by R. C. Martin
Me: Teddy?
By the time our second course was served, I understood the consequence of my actions. Or, rather, Harper’s actions. I couldn’t shake the perception that if Harper hadn’t said anything, if Teddy was none the wiser, my woman wouldn’t have been ignoring me. Yet, regardless of who was at fault, it irked me the way Teddy had gone silent. We had an understanding, she and I—and silence was unacceptable, as far as I was concerned.
I made it through the third course of the meal before I couldn’t wait any longer. Before the speech part of the evening commenced, I got up from the table in order to make a phone call. I dialed Teddy, but I was sent directly to her voicemail. I hung up and tried again without pause, which yielded the same result. With a sigh, my irritation gave way to worry. There was something about her silence—something about not being able to hear her voice when I wanted it that made me downright unsettled. I couldn’t explain it any more than I could ignore it, which is why I didn’t bother returning to the table. I headed for the exit with only one destination in mind.
I was in my Mercedes, driving toward Fort Collins within ten minutes. Rush hour having dissipated, I was back within the city limits of home in no more than an hour. It was nearly ten o’clock by the time I arrived at Teddy’s apartment complex. Though, as I stepped out of my vehicle and headed for her unit, I was hardly concerned with the late hour. As soon as I was in front of her door, I knocked with all the urgency that coursed through my veins. I heard her approaching footsteps and locked my jaw in frustration when she didn’t open up right away.
When the barrier finally swung open, I gave her a quick once over before settling my gaze on her face. She was wearing a pair of gray, jogger sweatpants, a plain white t-shirt, and a long, oversized, dark green cardigan. Her wavy locks were captured in a knot on top of her head, a few loose strands framing her face, and one forgotten tendril resting on her shoulder. I could tell by the expression she wore that she was upset with me. Even so, as I stared at her—neither of us saying a word—it felt as obvious as it had ever been that she was mine.
Whatever conflict existed between us was not one from which I could run. The woman who stood in front of me was the whole of why I was standing in a doorway of a third story apartment unit in my tux instead of sipping scotch at a gala.
“Assuming you two will actually exchange words, I’ll see myself out.”
I didn’t realize she wasn’t alone until Geoffrey spoke. Teddy didn’t look away from me as he pressed a kiss to her temple and squeezed by her. He paused beside me long enough for me to tear my attention away from Teddy. He then quirked an eyebrow as he issued a hushed warning.
“When she asks you to take her out on Saturday, I suggest you say yes.”
He clapped a hand against my shoulder before he took his leave, and a scowl pulled at my brow as I looked to Teddy.
“Are you going to let me in, or are you just going to stare at me?”
“What are you doing here?” she asked, still not inviting me inside.
“You weren’t returning my texts.”
“I was busy.” She shrugged, feigning indifference, but I knew better.
“Theodora, let me in.”
With a shake of her head, she turned away from me, making her way across the short distance to her living room. Rather than sit on the couch, she began to clean up what looked like an assortment of takeout dinner boxes.
“It’s late, Judah. We both have work in the morning; and as I understand it, you’ve had an eventful night.”
She’d never been so closed off to me before. As I watched her travel to the kitchen, I willed my irritation to remain in my control. This wasn’t my fault, and yet I was paying for it all the same. Following after her, I stood at the mouth of her tiny kitchen and demanded, “Teddy, don’t walk away from me. I’m here for a reason.”
“You want to talk about reasons?” she began as she faced me resolutely. “Why didn’t you invite me tonight?”
“I don’t understand why I am constantly having to explain my decision to everyone,” I muttered.
Her own irritation pulled at the delicate features of her face and she declared, “I’m not everyone. I’m your girlfriend.”
“I’m not in the habit of escorting my girlfriend to work events. That’s as good of an answer as I can give you.”
