Burden

by K. C. Wells

  “They are gorgeous, aren’t they?” Owen said quietly into his ear.

  Randy jerked his head to glare at him. “How do you do that?”

  Owen laughed. “What’s my job again? Hmm? I’m an observer of human nature.”

  Randy sighed. “Okay, so they’re gorgeous. I have no problem admitting that. I can appreciate a good-looking man.” He sipped the cocktail Owen had ordered for him, a heady mix of rum and juice, which was delicious. It was also his second, and he was feeling more relaxed.

  Owen leaned against the bar. “And speaking of men… who is this guy you were attracted to?”

  Randy blinked. “You’ve lost me.”

  Owen smiled. “You have to be good at listening in my line of work. And even better at remembering. I asked you if you’d ever been attracted to a guy before, and you said yes. So… who was he? Though maybe I should be asking, who is he?”

  Randy took a long pull on his straw. “It’s complicated.”

  “I can deal with complicated. That’s my job. Try me.”

  Randy shook his head. He wasn’t ready to talk about Jesse, not yet. “If your goal was to get me here, get me drunk, and get me to talk, it’s not gonna work.”

  Owen’s eyes glittered. “Who says that was my goal?”

  Randy did an eye-roll. “Oh please. When is your goal not to get me to talk?”

  “Have you at least enjoyed the experience so far?”

  He smiled. “Yeah. It’s nice to get to see things from a different angle. I only get to see the seedier side.” Rise was nothing like the gay bars he usually found himself in. “This was relaxing.” He enjoyed sitting there, soaking up the atmosphere, watching the people around him having fun, with none of the airs of pretentiousness or snobbery that he’d witnessed in a lot of New York bars. Everyone was just there to enjoy themselves.

  Owen nodded. “Which is precisely why I brought you here to this bar. Believe me, there are others where you wouldn’t feel so comfortable.”

  Randy laughed. “At this point there’s not much that can shock me. Been there—hell, I worked there.”

  Owen picked up his cocktail glass. “Now that sounds like a challenge.”

  Randy stilled. “And that was the last thing I intended doing, knowing you.”

  Owen was gazing at him in a thoughtful way that set off those flutters in Randy’s belly all over again.

  “Owen.” He forced a warning note into his voice. “We are not going to any more gay bars.”

  To his surprise Owen smiled. “Oh, I have no intention of doing that. I have something else in mind.”

  When nothing else was forthcoming, Randy sighed. “You’re not going to tell me, are you?”

  Owen’s only response was a grin, and Randy’s mouth suddenly grew dry.

  Oh dear God, what now?

  “We can go when you’re ready,” Owen told him before handing bills to one of the bartenders. Then he turned to Randy. “Do you trust me?”

  His throat tight, Randy nodded.

  “I learned a lot about you, that time we talked. And I got the feeling that you’re going through something, maybe a kind of… evolution. Making discoveries about yourself. Well, I want to help. But for me to do that, you do have to trust me.”

  Fuck. Randy’s heartbeat raced, and he was suddenly grateful he was sitting down. “Okay,” he managed to get out.

  Owen nodded, then patted Randy’s arm. “Good man. Now let’s go home.” He got off his stool.

  Randy did the same, amazed that his legs held him upright. The idea that Owen was planning something both terrified and excited him, but he liked the way Owen put it.

  Am I… evolving? He wasn’t sure. When it came to the crux, Randy thought it was less a matter of changing from one state into another, and more a case of acknowledging what he’d known for a while.

  All he had to do now was accept it.

  Chapter Eleven

  JESSE WAS having maybe the best Fourth of July of his life, and it wasn’t even noon yet. Most of his enjoyment boiled down to the man walking at his side. Randy wore a pair of shorts and a white sleeveless T-shirt, perfect for the warm day. He appeared at ease, possibly the most relaxed Jesse had ever seen him. His eyes were hidden behind his shades, and that was Jesse’s only regret, but the sight of Randy’s firm calves, covered with a light down of hair, made up for it. The low scooped neck of his T-shirt revealed another surprise: Randy was hairier than Jesse had suspected.

