A Soulless Year Three

by Eva Brandt

  “I’m sorry, Lucifer,” Mikael whispered, flinching. “I tried, but I couldn’t sustain the shield.”

  “It’s not your fault,” Lucifer reassured him. “You’ve always performed your duties admirably. This burden isn’t one you’re supposed to carry on your own. But don’t worry. We’ve dealt with worse.”

  “He’s right, son,” Michael added. “The Infernal Realm was unstable even before you left for The In-Between. I won’t lie. Your departure didn’t help. But in the big picture, there was nothing else we could have done.”

  Right. Mikael was the Prince of Greed, and he ruled The Fourth Circle of Hell. Our ritual had affected his hold on his minions. It might not have been a big deal normally, but this whole mess with Alyssa was anything but normal.

  I wasn’t sure if Lucifer and Michael were completely honest with Mikael, but in the end, it didn’t matter. “The demons will be going to The Mortal Realm, right?” I asked glumly. “How many have slipped out?”

  “Thousands, maybe more,” Leviathan replied. “I’m not sure, Azazel.”

  He was dissatisfied with his incomplete report, but I didn’t blame him. It had been necessary to have everyone here for the ritual to bring Hope back, but it left The Infernal Realm exposed. Leviathan couldn’t take care of the whole realm himself, just like Mikael hadn’t been able to carry both the responsibility of breaking into The Shadow Realm and holding up an already shattering barrier.

  In any case, we had no choice but to step in. “Well, then, it looks like it’s time for us to go hunt some demons,” I said. “I don’t think Delilah would be happy if we let her realm burn to the ground.”

  Michael shot me a hesitant look. He didn’t tell me not to go, though, even if he must have acknowledged the risks. Instead, he walked up to me and pressed his mouth to mine.

  In our surprising lip-lock, I felt his almost reluctant affection for me, vibrating against the strange bond that had appeared between us. But as enjoyable as it was, the kiss had a purpose beyond the obvious one. The link flared to life and slowly, Michael guided my unsteady form into materializing again.

  It seemed to take forever, and the delay grated on me. But this sort of process couldn’t be rushed. The recreation of an angel’s physical form was complicated, especially when the previous one was so completely destroyed. But we were in luck, and the divine spark wasn’t nuclear energy.

  With some effort, Michael managed to put me back together. By the time he was done, Lucifer had already helped Sariel. The two of them then finished the job and tamed Yeqon’s core, bringing him back as well.

  It felt strange, to see Lucifer helping us again. He’d done it many times before, which was why we’d followed him in battle and trusted him with our lives and souls. I was still furious with him, though. This was all his fault. If he hadn’t pushed Delilah, if he hadn’t stubbornly clung to the past, we never would have lost her.

  And so, as soon as Yeqon was better, I walked up to my former leader and squeezed his shoulder. “Keep your part of the deal. You owe us that much.”

  “Yes, I know,” Lucifer replied. “Don’t worry. I told you I wouldn’t back out on my word. Assuming, of course, that you haven’t changed your mind.”

  “We haven’t,” Sariel grunted. “We’ve already betrayed Delilah plenty of times. This will be no different.”

  Lucifer didn’t question us further. Even if he’d wanted to, we didn’t give him the chance. Leviathan was already turning and leaving the room, followed by Stefan and Mephistopheles. We rushed after them, having no desire to be left behind.

  In the time we’d spent serving Lucifer, we’d become closely acquainted to Leviathan. It was easy to fall in line with him again, to listen to his instructions, and follow his lead in an attack.

  Despite the instability of The Infernal Realm, Leviathan, Mephistopheles, and Stefan had plenty of loyal demons to work with. As Watchers, though, we were in a league of our own, and we could move in faster.

  “This is going to get ugly,” Leviathan warned us. “Demons of greed might not be as lethal as those of wrath, not immediately, at least, but the amount of greed in The Mortal Realm will make them grow like an unstoppable parasite. We have to herd them back quickly.”

  “Got it. Just point us in the right direction, Leviathan. We won’t let you down.”

