Trust Me, I’m a Personal Trainer

by Sam Derbyshire

  Callum didn’t know what to say any more. He was getting tired of it all. He just wanted to be with Emma now.

  “Oh I don’t fucking know,” he sighed, leaning back in his chair and staring at a picture of his girls. It wasn’t going to be easy for them either. He adored them and they in turn adored him. He didn’t want to come out of this as the bad guy. “Just stick to our stories, they can’t prove anything.”

  And as Rex hung up and looked out of the car, Rachael – who’d been watching him from the kitchen window – smiled and gave him a little wave. Jesus, thought Rex, he didn’t know why they were bothering with all this subterfuge as he and Callum had absolutely no chance against Rachael and Maggie. He could tell by Rachael’s face that she knew exactly what was going on. Hopefully though, when she knew the whole story she’d be impressed with him and give him another chance. He did still love her and occasionally in the last few days he’d seen the odd hint that she might still love him too. It was worth a go. He didn’t want to have to find someone else. Nineteen years was a lot to throw away.

  CHAPTER 47

  Thursday

  It was lunchtime, and at Kyle’s suggestion, he and Kelsey had decided to head out for a change. Kyle had discovered a nice little cafe that did healthy options and he’d managed to persuade Kelsey to join him with the promise of a piece of cake and a hot chocolate. She’d been pretty good on the smoothie front but that was as far as it went. She didn’t seem too keen to move over to his regime. And why would she? She didn’t have an ounce of fat on her, which was surprising as her loyalty to the mobile van that loitered in the car park outside the office, was to be commended. She liked the tuna sandwiches – white bread with cucumber not sweetcorn – and Maltesers were always part of the meal deal. Kyle knew everything there was to know about Kelsey’s love of meal deals. Maltesers were her favourites, closely followed by Kit Kats. She liked to suck the chocolate off Maltesers to make them last longer and, according to her pal Alisha, they were low in calories. Kit Kats, however, tasted better if you broke them into twos and ate two rows together. She was so funny sometimes. Her life was so uncomplicated, even though she didn’t realise it. Kyle looked at her as they waited to be shown to a table. She’d been looking pretty miserable again this morning. Hopefully hot chocolate would cheer her up.

  Getting a small table by the window, Kyle handed Kelsey the menu.

  “My shout,” he said, “you can pay me back when we get that kebab.”

  She smiled at him as she took the menu. He loved her pink nails which, as expected, matched her lipstick. It was a soft pink, quite gentle, not loud or garish and her lips looked moist and soft. Everything about her was just perfect. He wanted to kiss her. He also wanted to tell her he loved her.

  “This is a nice place,” said Kelsey, looking around. “I like it, have you been here before?”

  “No, I overheard someone at the circuits class talking about it so I looked it up,” he replied. “It’s got good reviews and, don’t panic, they do tuna sandwiches, I checked.”

  Kelsey looked at him. “I don’t eat tuna sandwiches every day.”

  “Most days,” replied Kyle. “Although I think you had chicken mayonnaise on Monday because the van had run out of tuna. You were really annoyed that Gillian in Purchasing had bought the last two and one of them she was taking home for her son, because he had football and she wouldn’t swap one for the chicken because she was trying to just eat fish as she’d had a dodgy stomach lately and the doctor had put her on a diet sheet. It was a choice of chicken or bacon, but you don’t like cold bacon, you only like it hot, in a roll, for breakfast.”

  Kelsey stared at him.

  “Oh my God, do I really talk that much?” she asked as she placed both her hands over her face.

  “Yep,” replied Kyle. “I can also tell you all about your gran’s ongoing saga with the doctor’s receptionist and the repeat prescription which doesn’t seem to be repeating and your latest fall out with the Amazon delivery man, who can’t seem to read your Safe Place delivery instructions and keeps leaving your parcels with the dodgy bloke with dirty fingernails at number seven.”

  “Oh God,” said Kelsey again, blushing now. “How do you put up with me?”

  Because I love you.

  “I like it,” he replied instead. “You make me laugh, I love your stories.”