  Dammit. He loved hairy guys.

  After Randy bought them cards for the rides, they’d strolled along the boardwalk, stopping at a bar when Jesse had seen the sign for margaritas. Randy had rolled his eyes but hadn’t argued. What appeared was the largest strawberry margarita Jesse had ever drunk, so large they had to share it, and the alcohol gave him a pleasant buzz.

  That meant he’d needed food, so a huge pretzel with mustard was the obvious choice. They’d walked along some more, Jesse pulling off pieces and handing them to Randy. They’d missed the hot-dog-eating contest, but the smell drifting out of Nathan’s was heavenly. And of course that meant Jesse had to have one.

  By midday he was stuffed.

  Randy laughed. “Where do you put it all? Have you got the kind of metabolism that burns everything up?”

  “I wish.” Jesse patted his belly. “This requires a lot of work.” He grinned. “But it was worth it. I don’t eat this shit at home. So, what next?” To hell with watching what he ate. It was a holiday, for Christ’s sake.

  Randy pointed up and to the right. “How about that?”

  Jesse followed his finger and swallowed. “Are you kidding? I am not riding the Cyclone after eating a humongous pretzel and a hot dog, and drinking the world’s largest margarita. Not unless you really want me to throw up all over ya?”

  “Then how about a nice, gentle ride on the Wonder Wheel?”

  Jesse glared at him, not taken in for a second by Randy’s innocent expression. “You forget, I’ve been here before. And I wouldn’t put it past you to choose one of the swinging cars. You know, the ones that go on rails and scare the shit out of you?”

  Randy smirked. “It was worth a try.”

  “We are gonna have a pleasant stroll along the boardwalk, maybe check out the amphitheater for later, and by the time we’ve done that, I may be ready to tackle some rides without fear of heaving.”

  “So I guess that means the Steeplechase is out. And the Luna 360. And the Soarin’ Eagle.” Randy’s lips twitched.

  Jesse gaped at him. “Oh my God. You are evil incarnate, aren’t ya? You look like butter wouldn’t melt, but behind those gorgeous blue eyes lurks the brain of a fiend.” Then he realized what he’d said, and he snapped his mouth shut. Randy regarded him with slightly widened eyes, and Jesse leaped in before he could get a word out. “I tell you what. Why don’t I choose a ride?”

  Randy narrowed his gaze. “Okay, I’ll bite. Which ride did you have in mind?”

  Jesse beckoned him with a crooked finger, and they picked their way through the crowds, heading toward the Wonder Wheel. Facing it was something that was much more Jesse’s level. “There,” he said, flinging his arm out.

  Randy bit his lip. “Spook-a-Rama? You want me to go on a… ghost train?”

  Jesse snickered. “Don’t tell me the big bad cop is scared.”

  Randy narrowed his gaze. “Did you see anything remotely scary on my shelves? Hmm?”

  “Oh, for Pete’s sake. It doesn’t even look scary.” Above the frontage was a carved hideous monster, and the track was lined with panels depicting various horrific images that managed to not be horrific at all. Jesse pointed to a hand-painted sign on the right. “This was built in 1955. How scary can it be?” He was enjoying himself.

  Randy let out an exaggerated sigh. “Oh, come on, then.” They went through the turnstile and got into a brightly painted car. As it moved off, Randy pointed to the lurid panels. “Yeah, you’re right. I mean, look at this.” When they passed the sign screaming
Danger at them in giant red letters, he chuckled. “Yeah, right.”

  They burst through the doors at the end, on which were painted huge eyeballs, and then they were plunged into complete black.

  “Okay, this is spooky,” Randy said quietly.

  Jesse snickered again. “Scared of the dark too? I’d never have—Jesus Christ!” A skeleton lunged at them through a curtain, lit up by red lights, and Jesse reached for Randy’s arm.

  Randy laughed. “This might be more fun than I thought.”

  “Hey, it surprised me,” Jesse protested, recovering quickly. As ghost trains went, this was pretty tame, the usual combination of strobe lighting, glowing eyes, hideous creatures, and of course, skeletons all over the place, with flickering lights playing over them to make it look like they were moving. Being in the dark, however, was seriously spooky.