  He smiled slightly. “I know.”

  The unfortunate part of the situation was that, this time, we had to go our separate ways. We hadn’t done that in a while. It gave me a bad feeling. We’d always fought side by side, from the moment we’d first been created as angels. It seemed unnatural to do things differently.

  But sending the three of us in the same place would be a waste of resources, and the slightest delay could mean more deaths. I shared one last look with my lovers, then turned into my energy form and left The Infernal Realm.

  The rogue demons had gone into several different directions, but all of them had headed toward heavily populated areas. I tracked the first group down to Tokyo, landing straight in the middle of the Shibuya Crossing.

  Already, there were bodies strewn all over the ground, people screaming and flailing, trying to fight attackers they couldn’t see. Apparently, not all the demons had gone for the subtle approach Leviathan had warned me about.

  Then again, considering the number of people here, maybe it just wasn’t necessary.

  The Shibuya Crossing was the largest intersection in the world. Thousands of pedestrians constantly passed through here in a chaotic, yet somehow still organized spectacle of humanity. The energy it emanated was so powerful that even mortals felt it. For demons, it was the perfect feeding ground. They’d be a nightmare to defeat.

  But poor odds had never dissuaded me in combat, so I threw myself at the task. The first few demons fell easily. Sharp blasts of divine magic sent them flying off their fallen victims, freeing the wounded mortals. They were more resilient than expected, so I attacked them again, pulling out my blade and easily decapitating the dazed demons.

  By doing so, I attracted a lot of attention from their friends, which was both good and bad. It meant they’d stop hurting the humans, which was the whole point of me being here. But it was also dangerous, because I was still only one person. I was more powerful than them, but they outnumbered me a thousand to one.

  “Oh, a Watcher,” a kitsune said, licking her blood-stained lips. “I haven’t seen you in a while, Azazel.”

  “Well, you know how it is,” I replied. “Life happens. You get reassigned.”

  Two imps jumped at me from behind. I extended my wings, creating a circle of flame around me and carbonizing their bodies. As their ashes scattered in the wind, an ifrit sneaked up on me, his demonic magic slamming against mine. “Reassigned?” he repeated. “That’s not what happened, is it? Traitor.”

  “I don’t think you’re in the best position to point that out,” I answered. “You left The Infernal Realm instead of protecting your masters.”

  The ifrit couldn’t reply. Even as I spoke, I waved my blade, and the resulting outburst of magic extinguished him and ten others of his kind. But the demons were not deterred.

  “Oh, but that’s exactly what we want to do,” the kitsune responded. “To serve our leader.”

  She’d taken refuge behind a car and was smiling brightly. If I hadn’t noticed the way she was clutching her seven tails, I might have thought she didn’t deem me a threat.

  “How will abandoning The Infernal Realm help Lucifer?” I asked.

  “It’s not Lucifer we fight for,” the fox demon explained. “The first Satan is back. We can feel it. And when she was around, we were never cursed to experience such strange emotions. So we will fight for her, fight to bring her back.”

  Her words made me hesitate. I’d always thought the demons had forgotten about the first Satan. Some of the newer ones weren’t even aware The Infernal Realm had had another ruler before Lucifer. I’d underestimated Delilah’s hold on her first minions.

&n
bsp; “To bring her back,” I repeated.

  I wanted the same thing. Should I really be fighting them, if our goals were the same?

  The moment of vacillation cost me. At least a hundred demons emerged from their hiding places, converging upon me.

  “Yes,” the kitsune said. “We’ll bring her back. And the first step is getting rid of you, of the angels who killed her.”

  Well, shit.

  Delilah’s Decision

  The Shadow Realm

  “So, Delilah, have you made your decision?”

  I protectively wrapped my wings around myself and buried my face in my knees. “You know I have. It hasn’t changed since the last time you asked me. I don’t want to go back.”

  “I know. I wish things were different and easier for you. If it helps, I still believe in you.”

