Unspoken Words

by Latoya Chandler

  “Mom, that is not true. Not once has he ever asked me to come and visit him. Xavier always comes to see me. I have no idea if he is really who he says he is. Plus, after that whole thing yesterday with you taking my phone, we haven’t spoken like we usually do.”

  “Can he be a gentleman and want to get to know your world first before pulling you into his? Had he done that, you’d be saying everything is about him. Let me ask you something. Did he ever say he didn’t want you in North Carolina?”

  “No, he never said that. He told me if I were to come down there, I would come back home a few pounds heavier because we won’t be eating salads. Xavier said his grandma taught him how to burn in the kitchen.”

  “If you don’t quit your mess, talking about you messed up . . . Girl, grab my bag out the backseat when you come inside.” Rosalind shook her head, exiting the car.

  Rosalind and Naomi-Ruth have always been able to get Desirae back on track when she overthinks. However, this last intervention with Rosalind didn’t last very long. This was the first time in a long time that Desirae had felt like this. She checked her reflection in the mirror a thousand times before leaving the house, and nothing fit or looked right, resulting in her changing outfits a million and one times—only to put back on the original outfit she’d planned to wear.

  All the way to the restaurant, Dez kept thinking about turning around and going back to the house. Xavier had asked her to meet him at Antonino’s Italian Restaurant because he loved pasta. However, it had her on edge. Anytime he’d come to town, Xavier picked Desirae up, and they’d go from there, which was another reason why she felt he was having her meet up with him to let her down easy.

  “Hey, Xavier,” she greeted him at the entrance.

  “Hey, there, my friend.” They embraced.

  “Are you ready to go inside?” Desirae broke the embrace.

  “Sure thing.” He opened the door.

  As the hostess led them to the table, Desirae considered telling Xavier she had a sudden emergency and needed to reschedule. However, she declined her mind’s offer and took a seat instead.

  “So, how was your day? How’s Naomi-Ruth doing? What did she have?” Xavier asked.

  “Oh my God, she’s doing great, and Zayvon . . . He is beautiful. He’s so precious I just want to eat him alive. I apologize for being late, but my godson made an early entrance.”

  “It’s perfectly fine. This place doesn’t close until 2:00 a.m. The lady told me that when I called.”

  “This place opens around three in the afternoon. I think that’s why they have such late hours.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I was told. So, do you want to have kids someday? I’m asking because you seem so excited over your godson.”

  “Shouldn’t I be?”

  “Of course. I guess I just wanted to know because I don’t recall us ever talking about it before.”

  “After going through Nomi’s pregnancy with her and seeing Zayvon for the first time, I’d love to experience motherhood for myself when God sends the right man my way.”

  “Sometimes, what God has for us could be sitting in front of us at Antonino’s, but we are too blind to see it.”

  “Xavier, I know God sent you to show me there are good men out there—”

  “I don’t mean to cut you off, but before you continue, I’ve been meaning to ask you something, which is the reason why I invited you out. Can you fill this out for me, please?” He pulled a folded piece of paper out of his pocket.

  “Fill something out?”

  “Please, just open it.”

  Desirae opened the paper, and tears masked her face as she read:

  Dear Desirae,

  Will you please be my girlfriend? I like you a lot.

  Please circle your answer: yes, no, or maybe.

  Xavier

  “Yes, yes, I would love to be your girlfriend,” she blubbered.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  The Wages of Sin . . .

  Dexter didn’t think he could love anyone as much as he did his Ruth. But seeing Zayvon for the first time, he fell instantly in love the same way he did seeing Naomi-Ruth for the first time outside of his dreams. Since his son’s birth, Dexter had asked the same question over and over. “Did my wife really just give birth to our son, or was it a dream?” Dexter’s life was complete. God had blessed Pastor Lewis with a helpmeet and heir. It had been fifteen hours since Zayvon made his appearance into the world, and all that Dexter could think about was taking his family home. He and Naomi-Ruth were watching Zayvon as he slept after his feeding.

