t liked the sound of that. Her perfect little girl with a sin nature? Could that really be the case?

  Again, Elizabeth apologized.

  “No need. I went through the same thing with all three of these.” Tara lifted her hand and swept it in the air above the table, making sure that all three of her children were called out.

  “Never,” said Jamie, a grin on his
face.

  “Me neither,” said Amy, registering a look of astonishment that such a thing could be said about her.

  Tara couldn’t help but produce a little laugh. “Even went through it with Brent a few times.”

  Everyone laughed. Including Elizabeth.

  The group guffaw worked its magic on Kyla too, who stopped crying, more interested now in discovering the funny thing she’d just missed.

  Elizabeth turned to her. “I knew you were faking it.”

  With a pouty look on her face, Kyla shook her head.

  “Ready to eat with a good attitude?”

  Kyla nodded.

  “Good.” Elizabeth took the plate of lasagna and diced it up, then placed it before her daughter. “Here you go. Remember. Blow first. It’s still hot.”

  By the time she turned to her own plate, conversation was underway around the table. They all shared about their day, most of it mundane. That is, until Jamie talked about his conversation with Zach.

  “…So, if anyone would like to pray for him, that’d be great. He’s pretty stressed.”

  “It’s funny, I was the complete opposite when I became a believer,” responded Brent. “I couldn’t wait to tell my parents. Definitely didn’t expect my dad to lash out against me the way he did. I was barely an hour old as a new believer, then bam! Persecuted for my faith by my own dad.” He shook his head. “It was a rough five years until he also accepted Christ. I feel for Zach. Hopefully, his experience with be easier.”

  “Yeah, I told him about your experience,” said Jamie.

  Then “it” escaped Elizabeth’s lips. “Sounded like you had an experience last night too.”

  Oh God. She closed her eyes. She’d done it again. Another gaffe. The third in a matter of weeks … at the very same table.

  Her shoulders slumped. Not this way, stupid!

  The table grew silent.

  She felt eyes on her. Again. It was becoming a habit, this self-sabotage.

  She took in a deep breath and let it out. Raising her head, eyes open, she said, “What I meant to say is … what happened last night? I thought I heard something.”

  It was Tara who responded first. “You heard, huh?”

  Emotion began to rise in Elizabeth. She was about to blurt out another sentence, but her carefully constructed conversation plan was falling to pieces.

  “You didn’t invite me in.”

  The words had barely passed her lips when she began to sob.

  EVERYONE AT THE table looked unsure, especially Amy, who didn’t have a clue as to what was being referred to.

  Brent was quickly trying to think of the best way to respond when he heard Jamie speak.

  “I told you it was a mistake not to go get her.”

  Both Brent and Tara nodded simultaneously.

  “Yes, you did,” said Tara.

  “Elizabeth, that was my fault,” admitted Brent. “I guess I thought the experience and what we were talking about would have sounded … I don’t know … hokey to you.”

  Tara, sitting beside her, laid a hand on Elizabeth’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. We should have come to get you, hokey-sounding or not. Jamie did want to, but we decided against it.”

  Brent stood up and walked behind Tara to crouch down beside Elizabeth’s chair. “Forgive me, Elizabeth.”

  Elizabeth recovered enough to turn to face him. “I thought I was part.…” Her words caught and she dropped her head, her shoulders shaking as another sob overcame her.

  It was Jenna who spoke next, emotion filling her voice, as well. “You are, Elizabeth. You are family.”

  Elizabeth shook her head.

  The memory of his very first encounter with her replayed in Brent’s mind. She was a scared fourteen-year-old girl sitting on the floor of a grocery store aisle, her long brown hair hiding her face from view as uncontrollable sobs racked her body.

  Now he felt raw emotion begin to course through him too.

  “Elizabeth. I…” He took in a deep breath and let it out, hoping that the right words would come to him. “I couldn’t have known it then—when we first met you—or even predicted it—that a young frightened girl we met in a grocery store two years ago would become so securely interwoven within our lives.

  “I … we … that is, none of the five of us have ever wished for something else. Jenna is right. You are part of our family.”

  Again, Elizabeth gave a slight shake of her head, but this time she raised her eyes. Her whispered words struck all of their hearts. “I’ll never be a Lawton. I’ll never really be a part of this family.”

  Brent was stuck for words, more than he’d ever been in his life.

  Is that what she’s been wanting? She wants to be one of us?

  Jamie filled in the gap where Brent could not.

  “You’re being serious, aren’t you?”

