That Dark Place

by W. Franklin Lattimore

  She found it an interesting occurrence this evening, that every time the name Lawton crossed her mind, the name Walton did as well.

  The Waltons.

  She hadn’t really known who the 1930s, Great-Depression-era, TV family was until she sat down beside Jenna one afternoon during her first few months with the family.

  So very ready to give birth to a family of her own, she enjoyed watching the interactions of a much larger family that lived a poor life in the mountains of Virginia. Like Jenna, she’d become hooked on the series, enjoying both the conflict and love that the imaginary family both endured and enjoyed.

  She wondered how she had never heard of “The Waltons” before. It was, more than likely, because a poor, yet happy, family didn’t fit into the mental or emotional framework that her mother and father were willing to accept.

  She was beginning to pity them, even though they’d certainly maintained their own distance from her. Neither of them called or wrote.

  Today, Elizabeth realized that she was living with the real Walton family. Except, of course, for them not being poor, not living in the mountains, not being as large.…

  Okay, the similarities were actually few.

  Except for the conflict and love. And she was just fine with both.

  At present, all of them—save for Kyla—were seated in the living room. She knew that a family conversation was about to take place. Somehow, she didn’t really mind. Nor was she uncomfortable any longer.

  Tara sat a glass of water and a box of tissues on the coffee table before her. She also provided Elizabeth with a smirk and a wink that caused a soft smile to touch her lips.

  Somebody’s phone chimed a text notification. It was Jamie’s. He looked at it and grinned.

  “Jenna, Zach wants to know if you’ll go out with him again on Sunday.”

  Jenna’s eyes widened and her lips separated.

  “Kidding! Kidding!” Jamie laughed. “He’s wanting to know if the four of us are all in for another group church … date.”

  They all laughed or smiled, including Elizabeth. She could breathe again and enjoy their company.

  “You’re a brat.”

  “I’m worse than that, and you know it.”

  “Yeah, I said that for Mom and Dad’s benefit. Jerk.”

  “That’s better.”

  They laughed again.

  Jamie looked at Jenna and Elizabeth. “Well, I’ve gotta tell him something.”

  Brent spoke up. “I think he’ll survive a delayed response.”

  Jenna looked at Elizabeth and shrugged. “I can endure it again if you can.”

  “I think that I might be able to impress everybody with a little less moodiness.”

  Tara raised her eyebrows as she looked at Elizabeth from the recliner.

  “Fine. I’ll do it and maybe still be moody.”

  Jamie chuckled. “Cool.” He texted Zach.

  “Well, everyone okay?” asked Brent.

  Everyone nodded, except for Amy, who added, “I’m good.”

  Brent smiled and said, “Good.” He paused for a moment and looked at Elizabeth. “I think we need to make some things crystal clear to your heart.”

  She took in a deep breath and released it, again feeling the comfort of her … the Lawton family.

  “First, the thing that all of us probably want to say to you right now is … we love you. I love you.”

  Everyone nodded again, with warm smiles. Jamie, with maybe a tad more than just a warm smile. She was still appreciating that, though also unsure of what to do about it.

  “Remember, Elizabeth, we—this family of ours—was sort of ‘set up’ for your arrival. Tara and I just didn’t recognize it. She and I still firmly believe that God was giving us notification that we were supposed to welcome you into our lives. It couldn’t possibly have been a coincidence that the same night … and day…” He chuckled. “…that I felt compelled to tell Tara my Kentucky-angel-demon-Elizabeth story, you showed up in our lives.”

  Elizabeth smiled. “Why’d you just laugh?”

  “It was a really long story-telling session.”

  “And noisy,” said Jenna, with a laugh of her own.

  “Yep,” Jamie agreed.

  Elizabeth thought for a moment, remembering that there were still a lot of inconsistencies between Brent’s story and what had actually happened in her own life.

  “But why wouldn’t God—yes, I’m admitting he’s real—why wouldn’t he just tell you my real story from the outset? It’s weird that you’d experience someone else’s life and not mine if it was related to me.”

