by R. S James
“Oh, Carson. I’m so sorry. I was so hurt, and I just didn’t want to come between you and Xavier.”
“Carly, for someone so smart sometimes you kill me. There will never be anyone who will come between you and me. You are my twin. If they hurt you, then they hurt me, and you know that. So, what did he do?”
“Carson, leave it alone.”
“No, I need to know, so I know how much of a beat down he gets.”
“Oh, my God. You’re such a guy.”
“I know, and that’s one of my finer qualities. Now spill.”
So, I tell him everything, and he agrees with mom that I need to talk to Xavier. Telling him I will, he says, “No time like the present.”
“No, sorry. I’m going out tonight with my girlfriends.”
Carly Past
I’m such an idiot. I should have told Xavier that Josh decided to go with Richard. I think I’m kind of testing him to see how much he will take, before enough is enough. Carson and I get dressed and take pictures for and with Mom. Once again, Dad couldn’t be bothered to be here. We should be used to it by now, and it should hurt, but it’s so frequent that it doesn’t. Actually, we don’t really even miss him. I’m not sure if that makes us selfish or not, but that’s how it is.
Carson and I ride together, so on the way, I make small talk. “Hey, I feel like such a sucky sister. I don’t even know who your taking to prom. I’m sorry.”
“Hey, no worries. I know you’re not taking anyone because you are here with me. Honestly, I wasn’t going to bring anyone, but Xavier found out you were going with Josh, and he lost his mind. He rented both of our tuxes and bought our tickets. So, I guess you could say, he’s my date.” Both of us bust out laughing.
After we have almost calmed ourselves down, I state, “Well, I guess we don’t have to worry about you putting out after prom.” We both crack up again.
Walking into the prom, I’m speechless, because it’s absolutely stunning. The stars, the tables, and well, all of it. It takes my breath away. Walking around, I say hi to some of my teammates. Continuing around the tables, I reach one that has Carson’s name on it, but not mine. Feeling a bit confused, I keep walking, until I come upon the table with my name on it. Just as I’m pulling my chair out, I feel a hand over mine. Turning my head slightly, I see him, and oh my, baby Jesus in a manger. He is the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. His suit is nothing, but an ordinary black. However, it looks so perfect on him, and it’s almost as if it was designed just for him. I ask because I didn’t really expect him to show up. I mean, he’s never been to any other dances or school functions. Well, except my meets.
“What are you doing here? And what strings did you pull to get this?” I ask, pointing between our names on the place settings.
Watching his brows pull together, he asks with hesitation in his voice, “Are you mad? I can go sit elsewhere, if you want.”
“No. I’m not mad, and you can sit here. I was just asking. You look very handsome tonight.”
“Thank you, but I could be naked, and no one would notice. You are the one who is incredibly beautiful.”
The song “Hangin’ On” by Chris Young starts playing, and he holds his hand out and asks me to dance. My checks get a light pink tint to them, as I accept his hand. This song is so true for us, because I love the feel of me hanging on to him. My hands are around his neck, and his hands on my hips, as we sway back in forth to the song. We could be alone in the world for all I care.
The next song is “Rumer” by Lee Brice, and he asks me, as we sway back and forth. “Are you ready to make this official? I feel it, and I know you feel it, too.”
“I won’t deny that I feel something for you, but I’m not sure I’m ready to become public enemy number one by taking you off the market.”
Tipping my chin up, he tells me softly, “Love, it doesn’t matter, if we make it public or not, I’m yours now, until forever. If you want to keep it between us, that’s fine, because I’m one hundred percent all in and all yours.”
“Okay, but I’d still like to keep this between us for a while, please. I know you don’t like it, but I’m scared that I will end up being the laughingstock of the school. I’m sorry if you can’t accept that.”
Swallowing the lump down, he finally agrees with me, but then asks me the weirdest question, “Are we going to see other people, or just be exclusive?”
I tilt my head down in embarrassment, “In case you didn’t notice, no one is beating down the door for me. You would be the only one with other people, waiting to go out with you.”
