The Essence of Fate

by Alison E. Steuart

  * * *

  Ian: Really? Care to see me try?

  What the hell? Would he really be able to get in my condo? Sibel definitely wants him to try, just out of curiosity. I, on the other hand, have instant anxiety thinking about it.

  Me: No

  * * *

  Ian: Why not? We could enjoy a beautiful Saturday morning, leisurely discussing the outcome of your meditation.

  * * *

  Me: Not happening. Besides, if you show up, I won’t be here. Have a lot going on today.

  * * *

  Ian: Liar. I’m looking forward to the day you no longer feel the need to bullshit me.

  * * *

  Me: You assume too much.

  * * *

  Ian: Really? Then join me for dinner tonight. We can discuss it.

  Sibel thinks he deserves to have ice water thrown on him for a change. At least I won’t be lying this time.

  Me: I have plans.

  * * *

  Ian: You’re lying again.

  * * *

  Me: I’m not lying.

  * * *

  Ian: What are you doing then?

  My heart is pounding and I’m getting a slight headache. I don’t want to tell him. It’s like I’m betraying him somehow, but that doesn’t make any sense because I’m not seeing him, and I’m not interested in Gabriel. I’m just being polite because we already made plans. Sibel doesn’t give a shit, though. She doesn’t like being questioned or bossed around.

  Me: I’m going out to dinner.

  * * *

  Ian: With?

  I don’t want to do it. I need to lie to him. But, before I can make a rational decision, my vindictive alter ego hits send.

  Me: Gabriel

  I wait for a response. The whole time he’s been rapid-fire responding to everything I said. Now, there’s nothing. The longer I sit and wait for him to reply, the worse I feel. That was a mistake. I know it in my gut.

  “Dammit!” I get up, too antsy to stay on the balcony. I go inside to make another cup of coffee, but my appetite for it is gone. I can’t stay inside. I’ll go insane staring at my phone and second-guessing myself for hours. I send Erika a text and pray she’s up.

  Me: Hey! Please tell me you’re up for meeting me at the beach for some one on one volleyball. I’m super stressed, cannot stay inside, and need to burn some energy.

  * * *

  Erika: I’m on it sister. Meet me there in 15?

  * * *

  Me: Yes! Thank you!

  * * *

  Erika: Plan on sweating. I’m feeling aggressive

  * * *

  Me: Good! I need my ass kicked.

  * * *

  Erika: Looking forward to hearing the details.

  Fifteen minutes later, we are at our favorite spot. It’s close to South Beach, but not over-crowded or sketchy. I’m happy there is a breeze coming off the ocean so it won’t be too hot and we can play longer.

  Erika walks up spinning the ball between her fingers. She gets right to the dirt. “So, what’s wrong? Did you finally have a threesome dream with Ian and Gabriel? Too much deliciousness to handle and you need to sweat it out, or did you actually do that little exercise routine Magic Mike recommended?” She has one eyebrow raised.

  “The dream might have been a better option. I did the exercise, and it wasn’t really hard to determine what I want.” I’ve got my head down because I’m afraid I may have screwed it up as soon as I admitted to myself that I actually want to be with him. “I made up my mind last night that I was going to give Ian a chance. Maybe try to be friends first and see where it goes. Nothing hasty that overwhelms me and makes me run.”

  “Okay. So what’s the problem?” she asks, tossing the ball from hand to hand, giving me the, what am I missing here?, look.

  Grabbing the ball from her because it’s distracting the hell out of me, I reply, “He pissed me off this morning by waking me up with a demanding text that said, ‘Did you do what I told you to do?’ I tried to ignore him, but he kept at it with that bloody ego of his, then Sibel took over and told him I was going out to dinner with Gabriel tonight.”

  Erika makes a grimace, then a kind of whistle sound. “Ooooo, yeah. That’s not good. You really need to have some kind of exorcism done to get rid of her. She’s nothing but trouble.”

