Faithless Dreams

by C. R. Jane

  He doesn’t answer this question; his face just scrunches up like he’s in pain.

  "I can't stop thinking about you," he finally says in a low, frustrated voice. "Why can’t I stop?" He folds his hands into fists on either side of my head, his body leaning in close, tantalizing me.

  I give him a sad smile. I know all about sad smiles. They taste like tears. Salty and bittersweet. I’m tasting that smile right now.

  I see a flicker of regret in his eyes.

  "Maybe you aren't supposed to?" I say breathlessly.

  He looks down at me, his eyes carrying massive questions. "I can't sleep, I can't eat. I can't do anything. All I see are your eyes. It’s like I can feel your lips against mine, haunting me. I've never tasted them, but somehow, I know what you taste like. I know that it's the sweetest taste that I've ever experienced in my life. Tell me why that is?" he orders, his lips coming so close to mine that if I shift just an inch we would touch.

  His arms are suddenly wrapped around the small of my back, melding my body to his, while his other hand slips into my hair. Before I can think about anything, he makes up the distance between us and kisses me, his tongue parting mine, his whole body pushing against me. My body pulses, and my limbs tighten. Holy hell… How had I forgotten how perfectly Damon tasted? I’ve stopped breathing and we’re kissing more passionately than I can ever remember, his fingers grasping in my hair. My hands are aching, so desperately, to touch him back.

  "Damon?" calls Selena's voice. I close my eyes in frustration. She was everywhere. Constantly occupying all the space that I needed to reunite with Damon.

  Damon pulls back from me. He’s breathing hard and his hands are shaking. He’s looking at me like he’s just as shocked about what has just happened as I am. Selena is standing there looking at us upset. Not sure why she’s upset. She’s the one interfering in my life.

  I try to control the demon I feel inside of me every time she’s around.

  However Selena was involved in all of this, she was in a losing battle. There was a thread that connected Damon and I, a thread that couldn’t be broken no matter what. I hadn’t needed Isabelle’s help to figure that out.

  As much as it hurt right now, I knew that Damon and I would find our way back to each other no matter what. It was the same with the other two. It was just a matter of time. All I needed was time with them. Beckham had proven that. They were mine and I was theirs, and nothing was going to change that.

  If there was one thing I learned from my dreams, it was that our story was a never-ending one. In the face of all the obstacles that came before us, none of them had succeeded so far in breaking us apart. It was like we were destined to connect with each other no matter the time...no matter what was going on. Nothing would sway us, not even death. I would make sure of that.

  Walking so that Selena can’t see what he's doing, he trails a finger down my arm, sending shivers all over my body. He then walks away. As Selena and I make eye contact, I can’t conjure up even a little bit of pity for her. Looking at her, it’s easy to see that she knows she’s in a losing battle.

  But there’s a promise there that she’s going to do everything she can to fight for him.

  I make the same promise back to her that she will fail. I make myself watch as she cuddles into his arm, shooting me a triumphant glance over his shoulder. I watch as they walk out the door, Selena’s moments with Damon were numbered.

  Chapter 12

  I laid there on the bed, not able to move. Aiden had turned the one-time transaction into weeks of transactions, threatening me with both Beckham’s and Damon’s life.

  Aiden had used and abused me, never getting his fill. I’m nothing but a husk of a being.

  All thoughts of saving Fairie have exited my mind. I have no power. I am nothing.

  I heard the door open and I flinch, surprised he could be back so soon after the night he just had with me.

  “Your Majesty,” came Lexi’s frantic whisper.

  I struggled to sit up, shock coursing through me at the sound of her voice.

  “You’re here,” I stated numbly, not even able to summon tears.

  “What did he do, My Queen?” she asked as she surveys me sadly.

  I turn away from her, too ashamed to look at her or answer her question. The Queen of Fairie reduced to nothing but a sex slave.

  “This is my fault,” she cried, as she knelt on the floor in front of me suddenly.

