Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon? On the Side: Sword Oratoria, Vol. 1

by Fujino Omori, Kiyotaka Haimura

  Tens of thousands of bolts kept falling from the ceiling, resulting in a sea of flames. The room was overtaken by red and orange light and inundated with scorching heat.

  There was nothing left of the black rhinos or caterpillar monsters when the flames died down, not even ash.

  “See, I told you it would work! Ka-boom! One shot! You’re amazing, Lefiya!”

  “A-all I did was focus all of my Mind, so…”

  “Too damn flashy—you, Riveria, and every other elf……Singed my fur, damn it!”

  “Ga-ha-ha! That’s better! Almost in the clear!”

  Tiona, Bete, and Gareth came back into the room, forming a protective triangle around their allies. They quickly dispatched the few monsters that managed to get close enough to Lefiya to avoid the flames.

  The enemies gone, Tiona continued singing Lefiya’s praises as Aiz and Finn came back inside.

  “…Thank you, Lefiya.”

  “Ah…You’re welcome!”

  Aiz wore her usual aloof expression, but her lips were unmistakably softer than usual.

  Even the small smile was enough to catch the elf off guard. But a moment later, tears of joy welled up in her dark blue eyes.

  Just for that moment, the adventurers enjoyed the taste of victory.

  “…”

  “General? What’s wrong?”

  Tione approached a silent Finn, careful to avoid the glowing sparks still on the floor.

  She could see Raul, still breathing and rubbing his stomach, out of the corner of her eye.

  “Before we escaped into this room…we were in a hallway that connects directly to the fiftieth floor. Since the monsters came at us from the front…”

  “…Oh, no.”

  “I might be worried about nothing, but…I can’t take that risk.”

  Once again, Finn looked down at his right thumb.

  Pressing his tongue against it, he looked back up at Tione with fearful eyes.

  “Gather the others. We’re returning to camp at full speed.”

  A steep, rocky hill connected level fifty-one to level fifty.

  There was a hole at the base of the western cliff on the fiftieth floor of the Dungeon. It sloped down at the same angle all the way to the next floor. Adventurers on their way to floor fifty-one could hop and bound their way down, but the return trip was much more difficult.

  What made this trip particularly ominous for Loki Familia was the trail of dark-purple smoking spots surrounded by pale-green residue. None of the adventurers bothered using their hands as they scaled the cliffs in no time.

  Distant sounds of battle greeted them as soon as they emerged from the hole.

  “The camp…!” Tiona said in disbelief as the group made their way through the ash-covered forest.

  Picking up speed, the group made it past the tree line.

  “Riveria? Everyone?!”

  Vast plains opened in front of them. The only noticeable topography was a decent-size hill with a solid rock face. However, a parade of pale-green bodies was making its way straight up.

  Facing down the onslaught at the top of the hill were Riveria and the rest of their company, trying to take shelter from the purple liquid being spat in their direction.

  They were able to find some protection on the crest of the hill, but the area was already littered with smoking weapons and shields, deteriorating by the second.

  “Archers, loose!”

  “This is the last volley!”

  “Irrelevant—loose!”

  At Riveria’s command, every archer leaned over the crest of the hill and shot their arrows straight down at the oncoming monsters. The arrows that hit instantly dissolved in the liquid that spewed forth from their wounds, but the impacts made the creatures lose their grip on the rock and fall onto other monsters farther down. Several of the beasts fell to their deaths on the ground below.

  “There’s still this many…?!”

  “At least they haven’t surrounded the camp.”

  Lefiya squealed in fright. Finn calmly assessed the situation next to her.

  The caterpillar monsters didn’t appear to be very intelligent—all they did was stay in the tracks of the larger ones in a massive game of follow-the-leader. Riveria led the members of the expedition who’d stayed behind in a last-ditch effort to halt their advance.

  “!”

  Seeing her friends in danger, Aiz rushed forward.