Stopping the swaying, he places his hands on my neck, tilting my head back, so he can look in my eyes. “Love, with me it’s you. Always you.” Softly he places his lips on mine, and I feel like I have been struck by lightning.
***** I changed this up a bit because you had the exact same story in his POV. So, I decided to cut some of it out, so it wasn’t word for word *******
After we leave prom, we make plans to spend time together. For the first time, since this whole thing between us started, I feel as though Xavier might actually have real feelings for me, instead of just wanting to get in my pants. I leave him for a bit, as I rush inside to change clothes quickly.
Once I make it inside, I watch him from the window downstairs. I’m just giddy with excitement, and my emotions are all over the place. Finally, I rush upstairs to change. Taking the dress off isn’t as easy as one would think. Using a paperclip, I hook the zipper and pull it down slowly, and the dress falls from my body, pooling at my feet on the floor. Quickly, I grab the jeans I had on earlier and a t-shirt and toss it over my head. Now, the decision to take my hair down or leave it.
As I’m making my choice, my mom screams out in pain from down the hall. Rushing out my door and down to her bedroom, I see her on the floor, sobbing hysterically, as I rush towards her. I grab her in a hug, trying to calm her down enough to find out what happened.
Finally, she says, “Look at my phone. We have to leave. Your grandpa is in the hospital.”
In my mind’s eye, I replay every event in my life to this point, and he is in everyone. To me, he is indestructible. On autopilot, I grab our stuff, and finally, get my mom downstairs and out to the car. Once there, we get into my car and drive to the hospital. Finally, we reach his room, and I don’t know how we got here. I don’t know if I drove crazy, or if I was calm. Going inside his room, I see him lying in bed with wires all over him; Grandma is on the other side of the bed, holding his hand and crying. Softly, I speak his name; slowly he turns his head, and green eyes the same as mine, land on me.
His lips tip up on the sides, turning he says, “Babe, take Claire down to get coffee. I’ll be right here. I just need a few minutes with my best girl.”
Looking back at me, he shoots me a wink. With a sigh, Grandma agrees, but tells me to text her, if the doctor comes in, as I nod my head in agreement. She and Mom walk by me and both stop to hug me, before walking out the door. Making my way over to him, once they are gone, I sit down in the chair my grandma was in, taking his hand in mine.
“My best girl, it’s time for me to go now. I’ve been blessed with the love of my life, my daughters, and you and Carson. Now, don’t you cry, you hear. I want you to remember me with smiles and love. I need you to be strong for your mom and grandma. They are going to need you and Carson. Don’t let anyone walk all over you; you’re not a door mat. You only have one heart, so make sure you give it to the right person. You are going to do some amazing things in this world. I love you so much, and don’t worry, even though I’m leaving, it doesn’t mean I’m leaving you. I’ll be watching. You and your mom and brother will be taken care of.” He closes his eyes, and I crawl up in the bed beside him with tears streaming down my face.
“I love you more today than yesterday, but less than tomorrow. Thank you for being the best grandpa a girl could ever ask for.”
Mom and grandma come back, and I stay where I am. Lying next to him, and
still holding his hand. A few minutes later the alarms start blasting, and I’m in shock, as the doctors and nurses rush to bring his heart back in rhythm. I’m so fascinated by the dynamics that they work with, and there is no drama, like the television shows. Instead, they all work together with one goal to save the patient. Finally, after trying for thirty minutes, the doctors look at Mom and Grandma, telling them he is stable for now, but they aren’t sure how long it will last.
Mom holds grandma, while they both cry, as I stand there and watch the team that is in the room. None of them say a word, as they clean up. They don’t cry, but I can tell they are all bothered by it. That is the moment my fate is sealed. Walking out of the room, I watch the doctor go down the hall and beat himself up over the fact that he cannot save this patient.
Walking over to him, I ask him, “If it hurts this much, then why do you do this?”
