Love's Wall

by Karen Deen

  Emily

  One day I was going to wake up and toss that alarm clock at the wall, smashing it into a million pieces.

  I don’t think I got more than an hours’ worth of sleep last night. I laid awake tossing and turning in bed while all the thoughts of yesterday ran through my head.

  I tried to come up with solutions that would help me get a roof over my family’s head and food on the table. Every time I was trying to concentrate on my problems though, Zach kept consuming my thoughts. I remembered his strong shoulders and biceps that felt like arms of steel when he held me as I had a meltdown. The strong jaw line and beautiful smile that had me gushing without even trying. His eyes were a warm brown color that gave me such a caring look all afternoon. His tall solid frame when he stood up told me he was not to be messed with, but would also protect us without even a question.

  I don’t know why I was thinking this after knowing him for two hours, but I just got a very safe feeling around him. The same feeling I’d get when Mom tucked me into bed at night and tucked the blankets up under my chin. I felt safe and protected, but most of all, I felt loved.

  To be honest, the only person who had ever loved me was my Mom, and now my kids. The twin’s father never loved me and that was quite obvious after what he did. He shattered my heart and left me alone to rebuild it. Hate was not even a strong enough emotion to describe how I felt about Greg. He was where he belonged now, rotting in hell. I hoped I never had to deal with him again. Why couldn’t I have met Zach all those years ago before Greg fell into my life and brought his train wreck with it?

  The only thing I could be grateful for from him was Sophia and Samuel. They were the most priceless treasures in my world and I will never regret them for one moment. From the day Greg walked out on me, I decided the kids were mine and mine alone. I would love them enough for two parents and they would never know the truth about their deadbeat father.

  There went the alarm again. I needed to get up and wake the kids, check if Sophia was feeling well enough for school. I dragged my feet off the bed to the cold floor and tried to put one foot in front of the other to start the day.

  I wasn’t sure what today would hold in store for me, but it couldn’t be any worse than yesterday. Again, my head drifted back to Zach standing in my kitchen with Sammy and I realized not all of yesterday was so bad. I started to see a fantasy of that same picture, Zach standing there with no shirt on first thing in the morning while he and Sammy were making breakfast for us girls. He wore pyjama pants that hung low on his hips, showing off his chest perfectly. Walking quietly across the room, I sneak up behind him. Sliding my arms around his waist and pushing my body against his broad strong back, I would feel his warmth against my cheek as it rested on his shoulder blade. Zach would reach around and pull me under his arms to his front for a morning kiss and cuddle. Sammy would be next to him smiling up at us kissing, like it was funny and sickening all at once. Zach’s eyes would settle on mine with that secret of what we had done last night while the kids had slept. My body would be tingling all the way down to my toes and longing for more of his touch, but knowing we had to wait until the kids were at school to get that time alone again.

  Thoughts of what life with Zach would be like kept floating into my head all morning while I tried to concentrate on getting the twins ready for school. I was supposed to be stressed about the problems of my life, but I just couldn’t seem to shake him from my mind. Zach had me spinning and I had no idea who he was or anything about him. He could be an axe murderer for all I knew! Why, after a few hours, had my body decided it would love to know a whole lot more about him? The way he felt under my fingertips as they scrapped down his abs, the way he smelt when I nestled my head in under his chin for a cuddle. And, of course, the way he tasted as he tilted my chin up to look into his eyes and bent down to take me in a toe-curling kiss that made me lift off the ground. I knew I was not anywhere in Zach’s league, but dreaming makes the day go quicker and the bad stuff seem not so bad. I know he had been nice to me because I lost it on his shoulder and he felt sorry for me. Maybe, just maybe, he looked at me and saw something he liked. A girl could dream.

  At least this morning I didn’t have to rush to work after getting the kids to school, but of course, that was also a bad thing. As I walked out of the school gate, I looked towards the carpark. The ‘mothers club’ were standing there in their gym clothes, coffees in hand, laughing and gossiping together. I’d never had time to notice them before.

