Secrets of Silvergum

by Mandy Magro

  ‘Oh yes we can …’ he coaxed, his voice rough with desire. ‘You’re a single woman now.’

  A pang of longing hit her chest. Breathless, she almost tumbled back into him. But if she buckled, she would hate herself even more than she already did by letting it get this far. ‘I’m sorry.’ Her voice so soft it was almost silent.

  Groaning, he pushed away from her, turning his face into the shadows. Not wanting to bear witness to his hurt, she was glad for the small reprieve. She could hear his breath, short and laboured.

  ‘We can’t do this again, Zane. It’s not right.’ Even so, her body still ached for his touch like the desert yearned for rain.

  He spun to face her, the hurt in his eyes tearing her to pieces. ‘Not right? Are you serious, Em? We’re more than just friends, and this isn’t about a one-night fling. And as much as you want to deny this, deny us, I know you feel it too.’

  Lost for words, she just gazed at him, her mouth open.

  He raked his hand through his hair. ‘Goddamn it, you don’t get it, do you?’

  ‘Get what?’

  He stared at her for a long moment. ‘Just forget it.’ He huffed and shook his head. ‘It doesn’t matter.’

  ‘If you knew the real me, I have a feeling you might not be so keen.’ She jumped from the tray and took a tentative step towards him, went to reach for him. But grabbing her gently by the wrists, he stopped her.

  ‘What do you mean, if I knew the real you?’ He eyed her cynically. ‘Because I think I’m the only person that walks this earth that knows the real you.’

  ‘There is something about me you don’t know.’

  ‘What kind of thing?’ His voice was stronger now, almost angry as he took a step back from her.

  She remained silent.

  ‘For god’s sake, Em, we all keep secrets about ourselves, that’s only human. I know all I need to know to—’ He slammed his mouth shut.

  Was he just about to say ‘love you’? Her heart pounded with the thought. If she was being completely honest with herself, she could so very easily say it to him too. But that would be selfish of her. She wished she could fill in the blanks for him, tell him about Riley, but not now, not like this. ‘I think I better go back inside.’

  ‘You’re not going to talk about it?’ The pain on his face sliced through her. ‘You can’t just say something like that and then leave me hanging.’

  If she didn’t walk away now, she would make rash promises she wouldn’t be able to keep. ‘Tomorrow, Zane, please, let’s talk about it all when we’re sober.’

  Glaring at her, he shook his head. ‘Yeah, righto.’

  ‘I’m going to go back inside. You coming?’

  ‘No, not like this. I don’t want Riley to see me angry again,’ he said. ‘You want me to wait out here for you, to give you a lift home?’

  ‘No, you go, I’ll get a lift with James and Riley.’ She choked back a sob. ‘Are you right to drive?’

  ‘I’ve only had four beers, and we’ve been here for almost five hours, so yeah, I’m right.’

  ‘Okay, I’ll see you back at Serendipity then.’

  Without another word, he turned and strode towards the driver’s side, jumped in and slammed the door shut. Emma all but ran back towards the hall, not wanting to watch him drive away. She blinked back hot tears, telling herself over and over that this was Riley’s night and she wasn’t about to ruin it with her dramas. Later, when she was alone, in bed, she would cry herself to sleep. But for now, she was going to put on a brave face and make sure her daughter enjoyed the night with a happy heart.

  CHAPTER 22

  Tiny was curled up as much as a sixty-five kilogram dog could be at Emma’s feet, and Kat was pacing back and forth on the bench purring as Emma stroked her soft coat. Savouring the last of her extra-strong coffee, she stood at the kitchen window, staring out into the night, towards the cottage. Zane’s LandCruiser was parked out front, so she knew he was inside. No lights were on but that didn’t mean he was sleeping. Sighing, she pressed the palms of her hands to her eyes, begging her mind to stop torturing her with what ifs and maybes. Resolutely, she swallowed back the knot of emotion in her throat. She couldn’t wait another five hours to talk to him. Grabbing her mobile from the bench, she grimaced as the screen shone to blinding life, and quickly dialled his number before she chickened out, hoping to God he was up pacing the hallways like she was, and not dead to the world.

