Address for Murder

by Tonya Kappes

  “Welcome to the Front Porch Ladies HQ.” Harriette smiled, turning around with a black marker in one hand and a stack of purple stickies in the other. I guess my face said it all. “What? You don’t think we know you call us the front porch ladies?”

  “I… um…” I stammered.

  “Of course we do.” Millie put her hands on the sides of my shoulders. “And we love it.” She squeezed and then let go. “Now, we don’t have time to waste.”

  “How did you get those photos?” I asked and took my time looking at them.

  “Facebook.” Harriette looked at me, blinking rapidly and then staring openly. “You don’t have Facebook?”

  “Would it be a bad thing if I didn’t?” I asked.

  “Do you know how many fish are in the sea?” Gertrude chimed in. She brought a cup of coffee that just finished percolating over to me.

  Was there ever a time they didn’t drink coffee or tea? I stared at each of them in awe. They were in such good shape for their ages, and they were on social media.

  “You can forget Mac. Honey, I’ve run across some doozies of men that I’d get my claws into if I were your age.” Ruby spread her arms wide. “The World Wide Web is a vast ocean.”

  “I’m not in the mood for a man, but I am a bit shocked y’all are on Facebook.” I couldn’t help but think I was the old one here, not the front porch ladies. “But it looks like y’all’ve done a lot more sleuthing than I have.”

  “Nah.” Harriette’s nose curled and put down a plate at each place setting on Millie’s table. “We just wanted one of them crime boards you see on the TV. They got them photos of suspects and how come they wanted to murder someone.”

  While Gertrude, Millie, and Ruby plated all the food and got it ready to put on the table, family style, I looked over their board of suspects. It wasn’t too bad.

  “You have Carla. I can’t help but think she did it.” I pointed at a photo they must have had printed because it was awful. It was an unflattering photo of Carla’s back side, if you knew what I mean. “You’ve written her motive was the Make Kentucky Colorful spring campaign as her number-one reason, but I think it goes deeper than that.”

  Harriette grabbed her ink pen.

  “Tell me.” She put the pen on the large sheet of paper under Carla’s photo.

  “First off, I think you’re right, but you have to have the evidence to back it up. Not only did Lee die from poisoning—”

  Millie let out a little gasp when I mentioned that. Ruby and Gertrude stopped what they were doing and rubbed Millie’s back for comfort. I continued, “She has been spraying poison all over Sugar Creek Gap and making all the animals sick.”

  They wanted to hear every single detail of what Doc Olson had told me about all the sick animals and how she had gone to the beautification meeting to tell Carla to stop. I also mentioned that Carla said at the last meeting that she didn’t want to talk ill of the dead but wanted to know when Luke would clean up the house before tomorrow and if she could pay to get someone to do it for him.

  Since the story took a little longer than I wanted, Millie had us sit down to eat because she didn’t want our supper to get cold. Buster lay under the table near my feet. Every once in a while, I caught Millie glancing at him with a remembering smile on her face.

  “Then we have Luke.” I looked around while the ladies ate. Millie seemed the most interested in listening instead of eating, but I still told them what I knew between my own bites. “I overheard him at the nursing home talking to Vivian about seeing if Lee qualified for assisted living because he thought Lee was having some dementia.”

  “He most certainly did not,” Millie protested. “He remembered everything. Every last detail of those stamps because trust me, I had to listen and look at them.” She let out a long sigh as if it weren’t something she really wanted to do. “And he knew what every single box in that house had in it.”

  “Did he?” I asked.

  “Of course he did. He had all his faculties.”

  I nearly spat out my food when she referred to his senses.

  These ladies might be up on their social media, but they sure weren’t up on the current terms. Either way, if she knew what was in those boxes, maybe she’d know what was in that negative space, still haunting my memory.

  “If I could get us into Lee’s house, do you think you could tell me what was in a certain box?” I asked.

  “I didn’t listen all that well. Did you see all them boxes?” Millie asked with disbelief. “But I guess I could try. Sometimes I dozed off.”

