Apostate

by Frankie Robertson

  “Okay. Fine.” She turned away. He’s old and stuck in his ways.

  “What’s wrong?” She heard the frown in his voice.

  This wasn’t the time to argue with him. “How long until the Council assigns you a new partner?”

  “It depends on whether there’s anyone who needs a partner right now. I’d rather not form a triad with an established pair if there isn’t. But it might not be necessary in any case. We don’t always feel it when a partner dies, especially if we’re far apart, but I think I would. Jasper and I weren’t that close, but we’d been together for a while. I haven’t felt any change. I think he had a chance to transition before his body died.”

  Tasha opened her mouth, shut it again. Jasper had been tortured. Could he transition under those circumstances? “I hope you’re right. But until he turns up, I’m your partner. I’ll watch your back.”

  Something flickered across Kellan’s expression, as if he thought of and discarded several responses. What he finally said was, “Thank you.”

  She nodded, feeling like she’d made some kind of progress. “So we’re driving up to Tucson tomorrow?” Detective Saavedra had given them the contact information of the Pima County Medical Examiner, mainly as a courtesy. They didn’t need Kellan to look at the body, especially since Jasper had been tortured. But Kellan needed to see his partner. Tasha understood that on a visceral level. She hadn’t been allowed to see her parents when they’d died in the car crash, and for years she’d felt like they might walk back in the door any moment.

  He paused with his hand still on the knob. “Yes. But first I’m going to ask Bea to send his picture around. If anyone remembers him, they might also remember anyone else who asked about him. Stay here.” He disappeared out the door and down the stairs.

  “Yes sir!” She saluted the closed door. Apparently, he had a different idea of how a partnership worked than she did.

  Tasha pulled out her phone and texted Athena/Deborah. “Jasper was murdered. Be careful.” Then she repeated the message to Melchior/Demitrios.

  When Kellan returned, she was still waiting for a reply. She greeted him with, “I warned Athena and Melchior about Jasper’s death. They aren’t answering my texts.”

  “They probably abandoned their phones. When you want to disappear, you don’t take electronics with you that can be tracked.”

  “That makes sense. But I’d still like to go by their store tomorrow before we leave. And their house. In fact, why don’t we go by their house tonight? I don’t like the idea that we might have brought trouble to their door. We need to warn them.”

  “If any trouble comes to their door, it will have been Jasper who brought it. Or rather, the people who killed him. Killed his body.” He winced and sat down suddenly, covering his eyes with his hand.

  Tasha stepped closer and put a hand on his shoulder. She didn’t try to reassure him. She knew just how empty such words could be.

  Kellan covered hers with his free hand and suddenly she was in his mind.

  **I’ve never lost a partner. I still haven’t—I hope. I would know.**

  Tasha felt his doubt and wished she could say or do something to make him feel better.

  **I should have stayed closer to him. We don’t belong to the Celestial family anymore; we don’t have that constant mental and emotional sharing. U’dahmi don’t congregate so we don’t draw Celestial attention to ourselves. We need partners so we can connect with another of our kind, to stay sharp and sane. But both Jasper and I were comfortable working apart, more than most. If we’d been together, this might not have happened.**

  **You said he could transition without your help, though.**

  **It can be done, but it takes time and quiet for concentration. Even if he did transition, he still felt all the pain of being tortured. I wasn’t there to prevent it, or share it.**

  Her heart ached for him. **Nobody can plan for something like this. It’s not your fault. This is on whoever killed him—or tried to kill him. Whatever.**

  Kellan drank in her compassion. His thirst for connection drew her in. He’d gone too long without touching another’s mind. He’d chatted telepathically with Monique and been questioned by Ezra, but that wasn’t the kind of deep communion he needed. And when he’d fed from Tasha only a couple of days ago that had been a test, not a sharing. She’d succeeded because she’d kept him out. That wasn’t what she wanted to do now. Tasha hesitated. If he rejected her now, it would suck, and it would be pretty damn awkward going forward. But she hadn’t built her clothing design business—even if it was small and now defunct—by playing it safe. Kellan’s surprise washed over her as she dropped the barriers that Monique had taught her to build and hold in place.

