Love's Wall

by Karen Deen

  “I don’t know, kids. We will have to wait and see what he says, but I think you are both right. I think this is going to be the best place we have ever lived at and we will have lots of fun together. Now, I need you both to hop into bed and read some books before you to go to sleep. We will talk more about it tomorrow. Mommy has lots to do, so I need you to go to sleep soon. I need to start packing things ready to move.”

  “If we are good and go to sleep straight away, will Zach buy us another donut?” asked Samuel, his eyes nearly bulging out of his head.

  “Sammy,” I gasped. “That was a very special treat and you cannot ask Zach for that when you see him. That would be rude.”

  Sophia was giggling and looked at me with a funny grin. “Mommy, Zach already promised us this afternoon that if we were good for you tonight he might buy us a treat. We just guessed it was another donut.”

  “Did he, now? Well we will have to wait and see, won’t we.” Zach and I were going to be having a serious chat about spoiling the kids tomorrow. There would have to be some solid rules in place, otherwise they would walk over the top of him-and he would definitely let them.

  The next few days were crazy and exhausting. While the kids were at school, I went crazy trying to work out what we would take and what could go to charity.

  Zach’s furniture was in better condition than some of ours, but it worried me that the kids might wreck it. Should I just use my old lounge with the fashionable stains already on it? Zach messaged me several times a day. When he called on Friday morning, I decided to try and discuss my dilemma with him. Of course, he told me I was being silly and just to use his. If it made me feel better, we could take mine and store it in the shed on the farm. This was a good option. If I thought the kids were going to wreck anything, I could swap it over. God forbid this didn’t work out! At least I would still have my furniture if I had to find somewhere else to live. I didn’t even want to think about that prospect. I hadn’t even moved in, but I was already worried about it going wrong. It was the usual way my life went. Nothing good stayed for long, so I always looked for the negative before it even arrived. I hoped I was wrong this time, for more reasons than just the house.

  Saturday morning arrived and I could swear I’d had no sleep since Zach had taken me out to the farm. My mind wouldn’t switch off. I felt excited, frightened, nervous, overwhelmed, but above all, hopeful.

  Zach had said he would arrive at 8am with a truck and his brothers to help with the move. I was more nervous about meeting his brothers than I had been about his sisters. I felt nervous of what his brothers might think of me. I tried to tell myself they would be lovely like Lilly and Alesha. I’m not sure my head was listening to the same conversation, because it wasn’t communicating it to my stomach. Zach had described his brothers to me last night and how they had reacted when he told them about the move, but it still didn’t help.

  Please let them like us.

  8

  Zach

  I COULDN’T BELIEVE moving day had finally arrived.

  Within a few hours, I would have Emily, Sophia and Samuel safely living on the farm with me where I could care for and protect them. As I walked to the Audi, I felt like the expectant father on his way to the hospital to pick up his family and bring them home for the first time. I needed to snap myself out of those thoughts. That would never be me. I was never going to be blessed with a family. Perhaps this could be the next best thing.

  Driving to the city, I put on some calm easy listening music while I remembered what it had been like telling Grant and Luke. Luke was easy, if you call putting up with his constant ribbing ‘easy.’ He’d hassled me about Emily being my next girl and how I was just moving her out to the farm so she couldn’t find anyone better than me. Nothing that I didn’t expect from Luke. In between his laughing, he had agreed to help me move her and the kids.

  Now Grant, was a whole different story. Being the overbearing brother, who also seemed to think he was my father, made it a very intense conversation. It was not very often that I stood up to Grant and told him to pull his head in, but there was no way I was taking any crap from him about Emily. I made it quite clear that we were friends and that she was someone who could use a helping hand in life. I also made it very clear that I was offering her a job, that she had not in any way suggested anything about moving in with me or asking for help.

  Grant had stood there, staring out the office window with his hands in his pants pockets, not saying much. I could tell he was not happy at all by his heaving shoulders and snorting, but he had worked out that maybe it was better to just say nothing. After I had said everything, he turned and just stared at me. After a while, he spoke. “I won’t make any judgement until I meet her, but for God sake, do not get taken advantage of, Zach. You have been hurt before, don’t let it happen again.” With that he had walked towards the door and stopped as he put his hand on the handle.

  “I know you care, but please be nice to her and give her a chance. You will love her, she is a great lady and the kids are amazing. Will you be there to help me on Saturday?” I asked quietly, before he could leave.

  He turned to look at me over his shoulder. “I’ll be there,” he’d replied. With that, he was out the door and gone.

  Getting close to the city, my heart started racing. It was the day Emily, Sophia and Samuel would get to meet my family and vice versa. I prayed it went okay. This was a huge moment for me. My mind stopped all of a sudden. Back the truck up, Zach. It’s not like they are meeting your future wife and kids. She is just a friend who would be working for you. Keep it in perspective. I was as nervous as hell.

