Great Sass: Providence Family Ties Series

by Mary B. Moore

  Adding the full monty package to the cart, which included everything possible, I winced when I saw the one to two week delivery notice. Apparently, it was in high demand just now, so it’d take slightly longer to get here, but still, I was getting it. I’d have sensors, a camera to put in the living room, and a camera outside that pointed at the walkway leading to the car park. And all of it was controlled by my phone. Aces! I’d even added a different doorbell with a camera, so I could see who was there if someone pressed it.

  It might sound like overkill, and I had a moment as my thumb hovered over the button to complete the order where I wondered if it was, but then I decided fuck it.

  Until someone’s been in that situation and has the stress of a thousand ‘what ifs’ hanging over them, they wouldn’t understand how scary it was and how much something like this helped, even if it was just mentally.

  Once it was done and I’d waved farewell to the money, I was left with my thoughts to keep me company, and they shifted to Elijah and how he’d withdrawn tonight. We’d had three weeks of fun and lighthearted humor and banter, and I’d loved every minute of it. I’d even had sober sex for the first time in my life, repeatedly. My first time had been while I was drunk about five years ago with a guy I’d been seeing for a while, and I hadn’t wanted to do it again afterward. We’d broken up a few months later, and I hadn’t even thought about it again. Well, that was until I met Elijah.

  There hadn’t been a discussion about the status of our relationship and the fact he was still living at my place, and quite frankly, I hadn’t needed one either. I was too focused on living in the now and enjoying the new freer life that I was living.

  Noticing the two strips of paper from the fortune cookies, I picked one up and read it, remembering it as the one from mine.

  Something small this way comes.

  Definitely not Elijah’s penis, then.

  The other one was his.

  Pain brings you life and love.

  Well, that was true, I guess. I wonder if someone was having a bad day when they came up with that gem?

  Fiddling with them, I wondered if Elijah would open up. Obviously, seeing something about a boat sinking and men missing would bring back memories of losing his best friend, but I didn’t know much about that night aside from what he’d told me. Trauma affected everyone in different ways, and the rational brain and irrational brain separated to create a reality that either was or wasn’t there. What if that’s what the news report had done tonight?

  Elijah had taken the responsibility of losing Cooper, and it seemed like he was torturing himself with it, which didn’t seem fair. Then again, hadn’t I done the same with getting away from Orson? I’d felt guilty when I’d met the women who hadn’t managed to. I’d also done the same after Mum died, wondering if I’d just looked to the side and pushed her away… Dale suffered from the same guilt when it came to Parker’s abuse, and Parker still felt guilty that his step monster had kidnapped Ariana and me. It was hard to break the repetitive cycle.

  That was something else that’d been weighing on me. I’d been hit by a bloody vehicle—granted with no damage—held in a shack and shot, but none of it had come back to haunt me yet. I wasn’t green enough to think that I wouldn’t ever get hit by a flashback of something from it, but so far, I hadn’t. Did that make me cold?

  Holding my leg out in front of me, I saw how raw the scar still looked over three months after it. I still had a lot of pain and aching in the area, and the exercises that the physio guy had given me sucked balls, but on the whole, I was doing okay, and I didn’t—

  Being the arsehole he was, Dobby chose that moment to come zooming out from wherever it was that Satan’s minions liked to eat the souls of innocent bunnies and launched himself at my leg. As the claws on his front paws embedded themselves in my ankle, I let out a screech that would’ve woken the dead.

  Which, of course, meant that Elijah came running out of the bedroom, naked as the day he was born, willy bouncing around like a baby elephant discovering its trunk, and tackled me to the floor.

  As all of the air left my lungs, all I could think was: wow, penises can really move. With that thought in mind and whatever little oxygen I could pull into my crushed chest, I started laughing, except it sounded like a dying crow.

  “Jesus, Sadie,” Elijah rasped, getting up onto his knees and running his hands over my body. “Christ, fuck.”