“Let’s be honest, you’re not in the habit of having a girlfriend at all. If you were, you’d understand that the gala you went to without me wasn’t just about work. Eddalyn’s Interiors sponsors the event because Ben sits on the board; because Ben has a personal interest in this charity—which means this wasn’t just a work thing, it was a personal thing. It was a family thing. Harper got to go!”
“Harper is why we’re having this argument in the first place,” I muttered thoughtlessly.
She gasped and took a step toward me. “You’re the reason we’re having this argument. Because it’s obvious I don’t mean enough to you to be invited all the way into your life.” As she spoke, her cheeks grew rosy in frustration, and her eyes welled up with tears. “I had a work event—an event you got dressed up for—an event you came to at my job. It was important to me that you be there, that you share the night with me, because the gallery is part of who I am. Finding out about your plans tonight from my sister? That hurt, Judah. It’s like—I don’t know, like I’m supposed to be some secret or you’re ashamed of me or something.”
Staring at her in disbelief, I took a step toward her and grumbled, “Is that what you think? That this is about me being ashamed of you?”
She folded her arms across her chest and looked down her cheeks, now wet with tears. “It beats the alternative,” she whispered.
“Which would be what, exactly?”
She hesitated, still not meeting my eye when she admitted, “That you don’t want your coworkers to know you’re with me—because…”
“Because what, Theodora?”
Swallowing hard, she lifted her eyes and muttered, “Because they’re older, and more successful and prettier and—”
“I don’t know how the fuck you plan on finishing that sentence, but I suggest you don’t.”
“There’s a reason you didn’t invite me, Judah!” she cried, jerking her head up to better meet my gaze. “I’ve been trying to figure it out all night, and I just can’t, okay?”
“Teddy, I just told you the reason.”
“It can’t be that simple.” Pointing at her chest, she confessed, “It hurts too much to be that simple.”
I raked my fingers through my hair and replied, “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Me neither,” she said tearfully.
When she started to walk away from me, I cut her off, blocking her path out of the kitchen. “Damnit! What do you want?” I spat. “I have my family and my work and you. That’s it. What more do you want from me?”
“I want all of you,” she cried as she jabbed a finger into my chest. “I don’t want you keeping me at arm’s length like tomorrow I’m going to change my mind and not love you anymore. I want to be invited to work dinners where everyone else is bringing their girlfriends or wives—because I belong to you. That’s what I want. I want you to believe me when I tell you I belong to you.”
Taking her face into my hands, I leaned toward her and spoke, “Why do you think I’m here?”
I didn’t give her a chance to answer before I crushed my lips against hers. She whimpered her surprise, reaching up to take hold of my wrists as I pried her mouth open with my tongue. I could taste the salt of her tears as she granted me entrance, and I kissed her harder, feeding off the ache she seemed to be breathing into me. Within seconds, we were unstoppable—our argument shifting into one which could only be finished with our bodies.
Teddy slipped her fingers up the back of my neck and into my hair, grabbing hold of me as she leaned into my chest. I let go of her face, my hands finding their way beneath her sweater and around to the small of her back. She bre
athed a sigh as I pressed her against my hardening length, and I’d never needed her as much as I did in that moment.
I slipped a hand beneath the waistband of her sweatpants, groaning when I discovered she was wearing nothing but a thong underneath. Palming one side of her ass, I gripped her tightly, which elicited a whimper as she circled her arms around my neck and tried to get even closer. I hooked my thumbs into the waistband of her sweats and broke away from our kiss long enough to get her pants down to her ankles. She stepped out without protest, gasping softly when I then lifted her up onto the counter.
My lips found hers once more, and I licked and nibbled greedily as we both worked to free me from my tux. As I shed my jacket, she unfastened my belt. I took care of the zipper as she freed the top button. Then she reached into my boxer briefs as I slid her thong out of our way. She let me go as soon as I started to sink inside of her, her eyes pinned on mine as I grabbed hold of her hips and muttered a curse.