  Her honesty doesn’t make things better, but she’s right. “I know. I feel like shit now. I tried justifying it because I’m not seeing him, and I have no intention of being anything but friends with Gabriel. Plus, Novas Alturas is a great contact. I want them to turn to The Clara Sea for everything from room accommodations and spa visits, to dinners and private meetings. They’re going to need it over the next few years. But I know that’s not how Ian is looking at it, and I’m a total bitch for shoving it in his face.”

  “You may be forced to make the next move, and I doubt he’d ignore you. He’s too into you to be that stupid. Don’t beat yourself up, honey.” She pats me on the shoulder and grabs the ball. “Come on. Let’s burn this pesky guy bullshit off. I’m going extra hard on you today!” Laughing as she runs to take her position.

  She wasn’t joking, either. Twenty minutes into it and I’m soaked, sweat running down my neck and chest, heart pounding. I definitely needed this, but wow. I think she’s trying to kill me! “Easy, girl! Are you out for revenge? I didn’t piss you off, did I?” I ask between heavy breaths.

  “Nope. No revenge here. Just too much coffee, I think. Plus, I’m a good friend and I know when you need a good ass-kicking.”

  We both laugh and walk over to get a sip of water. After taking several big gulps, I pour a little down my chest to help cool me off. When I look back at Erika, her face is frozen and somewhat pale; she looks like she’s seen a ghost. “What’s up? Are you okay?”

  “Ummm…you may not want to know this, but there is a seriously hot guy standing over there staring at you, and I’m pretty sure it’s Ian.”

  I jerk my head around, and there he is—more glorious than ever. My heart jolts as I see his naked torso for the first time. Dear Lord, I should’ve known. It is simply unfair for the rest of mankind to be at such a disadvantage. It’s honestly intimidating. Making matters worse, he’s covered in sweat, so the light is reflecting off every curve of every muscle, accentuating the sculpted sinew of his body.

  He sees my blatant inspection, but he doesn’t smile that cocky smile that acknowledges his own superiority. No, he simply stares at me. Intense, angry, and clearly disappointed. He briefly looks at my body, equally sweaty and exposed in a sport bikini, then runs his hand through his wet hair, turns around, and jogs away.

  I’m not sure what to do, because the ground got yanked out from under me…again. I stand there and watch his retreating figure get smaller and smaller until it’s out of sight. My chest finally exhales as Erika says in a soft voice, “Are you okay? That was pretty intense.”

  “No. I don’t think I am, but I’m not exactly sure why. I mean, I’m pissed at myself for being scared and weak when it comes to him, but I’m also pissed at my parents for freaking me out emotionally. I’m pissed at my stupidity for telling him about tonight. I’m pissed at him for being unnaturally perfect and obnoxiously overbearing. Ugh! I’m even pissed at Gabriel for asking me out to dinner!” I plop down on the bench. “I’m not cut out for all this. It’s too much. I swear, I’m going to end up being an old spinster.”

  Erika busts out laughing.

  Glaring at her, I raise an eyebrow in question.

  “I’m sorry. That’s too funny. I get that you’re overwhelmed by the Thor-looking creature who was just standing here burning holes in you with his unbelievable eyes, but women who look like you don’t end up as spinsters. You bitches get to pick whoever you want.”

  “Really, Erika? I’ve seen seriously hot men wreck their bikes and walk into light poles because they were too busy checking you out. So don’t act like you don’t get to pick whoever you want.” I roll my eyes.

>   “Yeah, you’re right. I’ve honestly never had a guy I was interested in turn me down.”

  We look at each other and laugh. Erika is gorgeous with her dark, shiny hair and whiskey colored eyes, and she loves men, she just doesn’t like commitment. She says it’s because there are too many options and too much strange, and strange is fun.

  “I’m definitely right, plus you don’t have debilitating insecurities holding you back,” I say in a serious tone.

  “Your insecurities aren’t debilitating. Give me a break,” she retorts.