  My routine was to drop off and then sprint to work, making sure there was not an excuse to get into trouble. I wondered what it must be like to be one of those Moms who never had to rush, never had to ride a subway or a bus just to get anywhere. Their groceries were probably delivered. I could only buy what I could manage to carry home on the subway. They wouldn’t know about worrying about money. Have a husband at home to share the burden of being a parent. Have a husband to love you. Would I ever know that feeling? Again, Zach floated into my mind. Stay out of my head, Zach, I know you are just a dream. You would never want me.

  The sound of the phone startled me out of my thoughts about the carefree life as one of those Moms. It would never be me, so no point wasting time thinking about it. I reached into the bag for my phone. By the time I had rummaged around for my phone, it had stopped. I pulled it out and saw the missed call, but the number wasn’t one I knew. Unless they leave a message, I never call back. Why invite trouble in to your life if you don’t have to? If it was important, they would leave a message or call back. I slipped it into my pocket in case it rang again and wandered out of the school gate. I headed towards the subway wondering what I should be doing now I didn’t have a job to go to. Finding a job was my first priority. I didn’t even know where to start. I didn’t have access to the computer I had been using at work anymore. I would need to go to the library and see if I could use one there for free.

  Walking down the sidewalk in a fog, my brain was trying to get a grip of what I needed to do. I had no qualifications and, although I had experience in retail, it was hard to find something that allowed me to finish early enough to pick up the kids from school every day. I couldn’t afford the after-school care, even if I worked the extra hours. It was going to be hard, but I had no choice but to pull up my chin, throw my shoulders back and get on with it.

  Hours had passed, and I had searched every job site I could find. There were only a couple of jobs worth applying for and that made me nervous. I would feel a little better if we had a stable home, but to get a new home, I need a job. I packed my bag and decided the order I would visit the prospective jobs. How many could I get in before it was time to pick up the kids?

  Walking down the stairs of the library, my stomach was growling, and I realized I hadn’t eaten since breakfast. It was nearly 1pm. I was feeling hungry, but the budget did not allow for much, I decided a coffee and cheese sandwich would probably be enough to get me through to dinner.

  Heading off in search of a coffee shop, my phone started ringing again. I grabbed it out of my pocket and it was the same number as this morning. Looking down at the phone, I contemplated whether I should answer. Curiosity got the better of me.

  “Hello, Emily speaking.” I stood at the side of the street, clear of the stream of people going about their day.

  “Hi Emily, it’s Zach. I just wanted to check on you and Sophia. How are you both doing today?”

  Oh God, he took me by surprise I wasn’t expecting it to be Zach!

  My heart stopped, which in turn stopped my brain from functioning. I couldn’t even get a word out to reply. His voice was making my body stand up and pay attention.

  “Emily, are you there, are you okay?” His voice was so full of concern I tried to snap myself back to earth.

  “Sorry, Zach. You caught me off guard, I wasn’t expecting it to be you. Um, yes, I am ok. Thank you. I am sorry about yesterday. I should never have laid all my troubles on you like that. Sophia is much better today as w
ell. She is back at school.”

  “I am so glad to hear that you are both feeling better. Please, there is no need to apologize for yesterday. You had a really bad day with plenty of shocks. That would take a toll on anyone. I was glad I could be there to help.”

  There was a long pause, neither of us knowing where to go next in the conversation.

  “Ah, thanks for calling to check on us, Zach. It was really nice of you. I am sure you are very busy, so I won’t hold you up.”

  “Hang on Emily, you can’t get rid of me that easy! What are you doing now?” My head was spinning. Why did he want to know that?

  I hesitated, but was never one to think quick on my feet. I always believed that the truth was the best answer to any question. “Well, I just left the library after searching the net for jobs. I’m going to start applying at a few of the businesses that are hiring. There aren’t many options with school hours, but I will give it a shot.”