  “I’ve often thought about that over the past couple of years. The best I can figure is that he wouldn’t allow me to actually fail as ‘God’ in your life. He cares too much about you to have me meddling around behind the scenes in a real person’s life—in your real life.” Brent paused, then said, “Thank God.”

  “Oh, I probably will,” she admitted.

  Brent smiled. So did Tara. She looked at everyone. They were all smiling as her life-long hold on atheism was being whisked away before their eyes.

  “In your story,” she continued, “I … err … Elizabeth … was abused by her boyfriend, at least mentally. He wanted her to have an abortion. I don’t know it for sure, but I’m guessing that the guy who got me pregnant would have wanted the same thing if he’d known.”

  Tara’s smile faded as she opened her mouth to speak. “I … am so very glad that you didn’t have that additional influence in your life. This is.… Let’s just say that I cannot overstate how awful you would have felt if you had done that.”

  Brent leaned from his chair and rubbed Tara’s back.

  He looked back over to Elizabeth and said, “I got to listen as Jason threatened Elizabeth about how bad he’d make her life if she didn’t take his money and get an abortion. It was a raw, hellish anger. I’m so glad that part of my story wasn’t real in your life.”

  Elizabeth sat stunned. Did she just hear that name? Jason?

  Everyone seemed to notice her expression change.

  Jamie spoke first. “Elizabeth? What’s wrong?”

  “Sweetheart, you’re … you’re white as a ghost,” said Tara.

  Jenna, who was sitting next to her on the couch, turned to squarely face her. “Elizabeth.”

  But Elizabeth couldn’t respond. She was shaken to her core. She realized that her field of vision was beginning to gray at the edges as she began to feel unusually hot.

  “Elizabeth. Look at me.” Jenna again.

  Jenna’s directive registered enough for Elizabeth to turn her head. She felt herself begin to tremble.

  “Mom?” Jamie called out.

  Tara pushed the coffee table into the center of the living room and got on her knees before Elizabeth.

  “Elizabeth! What is it? What’s going on?”

  “I feel … diz—”

  Her sight was nearly completely grayed out, and she was barely aware of her eyes closing. She felt so weak.

  She felt a pat on her left cheek.

  “Elizabeth, come back to me. Elizabeth.”

  But Elizabeth couldn’t respond.

  She felt herself involuntarily lean into Jenna.

  More taps. More voices.

  “…back to us, Elizabeth. Honey, wake up.”

  She reopened her eyes. It was hard to focus. Just a lot of blurry light.

  Another few seconds and she was more cognizant of her surroundings. Her vision was clearing, and she found the function of her mouth again, but her mouth had grown quite dry.

  She placed her hand on Jenna’s thigh for support and pushed herself back upright.

  “Are you okay?” Jenna and Tara said simultaneously.

  She blinked. “I’m…”

  I’m okay. I’m okay. “I’m … okay.”

  She was able to take a deep breath and
let it out through pursed lips.

  She felt herself nod. “Water,” she whispered.

  Brent stepped to the coffee table, grabbed the glass, and handed it to Tara.

  “Here you go, sweetheart.”

  She was able to ball her hands up and re-extend her fingers, but she felt too weak to lift her hands.

  Tara lifted the glass before her lips. She allowed the cool water in and swallowed. It felt good. She swallowed again and again.

  She felt a tingling in her fingertips begin to subside.

  She heard Jamie. “She’s looking a bit better.”

  “Should I dial 9-1-1?” It was Brent.

  Elizabeth shook her head. A raspy “No, I’m okay” exited her mouth.

  She closed her eyes again for a few seconds, then reopened them. She was able to focus on Tara.

  “A little more,” Tara said.

  Elizabeth nodded and accepted another drink.

  “I’m okay. Really. I’m better.”

  Everyone started to relax. Elizabeth happened to look past Tara to Amy sitting on the opposite side of the coffee table, her eyes still wide with shock. She was obviously frightened.