Looking me straight in the eyes, he says, “The reward outweighs the loss. If I can save four people of any age and only lose one, then that’s better than losing all five. It’s not always those numbers, and sometimes, I lose four and only save one. At the end of the day, I can look at myself in the mirror and know I did everything in my power to save every single person. I won’t lie to you, when I lost my first patient, I almost quit.” Sliding down the wall, we both sit down next to each other. “I went in to see my next patient, and it was a five-month-old baby boy. His heart wasn’t sized properly, so we had to open his chest up and repair his heart. Last month, I seen him, and he just had his five-year checkup, and he is so very healthy. So, there is a balance.”
Just then Carson comes over and clears his throat, “Am I interrupting something?”
I stand up and move away from the doctor, like I did something wrong. “Carson, how was prom?”
“Is that really what you want to ask me right now? How about how is Xavier? He’s her boyfriend just so you know, and he is fine. He’s parking, and then he will be here.”
“Yes, that is what I wanted to ask you, because I left early with Xavier. We planned on meeting up again. Then, Mom got the call about Grandpa, so here we are. I was talking to the doctor because I’m going to be a cardiologist.”
“Carly, it was nice talking to you. If you have any further questions, feel free to look me up. Here is my business card.”
“Thank you, Dr. Smith. You have been very helpful.”
Watching him walk away, I turn to Carson, “If you could have seen them work on Grandpa, it was magical. They all worked together, and it was like a well-choregraphed dance, and everyone knew their role. There was no anger, no resentment, and they all had a part, and they played it perfectly.” I state, telling Carson about the balance, and then about how Grandpa said he was still taking care of me and him. I’m so excited, and Carson is standing there looking at me, like I’ve done something wrong.
“I don’t know why your itching for a fight so bad, but you can just shove it right now. Xavier and I haven’t even decided what we are doing. And really, a doctor that is working on grandpa. I can’t believe you. I never thought you of all people would think this about me. To be honest with you right now, I can’t even look at you. I’m going to go see Mom and Grandma, before I say something to you that I can’t take back.”
Turning around, I see Xavier standing there. “Hey, Xavier. I’m sorry I didn’t text you. I honestly didn’t think, because Mom got the call, and we came here, and then everything happened so fast.”
Turning, I go into the room, until I feel a hand around my wrist. Turning around, I see Xavier standing there, holding my arm. “I’m sorry about your grandpa. I’m here for anything you need. If it’s okay, I’m just going to hang here in case you need something.”
“Thank you. That means a lot, and I would appreciate you staying and believing in me.”
With a nod of his head, Carson says, “Carly, please wait, and let me explain.”
Turning around and placing my hands on my hips, I glare with raw hurt at him “What would you like to explain, Carson? How you just assumed? Or how about how you didn’t ask or care why I was at the hospital? Anything... No… yeah, I got it. I’m going to help our mom and grandma; you can do whatever you want.”
Storming away, I go into the room and look at Grandpa, and he looks so at peace, almost as if he is laying there sleeping. I stand there and just watch him, and somehow, I know it will be soon. Just then the alarms go off again. This time though it isn’t the same ending, and Dr. Smith looks at the clock and says, “Time of death 12:45.”
The nurses put the paddles and other items away, as I’m standing there. Finally, I can’t take it anymore. He has always been ‘my person,’ so I pull up a chair and take his cold hand in mine. “Grandpa, I’ve decided I want to be a cardiologist, and I want to help people with their heart. I spoke with your doctor, and he was very helpful. I wish you could have seen them work on you. It was so beautiful, and I want to be able to do that. I miss you already, and I love you so very much. I promise to take care of Grandma and Mom for you.”
Mom comes over and tells me, “Come on, love. It’s time to go; we have a lot of planning to do.”
Leaning over, I press a kiss on his forehead. Walking to Grandma, I wrap my arms around her, hugging her tightly, as she cries. Once we make it to the hallway, I tell Mom, “I’m going to take Grandma home. Can you bring Carson home? Xavier, I’d appreciate it if you came over also.”
“Carly, will you ride with me...”
“No, Carson. I won’t, and I’m taking our grandma home.” Turning around, I walk with Grandma out of the hospital, guiding her to her car.
