Love's Wall

by Karen Deen

  ”Just like Mommy gets tired from work and yells at us sometimes too,” Sammy added. I glanced up at Emily and saw the embarrassment on her face. I couldn’t help myself and let out a big chuckle.

  “Yep, Sammy just like that. Grownups sometimes do that because we get tired, but we don’t mean to. If Grant forgets and yells at you, then you tell me. I will give him a smack and put him in the naughty corner too. But seriously they are both the same as me and will think you and your Mom are pretty cool.”

  I could tell Emily looked nervous about meeting them, but she wouldn’t let the kids see that, especially Sophia.

  “It’s okay, Soph. Mom will be here the whole time they are here and so will Zach. Everything will be fine.”

  Sophia looked up to her Mom with her trusting eyes. It told me what I already knew. Sophia had felt vulnerable and threatened before and the only people she really trusted was her Mom and Sammy. I had a warm feeling, though, that I was starting to make it onto her list and that thrilled me no end. I wanted nothing more than to be her protector.

  “Before the big boys get here, do you want to pack any of your precious things in the car that need to come with us? Any toys that might need to ride with us or pillows to snuggle?” Emily laughed at me as both kids took off to the couch to grab what they had kept to travel with. “Now they can’t hop in my car unless we have been properly introduced, Samuel you first - who do you have here?” Emily tried to hide her giggling behind her hand.

  “Mr. Zach, this is Mr. Magoo. He is my teddy bear and I love him lots like my Mommy. He sleeps in my bed with me so he doesn’t get lonely. He likes to play with me and Sophia sometimes to. Maybe when we get to the farm, he can play with you too.”

  “Pleased to meet you, Mr. Magoo. I think we will make great friends. Sophia, who do you have with you?”

  Sophia looked down at the little pink teddy she was hugging very close to her body. She was squeezed it a little tighter, getting the courage to tell me about it.

  “Mr. Zach, this is Pinkie and she is my friend. She cuddles me when I am scared and is my best teddy. She is brave and looks after me. She said she thinks you are nice and funny and would like to live at your farm too.”

  Well if that wasn’t enough for me to fall the rest of the way in love with this little girl, then nothing was. I was hers forever and nothing would ever come between us. She would never feel scared again. Emily had tears in her eyes and had to look away.

  “Thank you, Pinkie. I would really like you to come and live with me, too. I also think your friend Sophia and her Mommy are very nice and pretty and her brother Samuel is pretty cool and funny as well. I am so glad you look after Sophia when she is scared. Maybe I might be able to help you do that too. I will always keep you safe, Sophia. Please tell me if anything ever scares you, even if it is me that scares you by accident.” Emily walked out of the room.

  Sophia looked right into my soul and whispered, “Thank you,” then wandered over to the window to look out and wait for the truck with Samuel. I found it amusing that Sammy didn’t want to let me know he got scared sometimes and wanted to appear tough, while Sophia was happy to tell me she needed Pinkie. She used Pinkie to communicate things she didn’t have the confidence to say. Kids are amazing, the way their minds work.

  I stood and walked into the kitchen where Emily had her back to me. I could tell she was trying to get herself together. I walked over and put my arm on her shoulder and turned her to face me. She was looking down, so I couldn’t see the tears. I gently placed my fingers on her chin and lifted her head up to look at me.

  “Those two little angels have already hooked me, and I will give my life to protect them, whether you want me to or not. I am sorry, Em, but they are the most beautiful creatures I have ever met, besides their Mom. I know we are just friends, but I am telling you it is getting hard to stay that way. I don’t know your story and you don’t know mine, but I am glad we will have time to hear the stories together. As hard as it is I just need to stay friends. Please know I feel everything you are. It shocks me, but I can assure you that you’re not dreaming it. When you hear my story, you will understand why we have to stay friends. No matter what happens from now on, though, you will always have me here and so will the kids. This has all happened very quickly, but it is all real. Don’t doubt it for a minute.” My heart was thumping against my chest from being so close to Emily. God, I wanted to just lean down the short distance and kiss her. She was drawing me in with her beauty and it was taking all my strength to hold back.