  I looked over at her. “How?” I asked, genuinely wanting to know what her answer could possibly be.

  “I made you try to meet with the angel instead of giving you what you wanted.”

  “And did you find what I wanted?” I asked, a small glimmer of hope appearing.

  She looked at me hesitantly. “I did.”

  I sit up, excited for the first time in forever.

  “Do you have it with you? We can start immediately. We only have a couple of hours until he will be back.”

  “I can’t give it to you,” she responds stiffly.

  “Why not?”

  “Because it will mean the end of you.”

  I gestured around the room. “Is this not already the end of me?” I asked softly.

  Lexi leaned forward. ‘What if you just gave in?” she began tentatively, ignoring my look of shock. “What if you gave Aiden what he wanted? He hasn’t treated you that bad in retrospect, has he?”

  I couldn’t believe that she was saying those things. I slapped her across the face before I could think. She gasped.

  “Are you forgetting about him taking me from Beckham, how he killed Mason, how he tortured Damon...how he killed my mother? I don’t even know how you could say such things.”

  A fire lit in her eyes. “What about Beckham?” she spat out at me. “Oh, you mean the Beckham that is currently passing his days without a care in the world with a woman who’s not you on his arm? Or what about Mason, the castle prostitute. I’m sure he was quite the catch for you. And let’s not forget about the illustrious angel general, Damon...or should I say fallen angel general.” She grasped my shoulders, giving me a small shake. “They are nothing. Do you hear me? Nothing. Aiden would give you whatever you wanted if only you gave in. Those three are not worth losing everything for, they’re not worth losing Fairie.”

  Looking at the girl who I had once considered my closest friend, I felt lost. The past year had changed her too.

  “I’d like you to leave now,” I ordered resolutely. Lexi hung her head for a second, before looking back up at me, her eyes blazing.

  “Just think about what I said,” she responded. “Because I’m not giving you what I found.”

  She left the room after that, and I barely heard her leave. My mind was racing with how to get ahold of the spell she had found. I wasn’t a witch, but I was supposed to be a powerful Fey Queen. I could figure it out.

  I slipped out my window as soon as Aiden left for the morning, my wings unfurling in the breeze. I had heard gossip about Lexi being moved into the palace, no longer having to sneak in and out since she had decided to be Team Aiden. I needed to search her room for that spell. With guards everywhere though I would have to be careful. All I had heard was that Aiden had moved her into the North Tower, the opposite tower from my quarters.

  I was tempted to try and figure out which tower Damon was being kept in, to make sure that Aiden was fulfilling his part of the bargain, but I held myself back. I was already doing everything that I could for him. Now I needed to try and do something for Fairie.

  The flight to the North Tower seemed to take forever. My nerves were on the fritz with servants popping their heads out of their windows to empty chamber pots and beat out rugs. Guards walked around the perimeter of the castle and there were several close calls where I barely hid behind a turret in time to avoid being seen. The line of black in the land signaling the death of Fairie was no longer in the distance, it was right outside the palace grounds. I didn’t have much time. Aiden had obviously decided th
at Fairie was no longer his priority.

  I wondered what exactly he thought he would rule when it was gone.

  Finally making it to the North Tower, I darted from window to window, peeking in to see if any of the rooms were occupied by Lexi. I finally found her, sitting on her bed and writing in one of her journals.

  I hovered just out of sight, trying to think of what to do. There was a knock on her door just then and she stood up, striding quickly to the door. It was a guard. “King Aiden needs to speak with you,” he stated. Lexi nodded and walked out the door with him, closing the door behind her.

  My heart burned once again at my best friend’s treachery.

  Slipping inside her room, I got to work. There were books everywhere. Evidently Aiden had been keeping her busy with spells. My friend’s family for centuries had only done magic designed to help the Fey. Good magic that was designed to make their lives better. All of the sheets of spells I now saw littered around her room were the opposite of that. Spells so dark that I didn’t know that she was even capable of performing such magic.