  An air jet blasted over them, and they grabbed each other, both of them laughing. When a zombie half fell out of a closet, lit up eerily, it was Randy’s turn to clutch Jesse’s arm, his fingers digging into the muscle.

  “Hey, it’s just a zombie who wants to eat your brains,” Jesse said soothingly, amid chuckles.

  “Ha! You’re nearest, so you’re first on the menu.” Randy sighed when they passed a couple of corny ghosts lit up by a glimmer of daylight. “Aw, it’s over.”

  “See? You liked it.” Jesse had loved the sheer campiness of it all, but mostly he’d loved being alone in the dark, holding on to Randy’s arm. As they burst through the doors into bright sunlight, he reluctantly let go. “So, where next?”

  Randy laughed. “Anywhere you like.”

  Jesse was loving the day more and more—right up to the moment where they walked out of the ride and into the path of a very familiar guy….

  Jesse felt like the marrow froze in his bones. What the fuck was Jonathon doing in New York? He lived in Wyoming, for God’s sake, with his wife and kids—

  The same wife and kids who were strolling along with him, the boy giving the Cyclone long glances, the girl yelling that she wanted to go on the Wonder Wheel. His wife looked bored out of her skull.

  Jonathon caught Jesse’s eyes, and all the color slid from his face.

  Don’t stop. Don’t say a word. Please. Jesse’s heart hammered, and sweat popped out on his brow. Then he found he could breathe again as Jonathon looked away, pointing to the Spook-a-Rama.

  Jesse walked on, picking up the pace a little, praying silently that Randy hadn’t noticed a thing.

  “Are we in a hurry or something?” Randy sounded amused.

  Jesse forced a light laugh. “Hey, we’ve only got one day. That’s a lot of rides to fit in before the concert.” He didn’t look back, his heartbeat calming down a little.

  By the time they’d reached the Wild River, he was thinking logically. Of course Jonathon wouldn’t have said anything. Why would he? He had a damn sight more to lose than Jesse did. Still, the moment had given Jesse quite a jolt.

  Randy can’t find out. And Jesse would do everything to make sure Randy stayed in the dark.

  RANDY WAS having an awesome day. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d let loose and really enjoyed himself, but this Fourth so far was ranking at the top. They rode the Wild River, both of them laughing as they hit the water at the bottom, the spray wetting them thoroughly. The Tickler had Jesse screaming every time the car went backward, and Randy loved every minute of it. Both of them screamed on the Steeplechase, which was way too short.

  As they walked to the Cyclone, it occurred to Randy that the rides he’d enjoyed most were the ones where Jesse was sitting beside him.

  “Ready for this?” he said as they lined up to get on the ride.

  Jesse was staring up at the roller coaster. “It’s so high.” As they waited for the next car, his eyes widened. “Oh my God. I think we’re gonna be at the front.”

  Randy couldn’t have planned it better if he’d tried.

  They climbed into the car, and it began to chug its way up the steep incline. As they neared the top, Jesse pointed to the sign above their heads. “Remain seated? Like who’d be dumb enough to stand up in this thing?”

  They reached the top, and Randy grabbed hold of Jesse’s hand, raising it aloft.

  “No!” Jesse screamed.

  “Yes!” Randy whooped as they plunged down, the wind hitting their faces, the sudden rush of adrenaline spiking through his body. Every dip he did the same thing, and every time Jesse screamed with delight. By the time they reached the tunnel, Jesse was laughing his ass off. The car came to a stop and they got out, Jesse still beaming.

  “That was great!” They stumbled toward the exit, Jesse’s arm around Randy’s waist. Randy didn’t know if that was instinctual on Jesse’s part. He only knew it felt really good. When Jesse released him, lowering his arm, Randy sighed internally.

  As days went, this one was freaking perfect, and he didn’t want it to end.

  “IT LOOKS like some giant white bug,” Jesse said as they waited to enter the amphitheater.

