Build-A-Harem- The Island Collection

by Zachariah Dracoulis

  “No, no, no,” I mock begged as Red jumped up off the flowers, “please don’t make me get up.”

  “I know for a fact that you aren’t in any sort of need of rest,” Red said matter-of-factly, “besides, we don’t have long until that ship gets here, and we’ve got a whole lot of work to get done before it does.”

  I went to grumble and groan, but I successfully managed to suppress the urge and instead got to my feet, ignoring the slightly dizzy feeling I got from getting up too fast.

  “First things first,” Red said, pointing roughly towards the shelter, “the house. I think we should get that done.”

  “How come?” I asked after creating a pair of pants around my legs instead of trying to hunt down the other ones.

  “Make yourself look like you have more than you do,” Red replied, “it’ll help with trade negotiations, trust me. Teleport or walk?”

  “What?”

  “Teleport or walk?” Red repeated, “It’s a fairly simple question.”

  It wasn’t though.

  I wanted to get used to the teleportation, not least because I knew it would come in handy, but at the same time I didn’t really feel up for having my stomach turned inside out.

  “Walk,” I said with a firm nod, “it’d be good to get at least some exercise in before they show up.”

  Red smiled at that, “I’m pretty sure you’ve fulfilled your workout quota.”

  “Yeah, well, you’ve got me hooked.”

  I think there was a part of Red that saw through my ruse, but the truth was that I actually had sort of caught the fitness bug.

  I still had the brain of someone who just wanted to sit down and be lazy, sure, although my body wanted to keep moving and improving.

  Have to tell you, it felt pretty fucking awesome, Hell, maybe almost as good as… No, no the sex I’d just had was still way better, but hey, walking was good too.

  As long as you didn’t compare them too closely.

  Or at all…

  Eh, apples and oranges.

  CHAPTER 26

  I’d like to say after I got back we did a big song and dance about how great it was to have Red in the harem and that she was really going to help us get all kinds of stuff done, but the truth is that the five minutes after we got back to the shelter were all kind of a blur.

  The trees were all cleared and the original site of the shelter had been broken down completely, which wasn’t all that surprising given how long I’d been gone, and my first instinct was naturally to congratulate and thank everyone.

  Red wasn’t having any of that though.

  According to her there wasn’t enough time to be focusing on social niceties and she insisted that we all go out onto the beach, something that was a lot easier with the wall-like barrier of trees having been taken down.

  From there she had me spawn in the house with Cassie’s guidance, but while we had a few seconds to appreciate the white, two-story 17th century colonial and its surprisingly nice patio, Red was quick to tell us that there was no time to take the tour.

  That, right there, was the first thirty seconds of us being back with the others, and even though Red kept insisting that there was no time for idle chit-chat, she was the only one really getting any words out, and most of them just sounded like vaguely comprehensible noise.

  And then the makeovers came.

  Now, I hadn’t seen my hair up until that point, but I had the feeling that it was kind Tom Hanks in Castaway-like and that had kind of grown on me, pun happily intended.

  So, you can imagine how cut I was when, after some back and forward arguing, Red snapped her fingers and gave me a slightly longer-than-average crew cut.

  That wasted two minutes.

  With Red thoroughly annoyed given how reticent I’d been towards getting my haircut, we’d moved onto the second part of the makeover which was to get us all cleaned up.

  That, for some reason, meant using some kind of spell to create freezing cold waterjets above all of us, including Jesse, that moved around us and blasted away any and all dirt that clung to our skin.

  Thankfully, that didn’t take too long.

  Doubly thankfully, Red went ahead and ‘graciously’ used another spell to dry us all off before anyone could even think to lash out at her.

  Weirdly, the spell she used also took off all our clothes, or she cast another one midway through, who knows?

  The point is that that’s when Red enlisted my help with the Toolbox to go ahead and dress us all in clothes that would ‘help us look less like island-dwelling cannibals waiting to take advantage of anyone so foolish to come ashore’.