  “Em, you don’t have to do this, you know. I have a job for you that would be perfect and give you the flexibility you need with the kids. Can I meet up with you to chat further about it? Where are you now? Can I buy you a coffee, please?”

  Did I want to see him again so soon? I couldn’t get Zach out of my head as it was and if I saw him again today, it would just make it harder. Although my head was thinking logically, my heart wasn’t having the same conversation.

  “If you aren’t too busy, I was just about to grab a coffee and a sandwich. I could meet you somewhere, but there is no need for you to buy my coffee. How about I buy your coffee to say thank you for yesterday?”

  “Emily, I invited you for a coffee.” Zach’s voice was quite stern, and it made me sit up and take notice. “Let’s meet at Buddie’s Coffee and Cakes down on Walker St, just around the corner from the library. I am just up the road in the car at the moment. I’ll park and meet you there in ten minutes. Grab a table and I will be there shortly. I haven’t had time for lunch yet, either, so we can grab a sandwich together.” Zach made it clear in his tone that he was in control and expected me to agree with what he said. I had never taken directions from any man, but for some reason, Zach had my attention and I found myself agreeing.

  “Okay, I will meet you shortly. I am just up block from there.” I hung up the phone, looking up to the sky. I wondered why the hell I had just agreed to put myself through torture again, sitting across the table from the sexiest-looking man who was turning my brain to mush.

  4

  Zach

  I COULD TELL Emily was going to push me at every turn.

  She was not used to having anything done for her, even something as simple as being bought a coffee. Damn this woman, was going to be a challenge. One, I was, sure that I would really enjoy the battle with.

  She obviously had not taken my offer seriously yesterday. I needed her to take this job, so I could keep her and the kids close, keep them safe. There was no way I was having her living in a scrappy apartment like the one she was in. I’d hate her running the chance of coming up against disgusting men, like her ex building manager. Men who would take advantage of a beautiful young woman in a desperate situation. No, she would be moving to the farm with me where I could look after her. Even if she didn’t realize it yet.

  I spotted a parking space just down the street and swung the Audi into it. My mind was running through all the things I was going to say to convince Emily to come and look at the farm, her house and take the job. I knew if I could just get her out there to take a look, she would see what a great place it would be for Samuel and Sophia. Fresh air and open space, but most importantly, they would be safe and happy. I could protect them. I would never have my own family, but I could sure as hell make sure these two awesome little ones grew up in a happy place. I just needed to get Emily on board.

  Reaching the coffee shop, I stopped at the window and saw Emily sitting at the back. She was looking down, her hands nervously playing with the table cloth. I took a minute to catch my breath before I stepped inside. Her beauty was so natural, and she had no idea what a gorgeous woman she was. Every time I looked at her, my stomach had that feeling where you knew something special was happening. I could only ever be her friend, but that didn’t stop me from admiring from a distance.

  Emily glanced up and saw me through the window and gave me a nervous smile, raising her hand slightly to wave hello to me. I had been busted checking her out, so I gave her a big smile and headed straight inside to take a seat with her.

  “Hi Emily, sorry to keep you waiting. You look so much better today. Are you hungry? I am starving and could eat a horse.” I signaled the waiter over to give her an order.

  “It’s okay. I have only been here a few minutes, no time at all really. I hope I am not taking up too much of your day. I can imagine having your own business keeps you very busy.”

  “It does, but I will always have time to talk to you, Emily. Plus, we both need to eat, so we can do two things at once.” By now the waitress was standing next to us waiting to take our order. “Do you know what you feel like? Please order whatever you want, my shout.”

  Emily looked up at me through the top of her eyelashes and I could tell it was hard for her to accept the offer. “I’ll have the club sandwich on rye and a black coffee, please. Emily, have you decided?” I looked across at her, watching the inner turmoil going on in her head. My guess was her pride and my offer to shout verses her hunger for a decent sandwich. “How about you get the same as me, a club sandwich I can assure you they are great. How do you have your coffee?”

