A Wedding Disaster... Or Was It?

by Sheila Holmes

  Well... What would I know? I'm just so glad that burden has been lifted.

  I'm starting to feel less stressed over things. In fact, I'm feeling pretty good about how things are going. So much so that I want to ask you a favor.

  Evan and I were talking (always a good sign, huh?). We're feeling like since we've read all your wedding disaster stories and there are still six weeks until our wedding, maybe you should start writing some wedding reception disaster stories. I began telling Evan about that reception you and Dad were at where the car came crashing through the reception hall. Except I think I left stuff out. It didn't sound the same as when you told it to me.

  What do ya say? Will you write us some stories about wedding receptions that were absolutely catastrophic? Please, please, p-l-e-a-s-e???

  I LUV U MOMMY!

  My email reply to KiirstiAan:

  Oh, I'm so glad about your Victorian boots! I would have been really sad if that hadn't worked out. I guess we would have had to look some other places for them, but I'm sure we would have had to pay full retail for them. I guess this calls for two things... “Whew!”

  And a great big "Thank you, Jesus!"

  Now, as to the wedding reception stories... Sweetie, we're going to start feeling a real crunch as we begin trying to finish up all the remaining details of your wedding and reception. (You don't want your wedding and reception to be disastrous, do ya?) I just don't think I can give up that kind of time. I'm so sorry.

  *****

  -Chapter 2-

  KiirstiAan's email to me:

  Mommy, pleeeeeaaaase?!

  Evan and I have gotten so used to having our wedding disaster story time on Monday evenings. How about if I play on your sympathy and tell you that it's been like a special wedding gift to us from you. Every Monday evening we order take out and either go to the park, or go to Evan's parents' house and have an Eat-n-Read. It's making our engagement and wedding planning so much more fun.

  Pretty please with sugar on top?

  My email reply to KiirstiAan:

  I'm sorry, Sweetie, but the answer is still no. You know that your daddy and I would do almost anything for you to make this time a wonderful memory for you, but this is something I just can't do.

  Moving on, I will be sending you several reception menu possibilities this afternoon or evening. I'm meeting with the manager at The Weeping Willow later today. We're going to run over the decorations they provide (linen color choices, buffet set up, wedding cake location, number of tables and where they can be set up, etc.) and she's going to go over all the buffet menu possibilities. I asked her if you two were supposed to come to do a tasting, but she said that only applies to a wedding cake, not the dinner menu. (You know, now that I think about it, I don't remember if I told you that The Weeping Willow said that since they are also a full-service caterer, even if their venue was not finished on time and we had to go to The Gala Experience, they would still do all the catering. I'm starting to feel like royalty!)

  You haven't said whether you and Evan are getting together this evening, but even if you don't, please discuss the menu choices with him as soon as possible. I have only three days until I feel like I need to have that finalized. She said that we could email or fax that information to her no later than this Friday, but I really want to have moved on to other things by then.

  Again, Cutie, I am so sorry about the wedding reception storytelling thing, but you're going to find out that our wedding planning schedules are going to get pretty frantic from here on in. Maybe sometime after your wedding I can resume writing for you guys.

  LUV U

  *****

  My email to KiirstiAan:

  I was planning to get this info to you earlier today, but it just didn't happen. I spent the whole afternoon going through the menus and deciding on your dinner possibilities. Now comes the time for you and Evan to take over. (I guess you two will have to do the decision-making tomorrow sometime.) I'm so sorry that it took me this long! But, who knew their menu was so extensive?!

  I started to FAX this to you. I had actually dialed the area code and four digits before I realized I was calling your cell phone. When my poor brain registered what I was doing and that you don't have a FAX machine, I hung up, of course, but spent probably two or three minutes having an out-loud conversation with myself about how I'm losin' it.

  I am so excited about your menu possibilities. I'm glad you and Evan have to make the choices here, because if it were me, I'd want everything!

  While guests are arriving from the wedding venue, we'll serve appetizers. The servers will float around the area with silver trays filled with an assortment of your choices.