  Yeah, she didn’t seem to care that we’d already met them before.

  Anyway, the point is that by the time Red was done bossing us around I’d been gussied up in what I could only guess were the rich black clothes that belonged to the former Captain of the penal vessel while the others were in more or less the same stuff as before only clean, including Red.

  And that was the five minute mark of the Looney Tunes Tasmanian Devil-esque experience of getting us ready for company.

  “I still don’t understand why you’re bothering with those clothes,” I said as Red led the way towards the harbor, “sure you’ve… disappeared your wings and tail, but you’re still red and have horns.”

  “It’s about presentation, Dax,” Red replied after adjusting her sleeves for the millionth time, “and trust me when I say that presentation pays off big time in the long run.”

  “Seems pointless to me…” Cassie grumbled, “Why do we have to all dress the same?”

  “Because a uniform lets us look like we’re a united front,” Fern replied before Red could, “basically it allows for Dax to do all the negotiations and whatnot while we stand behind him and look serious.”

  “I’m with Cassie on this,” Jesse said from where he trailed at the back of the pack, “this was all bullshit.”

  “What are you complain’ about?” I chuckled, “Not like you had to get dressed up.”

  “Yeah, but that ‘shower’ has done a number on my blood,” Jesse practically snarled, “seriously, did you at any point consider not freezing the freakin’ reptile?”

  “I did,” Red replied, “but I thought it might be fun. Not that it matters, a few minutes in the sun and you’ll be right as rain.”

  I’m pretty sure Jesse mumbled some kind of threat after that, but he’d fallen too far behind for me to catch any of it, not least because K’ryea and the elves were whispering far louder.

  I couldn’t really make out what they were saying either, although I was able to pick up that it had something to do with me given all the somewhat subtle looks in my direction before returning to their hushed conversation.

  “You sure we’re ready for this?” I asked, finally decided to give up on listening in on K’ryea and the others.

  “I don’t know,” Red said as we finally got out of the trees and lined up on the dock, “but it’s not like we’re exactly endowed with a whole lot of options, is it?”

  She was right about that, the ship was coming into the waterway and there wasn’t a thing we could do to stop it.

  Well, I suppose I could’ve done some stuff with the Toolbox, but I figured I was just as likely to kill them all as I was to slow them down.

  “Hey, Dax?” Jesse murmured as he came between Fern and I, “You think it might be a good idea to… I don’t know, present some kind of defenses?”

  “Ooh, that’s a good idea,” Red said from where she stood beside Cassie on the other side of me, “quickly, Dax, knock something together.”

  I didn’t really like being used like some kind of AI assistant, but at the same time I knew they had a point.

  So, without too much difficulty, I spawned in a musket and a sword for everyone, and I’m proud to say that I only had to do it twice due to the fact that I missed my mark and accidently made a few fall in the water.

  What? I was hardly an expert with the thing and
using it took a whole lot of brainpower.

  We got there eventually though, and by the end of it we actually looked kind of intimidating.

  Granted, the position I’d taken with the cutlass resting on my shoulder and the musket being used as a sort of staff wasn’t exactly practical, but I felt like I looked pretty cool.

  “Still feel like we’re missing something…” Jesse trailed off, looking along the dock curiously.

  And then I spawned in ten cannons facing out into the waterway.

  “What the Hell!?” Jesse shouted, “We’re trying to make it so they don’t attack us, not so we can blow them to bits!”

  “Just be cool,” Red hissed as the ship got closer and began to turn, “I’m sure it’ll be fine…”

  Jesse muttered something about not being so sure, a sentiment that I shared, but as the vessel docked and the wide plank fell just shy of my feet I couldn’t help but feel like Seastrider and her crew hadn’t even taken note of the cannons.

  “Alright, I’m goin’ to make this nice and easy for you,” Seastrider called over as she climbed onto her makeshift bridge and pointed directly at me, “I need your help.”