  Dashing through the still grasses of the plains, she picked an angle that would set her on a collision course with the side of the parade.

  She activated her Magic and drew her sword in the same motion while on the run.

  “Aiz?!”

  The sound of her first slash reverberated through the air as one of the monsters was sliced in half.

  Riveria called out to her from the crest of the hill. The other adventurers looked down, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. They had hope again.

  They watched as the girl practically dove into enemy ranks, their limbs and purple acid erupting like fireworks a second later.

  “I’m goin’!”

  “Right behind you!”

  “Sorry, General!”

  Bete, Tiona, and Tione followed suit.

  The slower Lefiya and Raul tried their best to keep up.

  “Finn…”

  “There’s no point trying to stop them now. Gareth, protect Lefiya and Raul as best you can.”

  “Aye, can do.”

  Finn realized that trying to stop the younger members of their group who’d broken formation without orders was futile.

  However, at the same time, he didn’t have a problem with it.

  Experience was the best teacher when it came to the Dungeon. Precise planning and coordinated movements gave adventurers the largest possibility of returning to the surface alive, except in special circumstances like this one. Trying to rein in their fire at this point would do more harm than good.

  The young ones were charging forward on pure emotion. Perhaps by issuing one hundred orders, he could manipulate the battle into something more efficient, more precise, by force.

  Of course, he was still worried that the young ones—who had yet to master the art of control—might go overboard.

  Finn brought his train of thought to a close as he watched his allies plunge into the enemy line, and he drew a sword.

  “A counterattack is in order.”

  Aiz’s attack plunged into the parade of monsters like a wedge through a log. The course of battle shifted thanks to her.

  Seeing their brethren fall to her blade, monsters farther up the hill turned to face her. A pale-green wave charged down the hill in an effort to overwhelm the female knight.

  Bete and the Amazons rushed to her aid. Another blast of magic from Lefiya fell on the monsters’ line, and their group dissolved into chaos.

  The monsters would attack anything they didn’t recognize. The adventurers were now engaged in an unorganized free-for-all.

  Friend mixed with foe; from a distance, the battle looked like a barroom brawl.

  “Hey, any weapons left?”

  Handily dodging monster attacks with acrobatic spins and jumps, Tiona made it to the crest of the hill and called out to the supporters.

  Her allies responded within the span of one breath.

  “Y-yes, we do!”

  “Then get me a spear, a spear! Make it two!”

  “Y-yes ma’am!”

  As asked, a supporter drew two weapons from the crates and threw them toward Tiona. The Amazon snatched both spears out of the air with a grin on her face.

  Holding one of the three-meder weapons in each hand, Tiona charged into battle with renewed vigor.

  “Yoo-hoo! Hey, uglies, over here!”

  She ran directly between two of the larger beasts, taunting them the whole way.

  The caterpillar monsters took aim at the bizarrely cheerful girl and spat their acid.

  “Too slow!”

  “—!!”
>
  Handily dodging the purple acid, Tiona watched as the beasts screamed out in pain. They’d missed her and hit each other by accident.

  Monsters were everywhere. Every time one of the beasts spat out the purple liquid, it was far more likely to hit one of its own kind rather than its target.

  Very pleased with the results of her little experiment, Tiona grinned as she plunged her spears deep into the bodies of the survivors.

  “Here I come—!!”

  She put her whole body into the attack.

  Both of the weapons quickly pierced the hides of the large monsters, striking with such force that their little legs left the ground.

  The backsplash from their wounds couldn’t reach her at this distance. Tiona felt a crack at the end of each long haft as the blades of each weapon made contact with the magic stones inside her opponents. Their bodies immediately turned to ash.

  “Who’s next?” Discarding what was left of the dissolving pieces of wood, Tiona quickly moved on to find her next target.

  About twenty of the monsters had fallen.

