by Mia Belle
“We need to go now. My brother has this chemistry test or whatever and he needs to study.” She rolls her eyes. “God, he’s so selfish. I can’t wait ‘til I drive and don’t need favors from him anymore. Meet you outside.” She gives me a look before flipping her hair and turning on her heels. Her friends follow her like sheep out the building.
“I can’t believe she still hates me,” I say.
“Yeah. I mean, I don’t want to take sides, but you kind of understand where she’s coming from, right?”
I stare at her. “Are you saying I shouldn’t have told my dad? They wanted to break into the office to change their grades.”
It was last year during midterms, and Alexis attended a party instead of studying.
“I can’t believe you’d choose her side,” I say, not hiding the betrayal from my voice.
“Lia, I just said I’m not choosing sides. Besides, she’ll get over it. Eventually.”
I shut my locker. “See you later, Sophie.”
She grabs my hand. “Are you pissed at me?”
I want to tell her that I am pissed at her. For wanting to hang out with the girl who told everyone I was a narc. Kids kept their distance from me the weeks after it happened. It bothered me a little, but I had Sophie by my side. Everything quieted down quickly, and Alexis left me alone. I guess she’s not over it, though.
“No,” I say. “I’m not pissed at you. Have fun.”
She squeezes me close. “You’re the best! See ya later.” She runs off.
I head to Dad’s office, where he’s clearing out his desk. I flop down on one of the chairs facing him.
“Hey, sweetie. Need a lift home?”
I play with a pen on his desk. “Yeah.”
“Is everything okay?”
No. Everything isn’t okay. I may be losing my best friend to the popular bitch. There are three guys who I should hate, but find myself wanting to hang out with. To learn more about them. What or who are they running from? And let’s not forget the fact that my abusive ex-boyfriend might be getting out of juvie.
“Sure.” I paste on a huge smile. “Everything is fine.”
Dad studies me. “That’s great. Your teachers told me your grades are starting to pick up.”
“I hate when you talk about me behind my back.”
He holds up his hands. “It’s all for your own good. You understand that, don’t you? Sweetie, you just lost your mother a month ago. Are you sure you don’t want to talk to anyone?”
“Yeah.”
He studies me again. “What about the guidance counselor?”
I give him a look. “No. And even if I wanted to, she’d tell you everything.”
“She wouldn’t.”
I give him another look. “I said, no.”
“That’s okay.” He taps his fingers on the desk, and an awkward silence permeates throughout the office.
I wring my fingers on my lap while he continues to tap his.
“So,” he says after a few minutes. “What do you want for dinner?”
“Dad, don’t you think we should eat healthy food?”
His eyebrows knit. “Sure, I do. But I can’t cook. That was always your mother’s…” He swallows, his entire face filling with grief.
The worst—and I mean the worst—thing in the world is seeing my dad break down. Cotton lodges in my throat and I shoot to my feet. “Forget I said anything. Whatever you order is fine with me.” I head for the door.
“Lia?”
I turn around. His eyes are a bit watery. “Yeah?”
“What about that lift home?”
I shift from one foot to the other, my fingers tangling in my curls. “Oh, uh…I think I’m going to walk. To clear my head.”
He nods slowly. “Okay. Be safe.”
He’s always said that to me whenever I left the house, but it has a different meaning now. I know he’s worried I won’t come home. Or that cops will show up on the doorstep with terrible news.
I force a smile, then leave the office. The halls are bustling with kids who haven’t fled school the moment the bell rang. The cheerleaders and football players are out practicing. Clubs get together after school, and some teachers have stayed late to help students with their school work.
Once I’m outside, I fold my arms over my chest at the cold that’s due to the weather outside, but also inside. Ever since my mom died, I haven’t felt warm. At all. I also haven’t been sleeping well. They say time heals, but I don’t even know if I want my pain to go away. I’m worried I’ll forget to miss her.
