The Essence of Fate

by Alison E. Steuart

  This morning, when Charlotte told me she was going to dinner with Gabriel, I snapped. For whatever reason, I knew she wasn’t lying. And the thought of her with another man, of him looking at her beautiful face across the table, imagining he might touch her hand during dinner, put his own on the small of her back as they walk side by side, that he might get to kiss her good night or potentially more, was enough to make me lose my mind.

  Needing to escape my condo, I went for a run, hard and fast, attempting to burn off my fury. Of course, that only brought me face to face with the source of my madness. I was so caught off guard when I saw her, I almost face-planted on the boardwalk. Once I’d regained my balance, I walked over to get a closer look, hoping she wouldn’t see me right away so I could play voyeur a little longer.

  Watching her in such an unrehearsed, natural state may have been when the lock clicked shut around my heart. She was so beautiful, laughing with her head thrown back one minute, then fiercely concentrating on her next move a moment later. She didn’t have on any makeup, her hair was in a ponytail with sweat-drenched flyaways around her face, and I had never seen her look more stunning than she did in that moment.

  My eyes finally broke away from her smile to focus on her sculpted, athletic body, so healthy and feminine and unbelievably enticing. The urge to run my hands across her wet skin while holding her close to me was so powerful it made me angry. I see her as mine, but she doesn’t, and it’s killing me.

  When she finally discovered I was there, I could see the shock on her face and wondered if there was a part of her that was happy to see me. I wanted to say something, to tell her she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen and that I’m sorry for making her not trust me. I wanted to beg her not to go with Gabriel, not to let him touch her. But then her eyes strayed to my body, her lips parted, and I had to leave. I felt like I was being ripped apart by fierce desire and vicious rage.

  For the first time in my life, my soul is screaming to be with a woman—one woman in particular—and it’s not my physical body looking for sexual release. I want to protect her, provide for her, make sure she knows there is no one on earth that is more important than her, make her laugh and smile, and yes…show her the true meaning of ecstasy. But I managed to fuck up everything by making her scared to trust me.

  When I got back home, I showered and tried to eat breakfast, hoping the effort to burn off my anger paid off. It did, but in its place was a deep sorrow like I’ve never felt before. I was so steeped in misery my body felt heavy and weak, tired in a way no amount of sleep could cure. The only thing that could take the darkness away was Charlotte. That’s when I knew Nana was right, as always. I’m in love, passionately, deeply…painfully in love with the captivating faerie that cast her spell on me only eight short days ago.

  Admitting the truth to myself must have been somewhat of a shock, because all I could do was lay on my couch and stare at the ceiling for hours. Half that time was spent thinking about myself, my feelings, and how much I want her. When I was done feeling sorry for myself, like the selfish little prick that I am, I thought about her. I imagined her at seventeen when everything she thought was true turned out to be a lie. How profound that must have been for someone so young. Then watching how that deceit slowly deteriorated her mother to dust. I think my heart broke for her in that moment, and in the next, I felt hatred…toward myself for giving her a reason to believe I would do the same to her. It made me sick to my stomach for being such an arrogant, self-centered son of bitch to a woman so deserving of respect and compassion and tenderness and love. That’s when I made up my mind to stop pursuing her, to stop pushing myself on her as if I had some bloody right to.

  It wasn’t a decision that was easy to swallow, so I washed it down with scotch. A lot of it. Which is how I ended up at the restaurant like a goddamn stalker on the verge of ruining my reputation as well as a valuable partnership. Thankfully, Charlotte came to me first and I was able to tell her what needed to be said without causing a scene. I wasn’t lying when I told her I wanted to destroy the restaurant with my bare hands. I have never felt that kind of passion, the kind that is born out of fury. It was like being shackled in chains with no chance of escape while someone took Charlotte away from me. I had to leave, but at least I was able to tell her that she was free of me and my relentless pursuit before I walked out.

  Now it’s just me, the night sky, and the faintest horizon, barely visible in the distance. The alcohol has worn off, adding to the fatigue that is heavy on my body, but I know I won’t rest any time soon. Maybe I should have another drink. Perhaps it will make me fall asleep so I don’t have to sit here and pay attention to how fucking miserable I am.

