Descendants of Hagar

by Nik Nicholson

  “Things were getting better. Folks was talking to me. Felt like I was part of this town again. This thing with my uncle nem, and what you did, talking to Diamond Beaumont, done made me a outsider again, forever.”

  “But they were wrong,” Coley plead, like we can argue bout this.

  “This about people’s life. Everybody makes mistakes. People got to be able to live and come into they own understanding. Then they’ll feel guilty, regret and make amends.”

  “They weren’t ever going to feel guilty about how they treated you. They wouldn’t have ever apologized, much less try to do right by you.”

  “We ain God. We ain got no right to be over here deciding who lives and who dies. They might be hung.” I scoot away from ‘a.

  “Oh my God, I never thought they would hang them. I just thought,” she start crying.

  “You didn’t think.” I look at ‘a, offering no comfort. She need to understand how far our words go.

  “I’m so sorry, Linny. Please forgive me? I wasn’t trying to get anyone killed. You’re right, I didn’t think. We were talking about the police, and I was just saying Negroes needed their own police force. I was asking for our own law, I was not asking Diamond to have anyone hung.” Then she start to really cry beside me, and it feel like she crying for both of us.

  “Ain’t nobody from Zion been lynched in years. Hangings been all round and through Zion, but it what’n none of us. We been saying we safe, and now this.” I’m laying on my back, looking at the ceiling. “If they hang them, Daddy won’t ever forgive me. He gone hate me. It be a sure sign I’m cursed. Nobody will speak to me again.” The tears fall warm, then cool in my ears. I breathe in deep.

  “If they lynch them,” Coley hush crying, to say, “I’ll stand up at their funeral and tell the whole town what I did. Then no one will blame you.”

  Looking at ‘a good, I see how sincere, serious and fearless she can be, when it come to me. I feel how much she love me. Then I see her bright eyes swollen and red from crying. “I love you so much. It hurts me to think anybody could be as mad at you as they is with me. I could never let you do that.”

  “It breaks my heart seeing you this hurt. And knowing I’m the cause.” Scooting ‘a head up on my shoulder she put ‘a face by mine. “I’m so sorry Linny. Please touch me. Just hold me. You barely look at me. It’s been two days since you spoke to me, or even hugged me.”

  “They might be hung.” I say again, but this time I breathe slow and even, trying not to feel what I know coming in the next few days. Coley lifting my arm, getting under me, and kissing the side of my lips.

  “I need you right now.” She slide ‘a hand under my night shirt, running ‘a hand over my stomach and chest. She keep kissing at my lips, like she trying to get them to work.

  I start to cry.

  She wipe my tears. Climbing on top of me and putting ‘a legs on both sides of me, she hold me to ‘a. “I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t know.” She kisses me moving ‘a hips.

  I turn my face from ‘a. My spirit feel like it’s too big for my body. I feel so powerless. Iain been able to rest. Iain been able to think about nothing else, all I can see is them hanging. I’m all over the place, mad at Coley and needing ‘a, too. Wishing she ain never come here for they life, and hoping she’ll never leave mine.

  “Please, baby?” She follow my face kissing at me and crying. “Please? Forgive me?”

  Everything hurt, to be mad, to let go, to hold on. I feel so bad it’s hard to breathe when I cry.

  She palm my tears one by one, rubbing them in ‘a skin.

  I cry. I hurt. I want to stop hurting. Her weight on me making it worse.

  She hold my face to her chest. I cry into her, pushing her away, she keep pulling me into ‘a, clinging.

  Finally, I push her away, and then pull ‘a in. I forgive ‘a . When she opens to me, I am open to ‘a comfort.

  ***

  The morning come like fingers striking a piano being tuned, slow with no rhythm or song in mind, just getting ready for things to come. Me and Coley take our morning bath together. I finish getting dressed first like always and go make our breakfast. We silent. Forgiveness doesn’t erase the past or even change what’s gone happen.

  Someone knocks, and I take a sip of my coffee before getting up to answer the door. I don’t ask who it is this early. It’s someone I need to talk to. It’s Ella.

