Love's Wall

by Karen Deen

  “I don’t want to put you out, Zach. I have already taken up way too much of your work day and let you pay for lunch. I don’t want to be any more of an inconvenience. It’s okay, I will just jump on the bus.”

  “No need, I am heading that way and it will give me an excuse to see your great kids again. I can bribe Sammy with the donut so he’ll do his reading this afternoon for you with no arguments. It’s no problem at all! Just let me fix up the bill and we’ll get out of here.”

  I placed my hand on the small of her back and edged her towards the counter. It felt so natural to have her close and my hand touching her. I needed to stop doing it, but right at this moment, it felt so good. I just wanted to leave it there just that little bit longer.

  Heading across town to pick up Sophia and Samuel, I called Luke to touch base on some questions he had in relation to a couple of projects. Emily sat there looking out the window as I wrapped up the call, trying not to interfere with my work calls.

  I could tell her brain was racing and she was so inside her head trying to work out her world. It must be so exhausting.

  “I wonder how much energy we use when we are thinking hard, do you think it would equate to an apple? Or when it is a serious conversation with yourself do you think it would use up the energy of a chocolate donut?” I saw the smile edge up Emily’s face as she tuned into what I was saying.

  “I am sorry, I zoned out there for a bit trying not to intrude on your call. What were you saying about apples and donuts?”

  Chuckling to myself, I looked at Emily, who looked so confused. “I was trying to get you to stop thinking so hard. Want to talk about it?”

  Emily

  What should I say?

  My mind is a mess and I have huge decisions that are very confusing. Or that every time I am close to you, my body is tingling, and you make me lose conscious thought.

  Zach, if you could hear what is in my mind, you would think I was crazy, dump me on the side of the road and then take off as fast as you could. I bet other women in your life are much more together than me. I can’t work out why you are so insistent in trying to help me. What do you see in my life that makes you want to be my friend? I wished I could work it out. Maybe tomorrow would give me more of a clue and meeting his sisters might shine light on him.

  “Emily, are you okay?”

  “Yes, I’m fine. So, this car is different to the one you had the other day, but they are both black. Do you have a thing for fancy black cars, Zach?”

  “Great try at deflecting the question.” I grinned at her, “Just so you know, I am going to let it slide at the moment because you probably don’t feel you know me enough to share. I get that, but you will in time, I promise. To answer your question, yes. I own a couple of cars, four in total, including my truck. Two of them are black, but not for any particular reason except I liked them. The truck is white and my Porsche convertible, which doesn’t leave the shed very often, is silver. I know it sounds ridiculous that I have four cars, but it is one of my weaknesses. I like nice cars, but they aren’t always practical for the job site or the farm. That is why I need the truck. If you take the job, this Audi SUV is the car you will drive. It will be safe for you and the kids and useful for picking up groceries and shopping.”

  Finishing his answer, Zach waited for me to reply. With his hands on the steering wheel guiding us through the traffic with ease, he glanced across at me with those eyes that pin me to the spot every time. I am sure he can see all the way into my soul, the way he looks at me.

  Stumbling over my words, I felt like a kid. I am sure Sophia could manage to structure a sentence together better than me at the moment. I needed to get myself back under control. This was not me, I was always one step ahead and definitely always in control.

  “Uh….um…we are still a little way off working out the job, but I need to let you know I haven’t driven in at least six years. After my mother died, I couldn’t afford to keep her car so I sold it to help pay some of her medical bills. I might need to practice before I go driving your expensive car and wrecking it. It will also be weird for the kids as they have grown up not knowing what it is like to travel around in a car. They have spent their whole lives on trains and buses. Maybe if I decide to take the job, I could save up and get a cheaper, smaller car so I don’t need to keep using yours. That way, if the kids or I damage it, it won’t matter.”