The walk home isn’t a long one, but I’m taking my time because I don’t really want to go home. I hate how quiet our house is, but I also like it. I want to be left alone, but I also feel so lonely. It doesn’t make sense. I don’t make sense.
“Lia!” a voice calls in the distance.
Glancing up, I find Julia waving at me in the distance. She’s washing her car, covered in soapy water.
“Hi,” I greet once I reach her house.
She wipes her forehead, leaving a soapy mark. “How are you? How’s your father?”
“We’re good. Thanks.”
Her smile is wide. “I’m glad to hear that. Craig should be home with the boys soon. They went to pick up some furniture. And window shades.” She chuckles. “I’m not exactly okay with peeping Toms.”
I join in her laughter, thinking about Zane. I wouldn’t call him a peeping Tom. Actually, something has changed in me ever since he showed me his scars. I feel…well, I don’t exactly understand how I feel. Not so angry toward him. I want to know what happened to him. What happened to all of them. Especially Caleb. He’s such a mystery, and Zane mentioned they have to keep him safe. But from what?
“Lia? I think I lost you for a second,” Julia says.
I blink. “Sorry. What did you say? Oh, right. Window shades.”
“Yep. Window shades.” She hoses the car.
“Need help?” I ask.
“That’s okay, hun.” She twists her lips. “I begged Craig and the boys to wash this car. And the other, but this one is dirtier. Did they do it? Of course not.” She shrugs. “But I don’t mind. It helps keep my mind off…” She purses her lips. “Well, never mind.”
Dad’s car pulls into our driveway and he climbs out. Gone is the distraught look on his face as he greets our neighbor.
“I was just telling Lia we’re finally getting some window shades. I never appreciated window shades enough.” She laughs. “I’m rambling. Sorry. It’s been a long day. I’ve been searching for a job, but it seems no one is hiring.”
“I’m very sorry to hear that. Will you need help putting up the window shades?” Dad asks.
“I’d never ask you to do that. Besides, we have three very capable young men who want some extra allowance this week.” She winks.
Dad pats my back, giving Julia a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “If you need anything, just ask. We’re more than glad to help.”
Julia thanks us and we enter our house.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Zane
I’m sitting in the window after dinner, my legs hanging off the side of the house, when the blinds next door lift. Lia’s head peeks out. She takes one look at me and frowns.
“Hi?” I say, my pencil making soft strokes. My hand freezes when I remember her face is the star of my drawing. I quickly turn the page. Lia’s eyes curiously follow my fingers. From the look on her face, it doesn’t seem like she glimpsed it. Good. It would be pretty damn embarrassing.
“What are you doing?” she asks, her tone not as annoyed or filled with anger as it used to be. Her eyes are still narrowed, though.
I gesture to the sketchpad. “Drawing. Helps keep me calm.” My eyes meet hers. “Sane.”
She swallows, knowing I’m referring to the shit that caused those scars on my wrists. Her eyes grow dark. Shit. I didn’t mean to bring her demons to the surface.
“How’s it going?” I ask.
The darkness seeps out of her eyes as she scans me. “Where are your shades?”
I lift a brow.
“Your window shades,” she explains. “All the other rooms have them.”
My lips quirk into a smile. “You been spying on us, huh? Looks like I’m not the only one.” I wink.
Her mouth opens and closes so fast she looks like a broken toy.
I chuckle. “Just messing with you.”
“Why don’t you have a shade?”
“Don’t want one.”
“What?”
I shrug. “It gets in the way.”
She stares at me like I’ve lost my brain. I also can’t help noticing the concern flashing in her eyes.
“Look,” I say. “I’m not going to look into your room, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
She slightly narrows her eyes at me.
“I’m not a pig,” I add.
“All guys are pigs.”
“Ouch.”
She purses her lips, her eyes still narrowed.
“This Josh guy—”
“Is none of your business. You overheard me and Sophie on Saturday when she slept over.”