  Landing on the ground with a soft thud, Aiz looked over her corner of the battlefield. Piles of ash and the exploded remains of their green bodies dotted the smoking landscape. Large puddles of their purple acid oozed their way deeper into the ground. Skid. A noise came from behind her.

  She turned around in time to see Bete come to a stop, his gray tail and fur flowing in his wake.

  “Hey, Aiz. Gimme some of that wind.”

  “…”

  Understanding what the werewolf meant without being told, Aiz looked down at his legs.

  Metallic boots came up to his knees. However, they were not designed for protection. They were sleek, extremely sharp weapons made from incredibly durable material. A large yellow jewel was embedded in each shin.

  Aiz gracefully reached out toward the boots.

  “Go, wind.”

  The air current shifted on her command and was immediately absorbed by the yellow jewels. They started to glow as a new air current flowed around the silver weapons.

  The same kind of fluctuating aura that surrounded Aiz now came from Bete’s legs as well.

  A second-tier Superior made by Hephaistos Familia: “Frosvirt.”

  This Superior had the ability to absorb external magical energy and temporarily use it to enhance the already immense destructive power of the metal boots.

  It was all thanks to that legendary metal used to construct them, mythril.

  Now that they had absorbed Aiz’s magic, Bete obtained the power of wind.

  “Thanks.”

  The handsome features of his wild face morphed into a bloodthirsty smile that could rival Tiona’s.

  Whoosh! Bete launched himself toward the closest monster with the wind at his back.

  “I’ll kick their freakin’ heads in!”

  Suddenly several meders into the air, the werewolf brought his bladed heel straight down on top of his target.

  He tore the monster apart from the center of its eyeless face, and the wind enchantment parted the explosion of acid safely away from him, as it did for Aiz’s sword. The enemy’s secret weapon could be countered.

  Bete was already onto the next caterpillar, venting all of his frustration through his powerful legs.

  Pieces of the creatures flying everywhere, Bete roared victoriously from the center of the debris.

  The last Kukri knife dissolved in a cloud of smoke.

  “…”

  Dodging the stream of acid, Tione landed safely on the ground and reached behind her back. But there was nothing for her to grab.

  Her personal stock of throwing knives was now zero. She was unarmed.

  Damn these things…

  The Amazon glared at the monsters, frustrated that they could take so much punishment.

  Inflicting a fatal wound on one of the beasts required her to sacrifice at least one of her knives. Unfortunately, the blades were not long enough to sever their limbs, making Finn’s strategy impossible. The injured monsters chased her, squealing an annoyingly high-pitched scream and spewing purple liquid from their open wounds. Now Tione had no way to shut them up, and that irritated her beyond belief.

  She tried outmaneuvering them, spinning out of the way of their acid attacks so that they took one another out. Now she was nauseous on top of her headache from the squeals. She caught a few glimpses of the uncivilized Bete kicking monsters into oblivion with a smile on his face. Aiz knew how to show respect, but the werewolf simply annoyed Tione. What she wouldn’t give to bury her foot in his face.

  At any rate, she had a decision to make. Arm herself with an unfamiliar weapon and protect the mages or try casting her own magic for once.

  “Tsk.” She snapped her tongue and let her instincts take over. “Such a pain in the ass!”

  Her face morphed as though turning into someone else entirely.

  The Amazonian warrior within her had emerged. Tione bull-rushed straight into the closest monster—and thrust her right fist into its chest with a massive uppercut.

  Boom! The monster’s skin ruptured, the impact reverberating through the air.

  Her arm was instantly covered with the purple marble-like liquid inside the monster’s body that was squirting out from the wound. Every bit of Tione’s wheat-colored skin started smoking. The piece of fabric that kept her voluptuous chest bound melted almost immediately and fell to the ground.

  She couldn’t have cared less. Her eyes flashed with rage as she plunged her arm even deeper into the caterpillar monster. Its squeal of pain reached a higher pitch as Tione found the hard spot she was looking for. Grabbing hold, snap snap snap, she pulled it out of the monster’s body.