  “Really? Well, my insecurities prevented me from getting some of the hotness that just took off in the other direction without a hello or goodbye. I think that qualifies as debilitating.” I challenge.

  “Well said. That’s actually a valid argument. Because now that I’ve had an up-close look at what’s been begging for your attention, I’m pretty well convinced there’s something wrong with you.” She sets the ball on the bench and grabs her towel to dry her face.

  “There is. Don’t remind me. Coming down here was supposed to make me feel better. Now I’m ten times worse and I’m afraid he’s going to jog by again. I have no idea if he was coming or going. Can we head out, maybe go get some lunch somewhere?”

  I really am upset. I hate the way he was looking at me, almost like he was hurt. It’s making my stomach feel weird, and I can’t stand here waiting for more.

  “Sure, babe. Let’s meet at Laney’s in thirty minutes.” After a pause she says, “Come here.” Reaching up, she puts her hand on my shoulder and looks me in the eyes. “It’s going to be fine. Everything is going to work out. You’ll see. Okay?” Then she gives me that loving, best friend smile.

  “Okay.” And we head back to our cars.

  It’s 6:15 and I’m waiting for the Uber driver to pick me up and take me to The Capital Grille where I’m meeting Gabriel at 7:00. I’m hoping to get there a little early so I can have a drink at the bar by myself. But with traffic, that may not happen.

  I keep telling myself that it’s nothing more than a business meeting to help establish a good rapport that will be beneficial to the resort. I know Gabriel doesn’t see it that way; I’m not going to fret about it anymore. I’ve been in knots all day, and I’m over it. I just want to get through the night and maybe plan a few days off to regroup and screw my head on straight.

  Thankfully, I do make it in time to have a quick drink and ease the tension in my nerves. Right at seven, Gabriel walks through the front doors looking stunningly handsome. I head over to greet him and, as expected, he’s dripping with charm as he takes my hand for a kiss. “Good evening, Charlotte. Is it possible that you are more lovely than the last time I saw you? You have no idea how much I have been looking forward to tonight.”

  My stomach tightens with guilt. Dammit! I put on my best smile. “Thank you, Gabriel. It’s so nice to see you, too. You picked a fabulous restaurant. Have you been here before?” I’m trying to steer away from his over-complimenting.

  “No, I have not. But Jackson recommended it to me. He said it is one of the best in Miami.” His smile shows that he is pleased with his choice; however, my heart just stopped because Jackson knows we’re here. Which means there is a good chance Ian knows we’re here. This has been the day from hell!

  The hostess seats us and I notice that it is busier than usual, even for a Saturday night. The noise is making me edgy for some reason and I’m thankful Gabriel ordered us a bottle of Cabernet before the waiter had a chance to ramble on about specials and what he recommends. As we look at the menu, he asks for suggestions. Not wanting to be rude and say, “Everything is good, just pick one,” I recommend two of my favorites—the filet and the sea scallops. Keeping it simple and not wasting time staring at the menu, he chooses the filet.

  The waiter returns quickly with the wine, thank goodness. I am more edgy now that I know this was Jackson’s recommendation. Right as I go to take a sip, Gabriel picks up his glass and holds it up for a toast. “To a long-lasting friendship and endless possibilities.”

  His deep, accented voice echoes in my ears. Endless possibilities? Yikes! Where is he going with that? I don’t make a comment because I don’t even know what to say. I simply smile and take an unladylike sip and hope the kitchen isn’t slow tonight.

  Shifting the conversation to something neutral, I ask him about the new project he’s doing with McAlistair. That was a good move because it keeps him talking about business for the next fifteen minutes and not whatever possibilities he was toasting to earlier. He’s obviously very excited about working with Ian and his team and is extremely impressed with the design of the building. He said his father holds Ian in high regard with how he conducts business, the professionalism of his team, and the outstanding product they create. He’s right—Ian’s standards are very high; he’s driven, and I don’t think second-best is an option for him.

