by R. S James
“Oh, leave, so I can sit through the next girl drooling all over you? Absolutely not. I don’t understand you at all. Seriously, you blow a nut anytime any guy speaks to me. Hell, most of the time if they look at me, and she just told you she would give you any of her organs, if you would just talk to her, and I’m supposed to be cool? Yeah, okay.” Rolling her eyes, we make it to our table. Carly sets our menu’s down, and then looks at the hostess, who is just standing there, staring at me again. “Okay, well since I did your job, you think you could at least let our waitress or waiter know we are here? That would be great.” As she walks towards the back, I hear her say to a waitress passing us, “I wish I was that girl. Hell, I’d love to just hear him say my name, like he does hers.”
Sitting down, I say, “I’m sorry. I didn’t expect that to happen.”
“It’s okay. I mean, you have to put up with guys doing this, so I guess it’s all fair. As long as it’s just me for you. The minute I find doubt it’s all over.”
Carly Present
It’s time for Mom to be here at the hospital. I’m hanging out with Caitlynn at daycare, and she introduces me to her ‘boyfriend.’ When I shake his hand and tell him it’s nice to meet him, I hear all three men growl. This is going to be hilarious, when she starts dating for real. We head to the holding area, where Mom gets in her gown and gets her IV fluids started. Finally, they take her back. That’s when it hits me, that my mom has cancer and could die. Carson feels my distress and comes over, wrapping his arms around me. Xavier asks if I need or want anything, and I say no. I walk over to Maddox and tell him I’m going to take Caitlynn to the playground and for him to text me, when Mom is done.
I walk over and kiss Xavier, whisper I’m going to let Caitlynn play outside, while I run. I hug Carson on my way out, as I head to get my girl. As soon as she sees me, her face lights up, and she runs full speed at me, launching herself at me. I ask her if she can fit me in her busy schedule? She laughs and says, “Always babe always!” I sign her out, and we head outside, and I push her on the swings. Then I ask if she wants to walk the track with me? She says, “Only if you get my baby. She likes to walk the track with us.” Lucky for me, I’m used to this, so I have her baby stroller in my truck and one of her babies. I also have a small phone with Spotify on it for her to jam out to. Just as I make my tenth trip around the track my phone beeps, alerting me to a text message. It’s Maddox, letting me know Mom is done and did great, and it will be about forty-five minutes, before we can see her. Which is awesome, because I need to get up on the fourth floor to see my patients. So, I grab Caitlynn, and we head in she hangs with me’ while I go in the locker room and take a quick shower, and of course, she wants to jump in too. Maddox has extra clothes, so I let her. We get out and head down to see Mom. I was going to take her back to daycare, but Xavier asked her if she would like to spend the day with him and maybe the night with us. She is so excited. I kiss him and tell him I’ll see him, when I get done and I love him. Once I make it out the door Carson grabs my arm, turning me to face him and wraps his arms around me. I feel all the tension leave both of us as he whispers to me, he loves me.
“I love you Carson, and thank you for being there for me, always.”
I make my way up to my patients, and then do my rounds. It’s a quiet day, which is awesome, but it makes me think I’ll have a lot of calls tonight. I leave around six thirty at night and stop in to see Mom. She is still sleepy, so I leave with the promise I’ll be back, if I get called in tonight. I call Xavier and tell him I’m on my way and ask if I should grab something for dinner? He tells me “No he and his girl got it covered.”
Laughing, I say, “Okay, is she staying the night?”
“Yeah, she loves us and wants to, so I said okay.”
“Awesome, I love her, and you babe see you in a few!” Hanging up just as my pager goes off, Ugh, this is going to be a long night. I turn around and send a text to Xavier, letting him know I got called back in. I go in and do emergency surgery. Once I get done, I go to see my mom and standing outside her door I hear voices. I was going to go and leave, until I hear the voice, I never thought I’d hear again with my mom. It’s my dad. Listening, I hear mom say, “Colton, look you don’t need to worry about me anymore. I’ll be fine. Actually, I’ll be better than fine I have a man that loves me and three beautiful children. I’m happy.”
“What made you decide to finally be done?”
