A Wedding Disaster... Or Was It?

by Sheila Holmes

  3. I talked with Delane last night. She said UPS got in touch with her and told her that my gown was shipped to the exact same street address in Victoria, Canada. When the recipients notified UPS that it didn't belong to them, the package was picked up and has now been re-routed to me. (Didn't you say that you had a package that also went to Canada by mistake? What's up with that?!) I guess I can't get mad, though. I should have it in a couple of days. I can't wait to see it. Delane emailed me a picture of it when she completed it. You are just going to go crazy! It's not anything you would expect.

  Guess that's all for now. Stuff to do.

  *****

  My email reply to KiirstiAan:

  I cannot believe this!!! You two are sooo sweet (not to mention sneaky!) I'm so excited, I can't stand it! This is unbelievable! I never ever would have guessed my second birthday gift! Never ever in this lifetime would I ever have guessed! Never, ever! This just doesn't happen to regular people! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Wow! Wowzers! This makes up for the trauma caused me at six years old when I found out that there really wasn't a Santa Claus!

  Last night your dad and I set up my Barnes and Noble account for my Nook e-reader. It was pretty fast-going, and of course, I immediately began searching Christian Fiction, like you suggested. I noticed that the books are in alphabetical order. I must have spent two hours going through and downloading all the freebies I could find throughout the entire alphabet. There are quite a few that look really, really good. I've got enough ebooks downloaded to read for probably years to come.

  When I got all the way down to the w's , I saw a title that really caught my eye, "Wedding Chronicles." It had a very professional cover of an old, old, well-worn leather journal, quill pen, and ink bottle, with a couple of soft washed out brides and grooms hovering over and around it. The couples were dressed differently. One couple looked like they lived at the turn of the century in the days of Queen Victoria, all fluff and frills on both the bride and groom. The other couple was dressed like the nineteen-forties. The bride had on a flapper style gown, with lace and fringe. It ended just above the shoes, which were Victorian boots with squishy heels. The groom was wearing...

  Wait! I'm telling you this like you two don't already know!

  Of course I immediately opened the page to read the synopsis, and to read the four reviews, all of which were five stars. I read the reviews before even reading what the story line was. My two favorite reviews were these:

  “I have never heard of any wedding disasters that were so unbelievable and made the weddings themselves sound hopeless. I broke down crying so many times while reading, thinking, 'That poor, pitiful couple. What horrible things to happen on their wedding day.' And, even though I knew it was all fiction, it seemed so real that I just grieved for the imaginary brides and grooms. Kudos to this amazing author! All I can say is that if you stop writing, it will be one of the most tragic happenings in the literary world!”

  “... How in the world did this author come up with these stories??? The stories themselves were amazing, but the way they were told is just stunning! I will be very disappointed if this author doesn't come up with another novel... soon!”

  When I went back to the synopsis, almost immediately I started recognizing some of the story line ideas from the ones I'd written for you two. When I opened it up and began reading, I almost had a heart attack! There in black and white were my stories. I can't tell you how long I sat there and tried to sort through my very, very confused thoughts. I couldn't seem to reason out that they were my stories. I would have reasoned it through much more quickly, except that there was the prologue. In it, the author wrote in first person, how she had traveled throughout the United States with her husband on an RV excursion. Whatever RV campground they stayed at each night, she would get to know at least one couple, prompting them to either tell about a wedding disaster they'd seen or one they'd experienced in their own wedding. I got pulled in hook, line, and sinker for a few moments, until, of course, I began reading word-for-word the stories I emailed you. And, the piece de resistance was looking back at the ebook cover and seeing my very own name as the author.

  I am blown away! Which one of you wrote the little in-between goodies (the little dialogues between the storyteller and the couples she interviewed)? KiirstiAan, I could picture you doing that. Am I right? And, knowing how computer- and tech savvy Evan is, he is probably the one that did everything else.