My fingers close over my sketchpad. “I did. And I’m not going to apologize for it.”
“Oh my god. I can’t believe you!”
I chuck my sketchpad into my room. “How else do you expect me to learn about you if you won’t talk to me?”
Her lips snap shut.
“I know it’s a dick move to eavesdrop like that. But I want to know you as more than just the girl next door. I want to know why…” I swallow. “I want to know what made you this way.”
She lifts a brow. “This way?”
“You hate guys. You don’t let anyone get close to you. I’ve only been here for a few days, but I know you. I get you, because I was—still am—you.”
She reaches for the cord. “I don’t want to hear this.”
“Wait—”
“Get shades, don’t get shades. I don’t give a damn. Just leave me the hell alone.”
“Amelia.”
She shuts the shade.
Shit. I didn’t mean to piss her off. “Lia.”
She’s still standing at the window. I can see through the slats. “Come on, Lia. I’m sorry, okay? Sometimes I try to help and the opposite happens. Can you forget I said anything?”
The blinds lift. “I’m asking my dad to switch rooms with me.”
“You wouldn’t.”
She doesn’t say anything, her eyes hard.
“I don’t know what that guy did to you,” I say, “but I’m not like him. And if you’d get to know me—”
She snorts.
“Is that so crazy?” I ask.
“Yeah, because I want nothing to do with you.”
I spend a few seconds studying her. Her eyes are filled with anger and sorrow, but there’s something else in there. “You’re lying.”
“What?”
“Something changed in you ever since I showed you this.” I pull up my right sleeve, exposing my scar. “You feel something toward me.”
“You’re insane.”
I roll my eyes. “I didn’t mean those kinds of feelings. But a connection. You’re curious about my scars.”
She doesn’t say anything, but I can read her thoughts just by scrutinizing her face. I’ve hit the jackpot. If she didn’t want to know more about me, she wouldn’t be standing there.
“I’d tell you about them,” I continue, my voice soft. I’m anything but soft on the inside. When I think about my scars, I want to punch someone. But there’s something about this girl being only a few feet away from me that brings out this weird side of me. A side I haven’t felt in a long time. “And maybe you can tell me about that asshole Josh.”
“How do you know he’s an asshole?”
“Because he’s the one who made you hate guys. He’s the one who caused those.” I nod to her wrists.
She crosses her arms over her chest. “I’m not curious about you.”
“Liar.”
She gives me a look like she’s debating slapping me across the face. “I’m going to bed.” She reaches for the cord.
“It’s only nine.”
“Then I’ll read a book.”
She snaps the shade shut and steps away from the window.
“Good night, neighbor,” I call. Then I slip into my room, fetch my sketchpad, return to the window, and continue my drawing.
Amelia Kelly’s always got a hard, pissed expression on her face, but in my drawing, she’s wearing a huge smile.
I wonder if I’ll ever see that smile in real life.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Lia
It’s Friday and Zane still hasn’t put up shades in his room. Whatever. It’s not like I care. Fine, I do a little. But it’s not my problem. I just have to make sure to keep my blinds shut at all times.
For the past few days, I’ve been watching him. He doesn’t peek into my room, though he sits in his window pretty much all the time. Drawing. I wonder what fills his sketchpad.
I shut my eyes. No. No. I am not curious about him. Despite what he thinks, I don’t care about his scars. I don’t want to know what caused them.
Ugh. If only that were true.
Dad and I climb into the car and drive to school. I try to think about other things than Zane. Caleb and Aidan’s faces float in my mind. I haven’t seen much of them this week, only a little in school. Caleb hardly looks my way, maybe because he’s bothered that I know they have a secret. Whatever it is, he’s the main focus. It’s obvious the other two guys care about him and want to protect him. But from what?
Ugh. Why do I even care? I’ve spent the last few months staying away from boys and not caring about them. And now three guys move in next door and all I want to do is learn more about them? Nope. Uh uh. No freakin’ way.