  Unsurprisingly, the gang took that as their cue to look at me and wait for my response, a response which I did not have.

  “I ain’t muckin’ about, Creator,” Seastrider barked, “I’m not comin’ ashore and I’m not leavin’ without you on my ship.”

  “What’s this all about?” I asked as calmly as I could.

  “No time to explain the lot of it here,” Seastrider replied, “but I promise there’s a whole lot of gold in it for you. You do like gold, don’t you?”

  “I do,” I said with nod, “but I can’t just up and leave. I’ve got things to do her-”

  “We’ll be back in no time,” Seastrider interjected, “a few days, maybe a week tops.”

  “But I can’t leave my fri-”

  “Bring ‘em!” Seastrider shouted, “Just hurry up about it and get on the damn ship!”

  With that, the Captain went back onto the deck of her vessel and disappeared from view, leaving the others and me to share confused looks.

  “I…” I started then trailed off as I realized I had no follow-up.

  “We should do it,” Red said boldly, “I mean, not only did she not freak out when she saw me, which is always a good sign, but we could use the gold.”

  “What for?” Fern asked as we started to huddle together, “It’s not like there are a lot of people to trade with here.”

  “Yeah,” Jesse added with a nod, “but that don’t necessarily mean we couldn’t use it. Who knows how close the nearest landmass is. Shit, we could be a stone’s throw from a major city and wouldn’t know it.”

  “So, what?” Fern replied, sounding slightly more agitated, “We all go out on some unknown adventure on the off chance that we can start some kind of commerce with people that may or may not be there?”

  “Worst case scenario we improve relations with Seastrider,” Cassie said, “and that definitely wouldn’t be a bad thing.”

  “You too?” Fern groaned.

  “Actually, I think it might be a good idea too,” K’ryea chimed in, earning her a few dirty looks from the other dark wood elves, “like, it might not be the worst idea in the world to branch out a little.”

  “Alright, who’s coming?” I asked, finally deciding that I was done with the back and forward.

  “Me.” Cassie replied after a few seconds of awkward silence.

  “Yeah, me too.” K’ryea added, much to the other elves displeasure.

  “It ain’t like I’m lettin’ you go out there without your favorite reptile,” Jesse chuckled, “I’m in.”

  “And we all know I’m coming.” Red said matter-of-factly.

  And then there was awkward silence once more.

  “Well?” I asked hopefully as we all looked at Fern, apparently accepting that the other two dark wood elves were happy to have the island less crowded.

  “Well what?” Fern replied, struggling to make a smile, “I’m not ready to go out on another ship.”

  “We can’t leave you though,” Cassie said right before I could, “you’re part of the original team.”

  “That doesn’t change the fact that I’ve still got some stuff to get through with the water,” Fern explained, “I mean, I was only just barely holding it together when we were off the edge of the pier, how do you think I’d go on the open ocean?”

  Truthfully, I hadn’t considered for a second that Fern wouldn’t be coming with us. There hadn’t been a ton of time to think about it at all, sure, but from the moment Seastrider brought it up I at least thought it would be Cassie, Fern, Jessie, and me.

  Instead I had a hodgepodge group of old and new and I honestly couldn’t decide if I wanted to go or not.

  Staying on the island meant keeping the gang together, but going out to explore meant… well, anything and everything including a guaranteed payday.

  “You should go,” Fern let out with a long sigh, “you’ll be back in a few days, hopefully in that time these two and I will have cleared a path from here to the house. Might even get a few side projects done…”

  “Are you sure?” I asked, watching as Fern’s mind clearly started to brim with the possibilities of being free to do as many home improvement projects as she wanted.

  “Yeah, yeah I’m sure…” Fern replied somewhat distractedly before forcing herself to come out of her head and smile at Cassie and I, “Just hurry back, alright?”

  “We will.” I said as I wrapped my arms around her, realizing only once I’d done so that it probably would’ve been smart to put down my weapons first.