  When he got to my ankle and saw the dots of blood on it, he stopped his movements and looked around for the responsible party, who was sitting on the other side of the room, licking his paw happily. The big, fat wanker.

  “I’m okay,” I wheezed, still laughing but wondering at the same time if that was true. Could boobs burst on impact?

  Clenching his jaw repeatedly so that the muscle on the side went pop, pop, pop, he got up onto his feet and held his hand out to me. Of course I took the opportunity as my face passed his pecker to tap it into moving again—who wouldn’t? But I did it hoping that he’d burst out laughing like he would have before tonight.

  He didn’t, though. Instead, he walked back down the hallway to the bedroom and got back into bed.

  Chapter Eight

  Elijah

  For a brief moment, I’d manage to suppress the emotions and images. I hadn’t forgotten, but I’d been able to breathe. Then that news report about a fishing boat sinking near to where Coop’s had was aired, and the guilt swamped me. I was tired of rehashing it, tired of my emotions being tugged around, but survival came with guilt. A lot of fucking guilt.

  It’d been four days of kicking my ass to snap the fuck out of it and nightmares that I’d managed to keep hidden from Sadie, and I felt like the world’s biggest asshole. I should just talk it out, open up to her, but the words got stuck every time I tried. I’d gone from switching off to acting like nothing was wrong, but I could see she wasn’t buying it even though she played along.

  The problem wasn’t the feeling that I’d failed somehow and could’ve prevented it now, though. I’d come far enough to understand that I couldn’t have. No, it was the disappointment from his family, the blame and words that they’d hurled at me afterward.

  All I could think was that somewhere out there were families whose loved ones were on that boat who were feeling like that. They were feeling like the Coast Guard had let them down by not getting there as soon as the mayday or EPIRB—Emergency Position Indicating Radio Beacon—had gone off.

  I’d been blamed for everything by Cooper’s family—they’d even accused me of taking my time getting on board the helicopter and had demanded an investigation into my conduct on the day.

  That level of hurt wouldn’t go away any time soon, so I had to just ride it out and hope that more families weren’t suffering the loss of their loved ones. Unfortunately, after four days in those seas at the temperatures they were in, finding life would be a miracle. It was shit like that which struck an emotional trigger, and that’s what I’d been working my way through.

  Stretching out my neck, I jumped down from my truck and let out a sigh when I saw a woman who should stick to being at home—Shonelle Bell. She had issues with Sadie and one of my family’s friends, Bonnie, for some reason, and she just wouldn’t quit. From what I’d heard from conversations and shit I’d pieced together, it was pure jealousy.

  “Hey, Eli!” she called, waving her arm frantically as she ran toward the steps to Rebels, making it blatantly apparent that she wasn’t wearing a bra either.

  I hated being called Eli by anyone who wasn’t close to me, and I honestly had nothing to say to her, so I just continued on my path. Anyone would take a fucking hint, but not Shonelle.

  “Hey, wait up. I just wanted to see how you’re doing,” she squealed, grabbing my arm and digging her talons into the skin at the same time.

  Pulling my arm out of her grasp and growling when her nails raked the skin, I stopped and turned to face her. She hadn’t been expecting the move, so she bumped into me with a
gasp, but instead of taking a step back, she just tilted her head back with her shiny lips parted.

  “Name’s not Eli, and in the future, I’d recommend not using your nails as hooks to stop a guy moving.” I held up my arm to show her the red lines now on the underside of my forearm.

  Her stunned expression morphed into a sly smile, which told me she had zero intentions of apologizing for it, so I pivoted and opened the door to the bar, only relaxing when I saw Sadie standing talking to Beau and my cousin, Ariana. Just that was enough for me to forget the woman behind me, and I moved on autopilot to what’d become my seat at the bar.

  As I got closer to her, the lightness she usually brought started to lift the weight on my shoulders. Everything about Sadie did that for me. She’d once called herself average while she was talking to Bonnie, but I’d never seen anyone so uniquely beautiful in my whole life.