“You’re quiet,” Dad says.
I shove the Armstrong boys out of my head. “So are you.”
He laughs lightly. “That’s true.”
Silence.
“We hardly talk,” Dad continues. “When you were little, you used to come to me for everything. You would tell me all the details in your life. And I mean all the details.”
I remember. Some things were so boring, like who was friends with whom and which kids were sent to the principal’s office. I know it was probably very tedious for my dad, but he never made me feel that way. He took an interest in everything I had to say.
I wring my fingers in my lap. “I guess I don’t really have much to say.”
He nods slowly. “I haven’t seen much of Sophie lately. She’s usually over at our house every night. Is something going on?”
I tuck a curl behind my ear, but it pops right out. “She’s…I mean, everything’s fine.” She would just rather spend her afternoons with Alexis than with me. Dad’s not the only one who hasn’t seen much of her these past few days. I’ve only exchanged a few words with her in the hallway between classes and at lunch.
“That’s good,” Dad says.
Silence again.
I pluck my phone from my pocket and play a game because I can’t stand this awkwardness. Dad keeps his eyes on the road, but I’m pretty sure he glances at me from time to time. I can feel that he wants to utter something but doesn’t know what. I don’t know what to say to him, either.
“Have you decided what to study in college?” he asks a few minutes later. “I know you’re only a sophomore, but you need to start thinking about it.”
College. It seems so far away, but it’s not. In less than two years I’ll leave high school and live on my own. The world will be mine to conquer. But I don’t want to conquer it. I want to stay in my room with my books.
Without the guy next door bothering me, trying to dig inside, to figure me out. He’s been oddly quiet these past few days. Maybe he finally understands to leave me alone.
“Lia?” Dad says. “Did you hear what I asked?
”
When I was little, I wanted to work in a bank like my mom. Now I can’t imagine doing that. I really have no idea what I want to do with my life.
Luckily, we reach school and I’m saved from answering Dad’s question. He watches me climb out of the car and slam it shut.
“Have a good day, sweetie,” he wishes, and I notice the anguish in his voice. I hate that I cause him pain, but I don’t really know what to do about it. I’m not that sweet, innocent giggling girl I used to be. I’ll never be her again.
“You too, Dad.”
Alexis, her friends, and Sophie are huddled in the parking lot. As I pass them, I notice they’re surrounding a guy.
Aidan.
I can only see the back of his head, but I know it’s him due to his voice. It’s lighter than Zane and Caleb’s, and there’s something in it that makes you feel like you can get close to him.
But not me.
“Lia!”
I stop and turn around. Aidan has left Alexis and her crew and is rushing over to me. Is it me? I flip around to see if anyone is behind me, but no one’s there.
“Hey.” He’s wearing a bright smile on his face. “I wanted to ask you something.”
Is it about my scars? Did Zane tell his brother and cousin about them?
He waits for me like he’s expecting me to tell him he can ask his question, but I’d rather not. The sooner they realize I’m not interested in them, the better things will be.
I make my way toward the building, but he gently grabs my hand. “I was wondering if you want to come to the football game tonight.”
I look at where he’s clutching my hand, and he slowly removes his. “I don’t go to football games anymore,” I tell him.
“Oh. I mean, I try to stay away from them, too. But I’d like to go together.”
I search his eyes. “Why?”
He shrugs. “I can use some friends.”
I gesture to where Alexis, Sophie, and their friends are watching us. “I’m sure they’d love to go to the game with you.”
“Maybe. But I don’t want to go with them. I want to go with you.”
“Why?”
He hesitates. “You look like you can use a friend, too.” His eyes flick to Sophie, then back to me. Is it that obvious I’ve been ditched? What’s with this guy? Why does he have nothing but concern in his eyes? It’s like that time when I first met him—when he chased after me and asked me if I was okay.