  “Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Patterson. I’m going to perform a hearing test on this little guy. The test isn’t painful or invasive at all. It’ll take only a few seconds top,” Nurse Tosha from the neonatal unit informed them.

  After several minutes passed, Dexter became impatient. “That’s a long few seconds, don’t you think, Nurse?”

  “I apologize, but I had to run a second test. No worries, though. I will have the doctor come in and speak to you in a few minutes.”

  “Is there something wrong?” Naomi-Ruth raised concern.

  “Let me have Dr. Boone come in. Zayvon didn’t pass his screening, but I’m confident this is because he has a little fluid in his ears.” She turned to exit the room.

  “Don’t be alarmed, Ruth. He’s fine. It’s probably the fluid, just like she just said.”

  At the conclusion of Dexter’s sentence, Dr. Boone and Tosha returned. The doctor pretty much repeated what Tosha said. He also added that tomorrow, before they left the hospital to go home, they would retest him.

  After the doctor confirmed the hearing test results, Dexter became a little uncomfortable. Zayvon wasn’t born in sin but in marriage. God honors marriage. Therefore, it had to be the fluid, he told himself.

  “Ruth, the devil is a liar. This is God’s gift to us. He doesn’t make mistakes, so there’s no need for you to be crying. Pray. Better yet, I will.”

  Laying his hand on Zayvon’s, Dexter petitioned God. “Dear Lord, we come to you today presenting our son, the child you blessed us with. We know you love us, and you can feel the tears we cry. You are the Master Healer. You said life and death are in the power of our tongue, so I speak against the test results about any form of hearing loss. The devil is a liar, and by Jesus’ stripes, Zayvon is healed, and we count it done. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

  “Amen,” Naomi-Ruth sniffled.

  “Ruth, it’s already done. All power is in God’s hands, not the doctor’s or a test. He gave us a perfectly healthy baby boy to love and grow with.”

  Less than twenty-four hours later, the doctor retested Zayvon, and again, he failed. The doctor suggested the hearing loss could be due to various scenarios. However, to determine the cause and the impact, he referred Zayvon to a pediatric audiologist for diagnostic testing.

  “No no no, this has to be an error. God, we were right in your eyes. They’re wrong. Ruth, they are wrong. Zayvon doesn’t need any further tests. He can hear us. Look at him. There’s nothing wrong with him. He’s perfect.” Dexter was unnerved.

  “I believe God has it all in His hands, Dexter. I lay awake all night and prayed. Although my heart is aching, I believe God is a healer. No matter what, I will love Zayvon. He is perfect, regardless of what the test does or doesn’t say.”

  Dexter’s mind left the hospital room and hadn’t returned, making him unable to respond to Naomi-Ruth.

  * * *

  The entire ride from the hospital was a silent one. Naomi-Ruth sat in the back, staring at her newborn, weeping about the unknown. Different scenarios, reasons, and recollections danced around Dexter’s mind. Nothing was making sense to Pastor Lewis. God’s greatness dismantled mistakes. We were all created in His likeness. How could this even be a topic of conversation or concern?

  “This isn’t God’s work.” Dexter slammed the car door behind him.

  “Dexter, you have to calm down. You’re going to frighten him.”
<
br />   “How, Ruth? How?”

  “What kind of person are you? That’s awful. We haven’t even taken him to see the audiologist, and you’re already acting this way.” She lifted Zayvon from his car seat and cradled him.

  Once inside, Dexter stormed off to the bedroom and slammed the door behind him again. Ruth didn’t bother reacting to his outburst this time. All she desired was to sit in the rocking chair in the nursery and love on Zayvon. While in the bedroom, Dexter called G-ma Dye to let her know he’d be coming by for a visit. After finishing his call, he left the house without saying a word to Naomi-Ruth or acknowledging Zayvon.

  Heading to his former condo where G-ma Dye now lived, Dexter drove at a high speed. The further he pondered, the harder he pushed the gas pedal.