  ‘Hey.’ Zane’s voice was husky with sleep, or heartache, she wasn’t sure.

  ‘Hey, sorry to wake you.’

  ‘All good, I wasn’t asleep anyway. You okay?’

  ‘Not really.’ Her heart was drumming and her mouth was parched. ‘Can I come over?’

  ‘Right now?’

  ‘Uh-huh.’

  ‘You know it’s two in the morning?’

  ‘Yup, sorry, but this can’t wait.’

  ‘Okay, door’s unlocked.’

  ‘Thanks, see you in a sec.’

  Less than a minute later, she was sitting facing him, at the end of his bed, her heart in her throat and her mouth as dry as a desert. She wished she could forget about everything and just climb beneath the sheets and snuggle against his burly, bare chest. She knew, with his arms wrapped tightly around her, it was a marvellous place to be.

  ‘So …’ she said, and then stalled.

  ‘So,’ he echoed.

  She tried to continue, but simply couldn’t.

  ‘I’ll go first then.’ Propped up on his pillows with his back resting against the wall, the soft lamplight fell across his face, softening his chiselled features. ‘I’m really sorry about before, Em. Normally I’m so restrained, but with you …’ He closed his eyes and shook his head, the smile on his face slow and sexy. ‘You just make me want to do things I shouldn’t, through no fault of your own.’

  She shifted restlessly, his searching gaze making her falter. Her breath was trapped in her throat as she wrung her hands together. ‘You do crazy things to me, too. It’s just, well, I feel like it’s wrong of me to let you.’ She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, releasing a long-held sigh to try to calm herself.

  ‘Why would you think that?’

  ‘Because …’ She tried to choke back a sob but failed.

  ‘Em, don’t. You know what it does to me when I see you cry.’ He reached over and pulled her to him. ‘You should know by now that anything you have to tell me, I’ll come to terms with, no matter how bad or messed up it is.’ He moved back, placed a finger beneath her chin and tipped her face to his. ‘I’m just going to say it like it is. I love you, Em. I always have and forever will, no matter what, and nothing’s ever going to change that.’

  Then, without warning, he captured her lips with his and she surrendered to him in a moment of utter weakness. Desperately wanting to tell him how much she loved him, too, but feeling she wasn’t entitled to, she begrudgingly pulled away before the kiss led to so much more. ‘Zane … I—’

  He silenced her with a gentle finger to her lips, sending a delicious spark of fire through her. His gaze was hot with promise. ‘Not now, whatever it is, I don’t want it to take away this moment, because there’s been too many of them taken from us in the past. We’ll talk in the morning.’ Removing the elastic band around her ponytail, her hair spilled over her shoulders and halfway down her back. ‘I’ve always loved it wild and free, like you.’

  Before she could respond, or slap some sense into herself, he kissed her again, stealing her breath and her thoughts, drawing her to him, enfolding her in his protective arms. The warmth of his embrace flooded through her like whisky on a cold winter’s night. Every inch of her was suddenly alive, electric – he was where she belonged. She twined her arms around his neck and threw herself to him recklessly – he was right, to hell with everything else.

  In a hot, fevered rush, his fingers skated up her spine and then flicked the silky straps from her shoulders. The black camisole dropped to he
r waist, revealing her breasts. His gaze was greedy as he drunk her in. Then, as if reading her mind, his hands cupped them and he brought his searing-hot mouth to her nipples, biting, licking and sucking them until she was in an erotic trance, the simultaneous sensation of pain and pleasure mind-blowing. She groaned and moaned, and he muttered something low and raspy in response.

  While sending her to dizzying heights, he flipped her over and pinned her down by holding her hands on either side of her head. Her heart pounding wildly, she stared up at the man who owned her heart, and he looked down at her as if she was his world. Fingers laced together, he ran his lips down the side of her neck, biting and kissing along the way, sliding lower and lower. Pausing at her navel, he slipped his fingers under the band of her silky shorts, his hot breath lingering on her skin. She shut her eyes in anticipation as he eased them over her hips and down her legs. Using her feet, she kicked them off just as he brought his mouth to her in teasing, tongue-twirling caresses that had her gripping the sheets and crying out. Wanting to reach the peaks of shivering heights, she arched in to him, but the higher her hips rose from the bed, the more he pulled back, just enough that it was only the tip of his tongue stroking her, circling her, tasting her.