  “Come on out here so I can talk to you,” Ella directs me, staring at Coley like she owe Coley something Coley don’t want. When I get outside, Ella make a show of slamming the door close behind us. “They let ’em go,” she say, sadly.

  I’m still waiting cause the way she look I know it’s more.

  “But they beat ’em real bad, with the whip.”

  Chapter Forty-One

  WOMEN VOTE

  Me and Coley miss almost a month of Sundays, fore Grit finally convince me to come back to church.

  I feel funny soon as I get to church. I expect people to treat me different. They do, but it ain’t bad as I imagined. It’s a distance they keeping. It’s something you can feel in your spirit but you don’t see in their actions. Most people acknowledge us with head nods. Mrs. Clara hugs me. Coley students glad to see her.

  I’m different, dressed different. Ella told me to wear a good dress, so I do. It’s a nicer dress than she or any of my other sisters own. I promise them that they gonna have to start dressing nicer if I have to. Not this Sunday, not today, but soon they agreed.

  I feel hot. I take my seat with Mrs. Clara, behind the Harpers. I realize I’m sitting on the pew with all the other business owners. Suddenly I realize, I always sat here, but it was because I didn’t feel part of my own family. Now I see this is kind of a family. Even if they ain’t talking to me, even if The Reverend carrying my vote.

  I try to keep my eyes forward on the pulpit. Uncle Victor and Ernest nem back, and Daddy’s folks feeling some kind of way bout me being here. I wonder if it wouldn’t be best if I don’t come since everybody scared.

  I think about how Diamond Beaumont already had some inkling bout what happened in my store. I wonder who told ‘a, I know whoever did, is sitting right here among us. Then I don’t want to think about none of this.

  “Good morning.” Ella sit down behind me. Her, Prentice and they kids take up the whole row behind me. Then Grit and Zay families take the row behind Ella nem. Jenny sit off with ‘a own family, and my other brothers stay close to Daddy, who close to my uncles. It all says something, where we sitting, and I’m just glad that Ella, Grit and Zay behind me.

  The choir come in singing “Twelve Gates to the City.” We already to hear the word when Reverend say, “First a word from our school teacher, Ms. Graham.”

  “What are you doing?” I lean all my weight on Coley side so she cain’t get up. She squeeze out of my hold and stand. “Don’t do this,” I plead standing up with ‘a.

  “She has to.” Ella stand too, wrapping ‘a arms round me. Then say, “Sit down, Linny,” in my ear. “One day she gone go back to her world, and you gone be left here to carry the burden of all the mess she done started.”

  “You cain’t do this,” I argue with Coley pigheaded self, but Ella put ‘a weight on me and I go down slow, not wanting to make a scene, a bigger scene.

  “She got to do something,” Ella say to me. “Now go on,” she say, and fan Coley to go on, still holding me tight from behind.

  “I want you all to know that Linny has been good to me. Showing me around and helping me get use to living out here. She even allows me to stay with her without charging me room and board. She’s been patient as I’ve been learning how to best be of service to my people. Which is why when I saw her bruised face after she was attacked, I was so hurt and outraged.”

  “Ain’t nobody attacked huh!” one of my cousins shout from behind, in the corner where Uncle Victor and Ernest nem sitting.

  “She was attacked,” Coley challenge firmly, looking back. “I was angry men w
ould even be hitting a woman. In my family, the men protect us. Her brothers, her father and nobody else seemed to care about what happened to Linny. I started to worry about all of us women. What will become of us, if our husbands, sons and uncles are allowed to just beat us whenever they feel like it.

  “Linny is strong. She has her own way of resolving a situation. She said it was over. She didn’t have any hard feelings. She told anybody who saw what they did to her face or who asked about it, she wasn’t hurt.

  “Still, I heard the rumors about what happened. It seemed to me that, Linny was being painted the bad person. They were acting like they were the victims. It seemed to me, there still needed to be some legal standard applied.

  “I didn’t want anyone to get hurt. I hadn’t thought about the possibility of the anyone being hung. Where I’m from we don’t live in constant fear of being attacked or hung. We have our own newspapers and are actively fighting for our rights. We aren’t bowing to whites. We have Colored police officers patrolling in Harlem. So I didn’t think suggesting Zion should have it’s own police force, would lead to a mob of white men coming into someone’s home and dragging them out.