  “If you claim Lee didn’t have a memory problem, then what would be Luke’s purpose?” I let the women chew on my question and their food for a couple of minutes before I explained what I’d found out. “Did Lee have money he was leaving to Luke?” I asked. “Money is a great motive to kill someone. Especially when you’re broke and desperate and can’t pay a regular bill for a visit to the vet for your cat.”

  “He’s broke?” Millie glanced at her friends to see if they were experiencing the same reaction. And they were.

  “From what I understand, Luke has been making very small payments on a vet bill for a regular checkup on his cat. If I can recall without looking, it maybe cost me fifty dollars to get Doc Olson to check out Rowena once a year.” I left out the heartworm expense, but it wasn’t much more than that. “If he can’t pay a vet bill, what else can’t he pay?”

  “Lee said Luke’s got a great job, and he’s done so well for himself. I never thought otherwise, and since we were just companions, me and Lee,” she emphasized, “I never questioned Luke’s efforts to get Lee to clean the house, but if he thought he was going to get Lee’s stamp collection, he’s got another thing coming to him.”

  “What does that mean?” Ruby asked, leaning a little closer so she could hear with her good ear.

  “I’m just saying.” Millie had a secret, and her upper stiff lip told me she wasn’t about to tell.

  “Millie.” I decided to change the subject. But if Luke knew Lee wasn’t leaving his stamp collection to Luke, then maybe that was another motive to kill. Still, the seed was planted that Luke was one to look out for and they needed keep their ears peeled around their gossip circles, so I moved on. “Did Lee ever say anything about Carla and her threats against him?”

  “He brushed her off.” Her eyes squinted with a little twinkle of mischief. “He said he loved getting her goat. He said most of the time he’d make the gate screw a little tighter to force her to have to take extra effort to open it. Sometimes he put something extra on the front porch to make her just lose her mind when she drove by.” Millie laughed. “She’s been driving by and stopping by for the better part of three months.”

  Harriette had finished eating and was updating the board with all the information I’d given.

  “It still didn’t give her the right to sneak down there and harass him at night.” Millie shook her head and stood up to start collecting the dishes.

  I stood up to help her, but she and Gertrude shooed me away and went to go help Harriette with the writing on the paper. Ruby was still eating. She was much slower than the rest of them.

  “Who snuck down there at night?” I asked for clarification. “Surely not Carla.”

  “Surely it was too.” The dishes clinked when Millie put them down. “Now that you know me and Lee’s secret companionship, I’m not ashamed to say that I would wait for the sun to go down and the night to get real dark out so I could mosey down there for a night cap and not be seen by them nosy old women.” Millie picked up another plate to take over to her dishwasher.

  “Who you calling nosy?” Ruby asked, jerking up from her plate .

  “I’m nosy, but who you calling old?” Gertrude snatched the plate from Millie.

  “Anyways, I’d seen Carla park on Short Street at the corner up there and get out of her car with that darn spray bottle. She tiptoed down the banks of Little Creek.” She gestured to across the street to the actual cree
k. “And back up when she got in front of Lee’s house.” Millie acted like she was squirting something. “She’d spray all around his house. No joke. He knew it because I told him.”

  “Did you see if she did it the night before I found him?” I asked.

  “She sure did. In fact, it was Grand Central Station on Little Creek Road that night.” She put her hands on the table and eased herself down in a chair, facing the makeshift suspect board.

  “Who else came by?” I asked.

  “Luke came by. He and Lee got into some sort of argument, and I couldn’t help but hear it from here.” She tapped the table.

  “You mean from Mac’s place, which Walter is trying to sell. Tell her the truth. If she’s going to help figure out who killed Lee, she’s got to know all the details, Millie.” Harriette had reached her limit. “Fine. I’ll do it.”