  Emily looked up at me, blinking through tears. “Why are you so perfect, Zach? No man has ever been that nice to my children, or me, for that matter. I don’t know how to process what is happening. Any changes in my life are hard enough and then you come along and appear out of nowhere like a knight riding in to save us. Everything you are doing is amazing, but watching you just then with Sophia and Samuel just broke the dam wall. I don’t know why you were sent into our lives. What I do know is that, like you, I agree we have to stay friends and I have to protect my kids. I can’t let them get hurt, their hearts are too fragile and precious. But …” She stopped and contemplated if she should continue or not.

  In a smaller voice not much more than a whisper, she continued, “But I feel it too, Zach. I don’t know what it is or how to deal with it, but I feel it too. I wish I could do something about it because I have never ever felt like this before, but this isn’t about me. It’s about those two lives in there. I swore never to put my life before theirs and to protect them to my death.” With that, Emily turned back from looking at the kids to see what my reaction was to her words.

  “Within a week, you have turned my world upside down in a beautiful way. I just can’t believe it is all true and happened so fast. I think we need to get moved and settle in, then slow the world down. We can take our time getting to know each other as friends. The kids can get used to having you around as a friend and someone who will look out for them. We have to remember, I will be working for you. Being friends is the only way we can have a working relationship. Are we on the same page, Zach?” Looking at Emily, I know what I needed to reply. But it is not what my heart was saying. My heart wanted to open the gate on the wall and say, ‘come on in and stay for a while.’ It was telling me to take her into my arms and kiss her so she will never mention the friend zone ever again.

  Taking her hands, I quietly reassure her. “We are on the same page, Em. We will make great friends and work colleagues. The kids will be my little buddies and I will love teaching them things and exploring my farm through their eyes. It has been far too long since there have been little munchkins at home. It was meant to be for children to grow up on and learn about the wonders of life and nature. I would love to be the one to teach them that, if you will let me. Let’s get you out there and settled and, like you said, let’s take it slowly. One day at a time. Dry your tears and let’s get you smiling. Today is supposed to be a happy day and the start of some really great memories for you and the kids.”

  Memories that would be printed on my brain in my ‘Emily space’ just for me and never to be seen by anyone else. It was my dream space because I knew I could never have her, but she will always be in my dreams. They say that you will know when you have met your ‘one’.

  I had not only met mine, but she was coming to live with me. I knew I couldn’t do anything to make her mine.

  I had a feeling this was going to be torture.

  9

  Emily

  MY GREATEST FEAR was that Zach would continue to be so wonderful and the kids would fall hard for him, which I knew was so easy to do.

  One day, someone would come along, and he will marry them and have his own children. That would break Sophia and Samuel’s hearts and that was my greatest fear. I needed to have a serious talk with Zach once we had settled in and work through it together. I needed to protect them at all cost.

  My life was going to be hell living and working alongside a man
who I was falling for very quickly. I knew I couldn’t pursue Zach, but I also knew I would never be able to stop my heart from wanting to. Life was cruel in so many ways. Finally, a man had come into my life that made me feel things I have never known. Yet, I couldn’t do anything about it. I would have to endure looking into those mesmerizing eyes every day. I was not sure I could do it, but I needed to for the kids’ sake. This was the best home and job we would ever have and they deserved to be happy for once, even if it was at my expense. That’s what parents do. They put their children first, every single time.

  Samuel and Sophia started jumping up and down at the window, signaling that the guys had arrived in the truck. If I wasn’t feeling my stomach doing somersaults before, it sure as hell was flip flopping now. My nerves were at an all-time high. I wanted to make the right impression on Zach’s family. I could only imagine what they were thinking of me at the moment. I looked at Zach, who was still standing next to me in the kitchen.

  He leaned down and, with his hand on my shoulder, whispered in my ear, “I know you are nervous, but there is no need to be. You are a special woman and they will love you. Relax, I will be here to keep you safe.”

  The hairs on my neck were standing up with Zach so close to me. I could feel his breath on my body and had never been so aroused in my life. This man had me tangled in his web and I had a feeling there was no way out.