  Guys, three things:

  First, I can't think of any gift better in the whole world than to give your mother the gift of authorship. Reading my name as the author on the ebook cover just started a torrent of tears that I couldn't stop for probably thirty minutes or more.

  Second, I want to hear in minute detail everything you two did to pull this off in the week your dad and I were gone to Charleston.

  And third, Yes, I will begin tonight writing the wedding reception catastrophes. I think I'll start with the one where the finger was in the Pulled Pork. I think I'll call it, 'Finger-Foods Wedding Reception.' I'll write the stories as they happened, but I may embellish them somewhat. Maybe! Or, maybe not! You'll just have to wait and see.

  No... I've just changed my mind. I'm going to write the one about the car that crashed through the reception wall, running into- and trashing the cake and part of the buffet. I can remember the details of that one better, so I guess I'm just working myself into writing again with the easiest one. Besides, since the groom's mom is a close church friend, I can call her in the morning if I have some details I forget. Or, I guess I could just fill in with what seems like must have happened.

  Hey, before I start... KiirstiAan, you need to be going through your personal to-do list. Complete everything you can do without me. You have your wedding credit card your dad gave you, so make whatever purchases you need to. As soon as you read the story tomorrow morning (I'm only going as far as the point where the catastrophe happened, the car crashing through the wall), we need to show some accountability to each other. Ya know... what you've gotten done from your list, what I've gotten done from mine. And, to add anything either of us think of to the appropriate list.

  Ready or not, by tomorrow morning, you'll be reading this first one! I don't think I'll be sleeping much tonight!

  P.S. Thank you for one of the most amazing and cherished birthday gifts I think I've ever received!

  You two rock! 'Nite

  IHTTMWKITWW

  (It's my own texting for "I have the two most wonderful kids in the whole world!")

  XO times infinity!

  Oh... I just thought of a title for it... wait for it... drum roll... (I'm out, can't think of anything to put after this last "..."), The Wedding Reception Crasher. Get it? The Wedding Reception Crasher? Oh, quit rolling your eyes at me. I know you are! Just go to bed, I've got writing to do!

  *****

  -Chapter 4-

  Daisi was known for being a little crazy (in a good, fun way). She consequently picked up early the moniker "Crazy Daisi." She had a perpetual toothy smile on her face, unless things were going badly, in which case she wore a smaller, closed mouth smile. If you asked anyone that knew her, they would be hard pressed to remember a single time they saw her that she wasn't smiling. If that weren't enough to make her stand out positively in people's minds, she was fun... creative and fun! There wasn't one college get-together that Daisi didn't sit in on the planning committee. Not once since she came to the college class two years ago. If she wasn't available, the planning would be discontinued until she was.

  Everything Daisi touched turned golden. If she helped plan a beach trip for the college students at church, it wasn't good, it was unbelievably great. If she helped with a service project, not only was it successful, the church would be called on by other local churches to send someone to teach them how to plan their own.

  Once a college get-together was cancelled because of lack of interest until it became known that Daisi said she'd take over if it would help. Oh, it helped! She planned a
"cooking class" for college students who signed up. Because there was only room in the church kitchen for fifteen, plus another ten who would utilize the small side room for non-cooking food preparation, and there were seventy-five who wanted in on it, the get-together was repeated three consecutive weekends. Truth be told, twelve from the first get-together and eight from the second one wanted a "repeat performance." Of course they did! Daisi had planned and run the whole thing!

  Everyone, however, had to admit there was one thing about Daisi that they just didn't understand... how in the world had she and Drake gotten together, fallen crazily-in-love, and decided to marry? They were nothing alike. Drake was 6'2" to Daisi's 5'1". Drake had black straight hair cut short to Daisi's long blond naturally curly ringlets. Drake was quiet and serious to Daisi's "let's have a party" demeanor. Drake had just graduated from his senior year studies to become a CPA to Daisi's yet unfinished culinary arts studies. This whole relationship made no sense to anyone other than to themselves. But, there was one thing in which everyone agreed they were identical... their heart for the Lord. Oh, how they loved Jesus, and wanted everyone that came in contact with them to know and love Him too.