  “I guess it does.” Above, white canvas stretched between curved steel girders, so the venue was covered but left open to the elements on three sides. Their seats were in one of the front three blocks behind the orchestra pit.

  When they finally sat down, Jesse gazed at their surroundings. “This is amazing.”

  Jesse’s hand lay on his thigh, and Randy longed to cover it with his own, but that was a step he dared not take. It wasn’t the action of a friend—more of a lover. Those times throughout the day when they’d grabbed each other, laughing and screaming, had already been burned into his memory.

  Randy clasped his hands in his lap. “Have you had a good day?”

  Jesse shook his head, his expression almost solemn. “No,” he said simply, before breaking into a gentle smile. “I’ve had an awesome day, and it isn’t even over.” Then the lights went down and he focused his attention on the stage. “Here we go,” he whispered.

  Randy took in very little of the concert. The music washed over him, adding to the atmosphere, but all he was aware of was Jesse beside him, his warmth, his scent. Spending the day in his company had been incredible but had only added to Randy’s confusion. What scared him most was the thought that he didn’t want to be Jesse’s friend.

  He wanted to be more but was too terrified to do anything about it.

  Randy could take as many tests as he liked, could fake as many results as he wanted, but it didn’t alter what he knew to be the truth.

  He wasn’t straight.

  He was attracted to Jesse.

  He wanted to spend more time with Jesse.

  And that scared him to death.

  RANDY STOOD with Jesse on the boardwalk, watching the night sky fill with starbursts and showers of light as the firework display brought the day to a close, accompanied by car horns as their alarms were triggered by the vibrations.

  “Fireworks always make me feel like a little kid,” Jesse said quietly.

  Randy knew what he meant. “I still ooh and aah when I watch them. Maybe they make everyone feel that way.” Jesse was standing close enough that Randy could smell the lingering scent of coconut sun cream. It was the smell of summer.

  After ten minutes or so, the display came to an end, and he sighed. “They never go on long enough.”

  Jesse chuckled. “I know what you mean.” Around them, people had already started walking off.

  Damn. Randy knew the day had to end, but he wasn’t ready for it. That meant back to reality, and he didn’t want to go there.

  “I guess we’d better make tracks.” Jesse gazed at him, the lights from the park catching in his eyes. “This was a great idea. Please thank whoever gave you those tickets.”

  “I will.” Mona was going to get the biggest bunch of flowers Randy could lay his hands on. “Thanks for coming with me.”

  Jesse’s face lit up. “I haven’t had this much fun in a long time.”

  “Me too.” Randy didn’t move, unwill
ing to break the fragile bubble of time they’d enjoyed together. Except he couldn’t put it off any longer. “Come on. Let’s head for the train.”

  Together they walked slowly, neither of them speaking, and that was just fine by Randy.

  Words were superfluous.

  Chapter Twelve

  RANDY GLANCED at his phone—11:25—and sighed. He’s not gonna show. Another one.

  “Shall we call it?” Detective Rich Glover said from the bed, where he lay staring at his phone.

  Randy nodded. “I’ll do it.” He called up Detective Harris, who was leading the sting operation that day. “Hey. Another no-show here.”

  Harris’s sigh equaled his. “Great. I’ll get them to send the message. You two have no more booked for this morning, do you?”

  “Nope. I’ll go visit the usual haunts, see who’s around.”

  “Tell him I’m coming back to the precinct,” Rich called out.

  “Did you hear that?” Randy asked Harris.

  “Yep. Good luck this afternoon. Well, more luck than you had this morning.”

  “Yeah, sure. I’ll see you back there later.” Randy disconnected the call, then got up out of the armchair where he’d been sitting for the last forty minutes, taking one more look around the hotel room, and headed for the door. This is such a waste of time. There’d been more success on the previous sting, and he wondered if it might not be time to switch to another hotel. There was always the possibility that someone working there had tumbled to what was happening and was warning the johns. Anything is possible, right?

  “I’ll leave first.” Rich patted his back. “See ya later.” He left the room, and Randy waited for a minute or two before opening the door again. He stepped into the hallway—and his instincts kicked in, forcing him to step back into the room and peer around the doorframe.