  “Stay safe, alright?” Cassie practically ordered before joining in on the hug, “And don’t let these two push you around.”

  “Heh, I promise I won’t.” Fern laughed as we all broke apart and saw that K’ryea had joined a similar group hug with her friends some distance away from us, “I think they’ll be big pushovers anyw-”

  “Where the fuck are you, Dax!?” Seastrider barked from her ship, “You have exactly ten seconds to get your ass aboard before I come down there and drag you up!”

  I rolled my eyes at that in the hopes of seeming less concerned than I actually was that Seastrider would inflict pain upon me, but I’m pretty sure the way I speed walked up the bridge to the ship kind of gave how I was truly feeling away.

  “Deep breaths…” I murmured to myself as I jumped down off the bridge and onto the busy deck, “just keeping taking in deep breaths…”

  “Mind gettin’ out of the way?” Jesse asked as he clambered aboard, prompting me to almost literally leap to the left.

  “Not too shabby, huh?” the Captain called from the poop deck as the rest of my friends came aboard.

  “Not too shabby at all, no,” I replied after taking a second to look around at the polished wood and thick ropes, “how’d you swing all this?”

  “Lucrative business, mine,” Seastrider said coolly before turning slightly more aggressive, “now, if it ain’t too much trouble, do you mind gettin’ the fuck out of everyone’s way!?”

  At first I wasn’t sure where she expected me to go, especially with all the people zipping around us, but then I saw Paige standing in a doorway below the poop deck and gesturing for us to come over.

  Tell you what, I don’t think I’ve ever had such a short yet harrowing journey like that in my entire life.

  Not only was I trying to make sure I didn’t get barreled into, sometimes with literal barrels, I was also doing my best not to slice anyone open or accidently hit them with my musket.

  I succeeded in crossing the short distance though, as did the others in due time, and was soon inside the warmth and safety of what I correctly assumed were the Captain’s quarters.

  “You guys wait in here,” Paige said once I was in, “I’ll go help get us movin’ and then the Captain’ll want to speak with you.”

  Before I got the chance t
o say ‘Sure’ she was already gone, leaving me to appreciate the ornately decorated quarters.

  “Nice,” I muttered, placing my weapons on the map table in the middle of the room, “very, very nice.”

  “Certainly more riches in here than some merchant should have,” Cassie added after following my lead, “but I don’t think anyone here is surprised that we’re throwing our lot in with pirates, right?”

  “I am!” K’ryea yelped, pulling everyone in the room’s attention right to her, “Why didn’t anyone think to mention to me that we were going to join… Okay, yeah, I can’t even keep that up.”

  “That… that was very convincing,” I chuckled once I was sure she was joking, “but yeah, we’re all happy with that, aren’t we?”

  I was met with nods and smiles, but no one got the chance to verbally respond as the ship came about and got put on course with the sea.

  “And here I thought I just had naturally good sea-legs,” I joked after nearly falling directly onto the sword-covered table, “anyone need to throw up?”

  Almost everyone shook their head, the only holdout being Jesse who, as soon as the words ‘throw up’ were uttered, made a beeline for the strip of stain glass windows that lined the back of the cabin.

  “Can som-” the seasick lizard managed to get out between the bubbles in his mouth, spurring me to quickly run over, find the window’s latch, and open it, allowing Jesse to puke all over the back of the Vengeful Fae.

  “So,” I said, looking around at the others as they milled about pretending not to notice Jesse and his dinosaur-like vomiting, “this is weird, right? Like, none of you guys expected this?”

  “Heh, yeah, because that’s the kind of thing I’d keep to myself.” Cassie half-laughed, struggling to maintain her smile as Jesse let out another hurl.

  “What about you, Red?” I asked, “You have any inkling that this might happen?”

  Red shrugged at that, “I’m undecided.”

  “What does that mean?” K’ryea chuckled.

  “Means that I think I knew, but that might just be my brain telling me that so I feel smarter.”