  Zach’s head snapped sideways to look at me as he spoke with a forceful voice, “Not a chance, Emily. You will drive this car, that way I know you will be safe. I don’t give a rat’s ass what the kids do to it or if you damage it. This is not a negotiable part of the job. Understood?” His forehead had those lines across it that made a man look like he meant business. Zach’s tone alone told me that. I didn’t need to see the expression on his face. What he didn’t realize was that it was like waving a red flag at a bull with me.

  “We will see about that, won’t we? I am quite capable of making my own decisions, you know. If you think you can start telling me what to do just because I will be working for you, then we should forget the trip tomorrow and part ways now.” I could feel my back straightening and the hairs on the back of my neck rising. I was not one to be told by anyone what I can and can’t do. He needed to understand that straight away or this arrangement would never get off the ground. I could see his back also straighten and his knuckles grip the steering wheel tight as we got close to the school.

  “Let’s discuss this later after we have gone to the farm tomorrow. We’ll sit down and sort out the finer details for the job. But just so we are straight, I would never try to tell you what to do. However, I will never back down on anything in regards to the safety of you and the kids. You better get used to that, Emily. My father raised me to be a gentleman and he sure as hell would whip my ass if I ever stood back and didn’t protect a friend if I am able to.”

  Pulling into the parking spot, he leant across the car and placed his hand on mine again, lowering his voice to just above a whisper. “I am guessing you may never have had that before, but things are about to change in that department, Em. I’m here now and not about to go anywhere in a hurry.” His voice was smooth like chocolate, the way it slowly drifted across the car. The moment was so intense that I didn’t realize I had stopped breathing. I jerked back quickly, taking a breath at the same time. I knew he was feeling this insane electricity every time he is near me, his eyes gave it away with that look. The one of pure honesty and begging for me to trust him.

  “Um…yeah, um… I better get the kids…um, er…yeah, we will discuss it tomorrow. You can go if you want I can, um…get the train.”

  “Emily” he said with that smooth tone again. “Go grab the kids so I can take you all home?”

  “Oh yeah…um, I will…um…just be a minute.” I felt like a babbling teenage girl being asked out on her first date. I was a super confident woman, so how did Zach keep reducing me to a babbling idiot when I tried to talk to him? I had to get better at not reacting to that voice, the smooth chocolate one. The one that, if I am not mistaken, said ‘you need to listen to me’. The one that made me think he is wanting to lay me out on his bed and ravage me while he used that voice to whisper dirty things in my ear. Oh God, I could feel my cheeks heating as I thought of what that would be like. I needed to get out of this car quickly to get some cool air before I embarrass myself.

  Stop it Emily, it can’t happen you need to be a Mom to the kids and nothing else. Get a grip woman. You need to work out what you are telling the kids about Zach picking them up this afternoon. Just as I heard the bell ring and the school gates slide open, there was a rush of screaming and laughing kids pouring out of the school doors. It was like the flood gates had been opened and there was no stopping the water flow. I squinted trying to spot the twins amongst the masses.

  I heard Samuel yelling above the other kids while he hurtled down the stairs towards me. It must be a skill you get as a mother, being able to hear your own children’s
voices above a crowd. All the rest drown out as you hone in on their voice. Sometimes, I wished I could drown it out too, though! At night, when you just want that five minutes of quiet. That first ten minutes after they finally drift off to sleep for the night is golden to a parent.

  I glanced back to the top of the steps again to see Sophia slowly coming out the door, her eyes looking down to the ground, shy and reserved. The other children were zooming around her as she cautiously walked the steps. Zach was forgotten as I thought about my poor little girl who had lost her spirit. I needed to concentrate on her right now, work out how to give her the confidence she needed to feel she fits in this world. Just like Samuel does. I spotted Sammy stop to look for his sister. Like a sixth sense, he realized she wasn’t beside him anymore and he doubled back to grab her hand, dragging her across the school yard towards me. There was one thing I could always guarantee, no matter what, Sammy knew how to get Soph to smile. I hoped they would never lose that special bond. It would help them conquer this big world.