  Appetizers/Finger Foods (pick 3):

  * Gourmet Mini Sirloin Burgers

  * Mini Brioche French Toast Square topped with Caramelized Apples and Orange-Vanilla Scented Mascarpone

  * Jamaican Jerk Chicken Skewers with a Cucumber-Cilantro Dipping Sauce

  * Arugula and Prosciutto Wrapped Shrimp

  * Assorted Flavors of Petite Mini Quiche

  * Lobster and Tomato Gazpacho "Shots" - Served in Shot Glasses (non-alcoholic)

  * Carolina Pulled Pork on Mini Corn Bread Griddle Cakes

  Did your dad or I ever tell you about the wedding reception we went to, where they actually served the Pulled Pork dealies above. One of the guests found a bloody bandage in his, and one of the teenagers present had the tip of a finger in hers. Between her shriek and the sound of the dropped china plate as it shattered on the floor... well, let's just say it livened things up that evening. (Wait a minute... I'm getting side-tracked.)

  Ok, from here on in, you are making choices for the actual sit-down meal. I did the initial narrowing down of items, so you don't have to worry whether they'll go together or not. I actually counted up the salad choices and there were 23. I didn't want you two to become overwhelmed, so I cut it down to the most un-exotic ones, because I know Evan is a meat and potatoes kind of man. Just choose what sounds good to you both.

  Salads (pick 1):

  * Panzanella Salad Made with Croutons, Cucumber, Tomato, Arugula and Shaved Parmigian Cheese with a Lemon-Olive Oil Vinaigrette (never have seen Parmesan spelled this way before)

  * Tuscan White Bean and Arugula Salad with Organic Tomatoes and Basil Vinaigrette

  * Baby Spinach Salad with Crispy Bacon, Toasted Almonds and Warm Mushroom Vinaigrette

  * Organic Garden Salad with Choice of Dressings

  Main Course (pick 1):

  * Herbed Atlantic Salmon Filets

  * Chicken Breasts with a Dijon, Caper and White Wine Sauce

  * Medallions of Filet Mignon with a Sauce of Wild Mushrooms and Cabernet

  * Tuscan Style Slow Cooked Sirloin with Roasted Tomato, Garlic, Capers and Herbs

  * Alaskan Halibut with a Pancetta-Hazelnut Crust

  * Risotto with Rock Shrimp, Saffron, Basil, Sun-Dried Tomato and Romano Cheese

  Side Dishes (pick 2):

  * Roasted Baby Red Potatoes with Rosemary

  * Classic Potato Gratin with Melted Cheese and Herbs

  * Sauteed Vegetable Melange with Lemon and Garlic

  * Grilled and Sliced Portobello Mushrooms with Fresh Oregano

  * Caramelized Baby Carrots with Orange Zest

  I hope this whole thing isn't throwing you two into a frantic anxiety attack. As I said above, I have poured over all the choices and only picked things that weren't weird, and that would completely go together. So don't get all frantic!

  I have a multitude of other assignments for you, but I think this is enough for now.

  Have fun figuring out what you want. And just in case you're thinking of doing so, do not under any circumstances ask me to break any ties between you two. You will pick your own food, got it?!

  Oh... while I'm thinking about it. At the meeting with the manager (her name's Barbara, by the way), the following was decided:

  * All-white linens (tablecloths, napkins, runners). The tables wer
e already set with linens, silverware, and centerpieces. Everything was white, except the tablecloths, which were chocolate. I asked if I could have the tables set exactly the same for your reception. She asked me if I wanted the light chocolate tablecloths. I said very sarcastically, "Oh, yes. I definitely want 'brown' tablecloths at my daughter's wedding!" She just smiled. I think it will be worth every extra penny to have the layout and centerpieces already done. (I loved the crystal vases and white flowers with white-tipped ivy.) I did ask if it would be ok if I brought some pink and blue flowers? I thought I could poke them in the arrangements if the all-white seemed too pale. She said yes.