  “Just breathe, Em it will be fine. I am right here and won’t leave you or the kids alone.” I hadn’t realized I was holding my breath. Zach thought it was because of my nerves, but I knew it was because of him. As I breathed in slowly, Zach stepped back and smiled at me. For some reason, a calm feeling came over me. He placed his hand in the small of my back and led me to the door to meet his brothers.

  I was aware of the kids and their excitement but I was trying to concentrate on my breathing and getting my brain calm so I didn’t make an idiot of myself. Zach opened the front door to two very handsome men. Zach took my breath away, but his brothers had also been given the very attractive genes in the family. All three of the boys had that strong masculine look and stood tall with broad shoulders. You could tell they were raised to be confident men, the way they held themselves. Luke was obviously the first one, leaning against the door jam. He had a cheeky-looking grin and it gave the impression he was dying to give Zach a ribbing but was holding back. His brown wavy hair was just like Zach’s, but a little longer. He was less conservative than Zach, I guessed, being that little bit younger.

  There was no mistaking Grant. He stood behind Luke with a serious, gaze looking straight through me, trying to assess me and work me out in the first few seconds. He had the domineering look that let you know he wouldn’t take any crap and was trying to make sure I knew he was there to protect Zach. He would be making sure I didn’t take advantage of him. That couldn’t be any further from what my intentions were.

  Zach still had his hand on my back, which was keeping me grounded and feeling like he would make everything alright. I wished I could bottle that feeling of strength Zach gave me. He leant forward with his other hand to greet the boys.

  “Hi guys, Thanks for helping us today. Emily, this is Luke and Grant. They have been threatened to behave and be proper gentlemen today.”

  “Man, am I ever anything but? Don’t listen to him. Emily.” Luke held out his hand. “Happy to meet you and lend a hand today. Zach will need help. He is such a weakling, he wouldn’t be able to manage without a few real men here.” Luke looked at Zach, getting ready to duck, but Zach just started to laugh which made me feel more at ease.

  “Thanks, Luke. Lucky he has you around then, isn’t it?” I smiled, trying to settle in with them both

  “Oh God, Emily, don’t encourage him. Especially not this early in the day. You will be ready to kill him by the end of it. Or I will, one or the two. Grant, back me up here, will you.”

  Grant gave a slight smile, but somehow managed to keep it serious. “Knock it off, Luke, or Zach will lose his crap with you. Nice to meet you, Emily. Now maybe we should get started so the day doesn’t get away from us.” His voice was deep and very commanding. I now understood what Zach meant about his brother and the way he liked to take control of everything. He had that aura about him. I looked up at him and his eyes were hard and serious, but there was a little something in them that told me that there was more to Grant than he let the world see. I felt a gentle hand on the back of my leg and looked down to see Sophia hiding behind me. Samuel bounced up and down on his toes next to Zach, but had managed to keep quiet until I looked at him. That was like the signal that he needed.

  “Hi Mr. Luke and Mr. Grant. I am Samuel, and this is my sister Sophia. We are going to live at Mr. Zach’s house. He said you are going to be nice to us, but we need to tell him if you are naughty. We aren’t allowed to go near the truck, but we get to go in Mr. Zach’s car. Did you know he has a big black car? I have to always open the door for my Mom and Sophia because Mr. Zach said that is what gentlemen do. Have you seen his farm? Is it big? Are there lots of animals?”

  “Samuel! Wow, buddy, slow down, Grant and Luke can’t keep up with you. Remember, they are old men.” Zach started laughing at the constant babbling that came out of Samuel’s mouth from excitement. Just then, Luke reached out and whacked him across the head for the old man comment. I couldn’t help but laugh at both Samuel and Zach. My stomach was starting to settle as I started to feel like things were going to be okay.

  Zach knelt down next to me and reached out for Sophia’s hand to bring her around in front of me. “Now this beautiful princess here is Sophia. She is very special and a little quiet but has a special friend, Pinkie, who helps to look after her. So, you both need to be nice to Pinkie as well.”