  “No. It’s not your tale to tell, Harriette Pearl.” Millie glared at her old friend. “I walked down there when I thought Carla was gone. I didn’t realize Luke was there. It was dark, so I didn’t see his car.” Millie left out the part that she didn’t have the best eyes of the group. “When I heard Lee’s screen door creak open and heard voices, I knew Lee wasn’t alone. So I ran through the gate to the house Mac has for sale and hid on the side next to Lee’s house. It was Luke. He and Lee were fussing about something.” She blinked a few times as if she couldn’t remember.

  “Take your time,” I encouraged her, because this seemed like important information that might give me reason to believe Luke, not Carla, was the main suspect.

  “Well, I don’t remember, but he had something in his hand. A box or something.” She shook her head.

  “Millie, there is a box missing from the stack of boxes, and it is right where I found Lee.” I let her know because I needed her to remember what Lee and Luke were arguing about.

  “I just can’t remember. Oh dear.” She put her hand up to her head. “Maybe I’m getting the dementia.”

  “No, no.” Sweet Ruby leaned across and patted Millie’s hand, which lay on the table. “You’re under a lot of stress. It’ll come to you when you need it to.”

  I needed it to come to her now, but I bit my own lip to keep my mouth shut. With a few of the deep breaths I’d learned from my brief mail stops in Tranquility Wellness, I let it go and moved on.

  “So Carla and Luke came by that night.” I pointed to the suspect board. “Anyone else?”

  “Yes. Walter Ward.” Millie threw her hands up in the air. “He’s a pickle.”

  “Did he actually stop in and see Lee or just stop at Mac’s house, the one he’s selling?” I asked. “I need to know because he and Luke have been seen talking around town. My experience with Walter hasn’t been pleasant. After Richard died, he showed up at the house wanting to know if he could sell it.”

  “The nerve of that man.” Ruby stood up and took her plate over to Gertrude before fixing herself a cup of coffee.

  “Lee told Walter to get off his property. He wasn’t selling.” Millie’s lips turned down. “That’s when I knew Lee wasn’t in no count to have another visitor, and I went home.”

  “Did you see all of them leave?” I asked.

  “I did, but it surely didn’t stop them from coming back.” Millie pointed at Harriette. “Best put Walter Ward on there too.”

  The five of us sat there and looked at the board in silence.

  “All three had motives. Carla for the hard work and prestige she so desperately wants before she retires at the end of the week. Luke and Walter for the money.” I shook my head, then turned to the front porch ladies.

  “All three had greed,” Harriette said, her eyes darkening.

  When I left the front porch ladies after a couple hours of sleuthing and getting a plan, I was full and tired. The plan was that they would keep what little hearing they had open for anyone with clues and I would snoop around on my travels.

  Buster was exhausted, too, and it did cross my mind for us to stop at Mac’s house. I wanted to let him know that he really opened my eyes and we should probably just be friends, since neither of us wanted to budge on our views, especially his view about me being snoopy. While I was with the ladies, it hit me that I’d rather have Mac as a friend than not at all. Even though we might not be as compatible as we’d hoped, he was still a major player in my family life, and we needed him as much as he needed us.

  We didn’t stop by his house because his car wasn’t in his driveway and his lights were out. He wasn’t home. Of course, I wondered all the things—like where was he? Who was he with? What was he doing? Was he with someone, namely a woman?

  “Oh geez, Buster.” I gripped the wheel of my car on the way out to the farmhouse. “What is wrong with me?”

  Buster was lying down in the front passenger seat of the car. He lifted his head and looked up at me with those big brown eyes.

  “Why did I suddenly fall hard for him?” I sighed and felt the sadness tingle in my heart. “It wasn’t like I planned it. Of course I thought he was a doll when Richard was alive.”

  Then it struck me. Richard. Why was I still actually thinking Richard and I had a true relationship? I was sure there were more feelings that I needed to explore, and maybe they were what held me back from thinking I could have another relationship with someone. Mac was probably there and convenient.

  “I need therapy,” I groaned and turned the car into the farmhouse.