  “When Diamond Beaumont came out to the house that evening after supper, she already knew something happened. She was coming to hear the details, or maybe to see if it was true. Then Linny’s face was still swollen and bruised. I did say, ‘Someone should have to pay for hitting her.’ I just thought someone should be taught a lesson. I had no idea what that lesson might be. Now everyone is angry with Linny, when they should be upset with me.”

  “They coulda been kilt!” somebody shout.

  “Well, they weren’t,” Mrs. Harper add, stirring in the mix. “And they ain’t totally blameless in what happened to them. They did beat Linny in ‘a own store. They did steal from ‘a for months after Miemay died.”

  “They was stealing from Miemay fore she even died, if people tell the truth,” Zay add.

  “Umm hmm,” folks start to cosign in low moans, and I’m surprised.

  “I will not be called a thief in God’s house,” Uncle Victor growl shooting up to his feet.

  “Well, you shouldn’t have stole!” Grit shout surprising me and Ella, turning around and looking at him in the eyes. That’s when I notice Granger ain’t sitting with Grit, he sitting near Daddy.

  “This whole town know you stole! But ain’t nobody said nothing. When Linny came and told you to leave, you shoulda went on bout yo bidness. But you didn’t!” Grit point at ’im. “You tried to beat a grown woman, the two of ya. Steada going round talking bout how she shot at yall and trying to shame ‘a, you shoulda been ashamed of ya own fool selves.

  “Who knows how Diamond Beaumont found out you stole from that store and beat up on Linny. For all we know, you might be the ones told the people who told ‘a. Don’t nobody really know who said what, but ain’t nobody to blame but yah own fool selves.

  “Iain gone sit here, and let people stand up and say whatever they wont whether it’s true or not. Yall been stealing from Miemay forever, she knew it, we knew, the whole family knew it and the whole town knew it, too.

  “When Miemay died, you tried to bury Linny you stole so much, and ain’t nobody said a word. Nobody!” Grit look around at everybody in they eyes, even in Daddy’s. “So you don’t git to sit in here and say whatever come to yo mind cause it feel good, and cause you mad. Maybe Miemay ain’t leave you nothing cause you took yo inheritance while she was alive.”

  “Gitcho wife,” Cousin Ernest shout to Granger.

  “Iain no child, got my own mind and mouth. Granger and nobody else ain’t gone sit me down, or silence me no more. Yall women better start standing up for yourselves, speaking your mind. We ain’t got but one life, and cain’t nobody die for us, so we cain’t let nobody live for us neither!

  “Nobody else gone talk bad bout my sister, especially when she ain’t did nothing wrong. She shoulda fought back, we was raised not to let nobody beat us and we was raised to be fair. She always did right by everybody. She ain’t never been no liar, cheat, or thief. Which Uncle Victor nem all proved they selves to be and-

  “Alright!” Reverend put his hands up for Grit to stop. “That’s enough,” he speak low like he trying to soothe Grit from the pulpit.

  Grit stand silent, looking at us all, like she waiting for a challenge but don’t nobody say nothing, so she take a seat.

  “Iain gone feel right less there’s a woman on the committee,” Mrs. Clara say, then stand up beside me, looking around, like she hearing ‘a voice for the first time. She take a moment to compose ‘aself.

  “Miemay carried my vote along with hers, and she spoke for us women here. Iain afraid of Linny gittin nobody hung. I’m afraid of a committee that speaks for and decides on all the town’s business, and there ain’t one woman in there to speak our piece. We need a voice, ain’t afraid to stand even when people don’t agree with ‘a.

  “Since I’m a member of the committee, and even though Iain never used my vote, I want to make a motion. I move to restore Linny’s position on Zion’s Committee and she cast ‘a own votes, like she did before all this happened.”

  “I second that.” Mrs. Harper stand.

  “Alice, you cain’t vote,” Reverend say, covering the mike and looking over at his wife, scolding ‘a with his face.

