Great Sass: Providence Family Ties Series

by Mary B. Moore

  “It’s disentangle, you moron!” a voice sneered from the other side of the bar.

  Seeing the eye roll and grimace on Beau’s face, I hid my smile and focused on the weight of the till. The less attention she got, the less she gained, and I wasn’t going to give her one damn thing. Plus, Tate wasn’t kidding, these things weighed a ton.

  “Oh, shit on it, she’s beside us, isn’t she?” Sadie growled, plastering a smile on her face as she straightened up to face the bitch.

  “I would have thought with you being English and all, you’d have a proper grasp of the English language.”

  Why didn’t she ever stop? Seriously, I’d love to know the answer to that question. She was like the Energizer asshole, she just kept going and going.

  Ignoring her, I focused again on not dropping the till on Beau’s hand and watched as she untangled—take that, cretin bitch—the cable.

  “I think that’s it untangled,” Beau snickered, saying it loud enough for Shonelle to hear.

  Letting go, Ari moved around to hold the cables out of the way as Beau, Sadie, and I moved the till back into place.

  Once it was in, Sadie went about reconnecting it to wherever the cables went as Ari asked Shonelle if she wanted a drink. Wanting to get away from the woman, I tapped Sadie on the ass and went back to the part of the bar I’d jumped over previously, rolling my eyes at Tate’s exasperated expression.

  “She never gives up, does she?” he sighed, watching through narrowed eyes as she ordered drinks.

  “Think you might need to rethink barring her for life, man. She’s definitely trouble.”

  Proving that she could withstand almost anything, Sadie made her way down to us with a huge smile on her face. “Well, that was entertaining.”

  Both of us burst out laughing at the same time, getting the attention of most of the patrons of the bar.

  Unfortunately, it also pissed someone off.

  One hour later…

  Sadie only had another hour until she could leave, and I was perfectly happy shooting the shit with my cousins until then. I also wasn’t comfortable with her driving the Mustang until the rest of the work was completed on it, so this way I could at least make sure she got home safely to me.

  After serving a group of guys who worked for the oil company, the girls made their way down to our group.

  Just as they got to us, though, Shonelle reappeared behind me, tapping me on the shoulder to get my attention first.

  “So, I was thinking about that night we spent together,” she started, but I wasn’t interested in her shit.

  Swiveling to face her, I scanned her face. “How old are you?”

  “Twenty-eight. I know it’s hard to tell, but I guess I just look younger than my years.”

  Huh…

  “Okay, so if you’re twenty-eight, why are you acting like a thirteen-year-old? You’ve tried to cause problems for so many people, and you’re still not learning that nice and decent people don’t do the shit you do.”

  She looked truly confused by what I was saying. “The shit I do?”

  “Yeah, like bullying, telling lies, trying to cause shit, trying to make people feel like shit. Just general nasty bullshit only a teenager would do. At some point, you need to grow up.” I was doing everything I could to keep the tone of my voice from slipping into one that was nasty, considering my words were harsh enough, but fuck me, it was difficult.

  She blinked rapidly for a minute and then looked around the guys and then over to the girls, stopping on Sadie. That’s when her expression went from perplexed to full-on vindictive.

  “So, you deny that you banged my brains out,” she snickered. “Oh, I think there are enough people here who saw us leave together that night, including some of your men behind you.”

  I was about to call bullshit when a couple of the guys cleared their throats.

  “And when did this night supposedly happen?”

  “When Levi and his woman had their problems. After it, you came in here and got drunk. I figured why not, so you banged my brains out.”

  It felt like I was suddenly suffocating. I had come in here after that shit, and it’d been close enough to losing Coop and going through all the stuff with his family that I’d spent a lot of time drunk when I didn’t need to use my brain for anything. I’d woken up in my motel room the next morning, with no memory of what’d happened the night before, but because I was alone, I figured I hadn’t brought anyone home with me. But I did remember having a drink with her and talking to her at one point…

  Slowly, taking as long as I possibly could, I turned to look at Sadie. I didn’t want to, but fuck, I needed to make sure she was okay. If what she was saying was right, I hated myself at that moment. This woman made so many lives a living hell, including my woman’s, and she was saying I’d had sex with her?