  I shivered at one that was designed to turn an enemy inside out but keep them alive. How could she do this?

  The minutes ticked away and sweat beaded down my back. I couldn’t find anything that looked like it could help me, and I was sure she would be back any minute.

  I began pulling things out from under her bed, but not even her keepsake box contained what I was looking for.

  I finally heard footsteps coming down the hallway and I hastily put everything back under the bed. Slipping out the window, I felt ready to cry.

  I watched as she came in, closing and locking the door behind her. She leaned against the door, her eyes closing as if she was exhausted. She looked like she was conflicted. I wondered what Aiden had needed her for.

  She walked to her closet and began to loosen the strings on the front of her dress. I almost gasped when I saw the folded piece of paper tucked into her chemise.

  That had to be it.

  Without even thinking for a moment, I flew into the room and ripped the piece of paper out from her dress. She gave out a distressed cry as I flew out the window. I saw a green spark hit right above my head.

  She had tried to curse me!

  “Eva, don’t make me do this,” she sobbed out from behind me. “I’ll have to tell him, and he’ll find you. You’ll lose Damon, you’ll lose Beckham...you’ll lose everything.”

  “I won’t lose Fairie,” I called out behind me as I flew out into the beckoning black lands.

  And I won’t lose myself, I thought fiercely.

  Chapter 13

  Mason was all over the news when I woke up this morning bedraggled and out of sorts from yet another dream, this time one where Lexi betrayed me. I wondered how closely this life was reflecting that life as far as Lexi went.

  “Rockstar on the Brink,” the headlines read. There are pictures of him being dragged out of clubs, too drunk to stand. Other pictures show him trashing hotel rooms, smashing guitars, pissing on stage.

  It’s awful, and so far from the Mason that I know that I’m not sure what to do.

  There are videos of his performances last week too. Audiences are reporting that something was wrong with Mason’s voice, that it lacked a certain magic quality that it had always possessed in the past. Critics were speculating that he actually didn’t sing live and that was what was wrong.

  I listen to a recording that was playing on the news, and I wince. There is something missing. They had all called it magic, but they didn't realize how right they actually were. What was wrong with my Mason, and did it have something to do with the fact that we had lost each other?

  Later in the day, Mason’s label announces that the tour is being put on hold while Mason takes a much-needed rest, another word for rehab I was sure. My heart leapt reading the headline though, this means he would come home, and I would maybe get to see him. It was hard for me to figure out how to regain a connection with Mason while he was in Europe. It would have meant losing what little progress I was starting to make with the other two.

  I was deep in thought as I left my dorm room, and I almost run right into Eric who looks like he has been lurking in my hallway.

  "Hi," he says, a big grin on his face.

  "Eric?" I ask, feeling strangely hopeful that maybe Eric weirdly is still able to remember me. I wasn't used to feeling hopeful and excited to see Eric with all the trouble he had been causing me lately.

  Something flashes in his eyes, something that screams familiarity. But when he opens his mouth, he dashes all my hope. "I'm sorry, I don't think I've met you?" Eric responds, studying me.

  My heart sinks. I don't know why I expected anything different. It was just the way that he looked at me, he just seems to know me. When Lexi, Damon, Beckham... basically everyone else that I had ever met before saw me, it was like a blank slate. It was obvious that they were seeing a stranger for the first time when they looked at me. Why did I get the weird feeling that Eric knew more than he was showing?

  Eric holds out his hand for me to shake, and I reluctantly reach out to take it. I flinch, his hand is like ice. The last couple of times I've seen Eric he’s been cold. I wonder if he’s sick, or maybe he just needs to dress more warmly for this cold weather.

  "I'm sorry, I should've introduced myself after calling out your name," I say to him with a fake laugh. "You need to get some gloves by the way. Your hands are like ice," I continue, pretending to joke around.