Neither of us closed our eyes as we continued to kiss—the act desperate and sloppy as I rammed my shaft in and out of her. We each panted for breath as we held onto one another unrelentingly. Teddy hitched her knees around my hips, coaxing my pants down over my ass with the heel of her foot. As they fell to my ankles, I slammed into her harder, and she held onto me tighter until she was trembling.
The sound of her cry as she came the first time was intoxicating. I wanted more. I needed it. In ways I was certain I’d never understand, her voice beckoned me to own her again. Wrapping an arm around the back of her waist, I pulled her closer to the edge of the counter and bucked my hips faster. The sound of her arousal coating my skin only turned me on all the more, and I touched my forehead to hers as I sought the victory of her second climax.
Blindly, I reached beneath her shirt and wrenched aside one cup of her bra in order to access her breast. She moaned when I took hold of her nipple and tugged. Her head fell back with a faint thump against the cabinet behind her, but she didn’t seem to notice as she arched her back, pressing her chest into my hand. I licked my tongue up the smooth column of her neck, nibbling on her chin as I continued to play with her breast.
Her legs tightened around me seconds before her entire body grew ridged in pleasure. She cried out in staccato breaths as her sex clamped down around mine so hard, I couldn’t hold on a second longer. Ecstasy the likes of which I couldn’t remember experiencing before raced up my spine, and I spilled my seed inside of her. I groaned into her neck as I jerked my hips until I was spent.
When she began to right her head, I lifted mine to look at her. In her hazel-brown eyes, I saw a storm of uncertainty and passion. I wanted nothing more than to chase away her doubt. So long as I was still inside of her, it had no place between us.
“I left, sweetheart,” I panted as I stared straight into her eyes. “I left because you weren’t there. Okay?”
She pressed her lips together, as if it was the only way she could stifle her tears, and then offered me a nod. When she slid her arms around my neck and buried her face in my shoulder, I rested a hand on the back of her neck and squeezed her gently. Somehow, I knew; we both said all we had the capacity to say. All that was left for either of us was to hold on.
Chapter Thirty-Six
When Theodora woke one quiet, November morning and found Judah still asleep, the first thing she did was check to see if he was still breathing. After she was confident he was alive, she stared at him in awe. In all the months they’d been together, she had never seen him sleep before. She thought him painfully beautiful in slumber.
She wanted to touch him—to trace her fingers along his hairline and over his stubble-covered chin. She wanted to feel the breath he exhaled as it passed through his lips and memorize the set of his mouth while he slept. Yet, as much as she wanted to document the moment with her touch, she dared not move from fear of waking him.
Instead, she took a hundred snapshots in her mind’s eye, storing them in her most treasured box of memories. As the seconds accumulated, turning into minutes which eased by silently, she allowed herself to feel every emotion that stirred in her heart at the sight of the man laying opposite her. She loved him more fiercely than she’d loved anyone. Every day, it scared her a little more—and then a little bit more.
He had yet to speak of his own love. She wanted to believe he felt it as much as she did, he simply wasn’t ready to say the words. Except, with every day that went by, there was a part of her that feared it was only her imagination conjuring what she hoped to be true. In her most desperate moments, she counted all the ways in which he continued to choose her.
Extravagant birthday celebrations. Romantic weekend trips. Couples Halloween costumes. Her art hanging on his wall. Theodora’s list was extensive—and yet she could not decipher if that was love or merely wishful thinking. Even more, she wondered if what he gave her could be enough. She questioned if his choosing her was the greatest amount of love he could give, if that would be enough. She had more doubts than assurances, but her heart was sure. She belonged to him, and she was convinced she always would.
Staring at him in slumber, she saw him at peace. However, she knew there was a war that waged inside of him every moment of every day. His most vulnerable self was trapped, and she felt powerless to set him free. Yet, regardless of that truth, she understood she had her own battle to fight—her greatest weapon the words she told him every day.