  * You and all your attendants were supposed to sit at the head table, but when I asked how all the spouses and dates would fit up there too, she said the significant others would be seated at a couple of tables together in the front part of the room close to the head table. When I suggested that that may take some of the enjoyment out of the evening for the attendants, she asked what I saw as a solution. I told her that you two, Evan's parents, your dad and I, the maid of honor plus one, the best man plus one were probably enough. All the remaining attendants (bride's and groom's) and their spouses or dates could be seated at two of the regular tables, which would be reserved just for them. She agreed.

  * White lights on 20-foot wall will be solid white, then change to twinkling during dancing. (I wish I could have seen what this looked like, but nothing's electrically wired yet.)

  * There will be four uniformed (tuxed) servers.

  * The entry hall will be set up with a long table for gifts, a picture of you in your regalia at one end, and a picture of you and Evan during your engagement at the other end. The picture of you both will have a ginormous matting, on which your guests can sign and write their well-wishes Oh my goodness! I just realized you haven't had your wedding portrait done yet.

  I thought Maynor's Portraits did an incredible picture for your engagement announcement in the newspaper. Could you just call them again tomorrow morning and set up this appointment. (Actually, this is on your to-do list, not mine, Sweetie. So, if you've already made an appointment... great! If not, this is just a gentle reminder for you to call and take care of it. I'll go with you to this one, 'k? I figure you'll want me there to help you into your gown and headpiece. Don't forget your Victorian boots.)

  What's the latest on your gown? Have they found out where it is? Do you have it already? No, you would have told me. I'm still praying about that. You haven't said anything more, so you must know what's going on. Tell me! Tell me!

  My brain is fried. I've got to go to bed. Your dad fell asleep in front of the tv earlier, so I sent him on ahead. Gonna join him.

  IAT

  ::poof::

  Post-poof: The length of my emails is getting out of hand. I just re-read this one. Somehow I thought I'd left something out. I hadn't.

  KiirstiAan's email reply to me:

  Wait a minute... What reception did you go to that a finger was found in the pulled pork thingies??? You can't just bring up something like this and not tell me about it! I expect the full story... and I mean immediately, young lady! (Am I allowed to call you "young lady?")

  Mommy, Evan and I need reception catastrophe stories. Monday evenings are supposed to be storytelling night. This would be a good one to start with. Even Evan's parents mention how much they miss the stories when we talk with them.

  Is there anything I can do to get you to resume the stories????

  My mommy is the best story teller in the whole world!!!

  XOXO

  My email reply to KiirstiAan:

  Yes, there is something you can do to get me to continue writing about the catastrophic wedding receptions... Hurry up and get married so that your pitiful mother has the free time to do some writing. (I can’t believe you’ve read sixteen disaster stories already, and that wasn’t enough!)

  BTW... I hope you weren't disappointed when you read my email, that there aren't any dessert choices to make.

  KiirstiAan's email reply to me:

  I am disappointed. Why no dessert choices, Mommy?

  My email reply to KiirstiAan:

  You're kidding, right?! Your wedding cake is the dessert!

  KiirstiAan's email reply to me:

  Gotcha!

  (I've decided that I'm going to give you nothing but grief until you start writing about the wedding reception catastrophes.)

  My email reply to KiirstiAan:

  Hey, give it your best shot! The answer is still no, you wretched child! Shame on you for giving grief to your poor mother! "And, after all I've done for you!" (Isn't that the line parents are supposed to batter their kids with for the rest of their lives?)

  Hey, I was crawling into bed when I realized I hadn't told you what happened today. So, here I am yet again at the keyboard. It's gotten so late that I suspect you won't even read this until morning, but I've just got to tell you.

  Late this afternoon while I was working on your menu, there was a knock at the front door. When I answered it, it was Mr. and Mrs. Layton (they're the parents of the Laytons' four doors up.) I'm gonna take a stab at them being in their late eighties, maybe even in their nineties, considering Bob is sixty-four.