  “I picked up the distress in your voice over the phone. Is everything all right?” Dye rattled off as soon as she opened the door.

  Gusting past her, Dexter paced back and forth, shaking his head, saying, “This can’t be of God. There’s no way.”

  “What are you talking about, Dex? What isn’t of God? Better yet, where are Ruth and that precious little boy? Why aren’t you home enjoying them? Didn’t you just bring them home from the hospital?”

  “I did, but something isn’t right. God doesn’t make mistakes, G-ma. We married before we had him, so how could he be born with a disability?”

  “A disability? Slow down, son. What are you talking about?”

  “Zayvon failed both of the hearing screenings. There’s a possibility he won’t be able to hear, I believe. The doctors at the hospital referred us to a specialist who will do further testing to see what’s going on.”

  “In nothing that you just said did I hear he is deaf or that it’s over. So, what’s the problem? And please stop saying God doesn’t make mistakes. That has nothing to do with any of this. You really should be with your wife. She needs you. Don’t you think not knowing what’s going on with Zayvon is hard on her too?”

  “It would undoubtedly be hard on her if she were the reason for this to happen. Tamariane lost the baby because of sin, so that means Zayvon is going through this because of sin, and we know it’s holiness and not hell for me.”

  “You sound foolish, Dexter. Sin has nothing to do with any of this, and your wife caused nothing. Maybe you should talk to someone because every time something happens, you cannot blame it on sin and continue comparing everything to what you experienced as a child, son.”

  “I talk to God every day, G-ma. I need not speak to anyone else. The bottom line is the wages of sin is death. My first child died because of sin. Our iniquities separate us from God. He hides His face from us because of our sins, and now, He won’t hear us, and neither will Zayvon because of Ruth’s sins.”

  “You don’t sound right, son. You may really need to see someone. Better yet, committed for talking that foolishness. Romans six twenty-three says the wages of sin is death, but all that other stuff you added is not of or from God. The only person who needs to repent is you, Dexter. Just like Satan, pride comes before a fall, and I’m afraid for you. But you have to go through it so God can deliver you and bring you out of it.”

  “Repent? Sin cannot dwell in the presence of God, and I live in His presence.”

  “You’re walking on dangerous grounds, Dexter. Watch what you say. The Bible instructs you as a leader to keep watch on everything you say and do. There’s no way in the world you live in the presence of the God that I serve. My God is love, and what you are doing and saying isn’t love or God, son. Stop and think about everything that has been going on. Remember, the church is as strong as our families are, and if your life is falling apart, so will the house of God. Look how many people left because of how you go off in a fit, beating the people of God with His words, which is the same thing you do to your wife.”

  Pastor Lewis disregarded Diane’s rebuke, kissed her on the cheek, and made his way back home. G-ma Dye had always had a soft spot for Ruth. She wouldn’t see what’s standing in front of her, Dexter thought. He didn’t agree with anything she’d said to him and believed her denial in all that he’s said is a confirmation that Naomi-Ruth was the cause of the test results.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Enough Is Enough . . .

  The gentle motion of the chair should have comforted her, but the ache in her heart for her son wouldn’t allow peace to come. Through her tears, she talked to her Heavenly Father, asking for strength. No matter what Dexter said, she knew when the results came back, what they would say. Naomi-Ruth’s emotions hit her like an uncontrolled train at maximum velocity. She cried and cried more because she didn’t want Zayvon to hurt or endure people’s ignorance. Cradling him tighter, Naomi-Ruth cried herself to sleep after vowing that it was her job to protect Zayvon, and it is what she planned to do.

  Ten days later, Desirae, Rosalind, and G-ma Dye accompanied Naomi-Ruth and Zayvon to the Children’s Hospital for his appointment with the audiology department for his testing. Dexter had declined to attend. He has been distant since learning Zayvon had failed the initial screenings after he was born. Naomi-Ruth refused to allow his behavior to add any more pressure or stress. She buried herself in caring for her son. Every night, Naomi-Ruth would fall asleep in Zayvon’s nursery. Dexter’s whereabouts didn’t matter. She pretended he wasn’t there. Deep down inside, her heart pained because she wanted her husband to be involved and to continue loving their son as he had when he was first born. Zayvon was still perfect in Naomi-Ruth’s eyes. She avoided Dexter because she knew he would end up saying something that would cause her even more pain.