  “No…” he whispered aloud and in her mind. The thought was fleeting. He was dropping his own mental protections—at least some of them.

  Awareness blended. He’d wanted her for some time.

  **You have?**

  **That’s why I kept my distance.**

  She’d thought he’d rejected her, and she’d pretended not to care. Hunger and need surged in both of them and he pulled her onto his lap so she was facing him. Tasha rubbed against his erection.

  Kellan held her still. She felt his concern for her. She was young, so young. He was supposed to protect her, not take advantage of her.

  **Every human on the planet is younger than you. I’m old enough to know what I want. And I want you.** She bent and sealed her mouth to his.

  He groaned and opened his lips so his tongue could dance with hers. Pulling her close, he pressed his arousal against her. His distinctive scent, reminding her of vanilla and nutmeg, surrounded her as his hands stroked up and down her back in a sensual rhythm that fed her desire. When his hands came around to caress her breasts she shivered and pressed her peaked nipples into his palms. He felt the zing of her pleasure as he flicked her swollen flesh with his thumbs, and she enjoyed his delight at increasing her hunger for him.

  She wanted more, wanted his skin against hers. **Too many clothes.** She could barely form a coherent thought.

  **Bed. Now,** he replied.

  They separated just long enough to shuck their clothing, but that brief pause gave them time to collect their thoughts. They stood still for a moment staring at each other, naked and wanting. Antoine had been a fine-looking man and Kellan had taken good care of his friend’s gift. Broad shoulders bracketed a strong chest with a dusting of dark hair that arrowed down between his lean hips, where he hosted a very impressive erection. Tasha reached for him, but Kellan caught her hands.

  **Please be sure about this. I need this too much. I don’t think I could bear it if you have regrets after. I’d rather stop now if you have doubts.**

  Surprise rippled through her at his naked honesty. Most guys her age were only looking for a hook-up. What came afterward barely figured in their decision process. But Tasha wasn’t looking for a quick dip. She’d wanted Kellan since he’d given her that first peek inside his barriers when he’d let her save his life. His self-control and confidence and compassion were sexy as hell. Even now, with his hunger surging, he was willing to put his immediate desires aside. His inner barriers were still intact but the fact that he could admit his need made her want him even more. He wanted her honestly and openly and that was a huge turn-on. More than that, she’d seen into his mind and heart—at least part-way. He wanted her safety and happiness and would do whatever was in his power to secure that for her. As she would for him.

  **I’m not hiding anything from you,** she told him. **I’m sure.**

  His lust and longing, carefully contained for months, swept through her like a wildfire igniting her own suppressed desire. He wanted her. She wanted him. Kellan lifted her easily and she wrapped her legs around his waist, her arms around his shoulders. Tasha stopped thinking when he took her mouth with sudden passion. Their tongues tangled and played. It was the start of all she’d imagined in the privacy of her bedroom. She’d tried to suppress tho
se thoughts, but Kellan had returned in her dreams even when she’d pushed him out of her conscious mind. Had Monique ever sensed her fantasies? If so, she’d never mentioned it. Now all the denied wanting was back, and she was in his arms, pressed against his hot body.

  He bent to take a nipple into his mouth. Sharp need arrowed straight to the flesh between her thighs. Her back arched and she steadied herself with a grip on his strong shoulders, though she knew there was no chance he’d let her fall. She loved the texture of his skin—smooth with just a sprinkling of crisp hair. His delight at her reaction reflected back to her, making her even more aware of where her slickness pressed against his belly. She loved what he was doing to her, yet felt hot and needy and hungry to give Kellan pleasure.

  **You are,** he assured her.

  **More. I need to give you more.** Loss was a familiar experience for him, but she wanted him to forget his grief for just a little while.