“I had finally had enough. Sometimes, you have to lose until you win. I took so much crap from you, when I deserved the moon and the stars. Seeing you and Clarissa just nailed the coffin shut. I mean, you want honesty, right? Well, I knew for a long time we were over, but you know me, I don’t like to lose, so I stayed and fought a losing battle by myself. But after all, that I now know what it means to be loved, and I’m so loved now. I gave you everything, and you threw it back in my face repeatedly. I don’t regret the time we were together or any of it. It helped me grow into the person I am today. Plus, it gave me my three children. I want you to know I am an amazing person, but with Maddox beside me, I’m so much more. I pray every night that you find the happiness I have.” Walking through the door, neither know I’m here. I’m kinda nervous, but I know I need to do this. Taking a deep breath, I open my mouth and start. “Hey, Mom. How are you?”
“I’m good, baby girl. How are you? Why are you here still, instead of home with that man of yours and our girl?”
“I was on my way home and got called in for an emergency surgery. They are waiting for me to watch the movie they picked out! Dad what are you doing here?”
“I came to see you and your mom. Did you tell her you did surgery to save my life?” Sighing, I can’t believe this is my life.
“Dad, I did my job. The same thing I just did tonight on a stranger. I need to tell you somethings.” Sitting down beside Mom, I start, “I can’t do this with you anymore. I’m tired of the calls and texts asking for money or advice that you never use. I remember when you left us the first time. You were walking out the door, while I cried so hard, I made myself sick, because I truly believed I was naughty, and that was why you left. Mom, she tried to tell me it wasn’t me, but I couldn’t believe it. Then, I fell in love with a little girl that you signed away, like a junk car, and she is the most special girl ever. I’m sorry you will miss out on her, but I’m so glad she will never know how I felt. All she will ever feel is love. A child’s love is the purest, and she loves everyone. You never deserved any of us. I never believed I’d have “a happily ever after” because I didn’t think they truly existed. Then, I met Xavier, and I almost lost him. I can’t put all the blame on you for that, but I can and will lay the fact that you planted the seed of doubt in my head and heart. Now, we have Maddox, my hero. He has never walked away, even when Mom pushed him. When we got Caitlynn, he fell head over heels for her. He never asks any of us for money, he doesn’t black mail us into doing what he wants. He puts us first, and we aren’t even his. The most important thing he has taught me is that a father should love his children unconditionally, and a man should stay. He takes care of us-- his family; he has restored my faith in love. He loves us not for what we can do for him, but for us. The part that hurts the most is that, when I was a child and needed you, you wanted nothing to do with me. Now, that I have made something of myself, you want me. So, this is what I need to do. I must cut ties with you. Until you can learn to take responsibility for your actions, then I must be done. I can’t keep putting myself out there for you to walk all over me. I love you, Dad, but now, I have to love me more.”
I hear the door open, and I look over, and there stands Xavier, holding Caitlynn with Maddox and Carson, standing behind him. With tears in my eyes, I look back at my dad and tell him, “Goodbye.” I lay my head on my mom’s lap and cry. I hear her say, “Colton, I need you to let this go, let me go. Let. Us. Go. I’m happy I want you to find this happiness. Let us go.” I cry for the love of my father that I never had and will never get. I
cry for Caitlynn who will never know why her parents didn’t want her. I cry until I can’t cry anymore. I feel Xavier pick me up and carry me out. I don’t know where we are going, nor do I have the energy to care. Once we make it to his truck, I tell him I can’t leave I need to check on my patients, and he says they’re covered you’re off tonight and tomorrow. He brushes a kiss on my forehead, sighing I say, “I love you so much.” He lifts my face with his thumbs under my chin and whispers “babe one thing I don’t ever want you to doubt is my love for you, it is never ending.” I hear Caitlynn crying, as we both turn our heads and see Maddox holding a wiggling, crying girl. I tell Xavier go get her. He smiles and jogs over to get her. We go home, eat dinner of homemade pizza, and watch the Little Mermaid and Frozen.