  After a course of analyses and a very intensive auditory brainstem response, they diagnosed Zayvon with acute sensorineural hearing loss. The medical team confirmed what Naomi-Ruth’s heart had already told her. This type of hearing loss developed when there was a complication with the way the inner ear and the nerve work. It could result when there’s destruction to the cells in the inner ear. This kind of hearing damage is generally permanent.

  Naomi-Ruth smiled at her baby boy. She couldn’t be weak, because now was the time to walk in her faith. Zayvon needed her, so Naomi-Ruth took in the air around her as she pushed Zayvon in his stroller and headed to break the news to the ladies in the lobby.

  “Hey.” Her lips trembled.

  “No matter what it is, God is able,” G-ma Dye assured her.

  “What did they say?” Desirae sniffled.

  “Well, my boy may not ever be able to hear what my voice sounds like. The test confirmed he has severe sensorineural hearing loss, and it could be genetic.”

  “God is still able, no matter what, Nomi.” Dez wrapped her arms around her neck.

  “I know He is. I just have to realize my experience as a first-time mom is going to be a little different than what I thought it’d be, and I’m okay with that. I will love Zayvon just the same.”

  “We all will,” Rosalind, Desirae, and G-ma Dye sang in unison.

  It burned Naomi-Ruth that Dexter wasn’t with her when she and their son needed him. No matter what he felt or how terrified he might have been, his presence was required. Zayvon was his son. Now wasn’t the time to withdraw. Whatever they needed to get through, they had to use it. This was their “for better or for worse.” By the grace of God, Naomi-Ruth said they would endure even in heartache.

  Rosalind decided to host dinner at her and Desirae’s place on Saturday and invited G-ma Dye and Naomi-Ruth. They all agreed as Naomi-Ruth and G-ma Dye got out of the car and headed into the house when they returned home from the doctor’s visit. Naomi-Ruth noticed Dexter’s car out front and was happy he was home so she could share with him what was going on with Zayvon.

  “Dexter, you should have come to that appointment with us and not let Ruth have to deal with all of this alone.”

  “I already knew what they were going to say. I didn’t need to be present to confirm he’s deaf. This is her doing. She already said she lost one child because of what happened to her.
Our son is probably suffering because of it. Better yet, she was in this house for over a month and ended up pregnant. Are we sure he is even my child? Whatever the answer is, Ruth’s sin is the cause of all of this.”

  “How could you be so cruel and cold? When I shared with you about my rape, I would never have thought you’d throw it back in my face. You were the first and only man I have been with,” her voice cracked.

  Naomi-Ruth’s therapist had encouraged her to share with Dexter that she’d been raped and lost her rapist’s baby. Dexter wept alongside his wife and promised to show her that there were good men in this world, and God had given her him, her good man. Never in a million years would she have thought he’d use it against her.

  “Second man, Ruth. I am the second man.”

  “Dexter, that’s enough. I don’t know what has gotten into you but shut your mouth right now. The devil is a liar. I will not stand here and allow you to speak to this woman, your wife, like that,” G-ma Dye corrected him.

  “It’s all right, Mother Diane. I expected him to react in this cowardly way. By no means did I think he’d say those cruel things, but I am not surprised. I thank God Zayvon can’t hear the things you’ve said. Right now, I wish I were unable to hear, so I would not have met or married you. There isn’t anything about what you’ve said or done that leads me to believe God’s involved. God is a God of love. I’m not sure what happened to you to turn you into the person you’re becoming, but whatever it is, you need to deal with it. But you won’t be doing it here. I want you out of my house. Get your stuff and get out. I will not remain under the same roof as you. No matter how much all of this hurts, you cannot be here.”