  Seeing me sitting, Beau pointed at me and said something to her that made her turn around. The smile she shot me was just gorgeous and made me feel like a giant. Then she turned to walk toward me, stumbling slightly as she did it.

  “I’m okay,” she shouted, holding her hands up in the air. “It’s all fine and dandy.”

  I couldn’t stop the bark of laughter that came out of me, something only she managed to do.

  Which reminded me of just last week, when I’d convinced her to have drinks with the girls at Beau’s apartment while I helped my cousins out with something at Levi’s house. I’d gone to pick her up and been graced with drunken Sadie, something she hadn’t done a lot in her life but felt safe to do here.

  We were almost home when it’d started up.

  “You know what makes me sad?” she sniffled.

  “What’s that, baby?”

  “Going into a supermarket and walking down the meat aisle. You’re surrounded by chickens, turkeys, pigs, moo-cows, and all sorts of poor little fuzzy babies. They’re all there,” she whimpered, exaggerating the word all, “lined up either side, begging to be let out. It’s just so cruel. I just—” she broke off on a sob, trying to reach for a tissue from the box I kept in the truck and getting stopped by her seatbelt.

  Without taking my eyes off the road, I leaned over and got the box she was after and held it out for her.

  “’Preciate it,” she gasped, still crying as she grabbed a handful.

  Her words made me think—I’d cooked steak and chicken recently, just assuming she was okay with it. Had she only eaten it out of politeness?

  Clearing my throat, I raised the question. It was better to know than not to know. “So, are you a vegetarian?”

  “No, that’s cruel, too. One minute they’re in the ground or whatever, growing and reaching for the sun. The next, they’re trapped in packaging. Who does that to defenseless creatures?”

  Jesus, it was hard not to laugh.

  “I know,” she squealed, making me jerk the wheel slightly. “We should go and set them all free. Like when you go to a laboratory and set the animals free, we’ll set the ones in the shops free!”

  “What about the vegetables?”

  “Yes, we’ll set them all free as well.”

  “Uh,” I hedged, mental images of her throwing chicken cutlets, steaks, and shit around, making me feel torn between panicking and laughing my ass off. “Let’s not and say we did.”

  “Ah, but that’s fibbing!”

  I didn’t have anything to say to that. To be honest, I was worried that if we continued this conversation, she’d jump out when I stopped and run to the nearest store to do it, so I just kept quiet.

  It didn’t last long, though.

  “Elijah?” she asked softly, pulling at my heartstrings.

  “Yeah, pixie?”

  “If I die—”

  “You’re not gonna die,” I snapped, my mood plummeting immediately. What the fuck?

  “No, man, you don’t get it. This is important.”—Man? Again, what the fuck?—“If I die, will you do something for me?”

  She wasn’t going to, but I could see repeating that would be problematic. “Anything.”

  “Delete my search history. Being around your family has made me Google random shit, and I don’t want people thinking I was a fucked up weirdo.” There was a moment of silence, then she added, “And do it on my laptop, iPad, and phone. I can’t remember which one I used for what.”

  I wasn’t sure what to think about it. I mean, we’d gone from setting packaged meat and vegetables free to deleting the search history on all of her devices. I was fairly sure I had mental whiplash from the rapid change in topics.

  But then the true meaning behind what she’d just asked me to do sank in.

  I swear I couldn’t have stopped myself from asking what I did even if I’d tried, which I didn’t. “What sort of shit we talking about?”

  “Butt plugs,” she shrugged, making me choke on the saliva I’d been swallowing. “Vibrators. Vibrating eggs. Nipple clamps. How big a butt plug can get after Charlotte told me about one. What an arsehole would look like after it’d had something that big in it. What blue waffle really is.” All of it was said as its own sentence and in a tone that made it out like it was perfectly normal to look at shit like that. Then she hit her stride. “Sex beads, sex chairs, how droopy balls can get—”

  This time when I swerved, it was sharp enough that she hit the door. “What the fuck?”