  “Mommy, we are here,” Samuel shouted as they approached me at full speed through the gate. He made me laugh, It’s as if I couldn’t see or hear them.

  “Hi, my little treasures! How was school today?” Both talked at the same time, Samuel loud and at a hundred miles an hour, while Sophia talked quietly and took her time to get out her story. How I ever worked out what they told me was a miracle, but I usually got most of the story right.

  “Ok, now calm down, you two. I have a surprise for you both, but I need you to listen up before we go.” They both stopped mid-sentence and glued their eyes to me. “Now listen to me, you remember Zach that came to the flat the other day and helped Sammy make me a cup of tea?” Nodding like their heads would fall off, they waited. “Well, Mommy ran into him today and he was on his way to the complex, so he offered to give us a lift home in his car. I need you to be on your best behavior and sit quietly. No touching anything, no yelling and screaming, and the best manners I have taught you, okay? If you can do that, then there will be another surprise for you when you get home. Do I make myself clear?”

  “Yes Mommy.” They both looked up at me with those, ‘butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth’ faces. “We promise, now can we go? Where is Mr. Zach’s car?” Sammy was already bouncing up and down on his toes. This was going to be interesting.

  We reached Zach’s Audi and he jumped out from the driver’s door. He walked around and opened the doors for the kids and I. Sammy launched himself at Zach’s legs to say hello, but then stopped dead and glared at him. “This is not your car! You have a different one that is black.” Trust Sammy to remember. Zach laughed a deep belly laugh and picked up Sammy to put him in the car.

  “I knew you were a smart boy, Samuel. Yes, you are right. I had another car the other day when you saw me, but that one is at home today. This is one of my other cars.”

  “Wow, you must be super rich to have lots of cars. We don’t even have one car.”

  “Samuel,” I cried. “You can’t say things like that, it’s rude. Now just hop in your seat and help Zach to get your belt done up. I am sorry, Zach - no filter.” Zach was too busy laughing that he didn’t even say anything.

  With Samuel secure, Zach leant down to Sophia. He could see her looking down at the ground and shuffling her feet uncomfortably. He bent down onto one knee in front of her, reaching her eye level. With his soft, patient voice, he spoke directly to her.

  “Hi Sophia, are you feeling better now?” She nodded slowly, still looking at the ground. “That’s great to hear. Listen, I was wondering if it would be okay if I could lift you up to put you in my car? Then I can drive you all home. I thought it might be a little treat. But if you would rather Mommy do it, just tell me.” Sophia looked up at me for guidance, but I wanted her to make the decision. For the first time, I saw her really look at Zach as he held out a hand to her. She stood there for a few seconds deciding, then gave a little smile.

  Very quietly, she said, “Okay then, but can I sit next to Sammy please, Mr. Zach?” He smiled and reached for her bowing down in front of her.

  “Of course, Princess Sophia. Whatever you wish, your royal highness.” My heart almost jumped out of my chest and landed in Zach’s hand for him to take hold of. For the first time in years, I heard Sophia giggle the most beautiful little girl laugh. So, it appeared there were two Jacobs girls falling for Zach Stevenson. This was going to be an interesting journey, I could just tell. Not only do I need to protect my heart, but my daughter’s too. I could cope with hurt, but I never want to put Sophia through that.

  From the moment we left the school, Samuel never stopped chatting to Zach. I was sure his ears were bleeding, but you would never know. He was so patient with him and even tried to bring Sophia into the conversation. She didn’t say much, but at least was looking up with a small smile on her face rather than scanning her feet or the ground. It was the first time I had seen her with any confidence around anyone outside of Sammy or I. Zach had them eating out of the palm of his hands.

  When we pulled up at the curb, Sammy was already getting out of his seatbelt. He jumped around in the car, asking Zach to come and play with him. I could see both kids using the big puppy dog pleading eyes. I couldn’t hold it in anymore I and burst out laughing.