Judah drew in a deep breath, exhaling slowly as he blinked his eyes open. Theodora offered him a small smile when his eyes found hers.
“Hi,” she whispered.
“Morning,” he replied, his voice low and gravely.
Finally giving in to her desire to touch him, she reached over and gently trailed her fingers along the side of his face. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Yeah. Why?”
Amused by his nonchalance, she grinned. “It’s mid-morning and you’re still sleeping.”
Taking hold of her hand, he brought it to his chest and held it there as he peeked over his shoulder in order to look out of his wall of windows. When he turned back to face her, he announced, “It’s still snowing.”
“Yeah…”
“Snow on Saturday mornings is nature’s reminder to me to slow down a little. Come ‘ere,” he insisted as he rolled onto is back. He lifted his arm in invitation, and Theodora didn’t hesitate before wrapping herself around his side. “Just a few more minutes.”
She closed her eyes and snuggled into him a little more, her heart buoyed in a way she hadn’t expected that morning. For reasons she thought didn’t need explaining, lazy Saturday mornings in Judah’s arms felt like an I love you she couldn’t ignore.
“Baby?” she whispered.
“Hmm?”
“I love you.”
He held her tighter for a moment, pressing a kiss against the crown of her head before he replied, “Tell me again tomorrow, sweetheart.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
The silence of the all but empty office was broken at the sound of my phone. Flipping my wrist, I checked the time and saw it was almost two o’clock. I promised Teddy I would stop for the day and pick her up no later than four, so I knew it wasn’t her on the other end of the phone. When I turned over the device and saw it was my mother calling, I knew better than to let it go to voicemail.
“Hello?” I answered, putting her on speaker phone as I refocused my attention on the computer screen.
“Let me guess, you’re working,” she said in greeting.
“It’s Wednesday afternoon. What else would I be doing?”
“It’s the day before Thanksgiving, and your office is closed—which is why my sister got on a plane last night for London. Her name’s on the door and even she’s taking a break, so why don’t you do the same?”
“I will. Soon. And I’ll have you know, after I leave the office today, I don’t plan on returning until Monday.”
“Well I know you’re not in Kansas with Sammy and me, so what are your
plans for the holiday?”
Her subtle reminder of her travel plans came with no underlying meaning. She and my stepfather always traveled to Kansas to visit his family for Thanksgiving. It was about the only time they made it out there, given there wasn’t much to do. The holiday seemed to provide the necessary entertainment before everyone returned home. It had been almost fifteen years since I was obligated to make the trip, and I didn’t envy them.
“I’ll be with Teddy. Estes Park for the majority of the day, and then dessert with her friends in the evening.”
“That sounds lovely.”
“She’s looking forward to it.”
There was a moment of silence which passed between us before my mother said, “I think your brother was right. She’s good for you.”
I glanced down at my phone and away from my work as I muttered, “Mom…”
“I mean it,” she continued, ignoring the warning in my voice. “My boys work so hard all year long. You in particular. While everyone else slows down and enjoys time away from work, you plow through. How many Thanksgivings have you spent alone in your office? I know Kansas was never your ideal destination, but it’s always been an option you’ve declined. I’m glad to know you’re taking a break. And if I have Teddy to thank for that, so be it.”
I thought back to a couple weeks prior, when Teddy broached the topic of how I usually spent the fourth Thursday of each November. My mother was right. I spent a fair share of them alone in the office, as if it was just another day. Though, there were a few occasions when Benjamin was able to convince me to join him for some volunteer opportunity or another before a meal he’d been invited to locally. This year, when Teddy asked if I’d be willing to share the day with her, it was an easy answer. Knowing it would make her happy, I didn’t hesitate to agree.
Nevertheless, as much as my mother did have Teddy to thank for my upcoming plans, I didn’t wish to discuss it further. It hadn’t been so long since Annelise made it quite clear she harbored some uncertainty in my choice of woman; neither did I see our telephone conversation as an opportunity to change her mind.