  Beau was looking between Sadie and me worriedly, while Ari was staring at the top of the bar. But Sadie, fuck me, she was wearing a milder version of the disappointment and anger that Coop’s family had given me.

  From anyone else, at any other time, I could have taken it. But not at that moment.

  Call me a pussy, call me anything you want, but I needed to get away from it.

  So, not saying a word, I got up and hopped off my stool and strode over to the door, the only thought in my mind getting away from them all.

  I did have the presence of mind to text Tate, though, to ask him to drop Sadie home safely while I packed my shit at her place, as well as sending a text to Jackson to ask him to check in on her.

  Then, I grabbed my bag and walked out of there, not realizing I’d left my phone on her bed until I was three hours away from Gonzales County.

  Fuck it, it didn’t even matter. I wasn’t going home to my parents, and I wasn’t going to see my family in Piersville. I was going where people didn’t know my past and my fuck ups.

  Chapter Nine

  Sadie

  Seven weeks later…

  Being at home didn’t feel as peaceful as it used to. I’d received the alarm system yesterday after a delay caused by shipping, and I’d installed it all, but I’d fallen asleep before I could set it last night, which defeated the purpose of having the thing. So, to make sure I didn’t forget again, I’d put a nightly reminder on my phone.

  After the night that we never mentioned, Tate had immediately barred Shonelle from the bar, saying he’d wanted to do it for months but was afraid of blowback on some of her victims. Lily was also done with her causing drama and ruining people’s peaceful nights in there, so it was a done deal. I hadn’t witnessed it directly because after what she’d said, I’d immersed myself in cleaning and serving, but Beau and Ari had told me about it the next day.

  I was doing okay and putting things in boxes in my head—something I’d been doing for years—so I was able to do that with what she’d said and let go of it. For the rest, I used the daisy petal method, mostly because it worked. I could be upset with he-who-shall-not-be-named, but I’d forever be grateful for him giving me that to help me through an episode.

  What I couldn’t get over was Elijah getting up and leaving the way he had. Then coming home and finding his phone—which was now in a drawer—and hearing from Tate that even his brothers and parents didn’t know where he’d gone…

  Well fuck you, you festering vagina abscess.

  Speaking of vaginas, at this exact moment, I was standing in front of my microwave, watching the pot of wax I’d ordered online go round in circles as it melted.

  I was a groomer—a little snip here, a snip there, and then some shavy-shavy around the old cooter—but for some reason, I wanted to try waxing after seeing the results of this one online. There were no strips involved, no craziness, just apply, wait, and rip. Seeing as how I got my eyebrows done before they were dyed so people who weren’t dead could see them, I figured I could get through this with no problems.

  As soon as it beeped, I pulled the door open and inspected the inside. There was
still some ‘solid’ stuff at the top, though, so I put it in for another thirty seconds and went through my plan in my head.

  Mirror on the floor

  Towel on the floor

  Second towel to bite on just in case

  Glass with ice water in it just in case

  Bag to put used wax in

  I had it all figured out, so when the microwave beeped this time, and the remaining solid pieces had melted, I wandered through to my room, making sure to close the door behind me. I didn’t want my pussy waxed to my pussy.

  Sitting on the towel I’d laid out on the floor, I lifted my t-shirt and tried to angle myself so that I had a good view of my vagina. It was going to be awkward, but eh, I lived for awkward.

  The problem was, to get a proper look, I’d have to brace both feet on the wall on either side of the mirror, which meant I needed to scoot forward. I underestimated the power of a varnished floor with a towel on it, though, because the shimmy down ended up with my nunney kissing my mirror.

  “Oh, shitting hell, Sadie. Why do you have to be such a stupid twat?”