  I hear my phone vibrating on the table next to me. It’s facing down so I don’t see who it is. Likely Jackson or Nana, and I don’t feel like talking to anyone right now. Then the thought that Nana might not be well and needs my help snaps me out of it. Leaning over, my body heavy like it weighs a thousand pounds, I grab the phone and see that it’s not Nana; it’s Charlotte. I stare at it for a second, not fully registering what I’m seeing since she’s never called me or initiated any other form of communication. Before I stupidly miss the call altogether, I answer, “Hello.” My voice doesn’t sound like my own.

  “Ian…I…” She sounds like she’s crying. It jolts me out of my misery-induced fog and I sit straight up.

  “Charlotte, are you all right? What’s wrong? Did he hurt you?”

  “Yes…I’m fine. It’s just…when you left…I…” Her voice is barely above a whisper.

  “Charlotte, listen to me…I’m coming to see you. I will call you in fifteen minutes from outside your condo.” I hang up, not giving her a chance to tell me no. Running inside to grab my keys, I fly out the door, leaving the hopeless bastard I was, thirty seconds prior, on the balcony.

  I’m at her building in ten minutes, calling her from the outside security phone. She answers after one ring, but I cut her off. “Let me in and leave your front door unlocked.”

  In the lobby, I run to the elevator. The goddamn thing crawls to the fourteenth floor. I pace back and forth like a caged lion. Finally the bell signals and the doors open.

  Her condo is down the hall, and the door is unlocked. I walk in, and she is the first thing I see, standing by the window in her living room, facing me. She wants me—needs me—I can see it in her eyes. Moving quickly, I toss my keys on the counter as I pass the kitchen, my long strides taking me directly to her without a word. My eyes are laser-focused. She’s so fucking beautiful, even through the evidence of her tears.

  As soon as I’m close enough, my hand reaches up to cradle the back of her neck, pulling her to me as my mouth urgently claims hers. My other hand wraps around her lower back, bringing the rest of her body flush with mine. Finally. Finally, Charlotte is in my arms.

  The kiss is ravenous, and I’m afraid I might be hurting her though I am powerless to pull back. But then she moans into my mouth and devours me as much as I’m devouring her. She’s not fighting me. Our need for each other is exhilarating in a way that is impossible to express. It’s savage in its demand to be unleashed. The electricity sparking through us, between us, is like nothing I have ever known. Yet hidden somewhere deep inside are the undertones of familiarity that have me tightening my hold and digging my fingers into her flesh in a possessiveness that borders on anger.

  She calms my aggression with her warm hands as they move slowly across my shoulders, then reignites it when her fingers glide up into my hair, pulling just enough to take my explosive arousal a few degrees higher. When she presses herself into my hardness, a violent surge erupts through my body, and I can no longer tolerate the clothing separating our skin.

  “Forgive me, Charlotte. I need to touch you.” Bringing my hand to the zipper on the back of her dress, I pull it down. “If this is too much, too fast, you need to speak up now.” Her dress loosens, then falls off her shoulders without protest.

  My breat
h hitches as my hand finds her exposed nipple, hard and tight under my thumb. I involuntarily pull away as my eyes insist upon seeing what they’ve only imagined. Looking down, I find the perfect, simple sculpture that is the naked female breast. But hers…with its dark pink areola, erect and unyielding against the pale skin covering its weighted volume, is a masterpiece created by the gods.

  Pausing to circle my thumb across one hard nub, I look her in the eyes. “You went out to dinner with that bastard without a fucking bra on?”

  She’s breathing heavily, lips shiny and dark and swollen. Her eyes widen, but she doesn’t answer, so I continue. “When I take this dress off completely, if I find you’re not wearing panties, your pretty little ass cheeks are going to be bright pink for the next two hours.” The thought makes my hard cock jump inside my pants. But the way her eyes dilate and her mouth opens in invitation makes my balls tighten almost uncomfortably.