  Zach stood there holding her hand, giving her the strength to face his brothers. I knew she would be petrified. Luke bent down and shook her hand and then moved on to start talking to Samuel and telling him all the answers to the questions he had asked. Grant just stood there for a moment. It was like he was working out how he should act around a little girl.

  After a few moments he knelt on one knee to get to her level, so he could look her in the eye. It looked like he was contemplating what to say. Eventually, his deep voice spoke, “Hi Sophia, I am Grant. I am very pleased to meet such a special young lady. I am glad Pinkie looks after you. If Zach ever is annoying, you just tell me, and I will deal with him, okay? Maybe make him do extra chores of yours as a punishment. So you just tell me, okay.” Even though he still had his serious voice on, Sophia had brought out the biggest smile on his face. Sophia was quiet for a minute and then did something unexpected. She let out a quiet little giggle, much like the ones that she had given Zach.

  Zach looked at me with an astonished look. I was sure we would be having a conversation about Grant later. I knew one thing and that was Grant had won Sophia over against all our amazement. I was beginning to think she had special powers with regards to these Stevenson men.

  The boys got to it and started to load all the furniture into the truck. Things cleared out of my crappy apartment very quickly. It showed me that I really didn’t have many belongings. At one stage, Zach stopped as he walked past me and put his hand on my arm to check I was okay. Although it was upsetting and hard to pack up and move again, it was also full of excitement. I feared what was ahead of us, but had also never felt so excited to see what that future had in store for us.

  Finally, the truck was packed, and I took one last walk through the apartment with Zach. It wasn’t much, but it had been a home for a while. It still held memories for me. By the time we made it back to the front door, Samuel was talking Luke’s ears off. He was trying to convince Luke to let him go in the truck. Sophia stood to the side clutching Pinkie tightly and keeping her distance from the men.

  “Okay kids, let’s get you strapped in the car. Before you say a word Sammy – no, you can’t go in the truck. You are in the car with Zach, Soph and I. There is no seat in the tr
uck for you.”

  Sammy looked disappointed. Luke then promised that once we were at the farm and unloaded, he would take him for a little drive in the truck. That was enough to calm him down and have him running to open the car door for Sophia and wait for her. No matter how many times he did that, it made my heart beat against my chest with pride. Sophia slowly walked down and scrambled up into the backseat, followed by Samuel. It was time to move on and start our new life. I went to close the front door of the apartment and Zach put his hand on mine.

  “This is not the closing of one door, it is definitely the opening of a new door, a new chapter in your life. I hope a chapter in a new book that you will be very happy in. Time to move forward, Emily.”

  “Thank you, Zach. I am so scared.” I turned from the locked door to see his smile. “But deep down, I have a gut feeling that we will be happy in our new life. It’s the first time for me that moving into a new place actually feels like we will be safe. That is a feeling I could get used to very easily. Let’s get going before Samuel gets restless in the car.”

  Although my stomach was still swirling like a whirlpool, my heart had a warm feeling in it. That feeling was filtered through my body the longer Zach stood and stared at me with heat in his eyes. Friends, just friends, friends remember. I kept repeating it in my head as we drove out of the complex, listening to the kids cheering about leaving a place they never liked and definitely hadn’t felt at home in. Hopefully I had made the right decision to move them to Zach’s and I wasn’t setting them up for a heartbreak if it didn’t work out. Or, to be honest, setting my heart up to be broken either.

  Just friends.

  Zach

  On the ride home, the conversation was full of questions from the kids.

  Surprisingly, some of those were from Sophia too. She was starting to relax a little around me, which I loved. I tried to tell them as much as I could, I could also see that Emily was quiet. She was looking out the window most of the trip, taking in the scenery. Her face told me there was a lot of thinking going on in her head and I was sure she was feeling anxious about everything. I guess that being on her own for so long, Emily was used to taking everything on her own shoulders. All the hard decisions and the stress that came with making sure the kids lives were the best they could be. I wanted her to know that she wasn’t on her own anymore. I wanted to be there for her to lean on with the big decisions and stress. The worry lines that were across her forehead did not suit her beautiful face. I was determined to wipe them away and bury them in the baggage she was going to be unpacking once she settled on the farm.