  She nodded. Her voice was little above a whisper as she continued. “I know I don’t fit. I’m not a Christian, and … I have….” Her mouth closed and she began to weep again. After a moment, she found the strength to disclose the rest of what she wanted to say. “I have too many secrets. Things … things that none of you could excuse. I can’t even ask God to.”

  And with those words, Elizabeth got up from her chair and quickly walked out of the dining area into the living room. She turned toward the bathroom and disappeared.

  They all heard the door close … and the weeping intensify.

  Brent looked at his family. No one knew what to do.

  Amy began to tear up to Brent’s right. “Mom, what’s wrong? What happened to Elizabeth?”

  Brent placed his hand reassuringly on Amy’s back while Tara got up, grabbed her chair, and walked to the other side of the table.

  She placed her chair next to Amy’s and faced her. “Amy, we made a mistake and accidentally made her upset. But we’re going to do everything we can to make it up to her. So, don’t worry. Everything’s going to be all right.”

  Amy didn’t look convinced. “Are you sure?”

  From her position at Amy’s side, Tara frowned as she looked around the table. “I don’t know what to do. I certainly don’t know what to say. Your dad and I are the bad guys in this. And yes, Jamie, we should have listened to your advice. I think that if anybody is to try to help her right now, it shouldn’t be your dad or me.”

  Jamie and Jenna looked at each other. Obviously, each was looking to the other for an idea. Neither said anything.

  Amy, though—beautiful, kind-hearted, loving Amy—suddenly stood and, without a word, walked through the living room and disappeared around the corner.

  The four of them in the dining room looked at each other briefly and then got up as well, walking toward the entrance to the living room. They all stopped as they heard a soft knock on the bathroom door.

  “Please, go away,” a weary-sounding voice responded.

  “It’s me, Elizabeth. Amy.”

  A soft, tender voice came from behind the door. “Hi, Amy. I’m sorry, but I’m not … not really able to talk right now.”

  “Are you using the toilet?”

  Brent and the other three stifled a laugh. Only Amy could accidentally lift everyone from dark to daylight.

  They heard a laugh followed by sniffles from Elizabeth. “No, Amy, I’m not using the toilet.”

  “Good. I didn’t want to stop you.”

  Brent turned to Tara as she let out a soft snort of laughter. She had tears traveling down her cheeks and toward her fingers, which she’d pressed against her mouth to keep from making a sound. She shook her head, her eyes full of wonder and humor.

  “Elizabeth, you can come out. It was just a mistake. Mom and Dad are sorry. I can hear it in their hearts. I think we all love you. I know I do.”

  Something that sounded very much like a back or shoulder sliding down a door to the floor emerged from the small room.

  “I k
now you do, sweetie.”

  “I know God does too. He just told me.”

  Silence. Not a sound from anyone for several seconds.

  Then, “Amy … God told you he loves me?”

  Matter-of-factly, Amy continued. “Yeah, I hear him sometimes in my heart. Lots of times it’s when I’m in my room; he tells me he loves me and when he also wants me to pray about something. Now he told me to tell you that he loves you too. Isn’t that good?”

  The groan of anguish that came from the bathroom caused Amy to turn toward her family with panic in her eyes. “Mom? What did I say wrong?” She, too, began to cry.

  Tara walked into the room, and Amy ran into her waiting arms.

  “Nothing, honey. You didn’t say anything wrong.” Tara’s face was a cascade of tears. She kissed the top of Amy’s head. “My sweet girl, you said everything right.”

  “Then why’s she hurting? Why didn’t it help?”

  Brent was about to add his words of encouragement when he, and the rest of the family, heard the soft click of a door handle being turned and a door opened.

  Elizabeth’s eyes were bloodshot and puffy. Her nose was red and her face wet. She held a wad of toilet paper in her right hand. She walked a couple of steps into the living room and dropped to her knees.

  Amy turned from her mom and stared. Elizabeth looked right at her and opened her arms wide.

  Amy darted for them and the two embraced, Elizabeth once again erupting into tears.

  “Oh, how I love you, Amy. You are the best of all of us!”

  Everyone began to cry and smile and wrap arms around one another.

  Everyone except Kyla.

  “Mom-Mom … pee-pee!”

  Chapter 49

  E

  veryone was in a quiet mood, very respectful of Elizabeth’s fragile heart.

  Elizabeth appreciated that very much.

  She had insisted that all of them return to their dinners while she took a few minutes to change Kyla. She was thankful for the pee-pee comment. The two youngest girls in the house had pretty much saved her emotionally.

  She thought better of staying away from the dinner table after she was done. She didn’t want anyone to feel guilty for her not returning. So, she and Kyla sat back down and ate their meals with all the Lawtons.