Carly Present
Michelle is scheduled to be the DD tonight. However, with my news today, I volunteer for the job. Once I get home, I take a shower and blow dry my hair and put rollers in it. After putting my make-up and finishing my hair, I put my dress on. It’s a pale-yellow strapless dress that hits just above the knees with an empire waist. I decide to wear my silver ballet flats.
I’m trying to ease my mind, but my heart hurts. Gosh, I miss Xavier so much, but I will not allow a man to treat me like my dad treated my mom. With one final look at myself, I walk out the door. Making my way to Michelle’s house, which is just down the street, she is waiting for me with Racheal, Anna, and Sofia. Getting to the club, I try to pay the cover, but the bouncer just winks at me. Wow, this kind of feels uncomfortable being hit on. Making my way onto the dance floor with “Love, Sex and Magic” playing by Ciara and Justin, I let the music take over my body. Three songs later the DJ slows it down, as I take the opportunity to get a drink. Walking up to the bar, the bartender asks, as he eye fucks me, “What will it be?”
“Water, please.”
“Sure thing, sweetness.” I hand him a five-dollar bill, and he shakes his head and walks away. What the actual fuck is going on? Do I have it posted on my forehead that I’m single? Shaking my head, I walk over to the girls. “Uptown Funk” comes on, and we head back to the dance floor, but Michelle stays at the table this time around. We never leave our drinks unattended. “FMLYH” by Seether comes on, and I’m lost in the music, when I feel hands on my hips. I know it’s him, before I see him. Turning around to look at him, makes my heart sing.
He looks so calm, as he whispers in my ear, “You have been avoiding me. You left and didn’t tell me. Then, you ignored my calls and text messages. Oh, wait. You sent one in a group message that said, “I’m fine.” Other than that, I haven’t heard from you in twelve days. I’d like to put you over my knee and spank your bare ass.”
“Xavier, you have no say in what I do, or who I do it with.”
“Oh, sweetheart, is that what you think? Cause I’ve been in this relationship with you for the past five years, and I’d say that gives me the right to say, worry, and know everything about you.”
“Well, let me just let you off that hook now! We- this- you and I,” pointing between the two of us, “we are done. Over. No need to worry about me, because you surely
weren’t worried two Thursday’s ago, when you were at the diner with another woman.”
I turn to walk off, when he grabs my hand, pulling me back to him. He whispers in my ear, “No, baby, we are not done and over. Not now and not ever. I’ll give you some time, but don’t think for one second that we will be moving on with other people. I love you, and that will not change.” Softly, he kisses my lips, “I’ll see you soon, sweetheart.” With that he walks away.
I walk to the table and tell Michelle that I’m not feeling well, and I’m going to call Carson to come get me. I walk outside and decide I need the time alone to think, so I walk home. I do miss Xavier, and he is right that I will never love someone the way I love him. Why can’t I hate him? Is this why Mom stayed as long as she did with Dad? Finally, I get home and take a quick shower, and as I look down, I see the blood. I know immediately what’s happening. I wanted this baby so much. Washing the hair spray and make up off, I get out, dry off, and head to the ER. Finally, three hours later, I’m headed out the door, and I see on my phone I have a missed call. I almost don’t look, however, something tells me to look. It’s Xavier just wanting to make sure I got home okay.
I feel guilty for not telling him, and now, I’ve lost my little pea. I know I wasn’t that far along, but I was excited to be a mom.
I’m off work for two weeks, so I have time to heal. It also gives me time to think. I’m not sure I can stay here with him. We live in a small town, and if I stay, I’m going to have to see him. Honestly, I’m not sure I’m strong enough to go through that.
*****
During my time off, I search the web for available jobs and submit applications and resumes. Going back for my follow up appointment, I’m cleared to go back to work. Just as I step outside, my phone rings, and I almost don’t look at the screen. I was scheduled to have this weekend off, but I told some of the other doctor’s I’d work, if they needed me to. Looking at the screen, I see it’s the doctor that is scheduled this weekend, and she has a personal emergency and wants to know, if I can take over the rest of the weekend for her. Calling her back, I tell her I will, and I hope she is okay, and will see her on Tuesday, if all is well.