  And just when she thought she couldn’t take any more, he grabbed her arse and pushed his tongue inside of her, his mouth coming down to take all of her in. She shuddered as she ran her fingers through his hair and pressed him in harder. Teetering on the edge for a few blissful moments, she then went into freefall, unable to breathe as she came harder than she’d ever come before. He groaned as he felt her tremble, quiver and then release, his tongue savouring all of her as she did.

  With her sated, for now, he slid back up to kiss her and her hunger roared out of control. Her fingers were clumsy with haste as she tugged his boxers off, enough for him to wriggle free of their constraints. His tongue circled hers in a wild dance of desire as she wrapped her legs around him tight. The hardness of his long, thick erection pressed against her, making her ache for him to be at one with her.

  ‘Please, Zane, I want you inside me.’ She was brazenly begging, and she didn’t care.

  ‘How much do you want me?’ He breathed heavily, his slow smile wickedly sexy as his hand slid between her legs, his fingers skilfully massaging her.

  ‘Bad, really, really, bad.’

  ‘Good, that’s what I want to hear.’

  Taking the tip, he rubbed it up and down, flirtatiously sliding just a little within, making her writhe beneath him. Then, when she cried out for him to take her, inch by glorious inch he slowly slid inside.

  Emma gasped for air, then moaned as he pulled all the way out and then crashed back inside her, pausing to kiss her before doing it again and again. She loved the weight of him above her, loved how her mind went blank each and every time, loved the anticipation of him sliding back deep within her, over and over, harder and harder. The way he filled her so perfectly was exquisite. She found it hard to draw a breath. They moved in time together, slowly at first, gradually building to their crescendo – their hips pounding one another’s. She felt so safe, so happy, so … deeply, head-over-heels in love. He was magnificent in every single way, so how could she not? She’d never wanted any other man like she wanted him, and never would.

  Zane pushed himself even deeper, faster. The heat between them built, and his body tensed, hardened, trembled. She could feel herself starting to climb again, while the sensation that drove her to the edge and back in breathless coils enveloped her. Stars exploded behind her eyelids and fireworks erupted within. Then euphoria claimed them, together, as they tumbled into ecstasy. Panting and moaning, they clung to each other. Spent and gasping, they collapsed, their breathing slowly returning to normal, as they left not an inch between them.

  Propped up on his elbows, so he didn’t crush her beneath his weight, Zane eventually rolled onto his side, taking Emma with him in his arms. ‘Wow, Em, you’re one hell of a woman.’ His eyes met hers. ‘And now I’ve got you, I don’t ever want to let you go.’

  Unable to speak for fear of breaking down, Emma kissed his jawline, his neck, his cheek, as his fingers skilfully feathered over her back, enticing goosebumps. He filled a void deep down in her soul, one nobody else had ever been able to fill. Resting her head against his chest, she snuggled into him and closed her eyes. She wanted to savour this moment, to memorise every kiss, touch, stroke and gasp, knowing very well that it may be their last, because come tomorrow, she was going to tell him everything.

  * * *

  A sliver of light stirred Emma. Bolting upright, she took in her surroundings. The familiarity of the cottage both soothed and concerned her, as did the muscular arm draped over her stomach. She shouldn’t be here, naked, in Zane’s bed. She pulled the covers up against her neck and sank against the pillow, desperately trying to avoid staring at his deliciously muscled abs leading right down to a very desirable part of his body. It would be so nice to put her head against that big, strong, broad chest of his and tell him everything, including just how much she loved him. But first, she needed to get home and changed, before Riley caught them doing things they shouldn’t be.

  As if feeling her gaze upon him, Zane stirred and his eyes met hers in sleepy, heavy lidded contemplation. ‘Hey there, gorgeous … fancy seeing you here.’ A slow and sexy smile dangled from the corners of his oh-so-kissable lips. ‘I’m one very lucky man, waking up to such a beautiful sight.’ Taking her hand, he entwined her fingers within his.