  Stepping back enough to pull the dress all the way down her body, I follow it until I’m on my knees in front of her. I let the dress fall the rest of the way to the floor, and I’m met with a lovely pair of slightly modest pale blue panties. Looking up from my position, I smile, and her expression says she’s happy I’m pleased, making my heart expand with an indescribable joy.

  My hands glide up the back of her thighs, then form against her splendidly round ass and pull her to me. Heat is coming off her as I finally breathe in the scent I knew would be like a drug. She smells so damn good, I run my nose across the front of her panties and down.

  Growling, I tell her, “You were made for me, Charlotte.” I finish by giving her unexposed pussy an open-mouth kiss, right over top of the thin material that’s hiding her from me. Licking, biting, sucking, then letting my tongue slip around the lace edge, allowing for enough direct contact to make her scream out. She’s wet and my mouth waters from the pure taste of her.

  I can’t play much longer. My cock is about to rip through my fucking jeans.

  I slowly pull her panties off to fully expose her to me. Leaning forward, I kiss along her tan line on one side, then the other while my hands move inward from her ass to the uppermost part of her inner thighs, just below her delicately soft lips. With a gentle squeeze, I pull apart, opening her enough to allow my tongue to sweep under to her wetness then across her clit in one slow, precise lick that has her calling my name as her legs start to give out.

  Holding her waist, I stand and pull her to me, clutching her tight and kissing her mouth like I did her sweet pussy. She’s shaking, her breathing erratic as she reaches up to unbutton my shirt. I only have patience for her to open one as I pull away, reach behind my head, and remove it in one swift motion.

  The cold air surrounds my heated body as I stand there with Charlotte fully naked in front of me. My voice is strained when I tell her, “You are so beautiful, Charlotte.” Bringing my hand up to cradle her face, my thumb traces her full lips, and I notice the slight tremble of my fingers. My eyes drift up to hers, shining and exquisite.

  I stay there, drowning in their depths. “I swear, I want you so badly it’s painful. To be here, holding you, looking in your eyes…knowing this is real. You know how I feel about you, Charlotte. What I said tonight was not a lie.” I lean down and kiss her mouth, softly, unable to resist taking the fullness of her bottom lip between my teeth. “I will try very hard not to be rough, but I don’t know if I can.” There is tension in every muscle of my body, each one screaming for release. It’s more powerful than anything I have ever experienced. “I’m afraid I might hurt you.”

  She takes a step toward me and reaches up to gently touch my chest, then her fingertips touch my nipple, sending chills up my spine. “Ian…” she says in a whisper that makes my heart pound, as she leans down to kiss my chest. Breathing deeply, she closes her eyes in pleasure as a delicate smile curves her lips before moving them up to my neck, where she kisses and sucks the tender part of my skin, driving me completely mad.

  “…I want you to hurt me. I need to feel how much you want me.” She puts her hands up to hold my head while she looks me in the eyes, then takes hold of a part of me I didn’t know existed. “When you said goodbye to me tonight, it felt like a light inside me went black.” Bringing her hand around to the side of my face, she tips her head to the side, eyes bright with emotion. “That was more painful than anything you will do to me now.”

  My arms grab onto her, strong and possessive. I fill her mouth with another passion-filled kiss as an indescribable sensation flashes through my body. Like a lifetime of need, of waiting, of wanting has finally been released from confinement. I swoop her up into my arms and carry her toward the bedroom I assume is hers.

  I set her down in front of the bed, and we both start to undo my pants. When my rigid cock springs free, she takes it in her hand, slowly moving up from the base then back again. My body is vibrating with desire, and when she squats down to take the head into her mouth, I pull away—fast. “No. I’m sorry. I can’t do that right now or I’ll fucking explode. Forgive me, but I have to be inside you.” Lifting her chin, I bend over to give her a gentle kiss and I say against her lips, “I promise to make it up to you…tonight.”

  I take a step backward, removing my shoes and socks then step completely out of my jeans. “Move back. Lie in the middle of the bed.”