  Anger surged through me and I looked up, facing my mentor. The Grim Reaper stood in front of me, hovering alone in the darkness like an ominous specter. He had lowered his hood, exposing his skull-like face and the fiery orbs of his eyes. In the obscurity of the strange space I was in, those blazing pits should have stood out like beacons, but they seemed diminished instead. It was a bad sign, but I didn’t have the energy to care.

  “You believe in me? Don’t make me laugh! Why do I have to fix this? Why can’t I rest? Why did you force this burden onto me?”

  The Grim Reaper sighed and sat down by my side. The shapeless area we were in accommodated him, and my hackles rose, my power crackling around me protectively.

  He wasn’t intimidated. “Contrary to what you might think, I didn’t pick you because you were Satan, Delilah. I picked you in spite of it. There have been other Satans and plenty of primordial souls with potential, but you’ve always been unique.”

  “So you keep telling me. I don’t feel unique. I’m just… me.”

  The words sounded lame even to my own ears. They didn’t mean much, now that I didn’t actually know who I was.

  I still considered myself Delilah St. John, but my memories of my life as Satan were coming back. They felt like something that had happened to another person, but they were there. I hated them, but at the same time, they were precious to me. Not that the Grim Reaper had ever cared.

  “If I’m so unique and special, why did you wipe my memories? Why didn’t you trust me?”

  “Trusting people isn’t in my job description, Delilah,” he answered sharply. “You know that. You and I had a deal and that’s still there, even if you refuse to accept it.”

  “So far, that deal hasn’t helped me much,” I snapped at him.

  “Your parents are still alive, although they might not be for much longer if you keep hiding.”

  I knew what he was doing. My family was my weak spot, and even now, I still clung to the hope that I could protect them.

  “You’re cruel,” I accused him. “They haven’t done anything wrong. They shouldn’t be punished for being my parents.”

  “No, they shouldn’t be and yes, I’m cruel. But you’ve always known that, from the moment I took my scythe to your wings.”

  I clenched my jaw and said nothing. At the time, I’d thought he’d been helping me, and he had. But even so, I could still remember the terror I’d felt the first time he’d done it to me.

  “Stop being such a hard-ass, Grim,” Morrigan said, suddenly manifesting by my side. “Give her a break already.”

  I didn’t know what shocked me most, her appearance or the way she’d reprimanded her lover. I appreciated the sentiment, but I didn’t trust it.

  “Thanks, Morrigan, but he’s not wrong. I did agree to become the guardian of The Mortal Realm in exchange for my parents’ lives.”

  “Your parents are safe,” she replied. “For the most part. Your lovers found Hope Morningstar and cut a deal with Lucifer.”

  I gaped at her in shock. “Wait, what?”

  The convoluted story she narrated made me wonder if perhaps I’d fallen asleep and was hallucinating this whole thing. At one point after my death, my lovers had completely lost their minds. My Watchers had basically committed suicide via divine spark, and finding that out made me wonder why the method hadn’t occurred to me. Their deaths had been a little more productive than mine, though. They’d teamed up with Lucifer and Cain, freeing Hope from her captors and therefore securing my parents’ safety.

  Cain’s involvement didn’t surprise me. I’d sensed him reach out to me and had helped him, although I hadn’t quite known what he was doing at the time. But everything else was news to me. Good news.

  “Oh. But that means I don’t have to go back, right?”

  “Yes and no.” Morrigan sat down next to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. Despite knowing she couldn’t be trusted either, I found her touch comforting. “It’s complicated.”

  “Whenever someone says something is complicated, it means I’m going to get fucked over. Just spit it out.”

  Morrigan complied. “Delilah, right now, you’re in a small section of The In-Between. Your soul has yet to be attacked, but it’s only a matter of time before the symbiotes notice your presence and try to consume you. And when that happens, it won’t be pleasant.”

  “I know that,” I answered. “I’ve been through this before, remember?”

  “Yes, I do. And up to a point, I can understand your fate should be in your own hands. But the deterioration of your soul isn’t something your lovers are willing to accept. They want to bring you back and bind your soul. That’s why your Watchers agreed to work with Lucifer in the first place.”