Carly Past
We are thirteen, and in our little town, we can walk everywhere. Friend’s houses, to school, and to the store, which also has a pizza place inside. If Mom stands on the sidewalk, she can see us everywhere we walk to. Getting home from school, Carson went to a friend’s house, and I know Mom is at work, until later today. I’m sitting here waiting for Dad to get home, I want to talk to him about running. I know Dad is pissed about her getting the job, and I hear him screaming at her every night, but she is so much happier, since she started working. Not that she didn’t love being a stay at home mom. I just think she feels more productive now that she is working. Sitting here, I work on my homework. We have to read this book, so I figured I might as well get it done and over with. Reading is one of my favorite things to do. Hearing the door open, I realize I have only had one more chapter left to read. Putting the bookmark in, I get up and walk to the kitchen to see Mom has just walked in. “Hey, Momma. How was work?”
“Hey, sweet girl. It was alright. How was school? Where are the guys?”
“It was school. I mean, nothing special; coach wants me to try some exercises to get faster. I’ve been waiting for Dad to come home and talk with me and help me. Carson was hanging out with his friends.” Just then, I hear someone coming down the stairs, turning around I see it’s Carson. “Hey, when did you get home?”
“Sis, I’ve been home for like an hour or more.”
“Wow, I guess I really got into my book.”
“Good, you can give me the notes.” Carson says, while laughing.
“Hey. Does anyone know what they want for dinner? Or where your dad is?”
“Chicken wraps are good for dinner, and I was so involved with my book, so I have no idea. Sorry, Momma.”
“He sent me a text a little bit ago telling me he wanted us to have a family meeting. I asked about what and when and he never answered.”
Just then, we hear the gravel fly, walking to the window we see Dad fly in the driveway and slam on his breaks. We all walk out on the porch to make sure he isn’t hurt. When he turns his head towards us, we see he is so angry. Carson reaches down and interlocks our fingers. It’s something we have always done to show support for each other. “What are you doing out here is dinner done? No, of course not. Why would you think to have dinner done? You don’t care about our family just strangers.” Reaching over, I grab Mom’s hand and squeeze it three times. It’s our sign for ‘I love you.’
“Carson why don’t you and your sister go grab pizza for dinner. There is a twenty in my purse.” Turning from mom we walk in the house, and Carson gets the money and goes to order the pizza, as I climb in the cabinet under the island in the kitchen with a phone in case we need Grandma or someone. Once Carson is gone, I hear the screaming coming inside. “You knew I didn’t want you to work. Am I not good enough for you? Did I not make enough? What am I lacking? Are you cheating on me? Spreading your whore legs for everyone?”
“Colton, I don’t know what your problem is tonight, but you need to move on from this cheating shit. I have had enough. I have not ever cheated, nor do I intend to. I’m not you I’m faithful, if I wanted someone else, I would get a divorce first. I know you didn’t want me to work, but news flash, this isn’t all about you; I have hopes and dreams of my own. I wish you would support me, help me hell be proud of me. I really shouldn’t expect it; I haven’t had it this long why would I get it now?” I hear a hard pounding, then she lets out a let a squeak out. “Ya know what. Fuck it, I’m gone. I’m out. You want to spread your legs for everyone go ahead.”
As soon as the words ‘I’m gone’ are out, I come out crying, “Daddy, don’t leave. I promise I’ll be better. I’m sorry I won’t read or get upset anymore. Please don’t leave.” Mom wraps her arms around me, pulling me into her chest, while I cry. I don’t know how long we sit there me in her lap crying. I must’ve cried myself to sleep, because I wake up in mom’s bed, and Carson is sleeping on one side of me and Mom is on the other. As quiet as possible, I get up and go take a shower putting shorts and a shirt on, and then I go outside and start running.