  He wanted that, too. Lifting her, he sheathed himself in her heat, joining their hearts and their bodies. He filled her, and the intense pleasure of it obliterated conscious thought. Kellan kissed her again, deeply, his tongue twining with hers in a slow seductive dance that made her clench around him, drawing him deeper as her hands tightened on his muscular shoulders.

  She rocked her hips until he groaned and thrust harder into her as she spiraled upward. She was almost there when he suddenly swore and withdrew.

  She wailed a mental protest.

  **Need condom.**

  **Implant. Have one.**

  With supernatural speed, Kellan had her on the bed and a scant second later he was in her, driving her back into the heights. Then she was soaring and Kellan was flying with her. Backs bowing, they both cried out, their voices blending along with their joy. Toes and fingertips tingling, Tasha’s delight would have been complete if Kellan hadn’t kept the door to his soul locked and barred.

  Chapter Ten

  Light filtering through the blinds signaled Dave it was time to abandon the sofa and the pretense of sleep. He’d caught a couple of combat naps, but mostly he’d stayed awake listening, familiarizing himself with the normal sounds of the night. At one point he heard Alex whimper and he’d been beside his nephew’s bed in an instant, but no one was crawling through the kid’s window. Alex remained asleep and Dave rubbed the boy’s back until whatever nightmares troubling him subsided. The Coaster train passed by half an hour before dawn, but Julie’s soft snore remained regular after it passed.

  One advantage of waking early was getting to the bathroom first. He’d only just emerged when Alex came out of his room and made a beeline for the toilet.

  “First dibs on the bathroom,” he called out, not looking at Dave or bothering to shut the door.

  Coffee was brewing and Dave was in the kitchen checking the cupboards and fridge when Alex joined him.

  “What’s for breakfast?” Alex asked.

  “What do you usually have?”

  “Choco Puffs, but today is Saturday so Mom will make pancakes or French toast.”

  “French toast sounds good. How about you help me make it and we surprise your Mom?”

  Alex’s face lit up at the idea of cooking. Or maybe it was the French toast. “Yeah!”

  “Did you wash your hands?” Dave snagged the first, strongest cup of coffee and took a restorative sip.

  “Of course. Mom says no one wants booty cooties in their food.”

  Dave laughed and covered it with a cough. Booty cooties? “Your mom’s right.” He gulped down half of his cup and set it aside. “Let’s get started.”

  Alex had devoured four slices of French toast and Dave had cooked up a dozen more by the time Julie joined them. With as much racket as they’d made he suspected she’d been giving them more bonding time, and he was grateful. His nephew was a great kid.

  She accepted the cup of coffee Dave handed her then sighed after taking a quick taste. “Perfect. How did you know how to fix it?”

  He shrugged. “That’s the way Mom drank it.”

  She looked at her cup. “You’re right. This is exactly how she drank it.” She looked at him with surprise. “I can’t believe you remembered that.”

  “Have some French toast, Mom! I helped Uncle Dave make it.”

  “You did? It looks delicious!” She pulled a slice off the double stack onto a plate. “Are we expecting company for breakfast?”

  “I figure you and I will polish off half of that, and the rest can be used to make Monte Cristo sandwiches for lunch.”

  Julie’s brow furrowed. “Wow.”

  Dave paused as he speared a bite of toast. “Wow?”

  She shook her head as if trying to shake the contents into a new pattern. “There’s so much I don’t know about you. I shouldn’t be surprised you’ve learned your way around a kitchen. It’s been fifteen years since we shared a roof. Of course, you’ve changed.”

  His stomach clenched and Dave put down his fork. Yeah, he’d changed—in ways he never wanted Julie to know about. “Everybody changes. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes not. That’s kind of why I’m here—to put things back together—if we can. But however things work out, I’m going to make sure you and Alex are okay. Whatever it takes.”

  Julie’s lips pressed together. Now what?

  “If you want to put things straight between us, you’re going to have to stop assuming you know best how my life should be fixed.”

  Because you’re doing such a great job of managing your life, Dave thought as he glanced at the hastily repaired door. Then he winced. People in glass houses… “Point taken. How about I start with fixing your door before we move on to more complicated repairs?”