  Then she give him a look make him silent.

  “I’m carrying my own vote.” I stand. “And I expect Mrs. Clara to carry her own vote going forward.”

  “I second that.” Mrs. Clara smile reaching for my hand and interlacing our fingers.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  GETTING READY

  “Why you banging on this door like that, Reverend?” I open the door when I recognize his voice.

  “Where you going, girl?” he ask, pushing in my house, looking at me from head to toe. “You need to stay in this house tonight. That’s the devil bidness out there.” He point behind him.

  Bessie Smith, Ma and Pa Rainey and the Assassinators of Blues gone be at Uncle Lucius Jug Joint. It’s not the regular sinful show they condemning every other Sunday. These real-life stars, so it’s different, decent folks going. This be my first time being out late anywhere, and Iain delivering no baby with Miemay or nothing.

  “You already know where I’m going.” I won’t even entertain no condemnation this evening.

  “Cain’t go nowhere tonight,” he say leaning on the door looking in my eyes, like he my daddy or something. “You need to stay in.”

  “What’s the problem?” Coley come down the stairs looking confused and beautiful pinning ‘a hair up.

  “Ain no problem, Ms. Graham. Is Hank gone yet?” Reverend come all the way in looking up at ‘a.

  “Finally. Linny and I have been telling him you said it wasn’t safe and he needed to leave. He took a group of men with him headed to Chicago, earlier today. Not all of them were from Zion either.”

  I add, “And you know they have to go to Savannah by wagon to catch the train, cause they watching all the stations round here for local niggas leaving.”

  Breathing deep, and easier, it seem like he relaxing some when he put his hands in his pockets and say, “Well, that’s too bad Hank already gone, cause if yall women ain’t got no man riding with you, then you really need to stay in tonight. Zion ain’t no place for women to be travelling alone at night. You know how far that jug joint is from here?

  “You ain’t even safe if you make it there. All them drunkards, gambling, fighting and dancing to that hoochie coochie music.”

  “Stop trying to scare us,” I protest.

  That’s the thing Miemay always hated bout church. Someone was always using God, or the Bible to scare people away from living. But when I really look at him, feel like something else going on. It ain’t a regular shaming.

  “Less you know something we ought to know?” I’m reading him.

  “He’s just concerned,” Coley answer, fore The Reverend can.

  I’
m feeling it’s something else, but Coley don’t give me a chance to press ’im when she go on, “At home, my entire family goes to shows. Our pastor there went to hear Negroes perform as well. The shows were usually in theatres, but that isn’t an option here in Zion.

  “Still, I think it’s important to support our Colored performers and artists. I also think it’s important to get beyond basic survival, and do more than what’s needed or required of us. I think we all need to do some things just for enjoyment.

  “I know some people are saying since Bessie Smith and Ma Rainey are stars, it’s different going to hear them sing. They’re saying the show should have been held in town, at the hotel for decent God-fearing folks. Then again, everybody knows that hotel parlor couldn’t accommodate all the people expected.”

  When Coley finish, Reverend Patrick make this face like he tasted something bad. So Coley go on, explaining ‘aself too much like she do sometimes, talking ‘aself in and out of things.

  “Some people think everything that isn’t about God or necessary to live is a sin. My pastor often invited performers to dinner at his home, and prayed for their success. He said patronizing Colored businesses, eating out, going to dances and shows makes us more balanced and cultured people. Not to mention, God blessed them with their gift. God doesn’t make mistakes, so they can’t be wrong.

  “On top of all that, white people have been enjoying the arts, music and all sorts of entertainment for centuries, why shouldn’t we? We’ve got to get out of that old way of thinking, and embrace different things. I don’t think it’s a sin to see a little singing, Reverend. Why do you?” Coley make ‘a case and get ready to debate with ’im.

  Reverend been nodding his head ‘yes,’ all while Coley talking, then he smile like it hurt. Don’t look like he agreeing with ‘a, more like trying to follow ‘a reasoning and waiting for ‘a to stop talking. Then he say, “That’s all fine and well, I guess,” not accepting the invitation to debate Coley points, like his mind somewhere else.