  “Oh, I’m so embarrassed. I’ll have to stop.”

  “Please don’t,” said Kyle, looking into her eyes this time. “That would be far worse.”

  And as they both looked away from each other and headed into the sanctuary of the menus, they both felt just a little more comfortable in each other’s company. Kyle wanted to stop time. An hour definitely wasn’t long enough.

  * * *

  In the staff canteen, Rachael was tucking into avocado and tomato sandwiches. Amy was right, losing weight was about being healthy, it wasn’t about starving yourself; she couldn’t live on lettuce leaves when she was on her feet all day, she needed some real food and avocado was just perfect for a sandwich. Amy had even made them for her and she was right, they were delicious. Sadly, Rachael remembered that Amy would be leaving on Sunday. She would miss her. It had been great having her around and tensions had definitely eased between her and Rex. He was still a pain in the neck but having spent more time together over the past few days, she’d had to admit he was quite amusing. Rachael grinned as she thought back to last night. He’d looked so guilty when she’d caught him sitting in the car. He’d never been the brightest star in the sky when it came to dishonesty and it was obvious that he had been trying to contact Callum. She would love to have heard that conversation, especially when they both realised that they’d told different stories. She still couldn’t believe it but the texts must have been from Thor which meant that, unbelievably, they must have signed themselves up for training sessions. Maggie, convinced that they were lying, had called Myles. He’d had no idea what she was talking about and, as far as Maggie was concerned, the case was now closed. They were obviously both lying and she would have no qualms about making them pay. If they wanted to play games, she was happy to join in and if the going started to get rough, she had left Rachael in no doubt that she could get rougher. For a split second, Rachael actually felt sorry for Rex but as quickly as the thought had entered her head, it had disappeared again. Rex had been a pain in the arse for nineteen years and if Maggie could make him suffer for a while, Rachael was more than happy to stand aside and let her get on with it.

  As she got up to make a coffee, Marnie came limping into the canteen. Her ankle and wrist were bandaged; she looked sorry for herself and was definitely in a bit of pain.

  “Good God, woman, what happened to you?” asked Rachael, shocked. “What have you done?”

  Marnie grinned but winced as she sat down and placed a large baguette and her usual chocolate chip muffin on the table. “Fell off a horse.”

  Rachael stared at her. She never knew with Marnie. Marnie was the queen of wind-up. She was rarely serious.

  “What the hell were you doing on a horse? I didn’t know you went horse-riding.”

  “I don’t, well, not real ones; it was one of those bucking bronco things. Me and Cheryl were out last night and ended up in this new club and they had one in there. You got a free shot if you had a go, and two if you stayed on for twenty seconds. So I had a go and the bloody thing threw me straight off.”

  “Well isn’t that the point?” asked Rachael. “I can’t believe you had a go, you could have killed yourself.”

  “Oh you know me, anything for a free shot. I felt sorry for the wee waiter lad though because I took him out as well, as well as two other tables. It was carnage because I was all over the place as it spins you round and when I came off I must have just careered off in the wrong direction. Bloody shoes didn’t help, I wore the ones I bought in the sale last week.”

  “The silver ones that you couldn’t walk in?”

  “Yep, they’re the ones. B
roke the heel when I came off. I’ll need to bring them back. I’ll just say they came off when I was walking home. They weren’t cheap, even in the sale, you’d think they’d last a bit longer than one night out.”

  Rachael shook her head, trying to picture the scene.

  “I doubt their product testing included being thrown from a mechanical horse. Didn’t they make you take them off?”

  “They tried, but I couldn’t be arsed to undo all the buckles.”

  Rachael sighed. She was a law unto herself but, worryingly, she looked awful.

  “So did you have to go to hospital?” she asked, taking a welcome sip of black coffee. She was getting used to it now but still missing the sugar and, as usual, she was suffering chocolate chip muffin envy.

  “Yeah, Cheryl’s husband Ryan took me. It was a bit embarrassing as I could tell that the doctor was trying not to piss himself. Luckily I didn’t break anything. I’m just sprained. The doctor said it helped that I was shit-faced.”

  “Did he say that?”