Xavier Present
Receiving the text from Carly, letting me know she has already been paged back to work, kinda bothers me, but really, I knew what she wanted to do from the very beginning. I’m proud of her, but sometimes, I want her to work a normal nine to five job; but if she did, she wouldn’t be who she is. Hanging with my second favorite girl is awesome, and I can’t wait, until I can marry Carly and see her pregnant with my baby. She is so good with Caitlynn, especially with the way they found out that Clarissa was pregnant. They were both adamant that they wanted nothing to do with the child or the two adults. I know it hit Carly harder than Carson, and she was always a daddy’s girl, and that was the nail that closed the coffin for good. I wanted to save her, but my girl saved herself. She has to have one hundred percent trust on both ends, or she is out. And it doesn’t matter how much it hurts her. Caitlynn wants to be just like Carly, and I can’t wait to marry my girl and watch her grow with our children. I know Carly feels deeply for Caitlynn, and how she will miss out on the love and bond she should get to have with her dad, but she really doesn’t remember him. She only knows of Maddox. Hanging here at the house with Caitlynn, is fun she cracks me up. “Xavier, I want to get married to a guy just like you. He has to love me, Carly, Carson, Mom, Dad, and you. And all my babies. Jackson loves us all; I think I should just marry him.”
“Woah, slow down love. Let’s work on you getting into school and graduated.” With a sigh, she says, “Fine.” Like I just told her she had to wait one hundred years. “What do you want to make for dinner, before Carly gets home?”
“I think we should make her homemade pizza. She loves that, and I can add my extra love in it like she likes so much.”
Laughing, I say, “Yes, you sure can, babe. Come on, we need to hit up the grocery store to get the stuff.” Leaving, we walk out to the truck, and I put her in and buckle her in her seat. Sliding in the driver’s seat, my phone starts ringing, so I answer it. It’s Claire, and she is talking to Colton and Carly is there. I tell Caitlynn we have to make a pit stop. Gunning the engine, I take off with one thought and only one thought to get to Carly. Putting the phone on speaker, I send a text to Carson and Maddox, telling them, “Guys get to the hospital. Colton is there with Carly and Claire.”
Pulling in the parking lot, I see Carson and Maddox, pulling in behind me. Getting Caitlynn out, we all walk in together. I’m not prepared whatsoever to the scene we walk in on. There is my girl, sitting in a chair with her head in her mom’s lap sobbing. Claire has tears rolling down her face, as she tells Colton, a man she promised to love forever, who cheated on her multiple times, one of which she is raising the child that came from that affair that he needs to move on.
She begs him, “Colton, I need you to let this go, let me go. Let. Us. Go. I’m happy, and I want you to find this happiness. Let us go.” Walking in, I pick Carly up and take her out of there. My girl is so strong, but when she breaks, she breaks completely.
She asks me, “Why? Why wasn’t I good enough? Why did he do this to me, my mom, Carson, and Caitlynn?” Opening the door to my truck, I sit her down in there and place my
thumbs under her chin, so her eyes find mine.
“You did nothing wrong. He made his decisions, and they don’t reflect on you. You can’t make him do something, and you can’t prevent his consequences. He is the only one responsible for his actions not you, not Carson, not your mom, and not Caitlynn.”
She places her finger on my lips and whispers, “Not you. I love you. Thank you for being you and for coming to get me.” Just then, we hear Caitlynn crying. Looking over there, we see Maddox struggling to hold her, while she fights him tooth and nail. “Hold on babe while I go get our girl for the night.” Brushing her lips across, mine she takes off to get her.
Xavier Past
When we first moved in together in Colorado, she was in the shower and her phone went off. She hollered and told me to look at it, and it was from her dad, asking for money, so he could get high. Well, really it went something like this, “Carly, this is your father. I need to borrow some money to pay the electric bill. I’ve not been working a full forty hours lately, and they just don’t have the work.” When she asked who it was, I told her and could read it in her face that this wasn’t the first time. She knew I was pissed, and I didn’t have to say a word. All she said was, “He’s my dad. What am I supposed to do?” I knew better than to say anything, because I was pissed, but I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
“You’re supposed to fucking talk to me, and throw me a fucking bone, so I’m not caught off guard like this. Are we not a fucking couple? Do we not sleep together every fucking night? What else are you hiding from me?”
I see the tears, rolling down her face, but I can’t seem to shut my mouth, so I turn and walk straight out the door. Getting in my truck, I call Carson, “Yo!”
“Hey. You need to get to my place and be with your sister. I’m out for a while.”