  The answer to this question was—because I didn’t have the guts to bear my cooch to a strange woman armed with wax.

  Shuffling my arse around, I finally got the position I needed. Using the pitiful muscles in my stomach, I lifted the jar of wax and decided that a spatula would take too long, and I’d have to go and microwave it again with half my lady garden done, so pouring it would make the job faster. I wanted the whole thing to be bald just to experience it, and if I liked it, I’d keep doing it, so I drizzled a little from the top and braced myself for the pain.

  The ads had been true, it really didn’t hurt.

  So, with nary a worry in the world, I upended the pot, widening my legs even more to make sure I didn’t miss any. Not that it would matter, I’d ordered two of them just in case, but it would mean going through the whole thing again, and I didn’t have the patience for it.

  Unfortunately, during the time between the first pour and the next, something had happened to the wax to make it go from a pleasant temperature to the fiery depths of hell.

  And all of it was now on my poor lady garden.

  The scream that came out of me would’ve deafened anyone who was doing this for me, so it was probably just as well that I’d decided to do it myself. Then again, maybe not because the wax was on me now.

  Through tears, snot, whimpers, and the odd wailing scream, I managed to find my phone, lying just out of reach beside me. When the wax had hit, I’d curled into a ball and must’ve knocked it, which meant I was going to have to move my body to get it.

  “Fuck me, I don’t think I’m going to survive this.”

  Rolling fully onto my side, I tried to separate my legs, only to scream the second I gained any ground with my left one.

  “Oh, chuffing shit, I’ve melted the muscles in my bloody thigh,” I screamed, picking up the spare towel and biting down hard as I cried into it.

  No, it wasn’t pissing overreacting, this shit was the most painful thing I’d ever experienced in my life, and I’d been shot in the leg. I was never going to be able to skip or jump again. How would I go up flights of stairs? I’d have to live on the ground floor for life, which meant my dream house with stairs I could decorate at Christmas had completely gone to cock.

  All because of a hairy muff.

  And then it hit me—if I didn’t calm down, my poor neighbor was going to call the police, and they’d break my door down to find me partially paralyzed with my vagina waxed together like an old fashioned envelope seal.

  I had to breathe through it and get my shit together.

  It took me a good couple of minutes, and my hands were still shaking, but I finally had enough control to rationalize the situation I was in. I could still feel my leg and wiggle my toes, so I wasn’t paralyzed per se. But I had consistent pain when I moved that leg, so something was definitely wrong.

  Doing my best to keep the whole down there region off the floor, I did an awkward arse in air commando crawl to my phone, almost crying when I had it in my hand.

  There was only one person I wanted right now, and she answered on the first ring.

  “I thought you said you had something on tonight?”

  “Beau,” I croaked, licking my dry lips. “I need your help.”

  The humor left her voice, and she was all business when she replied. “What’s happened?”

  “I can’t get up,” I whimpered. “It’s so sore.”

  I could hear the sound of her moving around and picking stuff up on the other end of the line, but it didn’t stop my racing heart from trying to leave my body when I attempted to move again.

  “Okay, honey. You stay where you are, and I’ll be right there. Just don’t move, okay?”

  Move? Was she out of her fucking mind?

  Given that she only lived a couple of minutes away from me and had a spare set of keys in case I lost mine, I knew I wasn’t going to be found dead on the floor with Dobby feeding off my carcass while I waited for her.

  What I didn’t expect was for her to bring company with her when I heard the front door opening.

  “Sadie? Where are you?” she called, but before I could reply, two other voices joined her.

  “Are you okay? I brought Parker with me,” Ari shouted, and I heard the sound of feet walking toward me.

  “Jesus, that’s such a weird-looking cat,” Bonnie gasped. “Why’s it looking at us like that?”

  I didn’t hear what else was said because the door to my bedroom opened, and in it stood Beau looking worried when she found me on the floor.

  “Shit, Parker, she’s—”

  “No, no, no, no, no,” I screeched, reaching my hand up for her. “For fuck’s sake, not him.”