  Once the boys knew, I’d had to fill in Zoe. She was part of my family, even if not by blood. Of course, she already knew because the girls had gone straight to her. She’d humored me, as if what I was saying was all new to her. Out of everyone, Zoe was probably the one I felt most comfortable talking to about Emily. Zoe never judged me, and we were honest and open with each other about our lives. Although she didn’t know all the details of when Christina had left, she was a woman after all. She’d pretty much pieced together that a bottle of Jack Daniels and a man passed out on a couch all equaled to a lot of hurt and pain dished out from a woman.

  Zoe had a million questions and I answered as many as I could. Some I may have brushed over and not put the whole story on the line, but there was a certain part of you that needed to be kept inside until it was the right time to share. Zoe told me I was fooling myself if I thought Emily was just a friend, but she would play along with me. She then laughed and walked out of the office to get a coffee. Great, now she would side with Luke and they would be pains in the ass the whole way along. Zoe and Luke were so similar in the enjoyment they gained from making fun of me, but always with a bunch of love behind it.

  Passing the street sign that read Branch Street, my palms sweated as I pulled into the parking space outside the unit. I shut off the car and looked up to see two little heads at the window under the curtains, jumping up and down. I could imagine the noise in the lounge room. I could tell how excited they were and was sure they had been driving Emily crazy all morning. I gave them a wave as I took in a deep breath and opened the door. Heading towards the front door, I could hear the kids yelling at Emily to open it. There was no need to knock on the door, Emily had her very own doorbell that was far louder than me knocking.

  I heard the lock being undone and my breath stopped when she came into view. Emily was all woman, even dressed in a pair of jeans and black t-shirt. It was with a v-neck that dipped down to show me that there was definitely a forbidden land there that I would love to explore. The t-shirt hugged her body like a second skin, showing curves that would be so sensual to run my hands over. Her wavy hair was pulled up on top of her head in a messy bun, a few wisps of hair falling each side of her face. They lead my gaze to her eyes that captured me every time. Such a huge part of me would love to explore the insane attraction with Emily, but my wall was there for a re
ason-to protect me when I felt weak. Emily was the first person who had made me second guess my wall and want to think about chipping away at it. I was so weak around her, but my head played on repeat like a broken record. Remember, Emily is a friend and that is all she can ever be.

  “Hey, Zach. You’re early but I am pretty much done. Just a couple more things to throw-in the kid’s toiletries, pillows and snuggle toys for the car.”

  “Hi Em, I hope it’s okay, I was eager to get started so thought I would come around to see if you needed any help before the boys arrive with the truck.” What I wanted to confess was that I was eager to see her and nervous to make sure she hadn’t changed her mind. “Still ready to do this, no change of heart on me?”

  “Nope. Once I make my mind up about something, there is no turning back.” Emily finally opened the door wide for me to step in and Sammy came barreling towards me, jumping into my arms. Luckily, I had quick reflexes.

  “You happy to see me, little man?” I laughed as he looked at me with the biggest grin.

  “We are coming to live with you, Zach, did you know that? And you have horses and cows and a big farm. Mommy said we had to ask you if we could ride them and if we can play on the farm. Does it have trees and a creek? Is there a barn?” The words tumbled out of his mouth quicker than he knew how to stop them.

  “Woah, buddy, slow down! I can’t keep up with the questions.” I chuckled at the little boy in my arms who couldn’t keep his excitement in any more. It was all pouring out, whether we were ready for it or not. “I think you are a little bit excited about coming to live with me on the farm, aren’t you?” By this time, he was squirming and ready to get down. He had so much energy that he didn’t know what to do with it. He nodded so hard his head might fall off.

  I turned to look at Sophia, who was standing next to Emily and had the most delightful smile on her face. “How about you, Princess Sophia, are you ready to come and live with me in your new castle?” There was my giggle, the one she seemed to save just for me. My heart had a warm, burning feeling it had not felt in a very long time, if ever. It was caused by the happiness in both the kids from what I could offer them. Before Christina, I had wanted children and a few of them. I always imagined that I would teach them to ride a horse or sit curled up on a couch with them all around, telling stories of my life growing up with my siblings. My wife would look on with ‘that’ look. The one that only we would share. The one of love and pieces of the puzzle that all joined together, our little family. That was never going to happen for me now. Maybe I could still share my love and time with these two little people who needed someone to help their Mom out.

  Emily looked down at Sophia, waiting for her to answer with more than a giggle. She stood staring at me, smiling, but finally responded “Is it really as big as a castle?”

  I grinned and said “Yes, Princess Sophia it is, and it is waiting for its two new princesses to arrive.”

  Her grin changed to a look of confusion, pleading Emily with her eyes to explain what I meant. Now the one wearing a grin, Emily looked at me with those beautiful eyes. I winked at her and bent down to be at the same level as Sophia. “You are a princess, Sophia, but so is your Mommy. You are both coming to live in my castle with me. Is it okay if Mommy can be a princess, too?”

  “Does that mean that you are Mommy’s Prince, Zach?” I heard Emily gasp and I glanced up at her. Sophia’s question had taken us both by surprise. I wanted nothing more than to be able to say yes to Sophia. I wanted Emily to be my queen, but I couldn’t confuse a little girl. I wondered what Emily was thinking and what she really wanted. Did she feel what I did every time I saw her? Could she feel the whirlwind of emotions and electricity that kept circling us?