  Emily looked at me with her mouth hanging open. She was stunned at me taking control. I was trying to take it slow with her, but I wanted to make sure she ate enough. I knew she would be counting every penny at the moment.

  “Um, I was just going to order a cheese sandwich and a cappuccino. That will be enough for me, thank you.”

  “No need to eat light, you have an amazing figure. She will have the club sandwich and cappuccino, please.” My voice let the waitress know that was the final order and to get moving. I turned back to Emily, who I could tell I had managed to piss off. This would be the first of many arguments about accepting my help. I needed Emily to work out that it is okay to take my offer of help. No matter how much she pushed back-and by the strong look on her, face she would push hard-I would not give in.

  “I am pretty sure I am capable of ordering my own lunch, Zach. What if I only felt like a cheese sandwich? Do you often just take over a situation like that? It’s rude.” The fire was raging in those beautiful eyes. Finally, I was seeing the spark that I knew she would have. “I don’t need you to save me, Zach, I have been looking after myself for a long time. I will sort out my mess and continue on, that is what I do.”

  “Woah! Hang on, Emily. Please don’t get upset. I didn’t mean to offend you. I know things are tough at the moment and I also think you are a very proud person. My offering to pay meant you were thinking you didn’t want to take advantage of it, so you ordered light. Tell me I am wrong!” I looked her straight in the eye, not giving her a chance to look away. Emily slowly dropped her chin and looked down to the table. Her cheeks went a light shade of pink as she worked out how to respond to my forceful answer.

  Emily lifted her head slightly and slowly looked up at me with shyness written on her face. “I am sorry, Zach. I am not good at accepting kindness and help. Life has been tough for a while and, usually, there has been a cost when there’s been an offer of help. It has always been easier to do it on my own. Yes, I am hungry and appreciate your offer of lunch. Can we forget that little outburst, please?” I could see in her eyes she was embarrassed by what she had said.

  “It’s fine, I know you have a lot on your mind at the moment. Let’s just forget it and enjoy our lunch and coffee while we chat.”

  I needed Emily to relax so I could talk to her about the job and house on the farm. I know it was going to take a lot of convincing, but I just had to find my inner charm somehow. It wa
s a lot to ask Emily to trust me when she didn’t know me at all. Not only was I a stranger to her, but she would be very wary of anyone around her children.

  The waitress returned with our lunch and sat it down in front of us. I watched Emily as she looked down at the club sandwich, her eyes wide at the size of it. We both looked up at the same time and our eyes collided. I couldn’t help starting to laugh. Emily smiled at me and the giggles that came from her made my heart sing. It was so good to hear that happiness come from her. Even at a time she was stressed, I could still manage to get her to laugh.

  “Zach, there is no way I will be able to finish all this, no matter how hungry I am. This is a man-sized lunch for big boys like you. I will do my best because I hate to waste food, but you may have to finish it for me, ok?”

  “I think I can manage that. Now get eating and tell me what you think of my choice!”

  We both bit into our lunches and I could hear Emily moan as she tasted her first bite. That moan washed straight over me and had places in my body stirring and hardening. My mind started to wander off to what she would sound like as I brought her to the peak of an orgasm. I wanted to know what that moan slipping off her lips would sound like. My name falling off her lips as she fell over the edge with me, holding her tight. She would be so beautiful laying there, giving me her soul to protect. I had no idea how I was going to keep this at a friendship level, but there was no choice. That was the way it had to be. All these fantasies had to stay locked tight in my head.

  Lunch was going down fast. I was hungry and only had a quick breakfast. I wanted to get the eating out of the way so we could talk. I could start my campaign to have Emily where she belonged, and that was with me.

  Emily surprised herself with how far she’d gotten through the club sandwich. I knew she was hungry, and once she bit into it, she was sold on how good it was. As she dabbed the corner of her mouth with her napkin, she looked satisfied and full. Rubbing her stomach, she leaned back on the chair and let out a sigh.