  Dropping to her knees beside my head, she looked at the area around me worriedly until she stopped on the pot the wax had been in.

  “What’s happened?” Ari asked, joining us and waving over her shoulder at something.

  Christ, I hope whoever it was couldn’t see my reflection in the mirror. Granted, it was all hermetically sealed with wax, but still. I’d seen a horror movie once where a person was killed after a guy dipped them in hot wax. It’d dried over their nose and mouth so they couldn’t breathe, but I still remembered what they’d looked like after their body was found—pretty much how I bet my nunney looked right now.

  “We’ll let you guys know as soon as we find out,” I heard Bonnie whisper, followed by the clicking noise my door made when it was shut by a gentle hand and not a wallop like I kept doing by mistake.

  Groaning, I rolled onto my back, squealing when I moved my leg a little bit too far away. “I’ve got a problem.”

  Instead of the laughter or chuckles I’d expected, there was nothing but silence from the three of them.

  So, I forged on through the tale of stupidity. “I was bored, so I went on social media the other day and saw this ad for an easy to use and highly effective home waxing kit. It comes in all scents, and they even do one for sensitive skin. All it takes is a couple of minutes in the microwave.”—gripping Beau’s hand, I squeezed it as tightly as I could—“Don’t do it for any longer than that, trust me. After it’s melted, you just put it on with the spatula provided, let it cool, and pull it up going against the hair growth, not with it.”

  Clearing her throat, Bonnie picked up the pot and read the instructions. “Impressive, you’ve covered all of the bases, honey. But, it doesn’t answer why you’re—” she waved her hand at me.

  “It didn’t melt all at once, so I put it on for longer,” I croaked, nodding when all of them grimaced. “And I thought it would take too long using the stupid, fucking tiny spatula, so I just poured it all on.”

  “Oh, God,” Beau murmured, holding her hand out for the pot. “Didn’t you stir it after the first microwave session?”

  “It says to do that?”

  Holding it closer to her face, she read through the instructions pri
nted in a font suitable for an ant and nodded. “Yeah, it says to stir thoroughly after taking it out. There’s even a warning that says the center of it will be hotter than the outside, so to stir first before putting it in for any extra time.”

  Of course it fucking did. In size .0004 font, it gave warnings.

  Chewing the inside of her lip, Ari looked from the pot to my crotch. “So, what are we looking at here? Did you drop it?”

  Shuffling over to sit on the opposite of my body to Beau, Bonnie picked my hand up. “Don’t worry, we’ll help you. I once did something like this, but it ended up going on the towel, which stuck to my ass. It made it easier to do, so don’t panic.”

  Licking my lips, I tried to find comfort in her normally soothing presence, but ironically I couldn’t find a damn shred of it tonight. “Oh, there’s a lot to worry about. My thigh’s stuck to my vagina, and I’ve got a whole pot of overcooked wax sealing it shut.”

  All three of them sucked in a breath and looked at each other. “Maybe we should take her to the hospital?” Ari suggested. “I don’t think Parker has anything that’ll knock her out deep enough to get this off.”

  “No hospital,” I screeched, just picturing the likes of the hottie Doctor Chris inspecting my new wax feature. “I just need you to get it off me.”

  “What about if we put you in the shower?” Beau asked hopefully. “We’ll get some dish soap, and you can just wash it off.”

  “I don’t think that’ll work,” Bonnie whispered, looking at the screen of her phone. “There’s a lot of negative reviews for this one saying that it doesn’t wash off and that the only thing people found that got rid of the excess was hydrogen peroxide.”

  How the hell does that cut through wax? I wasn’t a scientist or anything medical, but hydrogen peroxide on cooter wax?

  Rubbing the back of her neck, Beau looked nervously at the three of us. “We’re going to have to pull it off.” Then, settling on Ari, who was sitting just above my head, she ordered, “Swap places with me, you do it.”

  “Why me? I don’t know anything about stuff like this.”