  “No, course not, he actually used the term ‘well lubricated’. I forgave him because he was gorgeous. What is it about young doctors? It must be the white coats and they’re all so posh.”

  Rachael took the baguette from Marnie and removed the packaging. She couldn’t bear to see her struggle for much longer, she’d be there all day.

  “Why were you shit-faced on a Wednesday night, anyway? Bit mad when you’ve got work the next day, I couldn’t handle that,” said Rachael, handing back the baguette.

  “Why not?” replied Marnie, shrugging her shoulders. “I’ve got sod all else to do on a Wednesday night and Cheryl’s Ryan was working late so she was free. We were going to see a film but we had a couple of vodkas and then we got lured into that new club, can’t remember what it was called now.”

  “Well that’s hardly surprising, you’re lucky you didn’t break your bloody neck,” replied Rachael. “Those bronco things are for youngsters, they’re a bit more flexible than us, especially when they’re off their faces. You’re no spring chicken, Marnie, you need to know your limits sometimes.”

  For once Marnie didn’t laugh and for the first time Rachael caught a glimpse of the real Marnie behind the façade. It hadn’t been easy for her since her divorce but in the scheme of things she’d been safer without him. Whether there was safety in copious quantities of vodka and a bucking bronco though, was probably debatable.

  “Yeah, well I know that,” sighed Marnie, “but I’m not going to get any younger, am I?”

  “None of us are, love, but I’m not sure that riding a bloody bronco in a nightclub on a Wednesday night is the answer.”

  “Well what else is there to do? I go to the classes. OK, I know I piss about but I’m crap at the exercises and I only go to get out of the house. I see my mates at the weekend but they’ve all got someone to go home to. It’s horrible going back to an empty house. Most of the time I’m just stuck at home watching crap TV; it’s boring, Rachael, and it’s bloody lonely.”

  Rachael took another sip of coffee. She thought about her own life. She could relate to that too, but she realised it wasn’t quite the same.

  “Well I’m still married but that’s been pretty lonely too the last few years,” she replied. “Well to be honest, it’s not been great since I married him. Although, to be fair, he’s never been as bad as Don was. Rex is just an idiot.”

  “Yeah, there is an upside I suppose,” said Marnie, taking a bite of the chocolate muffin.

  “Anyway, if you’re looking for a new man, you’re not going to find him in a nightclub,” she said, trying to lighten the mood. “But I’ve no idea where you find one. I’ve been looking but I can’t say I’ve seen anyone I fancy apart from Thor, but he’s too young for me.”

  “Yeah, he is pretty hot,” said Marnie, “but out of my league too.”

  Neither of them said anything as the reality of lost youth started to hit home. It was Rachael who spoke first.

  “Have you tried any of the dating sites?”

  “Not really,” Marnie replied. “I’m a bit nervous about them; it could be anyone you’re talking too, couldn’t it? You could find a bloke that looks like George Clooney and it turns out he’s one of those monkfish…”

  “Catfish,” interrupted Rachael, trying not to laugh.

  “Yeah, catfish, that’s what I meant. Imagine you go to meet someone and it turns out he’s a seventy-five-year-old serial killer with a cheese fetish, I’ve seen a TV programme about it. I mean, how can you tell if someone’s a nice person and how would you know if the person you were meeting wasn’t going to kidnap you and sell you into sex slavery? How do you know if they’re actually not mad?”

  “Well none of us ever know that and, quite frankly, your behaviour last night was pretty questionable. Besides, we’re probably too old to be sex trafficked.”

  “Yeah, I suppose, although some men like that sort of thing,” said Marnie.

  “But, equally, you could meet someone in the garden centre, bond over the bedding plants and then find out they’re into outdoor bondage in their shed at the allotment.”

  Marnie, took a large mouthful of coffee.

  “Actually, I think I might try that.”

  “What?” replied Rachael.

  “Hang about the garden centre. I quite fancy a bit of outdoor bondage. What are you doing on Saturday, Rach? I’ll buy you a coffee.”

  “You are joking?” asked Rachael.