  Convulsing and screaming in agony, the caterpillar beast turned to ash before her eyes.

  The black smoke emerging from her own body getting thicker by the moment, Tione repeated the same technique three more times on her remaining targets.

  Personal safety and her own pain were the last things on her mind as she tore the monsters apart with her bare hands.

  “Ti-Tione…”

  “…Lefiya, any elixirs left?”

  Tione looked no better than a walking pile of mud by the time she met up with Lefiya.

  The Amazon had taken splash after splash of the acid head-on. Her normally beautiful black hair was in shambles, chunks missing or dripping down her back. What had been healthy, tanned skin just moments ago had turned purple and black, still bubbling from the acid.

  The girl’s right eye was swollen shut, so she made eye contact with the elf using her left. Lefiya’s face was white as a ghost as she hastily took a small vial of elixir out of the pouch at her waist, opened it, and doused Tione with all her might.

  “Tione!”

  “General…”

  Finn ran up to the two girls.

  Tione brushed off as much of the acid as she could while the two showered her with enough elixir to bring back her original skin tone. Only after noticing the look of anger in Finn’s eyes did she turn away in embarrassment. Her fully exposed bosom jiggled as she shifted, blushing.

  It was rare for Finn to get hot under the collar. Taking a deep breath, he sighed and got his emotions under control.

  “Don’t be reckless.”

  “Ah…”

  Finn undid the knots holding a waistcloth to him and practically shoved it into Tione’s arms.

  “Hide them,” he said as he jerked his head toward her chest.

  Tione’s face turned even redder as she wrapped the cloth around herself.

  “General…”

  “We’ll discuss this later. Be prepared for what’s coming.”

  “Yes, sir…!”

  Tione gazed at him with the intense eyes of an infatuated maiden. Finn turned his back on her, sighing deeply again as he massaged his temple. Lefiya inched away from the Amazon after seeing the full exchange a little too up close and personal.

  “How can Miss Tione…How can she stil
l stand after all that juice…?”

  “Ya just lack spirit, boy.”

  “S-sorry…”

  “Ha! Back fer more, I see.”

  Gareth and Raul happened to witness the conversation from afar. The human was quick to apologize after uttering his comments in disbelief. Gareth had been protecting him during the fight, wielding a war hammer heavy enough to shake the ground on impact like it was nothing more than a kitchen mallet. Their brief reprieve was over as more of the pale-green monsters approached them. The dwarf’s hammer had been embedded in the floor, handle pointed skyward. Gareth plucked it from the ground and turned to face their attackers.

  This weapon had been thrown to him by the supporters on top of the hill. Balancing its enormous weight over his shoulder, the dwarf let his cape flow as he turned and brought down the hammer.

  “NuAHH!!”

  He slammed it into the ground at a forward angle. The surface of the plain shattered and the momentum of the impact sent debris into the oncoming monsters.

  It was a technique that only physically powerful dwarves could pull off. The larger chunks slammed into the caterpillars, while the smaller ones carved long slices down their bodies.

  “Harbinger of the end, white snow. Gust before the twilight.”

  The melodies of many spells overlapped above the battlefield.

  A group of elves had gathered on the crest of the rock-faced hill overlooking the plains scarred by combat. They were preparing to launch one massive blast.

  “Fading light, freezing land. Blow with the power of the third harsh winter—My name is Alf!”

  Riveria stood at the front, ready to trigger her magic. The mages behind her finished their enchantments one after another. Many magic circles overlapped as Riveria called out to her allies below. “Evacuate immediately.”

  Top-class adventurers broke away from battle and ran from the area like baby spiders trying to escape the sun.

  “Wynn Fimbulvetr!!”

  Waves of fierce magical power stormed down over the plains.

  Ice, fire, electricity. Various types of offensive magic mercilessly carved up anything in their way.