  Each person in the college department was beyond ecstatic when they received their wedding invitation. For two reasons. If Daisi was planning the celebration, it would be the most amazing event ever, and Drake, or so it was rumored, had a surprise wedding gift for Daisi that could never be rivaled. Who started the rumor no one knew, but it was true. And, the only one truth about the gift that anyone had knowledge of was that he was going to present it to her at the wedding reception.

  *****

  No one was surprised to find that Daisi's wedding invitation was not even close to traditional. The background picture was of a carousel in the right upper corner. But not a cutesy nor nostalgic one. The horses' bodies were in a racing stance, ears laid back and mouths open as though they were breathless from fighting for first place ranking. In the left lower corner were a bride and groom. He was extremely tall with black hair and she was short with blond hair. Hmmm... Wonder who they were supposed to represent? They were both in traditional wedding attire. But, what made the invitee smile, and sometimes even chuckle, were that the bride and groom had their respective gown skirt and pants legs hiked up, revealing athletic running shoes, as they crouched in a running position aimed directly toward the carousel, as if boarding that carousel were the most important goal in this world.

  In the most casual font style read the following:

  Get rid of any other plans...

  You need to join us on this day

  Saturday, August 16, 2008, at precisely 8 o'clock p.m.

  At Dandridge's Country Estate by the Lake

  Nestled in the Kempton Valley

  Daisi Caryn Caruthers

  &

  Drake Allister Covington

  Are, with the approval of both their sets of parents,

  Going to vow to love, honor, cherish, and

  Ride the Carousel of Life together as...

  Mr. and Mrs.

  You were lovingly chosen to join Jesus and

  The Blessed Couple as they celebrate!

  Bring gifts of joy and laughter,

  A voracious appetite, and...

  Expectation of the Unexpected

  There was no RSVP card included that the prospective guest filled in to say how many would be coming, nor their regrets at not being able to attend, what their main entrée preference was, or if they would be bringing a "+ 1." But, there was a small card included. It simply read, "Plenty of room, plenty of food, plenty of love to go around for you and a friend of your choosing."

  Every invited guest registered nothing but joy at the invitation. After all, this was Daisi. They would have been shocked had the invitation been gold embossed script on cream eighty pound cardstock, stating in the most formal language that she and Drake were preparing for their nuptials.

  Guests smiled at the enclosure card. That was Daisi, too! There was not one person invited who would dare not attend, if for no other reasons than their love and respect for this young godly man and woman... and intense, unquenchable curiosity.

  *****

  -Chapter 5-

  The day was hot and humid. The evening gave no relief. But, the wedding day excitement was to unbelievable levels as family and friends made their way out onto the hillside seating, which sloped toward the lakeshore. Lovely white folding chairs in neat rows showed that the young couple were expecting a large group of supporters.

  The beautiful and lowering sun-sparkled water made for a beautiful view behind the couple who would soon be joining together in holy matrimony. Only it felt more festive than a usual wedding. In fact, it felt quite a bit like a cross between a fantasy land and a carnival.

  Among the massive amounts of interesting and unique decorations were clear-wrapped red-and-white mints thrown on the ground on either side along the middle white runner. Guests were encouraged while waiting for the ceremony to begin, to help themselves, as well as drink from small individual closed clear bottles with eighteen inch long swirly straws, attached to the back of the chair in front of them by a wide band of multi-color-swirled ribbon. "Mmm" could be heard from random drink samplers in the congregation, as they discovered upon their first swallow, that the liquid repast was sparkling white grape juice.

  There was so much sensory enrichment going on, that congregants didn't have time to become bored before the start of the ceremony. They did a quick scan of everything when first arriving, then once seated, they began long and pointed examination of every unexpected decoration around them. No one had ever seen such a "fantastical" wedding venue and decorations.