  She does my bidding as I walk over to turn on the light. “I need to see you,” I say with a smile as the glow of the light illuminates her exquisite body, hair fanned out across the pale duvet. Un-fucking-believable. Standing at the foot of the bed, I can’t believe I’m looking at her like this. Not even an hour ago I was sitting on my balcony, depressed at the thought of living without her and hating myself for making it so. Of never touching her, tasting her, loving her. Now she’s here, telling me without words that she loves me as much as I love her, and it’s the most beautiful thing my eyes have ever seen.

  “Spread your legs for me, Charlotte.” She only hesitates for a few seconds. She’s wet and her body senses my desire, evident in the way her back arches as her hand glides over her torso, across her bare mons and down toward her wet core. I come undone as her fingers slide across her lips, spreading them for only a second before her hand moves up her thigh and she whispers, “Ian.”

  My mouth is suddenly between her legs, drinking in the taste and smell of her, devouring her, pushing her hard to climax for teasing me, yet holding off just enough to keep it at bay. The thrust of her hips combined with the sound of her pleasure are more than my will can withstand. Enjoying one last lick across her swollen clit, I move to position myself on top of her. My hands are on either side of her head, my hips between her thighs, and as I bring my lips to hers, I confess just before they touch, “I cannot wait another second.” Then I enter her in one powerful thrust as my mouth takes hers in a brutal kiss.

  My mind goes numb as the pleasure of being inside the woman I’ve craved explodes around me. As I slide out to enter again, the sensation is so intense, I fall to my elbows and cradle her head in my hands. “Charlotte…” I kiss her through my thrusts as they become harder and harder. “I’m sorry…” I’ve barely given her a chance to catch up as my body involuntarily takes what it needs.

  “Don’t, Ian. Don’t say that…please…don’t hold back.” She’s staring into my eyes, and I swear I shatter into a million pieces. “I need this as much as you do, please…” When she pauses to take a breath, I bring my lips back to her mouth, my tongue sweeping across as my body pounds into hers. She stays with me, though, and I feel her tighten around my cock as her hips begin to thrust, matching my rhythm and increasing the pressure. She’s panting hard, my name escaping on a strained breath, forcing me to drive harder and harder. When she reaches down and digs her fingernails into my ass cheeks, my mouth and teeth latch on to her neck as we both erupt into an all-consuming climax that is raw and bone-deep, marking us as each other’s, exactly the way nature intended.

  Riding it out as long as possible, we stay connected, br
eathing through the exertion and lingering pleasure. I can still feel her throbbing around me as she ebbs out of her orgasm. It was beyond anything I could have anticipated, and I will never be the same.

  I’m too weak to hold myself up, so I roll onto my back, holding on to her as she rolls with me. We are still connected, though I am softening, as the pulsing of lingering pleasure prevents us from letting go. Resting her head in the valley of my neck and shoulder, she hums a sound that mimics how I feel as she swirls her fingers around my chest.

  I did not know it was possible to be this sated…to be this content. It’s like I’m home, I’m complete, like I finally found what I’ve been looking for after searching several lifetimes.

  Wrapping my arms around her, holding her firmly, I can’t help the words that escape me. “I love you, Charlotte. Don’t be afraid of me. I will protect you…I always protect what’s mine.”

  Nineteen

  Charlotte

  I’ve been awake for thirty minutes, replaying the last twenty-four hours in my mind. I really need to go pee, but my muscles are like jelly after the orgasm marathon Ian took me on last night.

  I truly did not know it was possible for sex to be that good, to feel that powerful. Maybe it’s because he’s a master at it or because I’ve finally accepted that I have feelings for him. Perhaps it’s something else. What I do know is that I have to stay strong and continue moving past my fears, because now that I’ve walked through this door, I’m never turning back.

  Rolling onto my side to stare at him while he sleeps, I smile. He’s so much less intimidating this way. Still abnormally good-looking, but he isn’t radiating that magnetic energy that makes it hard for me to catch my breath, or staring at me with those turquoise eyes that put me in a trance. Like they did last night when I saw him sitting across the restaurant.