  He flinches, something sparking in his eyes once again, this time something that looks like displeasure. He quickly stuffs his hands in his pockets, a glum look crossing his face. "Yeah, I've been really cold this winter," he responds with a laugh that confusingly sounds ironic. "But how did you know my name?" he questions me.

  It was weird. The way that he asks the question feels so scripted. I’m slowly learning to trust my instincts, and my instincts are telling me something is wrong. Looking him over though, I just can’t think of Eric being capable of anything unnatural. It was just Eric, the first boy that I had met at this school.

  "This is so embarrassing," I say. "But I think people have talked about you being on the football team so much that I feel like I know you," I answer with a self-deprecating laugh. "I promise I'm not a creep," I continue, holding up my hands in front of me.

  He cocks his head, a little smile on his face as if I was amusing him. "I don't mind you talking to me. I don't know that I would've had the courage to say hi to you another time, otherwise," Eric says.

  That was a really sweet thing to say. Although the Eric in my experience has no problem being upfront and pushy about everything that he wants. Maybe his memory loss had resulted in giving him a new personality.

  I begin to walk away from him with a parting grin, not willing to expend any effort in getting Eric to remember me. There were bigger fish to fry, like my boyfriends and my best friend.

  "Bye," I call out.

  "Wait," he calls back. "Now that you’ve talked to me, you can't just run away."

  There it was, the pushy Eric that I knew so well. I’m about to make an excuse to get away, but looking closer at Eric's face, I have the same impression I had the day I had run into him when Aiden had left me naked in the middle of an alley.

  He looks tired. And sick.

  Despite my usual reluctance to have anything to do with him, I did hope that he was okay.

  "I'm sorry, I have to go to class," I respond apologetically.

  I step out into the cool air; the sun is reflecting brightly off the snow and it makes me squint. Eric follows me outside and I see him wince with how bright it is, almost like it was paining him with how intense it was.

  "Not a big fan of the sun?" I ask jokingly.

  He puts on a pair of sunglasses and seems to relax. He then begins to walk next to me. "My eyes are sensitive from my contacts," he replies. I tried to think if Eric and I had ever discussed the fact that he wears contacts. I can’t think
of any conversations we've had on that subject, but I guess that wasn't really something that people normally talked about.

  We begin to walk when I hear a familiar voice. I freeze, not wanting to look over my shoulder.

  "What is it?" asks Eric. I finally turn my head, gritting my teeth to try and withstand what I was sure I was about to see. Sure enough, Selena is wrapped around a bored looking Damon while he talks to members of the football team. She looks like she was about to start to climb him to get his attention.

  I want to stab her with the stick that is lying on the ground in front of me.

  "You know Damon?" asks Eric in an unimpressed voice. As soon as Eric says his name, the angel in question looks over at me. We stare at each other. Damon looks conflicted about something. Probably the kiss we shared.

  He also looks uncomfortable with the fact that Selena is getting so handsy with him.

  I finally break away from his gaze. "No, I don't." I say, melancholy threaded into my voice. Not anymore.

  We walk to my art history class together, Eric insistent that he take me. It’s usually the class that Damon walks me to, so I don’t mind the distraction. Eric chats along the way, trying to make small talk. It’s nice that he doesn’t really seem to expect me to participate, because my mind is not really into it.

  "Sure,” I reply absentmindedly when he seems to ask me a question.

  "Awesome, I'll pick you up after class?" he asks. Belatedly I realize I just accepted what he probably thinks is a request for a date.

  I really need to get my head in the game. "Why don't we exchange numbers?" I say trying to smile reassuringly. My plan was to claim that I was sick at the end of class. I didn't have time for a date with Eric. I need to start figuring out what is happening and who is responsible.

  Chapter 14

  I get out of Art History and take a deep breath, relieved to be away from all the mythological paintings that make me feel like I’m going crazy with how closely they seem to reflect my past.