  “We will just have to wait and see, won’t we. Can I be your prince for now? Is that okay?” She nodded strongly and, although she didn’t speak a lot, I could tell by her expressions when she liked something. I hoped the more time she spent at the farm, the more she would relax and open up a bit more, for her Mom especially. I could tell she worried about her. After seeing Sophia’s reaction to my answer, I slowly stood to look at Emily. Our faces weren’t very far apart, and I was nervous as to what she thought of one day being my princess. Her warm flushed cheeks told me exactly what she felt about that. She never said a word, but turned quickly pretending to fuss over something being packed. I knew I needed to change the subject and lighten things up again.

  “So how is the packing, Em? Is there anything you need me to do before the boys get here?”

  “No, we are organized, surprisingly. I have done this enough times over the last couple of years that I have gotten pretty good at it. The kids were good the last two days and stayed out of my way. I think it was because they want to move so much, they figured the quicker I pack the faster we get to the farm,” Emily said with her back to me. I guessed she was getting herself under control from the conversation with Sophia.

  I turned my attention to both the kids, as well as Emily.” So shortly, my two brothers will be here with a big truck and we are going to put all your things in there. Then they are going to drive it out to the farm and you will all come in the car with me. Okay?”

  The kids jumped around with excitement and Emily asked them to stand still and listen to what I was saying.

  “When Grant and Luke get here, I want Sammy and Soph to stay inside and not come out to the truck at all. It is very dangerous, and I don’t want you getting hurt. You two munchkins need to stay here in the lounge room and watch through the window. Do you understand?” They both nodded again. I was starting to think Emily had told them not to talk too much today because they went quiet all of a sudden. If they kept nodding, their heads were definitely going to fall off.

  “Are your brothers nice like you, Zach?” Sophia quietly stammered.

  I was shocked that she had spoken at all. It was unusual. I could tell she was concerned at meeting men she didn’t know. I wanted to go back and beat the living hell out of the previous landlord and every other man who had put fear into this little girl. She was so unsure. I had told all my family about her and to stay their distance from her until she settles. It may take a while. I was sure the boys would do as I ask, but there was no chance the girls or Mom would pay attention to anything I had said.

  Mom had been beside herself when I told her and Dad about Emily and the kids moving to the farm. She already had me married off and her being an adoptive grandmother. I explained several times that Emily and I were just friends and would be remaining that way. I was sure it was going in one ear and out the other ear. Dad stepped in at one stage telling my mother to get a hold of herself and listen to what I was saying. She stopped mid-sentence and waited while it sunk in before turning to my Dad.

  “Now you hush, Mitch, what would you know? I am his mother. I know him better than that and I know how big his heart is. There is no way he would ask just any single mom and her kids to stay on the farm doing a job we all know he had no intention of getting anyone for. Isn’t that right, Zach?”

  I gulped, trying not to show any emotion as she eyeballed me. It was no use. If there was one person who could see straight through every shell I ever put up, it was my Mom. While Dad was busy providing for us and protecting us, Mom was the one who looked after our souls and protected them.

  “Mom, a friend, remember.”

  “Yep, whatever you say, Zach. Now when can I meet her and the kids?”

  “Maybe it’s best if you don’t come on Saturday while we are doing the move. Come by Sunday when they are a bit settled.”

  “Like hell I won’t be there Saturday! This is important to you, Zach, therefore it is important to us. Isn’t that right, Mitch?”

  Dad just huffed and said, “Yes dear, whatever you say. You know you won’t be able to keep the busybody away, boy. You may as well give her a job to do so she doesn’t drive me crazy. I’m going to talk to Grant. Come down, love, when you have finished chewing off Zach’s ear and the bloo
d is dripping.” His deep laugh rumbled as he left my office.

  I quickly thought. The easiest way to keep Mom out of our hair in the morning was to ask her to organize lunch for everyone and deliver it at midday. I also asked if she could prepare an evening meal for myself, Emily, Samuel and Sophia for Saturday. We would be tired, and it would be nice to have something already prepared. I asked that she keep in mind it needed to be something simple for the kids to eat. Her pure joy at being given a task of mothering Emily and the kids before she had even met them showed me I was going to have to rein her back. She would confuse the kids if I didn’t get her under control, but I would have to worry about that later.

  I snapped out of my thoughts to look at Sophia with a gentle expression, hoping to put her at ease.

  “They sure are, Sophia. Luke looks a little like me and he is younger than me. He jokes and plays tricks on me all the time. He thinks he is funny, so will probably try to make you laugh and will want to wrestle with Samuel.”

  Samuel’s eyes lit up like the sun at the thought of having someone else to play with besides me.

  “If he is too annoying, you just tell me, and I will put him in the naughty corner, okay?” She gently nodded again.

  “Now, my older brother Grant is a little bit different to me, but still nice. He has black hair and is a little taller than me. He doesn’t talk much and sometimes looks like he is grumpy, but it will never be at you. He just gets really busy with his job and it makes him a bit tired sometimes.”