  There was somewhat of a little drive up the gravel driveway before you could even see my house. It was in desperate need of a gravel refill because the snow from the winter had melted, making some of the gravel slide away. It was very common for this to happen, and Logsdon Landscaping had always done such a nice job that I needed to call Amy.

  Then it hit me. I should call Amy Logsdon and see if I could talk to her employees, the ones I had seen drop off the flowers at the house Walter was selling for Mac. Maybe they heard Walter and Lee have some words. Walter was definitely greedy, and I wasn’t so sure he was all that innocent.

  “Mac.” My headlights projected on his car, which sat in front of the farmhouse.

  When I pulled up alongside him, he was sitting in the car with his head leaning back on the headrest, and his eyes were closed.

  My heart was beating out of my chest when I noticed how cute he looked. Suddenly I realized that I was really sad he didn’t want to give me a chance. It made my head spin like I was on some sort of roller coaster with my emotions. Boy, I sure had forgotten how that felt.

  Buster and I got out of the car. Mac didn’t budge when I slammed the door. Buster ran around the yard to do his business. I walked over to Mac’s car and lightly tapped on the window.

  His eyes shot open, and his head jerked forward. He looked surprised, as if he were trying to figure out where he was. When he looked at me, he smiled. His face relaxed. His eyes melted me like butter when he looked at me.

  “Hey.” I nonchalantly greeted him when he opened the door to get out.

  “Hey.” He shut the door, and what happened next was like some movie. He literally grabbed me, bringing his body to mine and planting the biggest kiss I’d ever gotten in my life.

  You know those kisses. They’re the kind you’ve been anticipating for a long time and when they finally happen, they are so much better than you’d planned.

  “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking today,” he whispered, cradling my head to his chest and stroking my hair.

  I was sure I stank. I’d been walking around all day with that big mail bag, and trust me when I said I sweat. Every night I took a shower when I got off work, but I’d yet to be home.

  “I tried to be mad that you’d even want to help figure out who killed Lee, but what I was really mad at was the fact I’ve been wanting this for a long time.” As he talked, I could feel his heart pounding in his chest up against my ear. The more he talked, the more closely he held me. “I was mad at myself for thinking of Richard and how he’d feel. One time I confronted him about her
.” Mac didn’t have to mention her name for me to know it was the woman Richard had the relationship with the entire time we were married. “I told him you were too good for him. He knew. He knew I was attracted to you, and he laughed at me.”

  I pulled away and looked at him. The moon was bright and shining down on us. The edges of his eyes dipped.

  “He laughed?” I asked.

  “He said that you’d never believe me if I told you about her and that I’d never get you from him.” His jaw tensed. “He punched me.”

  As if time stood still, I quickly remembered coming home from Grady’s practice when Mac had a massive nosebleed.

  “Was it the night…” I brought the memory to life.

  “Yeah.” Mac ran his hand down my hair. “Over the past twenty-four hours, I let Richard in my head. I think it was easier for me to blame you for wanting to put your life in danger for looking into a murder case than to be rejected by you.”

  “Why don’t you let me decide that?” I reached up and took his hand in mine, leading him into the house with Buster alongside us. Inside, we were greeted by a very excited Rowena.

  THIRTEEN

  “Shhh.” I put my finger up to my mouth as I walked into my family room with a cup of early morning coffee in my hand.

  Rowena was sitting on the top of the couch in her queen pose and greeting me for the morning. Really, she was telling me she was ready to eat, and she was going to tell me about it.

  In the pre-Buster days, Rowena would run to her bowl and meow until I, the automatic feeder, filled her bowl with kibble. Now it seemed as if she were trying to figure out how this new intruder worked in the grand scheme of our feeding ritual. Since it was still too early for her feeder to go off and I’d gotten a cup of coffee, she must’ve thought it was time to eat.

  “I know, I know.” I looked down the hall, where Mac and Buster were sleeping. “I’ve totally disrupted our cozy little twosome.” I sat down on the couch and stroked her, finishing up with a little finger rub.