  I reach for my wine glass and mindlessly swirl the last sip around as Gabriel continues on about the details of the project. Bringing it to my lips, I breathe in its strong aroma and glance across the rim to the other side of the restaurant.

  The whole room turns quiet.

  Everything around me becomes blurry, and all I can hear is the sound of my blood swooshing in my ears to the pounding of my heart. Ian is here, staring at me with a look so fierce, so menacing, it scares me.

  I’m suddenly lightheaded, and my brain is scrambling to figure out what to do. I look back at Gabriel who is still talking and smiling at me, having no clue this evening could potentially take a very bad turn. My God, what if Ian comes over here and says something to Gabriel? He could ruin his reputation, not to mention an extremely lucrative partnership. Adrenaline is coursing through my veins, trying to help my brain function, but it’s no use. I don’t even know what Gabriel is saying right now.

  I can’t do this. I cannot sit here with Ian giving me a death stare all goddamn night, and I won’t allow him to screw up his partner’s impeccable image of him. I finish off the last sip, pour another for both of us, drink one more gulp, and excuse myself to the ladies’ room.

  I’m nervous and unsteady as I make my way over to where Ian is seated. His long frame is stretched out almost awkwardly in the chair, one foot over the opposite knee. He looks a little disheveled compared to what I’m used to seeing, and I’m starting to wonder if he’s had a lot more to drink than just the one in his hand.

  “Ian. What are you doing here? Is there something wrong with you? You can’t let Gabriel see you like this, he’s your business partner!” It comes out like a hiss because I’m trying to whisper but can’t. I’m too wound up.

  He doesn’t answer or even look up at me right away, still staring at the table where I was seated with Gabriel. His elbow is resting on the table. He’s barely holding his drink, as if it were dangling from his fingertips. Slowly, he brings it to his lips and finishes it off in one swallow.

  The glass hits the table with a loud thud, and he gradually pulls himself up out of the chair, his full height blocking the light over the table, casting me in his shadow. He stares at my face, sad eyes roaming over every detail as if to memorize them. In this close proximity, I feel that familiar heat flow from my core out to my hands and feet. I close my eyes and take a deep breath because I am suddenly dizzy, more from him than the wine.

  His deep voice penetrates my haze, and I notice it has a scratchy edge to it that makes him sound tired. I look up, directly into his eyes when he says, “Yes, I believe there is something wrong with me, Charlotte. I believe you have accomplished the impossible with that wicked spell you cast on me.” His words come out deliberately and a little slurred.

  “Ian, what are you talking about? No wicked spell has been cast on you,” I say, still trying to whisper and suddenly feeling a little uncomfortable with his demeanor. I quickly look over my shoulder to make sure Gabriel hasn’t noticed us talking.

  “You’re wrong, Charlotte. You have no idea what you’ve done to me. As I sit
here watching you have dinner with another man, the pain it’s causing in my chest is so excruciating I want to destroy this whole restaurant with my bare hands and curl up in a ball and weep like a child…all at the same time.” He huffs out a weak laugh. “Pathetic, isn’t it?” He moves closer, and I let him because I can’t move. I’m paralyzed. He reaches up and cradles my neck and head with his warm hand, bringing his thumb around to sweep it across my cheek, and I suddenly have the urge to cry.

  “I’ve come to realize that I’m in love with you, Charlotte LeFay. Rather deeply, I’m afraid. And I hate myself for making you not trust me. I’m sorry for that, more than you’ll ever know.” The sadness in his eyes is like a knife in my heart. “But I get it now. I understand why you can’t be with me…and I promise, from now on…I will leave you alone.” He slowly bends his head and gives me the most tender kiss on my lips. Afterward, he holds me there, resting his forehead against mine and taking a few slow breaths, his eyes closed.

  Straightening, he lets go and walks away.

  Eighteen

  Ian

  Staring out over the ocean, I don’t register anything but darkness. My mind is numb, although I can no longer blame it on the alcohol. It must be the aftereffect of coming down off an intense adrenaline rush.