  Elizabeth forced a smile. “I’m sorry, Amy. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m okay. Honest.”

  An unsure Amy nodded her head.

  Brent said, “You’re sure. I can get someone here very quickly.”

  Another deep breath and exhalation. “Nope. I’m fine, thanks.”

  Jamie spoke again. “Okay. Umm … I … what was that?”

  This time, Elizabeth was able to generate a true, albeit soft, smile. “That was me nearly passing out, I think. Never done it before, so it’s only a guess.”

  “I think you’re right. Very close to a complete faint,” said Tara.

  Now it was Tara’s turn to take a deep breath and exhale.

  “I’m okay. Everyone can go back to being comfortable,” said Elizabeth with welcomed reassurance.

  Everyone waited in silence. They knew she would talk when she was ready.

  “Brent … or uhh … Mister Lawton.…”

  “I thought we had settled on the word ‘Dad’ sometime back,” Brent said with a kind smile.

  Elizabeth blushed and nodded. “Dad … the name of the guy who got your Elizabeth pregnant….”

  “It was Jason. What about it?”

  Elizabeth stared unblinking into her dad’s eyes, willing him to understand. Realization suddenly filled his eyes.

  “The guy you … Jason?”

  She nodded.

  Astonishment filled everyone’s face. A soft “What?” escaped the mouths of both Brent and Tara.

  It was then and there that Elizabeth suddenly had the biggest revelation of her life.

  There really, honestly, truly … for real … is a God. And he knows me.

  FRIDAY, AUGUST 15

  Chapter 50

  T

  oday is the day! 5:00!

  Elizabeth opened her eyes and looked over at her alarm clock. 7:18 a.m.

  She did the math. A little under ten hours to go.

  She didn’t need to be at work until 10:00, so until then, she would enjoy some playtime with Kyla. First, though … breakfast.

  Kyla was still fast asleep. Elizabeth could hear her soft, rhythmic breathing breaking the silence across the room. It was a lovely sound, but it had to be interrupted.

  Elizabeth rolled to a sitting position and swung her legs over the side of the bed, her feet still a few inches off the floor.

  It was the first day that she would acknowledge what she had denied for so long—or at least attempted to deny. God existed.

  He existed, and long before she was even born, he’d had a plan for her.

  It was unfathomable.

  All three names from her present had long ago been embedded in the past: Jason, Kyle—her Kyla—and Elizabeth.

  She shook her head in disbelief. Or, rather … belief.

  She couldn’t exactly call herself a Christian. Not yet, anyway. There was still stuff that needed to be investigated, questions that needed to be asked.

  Brent and Tara had asked if she wanted to talk further about the epiphany she’d received. But she’d said no. She’d become exhausted, and she needed to think.

  Tara had given her a couple pain relief tablets for a headache that was coming on strong, and though it had only been around 7:45, she had opted to go upstairs to bed.

  She’d obviously fallen asleep shortly thereafter, and someone had very quietly come into the room and lain Kyla down to sleep, as well.

  The house seemed unusually quiet, even though it wasn’t that unusual. She wondered who was still asleep.

  Elizabeth scooched off the bed and walked to the crib. She smiled as she saw her little girl lying on her stomach with her thumb still partially in her mouth.

  She sighed a comforted sigh. All was starting to feel right with the world.

  Her “well-constructed” conversation about why she’d been excluded the previous night never took place. It was okay, though.

  Last night took care of that.

  Her overactive emotions had blinded her to the truth about the Lawton family—her family. She realized, now, that she’d never had anything to fear. She, again, felt loved and accepted by all of them.

  Elizabeth leaned over the railing of Kyla’s bed and gently shook her awake.

  “Kyyyla,” she said quietly in a sing-song voice. “Kyyyylaaa.”

  She heard a deep breath taken in, held for a moment, then released. Little eyelids fluttered open. Her beautiful eyes focused, blinked a couple times, then looked through the bars of the railing toward her mom’s belly.