  Julie’s expression relaxed into a small smile. “Fair enough.”

  “We can all head over to the hardware store after we clean up the kitchen.”

  “Why don’t you and Alex go? I have a pile of laundry to do,” Julie said.

  “I’ll help you with that later. You should come with us to pick out the new door.” Dave gave her a look that he hoped said, Please don’t argue with me in front of your kid, as he shifted his eyes quickly to Alex and back to her. He didn’t want her to be left here alone. Not when Chad could return at any time.

  Apparently, his sister got the message. “You want to take me shopping? How could I pass that up?”

  Kellan came awake slowly, floating in the gentle co-mingling of his consciousness with Tasha’s. Barely aware, relaxed and trusting, she snuggled into his spooning embrace. He liked her there, liked the feel of his morning wood nestled against her rear, but what he really wanted was to be inside her again.

  Tasha’s lips curved in a sleepy smile as he rolled her under him. **I’d like that, too.**

  He didn’t need to be told twice. Parting her legs with his knee, he slid into heaven and began a gentle rhythm. Tasha matched his cadence and in hardly any time her inner muscles tightened around him and her back arched with her release. The intense rush of her pleasure flowed into him and his control shattered. An instant later he followed her down.

  He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when Tasha pushed at his shoulder. With sharp mortification, he realized he’d collapsed on her. He slid free of her body and rolled.

  **It wasn’t that bad,** she reassured him as she snuggled up to his side. **I kind of liked it.**

  Liked that he hadn’t thought of her well-being?

  **Liked that you felt so comfortable with me that you dropped your constant protective vigilance. You trusted me to speak up for myself if there was a problem. That’s what partners do.** She threaded her fingers through the hair on his chest then toyed the amulet he wore on a leather lanyard. **I just wish you felt comfortable enough to open yourself to me.**

  **I’m not hiding how I feel about you.** He’d shared that, and his worry for Jasper. She’d accepted and supported him in his fear and grief. That had meant more to him than he knew how to express.

  **Thank you for that. It means a lot. It is a lo
t. But it kinda feels like being invited into a beautiful building and then being restricted to the lobby.**

  **I can’t share much more with you.**

  **Can’t or won’t?**

  **Both.**

  He felt Tasha’s mental barriers slowly rise, closing off her thoughts from him. His heart ached as she withdrew, but he understood. She couldn’t walk around with her heart hanging out all day. He knew he’d hurt her, but he couldn’t let her in all the way. After so long alive, there was too much experience in his head—some of it ugly—and he didn’t want her to know about it. He didn’t want to know about it—so it would remain locked away behind closed doors.

  She kissed his cheek and rolled out of bed. “Dibs on the bathroom.”

  Had she just forgiven him with that kiss and sudden change in topic? Or promised that the discussion wasn’t over yet?

  He admired the sway of her hips as Tasha disappeared into the bath. He liked that she seemed completely unconcerned with her nudity. One of the benefits of the western world and the modern age, he reflected. In other parts of the world, a man might never see his beloved in the all-together. Even in America, most women were shy about being seen naked only a few lifetimes ago.

  Beloved.

  It was a strong word, to describe a powerful emotion. An emotion he had shared with Tasha.

  The sounds of flushing and teeth brushing were followed by Tasha emerging from the tiny bath. “Your turn. Don’t hog all the hot water. I want to take a shower, too—unless you want to shower together?” She grinned and waggled her eyebrows.

  Kellan glanced into the small room at the even smaller shower stall. “As delightful as that would be in another venue, I’m not sure there’s room for me, let alone both of us.”

  Tasha put her arms around him from behind and kissed his shoulder blade. **Sad but true. So I guess you’d better hurry up, then.**

  Kellan turned in her arms and dropped a kiss on the top of her head. He enjoyed the feel of her pebbled nipples as they rubbed against his abdomen. She was so petite but her vibrant personality was bigger than the small package she presented. It drew him so powerfully that he could imagine staying in bed with her all day, just so they could remain skin to skin, sharing their thoughts.