  “Gravity isn’t kind, Elijah,” she shrugged, sounding like a teacher. “Those balls have to go somewhere, and that where is down. I was curious if they’d touch the ground, but so far, there aren’t any photos. It makes me wonder if there’s a nip tuck type of surgery for them, like with boobies. I’m going to have a nip tuck. I’m going to donate some of my dirty pillows—”

  “You go in for surgery on your breasts, and we’ve got problems, pixie,” I growled, hating that she’d even consider it. “You’re perfect the way you are.”

  “Aww, Elijah,” she sang. “Thank you. And I think your bollocks are just fine the way they are, too. Pretty little balls of glitter.”

  And with that, she thankfully passed out, leaving me wondering what the fuck had just happened.

  I’m not gonna lie, it also made me curious about looking at her search history.

  “Hey,” she murmured, bringing me out of my thoughts. “How’s your day?”

  Grinning at her, I leaned closer to her across the top of the bar. “I was just thinking about your search history,” I whispered, then burst out laughing when her cheeks went bright red.

  Of course I’d reminded her what she’d said. I’d also asked her to show me some of it—some of which I regretted afterward.

  “Shut up,” she hissed, looking around us to see if anyone had overheard. “You said you’d never tell anyone.”

  “Ah, but technically I’m not telling anyone. I’m talking to you about it.”

  Rolling her eyes, she straightened up and then froze when she saw something over my shoulder. Following where she was looking, I saw Shonelle talking to her friends and glaring at Sadie as she told them whatever it was that was so fascinating.

  Shit, I better tell her about the parking lot before the bitch did.

  “Pixie,” I called, getting her focus back onto me as I held my arm up. “She caught me as I was walking in.”

  “Whoa, did you find the real Tiger King?” my cousin, Tate, snorted as he joined us. “Sadie, that’s some—”

  “It wasn’t me, it was Shonelle,” she snapped. “You probably need a rabies or tetanus shot? Is there something like a herpes one?”

  “You’d have to ask Parker,” Tate shrugged, talking about Ariana’s boyfriend, who was a doctor. “He might be able to stick it in your ass tonight.”

  Heathen!

  Focusing back on Sadie, I was about to tell her the story in full detail when Beau shouted out for her.

  “Sadie, we need your help!”

  Looking behind her, I saw both her and Ari holding one of the cash registers in the air and looking
at her pleadingly.

  “Shit,” Tate whistled, “those things ain’t light.”

  Watching Sadie join them, I frowned at him. “Why the fuck aren’t you lifting it, then?”

  His eyes flicked everywhere as his cheeks turned bright red. “I had an accident and hurt my back.”

  Given that he still couldn’t meet my eyes, I raised an eyebrow. “What kind of accident?”

  “A fatal one,” he mumbled, looking down at the ground now.

  “Fatal means dead, dick face. Seeing as how you’re sitting here and obviously not dead, it couldn’t have been fatal.”

  “Okay,” he snapped, glaring at me now. “It was almost fatal. I fell out of bed and almost broke my neck, my back, and my dick. Happy now?”

  Seeing as how he was talking about his dick—no.

  “You got carried away with Lily last night, didn’t you?” I sighed, rubbing my face with both hands to get the mental images out of my brain.

  “I didn’t realize we were so close to the edge of the bed,” he hissed, leaning in close to me. “I had a choice of crushing my poor wife or taking the brunt of the fall. I chose to be a hero and sacrifice my ability to ever walk again and my poor penis.”

  Groaning, I scrubbed harder at my head and got up. “Please stop talking.”

  Before he could say anything else, I placed a hand on top of the counter and used it to jump over the bar to help the girls.

  “The things you can do with long legs,” Sadie huffed, going back to what it was they needed her to do.

  Nudging Beau out of the way, I took her side of the register as she joined Ari on the other side.

  “Beau, can you untangle that cable while I work on this side?” Sadie asked, squatting down so she could get to what she needed. “It might be the weight of this thing resting on it that’s causing the problems.”