  The only question running through most of their minds was why there was a chuppah at the front, under which the couple would apparently vow their lives to each other before God. Was one of them from a Jewish background? Not that they knew of! Huh! Oh, well... back to sipping sparkling grape juice, sucking on mints and visiting with friends, old and new.

  *****

  "... I now pronounce you husband and wife. Drake, you may kiss your bride." At that, Drake put out his hand as if to shake Daisi's. When she stood there dazed, Drake smiled, put his hands under her arms, lifted her off the ground with the utmost delicacy so that she was eye level with him. Looking into her eyes, he whispered, "You are my gift, Daisi. I will love you all the days of my life," then he brought her lips to his. It seemed underwater slow motion, and anyone there would have denied it, but felt it... it was downright erotic somehow. Wow! Where did that come from?! Drake was always so reserved. One pre-teen boy in the audience yelled out, "Wow, he really loves her, doesn't he?!" To this everyone began clapping, while Drake and Daisi got lost in their shared kiss.

  After the kiss, Drake stomped the cloth-wrapped glass. A small handful of people responded with a hearty, "Mazel tov!" Their exclamation of congratulations was heartfelt.

  "Oh, boy! It's time for the party part, right?!" This from a young boy of ten or eleven. And, he was right. It was time for the party.

  *****

  Mr. and Mrs. Drake Covington led the procession, from under the chuppah, in through one of two sets of double doors that provided entry into the reception room. Maybe room was not the correct term. Perhaps more fitting was grand room. But, for all its beauty, both in rustic architecture and wedding décor, everyone was sad to leave the outdoors. During their visual perusal of the area before the wedding ceremony began, they each scanned three hundred and sixty degrees outside. As one faced the chuppah and considered its location to be twelve on a clock, there was a carousel, more vintage than the one on the wedding invitations, that could accommodate thirty persons. That was at ten o'clock. Continuing counter clockwise, there was a beautiful winding walkway of stone that led its strollers to three tennis courts, maybe a five minute walk. At perhaps seven or eight o'clock was a huge stone-edged pool and Jacuzzi. Within the pool was set up a volleyball net and two floating volleyballs th
at rose and fell as the elevated waterfall spouted its three streams of water into the pool, troubling the surface.

  If that weren't enough, there was a large old-timey freestanding popcorn station on the opposite side of the chuppah, with an attached ice cream shed. Wow! One o'clock never looked so inviting! Until they were herded inside, most of the guests were hoping it was operational, but it wasn't.

  But, of all the remaining stations that filled in two o'clock through five (shuffleboard, a dunking pool with a suspended seat inside, two or three carnival games that had closed tarps over their fronts), stood the piece de resistance... a totally clear-glass enclosed paintball war zone, but, of course, not open for the enjoyment thereof.

  Six o'clock was, of course, the rear entrance of the rustic estate house. "Huge," "ginormous," and "expansive" were all words that didn't capture its massive stature. The multi-level decks, three decorative water fountains, potted flowers in every hue in the rainbow weren't eyesores by any means to the outside. However, strictly and only due to budget restraints, Daisi and Drake could only financially afford (even with the help of both sets of parents) the indoor great room. It was being used for the wedding reception buffet dinner and dancing. It was large, held everything Daisi and Drake wanted: buffet food stations, a lion-head spewing fountain filled with a colorful punch, dj with all their favorite canned music (1940s big band for Drake, and 1960s Motown for Daisi), a vast polished wood dance floor, four two-person game tables with special games that Drake and Daisi prepared, and large round tables throughout the room that bordered the dance floor. And, of course, the cake! Oh, the cake!

  The guests in attendance didn't know that the actual cake on which they would feast was being "held hostage" in the kitchen by the manager, who knew that no one was to see (or even suspect) that it existed and was in there until he heard his cue to bring out this masterpiece, the dj introducing the song, "How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved by You)." And, this wouldn't happen for a couple of hours yet. And this cake "took the cake!"