  “What.”

  It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. I could not believe my ears, couldn’t accept what she was telling me.

  “It sounds worse than it is,” the Grim Reaper tried. When I glared at him, he lifted his hands defensively. “All right, maybe that’s not true. But to be perfectly honest, I can’t say I disagree.”

  “Nobody asked you,” I spat, fury surging through me. “Why? Why are they doing this?”

  “Because they’re not willing to give up on you, even if you’ve given up on yourself,” Morrigan said, not unkindly. “Child, I realize this is very painful for you. You’ve been hurt and betrayed so many times. It’s unreasonable of me to ask you to accept this too. But please, do a very simple mental exercise. If someone you loved was in this situation, if they wanted to die because their mental state wasn’t the best, would you allow it? Or would you risk their anger and disappointment to save them?”

  The answer was simple. Of course I would want to help. But even so… “It’s not the same,” I said, shaking my head. “We’re talking about binding my soul. How can you not see how wrong that is?”

  “Of course I see it. I’m a deity of death. And if it matters, they see it too. But some things are more important than others. You might have given up on life, but your existence goes beyond that, Delilah. You have to treasure the person you truly are. You have to protect your soul.”

  “I don’t have to do anything,” I shot back at her. Pushing her and the Grim Reaper away, I buried my hands in my hair, rocking myself softly. “Just… Leave me alone. Leave me alone. I need to think.”

  For a few seconds, I thought they would ignore me. They’d ignored all my other requests to give me space. This time, though, they must have realized I was at my limit, because they listened.

  “All right, child,” Morrigan said. “Just remember. You don’t want to be soulless, not really.”

  With that parting remark, she and the Grim Reaper disappeared into the nothingness. I was left alone, still shielding myself with my wings and praying for the sweet embrace of oblivion.

  But that was what this was all about, right? A soul like mine had no home and would never be allowed to rest. Why? Why did I have to continue carrying this burden? Why couldn’t I let go?

  As if in response to my silent question, a different figure manifested in front of me. It was that of a demon woman with dark hair and crimson skin. She smirked at me
and said, “Be honest with yourself, Delilah. You’ve always sucked at letting go.”

  Even if I hadn’t recognized the voice, I’d have still known who she was. “Well, that settles it. I’ve lost my mind. I can’t be talking to a manifestation of my past life. It’s impossible.”

  “Normally, it would be, yes,” Satan replied. “But you’re in The Shadow Realm now. There are imprints of your past self left behind. I’m not you, not really.”

  Oh. That explained the shadows bubbling under her skin and in her irises. I’d originally thought it was a natural consequence of her previous demonic powers, but maybe that wasn’t quite true.

  “I guess that’s a good thing,” I said, a little lamely. “Are you here to hurt me?”

  “No,” Satan answered. “I’m not interested in that. Then again, at the rate you’re going, you might change my mind soon.”

  “Oh?” I arched a brow defiantly. “Do you have a problem with me? I’m not surprised. Everyone seems to, these days.”

  “I can’t blame them. I’m many things, Delilah, but I’ve never been a coward.”

  I bristled angrily at the accusation. “I’m not a coward. Why is it so wrong to feel emotion? Why do I always have to be the brave one?”

  “Because giving up is never the solution,” Satan answered. “What is hiding going to prove? The fact that you’re a powerless, resentful child? How is that going to help you?

  “I don’t have all your memories, Delilah St. John, but I remember kneeling in my throne room, bound and wounded, and still wishing I’d been enough, that they had truly loved me. Well, it turns out that they do. They care. Are you really going to pathetically pretend we haven’t done far worse things than binding a soul or are you going to get off your ass and take what’s yours?”

  Take what’s mine. Yes, that was what I needed to do. I might be angry right now, but I’d never been fond of the ‘cut my nose off to spite my face’ approach.

  If they were still so determined and still wanted to be with me, wouldn’t it be better to give our bond another chance?