  “No, you could meet me after the circuits class. I’m obviously not going but you could shower at the gym and then I’ll meet you there.”

  Rachael didn’t have the heart to say no.

  “Oh, OK then. Throw in a chocolate muffin and I’m in,” said Rachael.

  “Done,” said Marnie and, as they chinked coffee mugs, Rachael realised that maybe there were things in her life to be grateful for after all.

  CHAPTER 48

  With the Thursday night circuits class finished, Rachael and Maggie cornered Thor. He had a feeling this might happen and as he watched them walking towards him, he knew what was coming. Maggie, as expected, was the spokesperson and had obviously prepared her opening gambit and, with Rachael standing one step behind, Maggie launched into the inquisition.

  “Sorry, Thor, have you got five minutes?” said Maggie, lowering her voice. “We’ve got a couple of concerns.”

  I bet you have, thought Thor, and they’re called Callum and Rex. He couldn’t wait to hear what was coming next.

  “Sure, fire away, how can I help?” he replied.

  “Well, it’s a little tricky and we don’t want to compromise you in any way, but we just wanted to let you know that we know what our husbands are up to.”

  “I’m sorry, I’m not sure what this has got to do with me, Maggie?”

  “Oh yes you do,” continued Maggie, “and don’t worry, we’re not asking you to admit it, as that wouldn’t be fair and we are completely impressed with your professionalism, but we just wanted you to know that we know Dumb and Dumber are coming to see you. They probably know that we’ve guessed it now, but they’re not quite sure. So, we’re going to pretend that we don’t know And you’re going to make sure that they get really good value from their training sessions, as to be honest, you obviously didn’t work them hard enough last time because they can still walk. You need to push them a bit, see what they’re made of.”

  Thor looked at Maggie and then at Rachael, who was desperately trying not to laugh. How the hell had he got himself into this one?

  “Anyway, I’ll leave it with you. Great class tonight, by the way, I think my sit-ups have improved. What do you think?”

  “Definitely, although you still need to relax into it, don’t let your back do the work,” replied Thor, grateful to resume normal service. “You did well too, Rachael, how’s it going?”

  Rachael smiled. She needed a bit of encouragement, she’d been tired this evening and had been tempted to give it a miss. It wasn’t easy dr
agging herself to a class when she’d been on her feet all day, but if she wanted to keep ahead of Maggie she couldn’t afford to wimp out.

  “Yeah good, thanks, Amy’s still home so I’m still chomping on chickpeas. It’s playing havoc with Rex’s bowels, you’ll need to watch that when you see him next. I wouldn’t stand too close if I were you.”

  Thor smiled and held his tongue. He didn’t think he would ever forget the mega fart moment. Maybe he would tell her one day.

  * * *

  Exhausted after the class, Kyle took a seat while he waited for Thor to finish with Maggie and Rachael. He was hoping to catch five minutes with him. He wanted to tell him about Kelsey but he also wanted to ask him about helping Gemma. She hadn’t turned up to the class and while on the one hand he was relieved, he was also disappointed. He’d really hoped that she would have given it another go. She’d said she wanted to lose weight but he could see she couldn’t do it on her own. She needed a bit of help but he didn’t want her to take things the wrong way; he didn’t want to get her hopes up, he just wanted to give her some moral support. Kyle glanced over towards Thor and, as Rachael and Maggie made their exit, Kyle stood up and waved to catch his attention. Thor, grateful for some relief from Maggie’s interrogation, walked over.

  “Hi, mate, are you alright? You did well again tonight, I can’t wait for the next weigh-in,” said Thor enthusiastically. Kyle smiled self-consciously; he wasn’t used to praise.

  “Thanks,” he replied. “I hope it’s as good as last time.”

  “I’m sure it will be,” said Thor. “Did you want to ask me something?”

  Kyle lowered his voice.

  “Kelsey’s promised me a date. She said that she’d noticed I’d lost a bit of weight and that I was one of the nice guys.”

  “Get in!” replied Thor, patting him on the back, “You’ve only been training for a week.”

  “I know, she said if I reached my target, she’d take me out for a kebab.”