  When I asked them to come in, they said they couldn't, that they were overdue for their afternoon nap. They told me they just wanted to bring your wedding gift over. They said thank you for the wedding invitation. They thought it was so thoughtful that you included them even though they were only visiting their son and his family, but that they would be ending their vacation a couple days before your wedding and flying home. I thanked them, told them I was sorry they couldn't attend the wedding, and they left.

  After they were gone was the first time I really looked at the gift. I just stood there and laughed. The present was wrapped in Baby Shower wrapping with a bow that secured a decorative rattle on the top. The label was addressed to KristenDawn and Kevin. It was an oversized homemade card with all sorts of baby paraphernalia items hand drawn on it. Inside was written their heartfelt wishes that you (KristenDawn) and Evan (Kevin) would have a joyful wedding, and that even under the circumstances of little Elizabeth's conception (apparently your upcoming or already born baby), you would consider her to be a gift from God, and that you three would choose to make Christ the center of your home.

  I had barely completed reading the card when Joyce called. She said that Bob and she were so sorry, but that during Bob's parents' visit, they had been invited to a baby shower and your wedding. They aren't able to go to either because they're leaving early to fly home, but wanted to get each couple a gift. She said Bob's parents were fighting hard to keep their independence, but she thinks they're losing the battle. Apparently they got the couples mixed up. She told me that I will get a kick out of the card on the real gift. She said she's not even sure each gift is the right one. So, since Bob's parents asked her to deliver the baby shower gift for them, she'll just come collect the gift I was given, take it home with her, open both gifts, re-wrap them, put appropriate cards on them, and give yours back to us. She said the one thing she is truly grateful for is that Bob's folks couldn't come to the wedding. At least now there would be no uncomfortableness for the bride and groom when the baby gift appeared on the wedding gift table. Poor old couple! Just trying to be sweet and generous.

  Ok, now I really am going to bed, if I can keep my eyes open long enough to find our bedroom.

  Nite!

  *****

  -Chapter 3-

  KiirstiAan's email to me:

  "Happy, happy, happy birthday... Happy, happy, happy birthday!

  Happy, happy, happy birthday... To you, to you, to you... Ole!" (Isn't that the thingie the staff comes out and sings to you at Monterey Restaurant?)

  Anywho... Happy birthday, Mommy!

  We had so much fun having your birthday dinner together last night. Evan and I were planning on paying for it. We couldn't believe when Daddy stepped up and said it was his gift to you.
Kewl! And, was that food unbelievable, or what? "Kevin" (what that old couple who gave us the baby shower gift called him) and I just love that restaurant, but can only afford to eat there about once a year. Yay! Now we'll be able to go there once more this year, without feeling guilty or anything!

  Did you get your Nook e-reader account set up last night? Evan and I didn't know if we should show you how to set it up, or if we should assume you're the intelligent people you are and would figure it out yourselves. (Hmmm... We probably should have done it for you! Just kidding!) We're so glad you like it! We love ours, and are hoping you love yours.

  If you'll remember, Evan and I said there's a second gift for you, but you have to find it yourself. Do you have it yet? Nope, you don't get any hints!

  So...have you found any good freebies to download in Christian Fiction?

  Can't spend too much more time on here right now. But, I had a couple of things to tell you.

  1. Marsha is going to take Grace's place. She wears the same size, so it works out perfectly. (Thanks so much for the suggestion.) And, I asked Lydia (the MK that I was really close friends with during our senior year in high school, while her parents were here on furlough). She's come back here after college. She is spending her summer here raising her support monies, then will return to Zimbabwe, where she'll join her parents in ministry. I think they are in "tentmaker" status there, or church-planting. Don't know for sure. When I told her Daddy and you were paying for the dress, she said she would love to do it! (She is a little smaller than Connie, so a slight alteration is needed, but just very little. I am so relieved to have that taken care of.)

  2. When I picked up my Victorian boots, I was freaked out that maybe when they thoroughly dried, they'd have returned stains, but when I took them out of the box this morning, they were just perfect. (If you didn't know I'd dropped them in the sewer, you wouldn't even suspect it.)