  “Guys, Zach has work to do, and we can’t take up anymore of his time. It was really nice of him to drive us home, but he needs to go back to work now. Plus, you both have your afternoon reading and homework to do.”

  “But that is boring, Mommy,” Samuel complained. “Zach is more fun.”

  “I am sure he is, but he also busy. That’s enough out of you, mister.”

  Zach looked at me and gave me a smile and a little wink before turning to face Samuel and Sophie in the back seat.

  “Ok, now let’s make a deal. If you both do all your homework and reading as soon as you get inside. Without complaining at all, then your Mom has a chocolate donut for you to eat.”

  Their eyes nearly exploded out of their sockets. I was not sure of the last time I was able to give them a big treat like that. “But if she says no because you were not doing what you were supposed to, then that is it. Okay?” They both nodded their heads up and down so fast, it was like they were going to fall off. “I also promise I will come back tomorrow afternoon and we can play, if your Mom says it is alright with her.”

  I quickly spun my head around to look at him. What was he doing? He has a job to do and can’t be spending all this time with us. I wished he had asked me first instead of saying that in front of the kids. I couldn’t let them get used to Zach being around and become attached if I was not going to take the job. Zach must have seen the panic in my eyes because he just grinned and looked straight at me, holding my focus.

  “Emily, it is all right. No matter what happens with your decision, I am not going anywhere. Just accept it and get used to it.”

  Once again, he had left me speechless with his voice. It was soft and caring, but dominating so I understood that he meant business. This would be a discussion for tomorrow when there were no little ears and eyes around. I bit down on my tongue and decided to let Zach think he had his way for now.

  “How about we see how this afternoon goes and we will talk about it tomorrow after school? See how busy your work is, Zach. Right, kids. We need to get moving and let Zach go.”

  As I went to put my hand on the door handle, Zach touched my leg and stopped me. “Wait there, please.” He proceeded to jump out of the car and rush around to my door, opening it for me. With his hand out to mine, he grinned and said, “My mother would kill me for not being a gentleman.”

  As I hopped out of the car I tried to think back if I had ever had a door opened for me. Zach was looking at me quizzically, obviously trying to work out what I was thinking. Not something I felt like sharing at this stage.

  After helping me, Zach turned to open the door for the kids. Samuel jumped down and turned to see Sophia still sitting in the car. Zach p
atted Sammy on the back and caught his attention

  “Samuel, remember I how I told you the other night that you are the man of the house and it is your job to look after your Mom and Sophia? Well, it is your job to always open a door for a woman. That means any door. It is called being a gentleman and using your best manners. The women in our life are very important, aren’t they, Samuel?” I saw him smiling down at Sammy, who was listening to everything Zach had to say and nodding his head. “So we open the door for them and then offer our hand to help them get out of the car. Are you ready to hop out, Princess Sophia?”

  I heard her reply with a whisper of, “Yes”, and that beautiful giggle I would love to hear so much more of. Zach helped her down to the ground and gave her a little bow.

  I think part of my heart started tapping at the wall that I had built around it. The way that Zach treated my children was so beautiful, I found it hard to believe he was real. My life had changed so much over the last few days, both good and bad, that I felt like I was living a dream.

  I got the kids to say goodbye and thank you to Zach, then sent them inside while I arranged to message him later to organize the trip tomorrow. Standing at my front door, I looked down the path and watched Zach walk to his car and climb in. He gave me a wave and a big smile that lit up his face. I was having a really hard time thinking rationally over my heart, which was off flying around in circles.

  For once, I was looking forward to tomorrow. For once, could it go my way. Please.

  5

  Zach

  BY THE TIME I arrived back at the office, I was already trying to work out my plans for tomorrow.

  My head was full of thoughts of how to proceed with showing Emily the farm and managing not to scare her off. I could tell she was on overload with everything that had happened the last few days. I needed to proceed with caution. No matter what, by tomorrow night, I wanted to hear the words that she would be with me. As my mind wandered, I felt a whack on the back of my head.