  ‘Morning.’ She offered him a smile, hoping he didn’t see her lips trembling.

  It was all so intense, so real, so overwhelming, in the light of day. What was she going to tell Riley if she busted her sneaking back into the cottage in her silky pyjamas, looking all dishevelled? Good god, she hoped Riley was still sound asleep. So many scenarios played out in her mind, and her heart hammered in response as her throat tightened. Suddenly she thought she was about to have a full-blown panic attack.

  Zane’s smile faltered. ‘You okay, Em?’

  ‘Yeah, sorry.’ She swallowed down hard, shaking her head. ‘This is just a little overwhelming, that’s all.’

  ‘I hope you mean in a good way.’ He sat up, resting on his elbow. ‘So what was it you came over here to tell me?’

  ‘Oh, it’s not really important right now.’ She shrugged, hoping it appeared nonchalant. ‘I better get back home before Riley wakes up and wonders where I am.’ She dragged in a deep breath, desperately trying to catch it.

  ‘So, even though it was crucial that we talk about it at two this morning, it’s not now?’ His piercing blue eyes held hers for a long moment before she had to look away, the ache inside her so strong she had to stifle a moan of despair.

  ‘No, it’s still very important.’ She wished to god she were anywhere but here right now, about to deal a crushing blow to what could’ve been a romantic, love-filled morning.

  ‘Uh-huh.’ The questions in his eyes, and the doubts, were devastating. ‘Well then, there’s no time like now, so spill, Em.’ He glanced in the direction of the main house. ‘If Riley wakes up before you go back home, you can just tell her you popped over for a cuppa … she’s not going to suspect a thing. It’s your guilty mind that’s making you believe she will.’

  Her guilty mind! He had no idea just how guilt-ridden it was. He was right, though, she had to tell him everything before she walked out the door. Taking another desperate breath, she clung to a very small reed of hope that maybe, just maybe, he’d be so happy about Riley being his daughter he would forgive her for keeping it from him all these years. ‘I’m so afraid you’re never going to be able to forgive me for what I’m about to tell you.’ Tears were spilling down her cheeks and she let them fall. Zane went to comfort her, but she recoiled. ‘Please, don’t. Trust me, I don’t deserve your comfort.’

  ‘I can’t believe there’s anything more shocking than telling me Peter killed my father.’ His words were tense.

  ‘In a
way, it will be.’ Grabbing her pyjamas from the floor, she climbed out of bed and quickly tugged them on. Shifting from foot to foot, she wrapped her arms around herself. ‘I just hope that you can find it in yourself to see the good of it, and not hate me.’

  ‘Try me.’ He stepped from the bed, naked before tugging on his boxers.

  Now she was standing on one side of the bed they’d made such sweet love in, and he was on the other. The atmosphere was suddenly heavy. Desperately, she tried to find the right words. She knew it was probably best, for both of them, if she didn’t beat around the bush. ‘Riley’s your daughter.’ Rigid with tension, she waited for his reaction.

  Looking as if he were about to pass out, Zane leant back against the wall and crossed the arms that had given her so much solace over the years. The silence was excruciatingly long, the hurt in his eyes profound. He shook his head as though trying to make sense of it. ‘Riley’s my daughter?’ He said it like he didn’t believe it.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Does she know?’

  ‘No, of course not. I thought I should tell you first, and then we could maybe tell her together?’

  ‘I can’t believe you’ve kept this from me, and from her.’ The look of disappointment in his eyes tore her to shreds. ‘How could you?’

  She stared at him for a long moment, at the genuine confusion in his eyes. What was she meant to say?

  ‘I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you, I really did, but Peter threatened me, told me to stay quiet, said he would go to the police and tell them I killed …’ She stuttered to a pause. ‘Your father, and make sure I went to jail and never saw Riley again if I spoke a word of it.’

  ‘Peter knew?’

  ‘Yes.’

  He shook his head in a daze. ‘How?’

  ‘He opened my mail and saw the results of the DNA test.’