  “Mom-Mom,” came the soft whisper.

  Elizabeth sank to her knees so that Kyla could see her face.

  “Hi, you,” she said with delight.

  “Hi, Mom-Mom.” Her eyes closed again, and it seemed as though she might fall back to sleep.

  “Kyyylaaa,” Elizabeth sang again.

  Her eyes reopened.

  “Mom-Mom. Beh-fiss?”

  Elizabeth giggled. “Yes, sweetie. It’s breakfast time. Are you hungry?”

  A smile came to Kyla’s face.

  Of course it did. Breakfast was one of Kyla’s favorite daily experiences.

  “Okay, Miss Franklin, let’s get you up. We’ll find something good to eat.”

  Elizabeth stood back up, leaned over the railing, and lifted her girl up and out.

  “Do you need your pee-pee diaper changed?”

  Kyla giggled.

  Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “Of course you do. Well, let’s get that taken care of too.”

  TARA SAT QUIETLY over a cup of coffee.

  Quiet and coffee were very much appreciated, especially when the two experiences occurred together.

  She sat at the dining table, leaning over her cup, gazing at the sunlight as it filtered through the trees and danced on the back lawn. A couple of American Goldfinches were perched on a thistle-seed feeder—one bright yellow, the other yellow as well, but much more subdued in color. Male and female.

  Brent had once told her that he thought God made all the males in the animal kingdom beautiful so he could show how lacking human males were in comparison to their female counterparts.

  She smiled at the thought. He was right. Mostly.

  She quietly laughed at her own musing.

  Light footsteps proceeded down the stairs behind her.

  She sat up and turned to see who it was.

  “Ahh.… Two of my favorite girls,” she said as Elizabeth and Kyla came into view. “Good morning.”

  “Good morning.”

  When Kyla saw Tara, she squealed, “Nana!”

  Those two simple syllables ignited a flame within her heart!

  “Kyla! Come see your Nana.” She held out her arms to receive the littlest member of th
eir family.

  Tara still felt she was far too young to be a grandma, but she wasn’t going to make a federal case out of it.

  Taking the little girl, she watched as Elizabeth walked to the counter and to the coffee pot.

  “I still think you’re a bit young to be a coffee drinker.”

  “Yeah, well, a whole lot of adult stuff latched onto me a bit too soon.”

  “Good point. How’d you sleep?”

  “Like a rock. I’m guessing Bren … Dad … has already left.”

  “Yep. Everyone else, surprisingly, is still asleep, though.” She paused. “How are you feeling?”

  “Better than I was last night before dinner.”

  “You had a lot of weight on your heart and mind, didn’t you?”

  Now Elizabeth paused. She waited until she’d finished sweetening her coffee before turning around to answer. “I was so scared that I wasn’t, in your eyes and hearts, who I really hoped to be.”

  Tara could see Elizabeth’s eyes still asking the question.

  “Well, my love—my daughter—you have taken your place in my heart as another of my own. You needn’t worry about that.”

  Elizabeth beamed as embarrassment directed her attention to the cup she held in her hands.

  “Come. Sit down with me.”

  “I need to get Kyla something to eat.”

  Kyla made sure she was heard. “Mmmm, Mom-Mom. Mmmm.”

  The two women laughed.

  “Sit down. Enjoy your coffee, and I’ll take care of getting something for Kyla.”

  “Thank you.”

  Tara got up and took Kyla to her high chair. After buckling her in and replacing the tray, she moved the chair close to where she and Elizabeth would be sitting.

  Walking to the kitchen, she made her way to the fridge, opened the freezer, and grabbed a box of frozen waffles. They were always a treat for Kyla.

  “After you went upstairs, we talked behind your back again,” she said, hoping Elizabeth would find humor in the comment.

  She chuckled. “At least I didn’t know about it this time.”

  Tara laughed too. “Well, we all agreed that we need to treat you the same as the rest of the family. Whether you believe what we believe or you don’t, you should be a part of our family discussions.”