Alpha Erased

by Aileen Erin

  Chris didn’t look at me as he swung a backpack off and unzipped it. “You do your thing. I’ll do mine.”

  That was fine with me. I didn’t have any words left to say, and I certainly didn’t want to hear any bullshit about how this would all turn out okay.

  No one knew that. No one. Not even Eli.

  I closed my eyes, but then I heard a scratch of a pencil across paper. I opened my eyes to see him drawing in a sketchbook. I turned my head to see what he was doing, and then I looked up at him.

  It was just the basic shape of her face right now, but even with that, I knew who it was. I’d know her anywhere. “Tessa?”

  “I started drawing her when she disappeared.” Chris didn’t look away from the paper as he drew, but he must’ve sensed me watching him. “Well, not that day, but about four months later. I didn’t want the memory to fade. I knew I would always keep looking for her, but some people in the new council aren’t as connected to her as the rest of us. I knew they’d call off the search eventually, and when we did, you’d need help remembering so that you could keep looking. I’ve thought about giving it to you a lot over the last year, especially when they finally decided to stop looking for her. But once the time came, I wasn’t sure if having it would help or hurt.”

  “Can I see?”

  “I’m not done with this one, but—” He handed it over. “It’s yours. I made this for you.”

  I flipped to the first page. Tessa jumping out of a window. The look on her face. I could almost hear her saying in her head—Shit. Shit. Shit.

  “That’s the first time I saw her. Had to admire her guts jumping from three floors up.”

  I smiled, but it was small and sad. “Yeah.” I flipped through more.

  They were so many images of her. In the cafeteria. In gym class. Fighting a cave full of vampires. Turning into a wolf with everyone from the school around her. Fighting demons. The chapel where we killed Luciana. So many drawings in black pencil but drawn so real, so vivid I could almost imagine her stepping out of the page.

  But those of Tessa weren’t the ones that made me gasp. Those weren’t the ones that hurt to look at. It was the drawings of us that hurt.

  He’d drawn us. Laughing and training and dancing and I didn’t even know he’d been paying attention.

  There was one of us sitting in the quad. She was laughing, and I was smiling at her. Looking at it felt like someone had taken one of Cosette’s flaming swords to my heart. My eyes started to burn, and I squeezed them shut to keep the tears from falling.

  God. I missed looking at that face. I missed that smile. I missed the sound of her laugh.

  I’d pushed away the little things I missed, but now it was a need so big I couldn’t breathe.

  I wanted that back. I needed her back.

  I let out a slow breath and opened my eyes to look again at the page.

  She was so beautiful. She’d argue about that, but it was true. And she was kind—always giving more of herself than she should. She was strong.

  And we’d been happy.

  Sometimes I thought she was a dream, and that I imagined how happy we’d been. But there it was on the page. Proof.

  I wanted to rub my thumb down the drawing of her, but I was scared that if I touched it that the image would smudge, and then the only piece of her that was happy would be gone, too.

  “I sprayed them. You can touch it.”

  I turned to him. Had I said that aloud?

  He shook his head. “It’s what I would want to do if Cosette was gone. I know this doesn’t bring her back, and maybe this is worse, but if you can hold on to what you see there, then maybe you can get it back.”

  “I don’t know what to say.” I didn’t. I’d never been particularly close with Chris. We’d been friendly, but I graduated before he did. I was one of his instructors. And when Tessa showed up, for a brief moment, we were competitors.

  Chris didn’t look at me, but he nodded. “I heard what Eli said before we got here. He’s not a quiet guy.”

  I wanted so badly to disappear into the page he’d drawn that it took me a second to try to remember what Eli said. And even then, I wasn’t sure. “About?”

  “How Cosette can’t fix this. And knowing Eli, he’s right. He can lie just fine. He’s not like most of the fey. But I don’t think he was lying.”

  “I don’t think so either.” I wished he was, but I didn’t think getting her back even after this long would be that easy.

  “Cosette might like to yell and scream at him, but Eli helped me before. It was in the most roundabout fucked up way, and it sure wasn’t easy. But he gave both me and Cosette everything we wanted.”

  “I’m glad you’re happy.” I was jealous of it, but I could still be happy for him.

  “That’s not what…” Chris sighed. “For whatever reason, Eli didn’t show up until now. There’s a reason for it. I don’t know why, but there will be a very good reason. And if he says you have to get her to love you again, then that’s what you’re going to do.”

  I stared down at the sketchbook in my lap. At her laughing. “I don’t know how I got her in the first place. Dumb luck?” I leaned back against the pew. “How am I going to do it again?”

  “Here’s the thing.” Chris twisted to face me, and I did the same, turning just enough to see him without lifting my head from the pew.

  “You bit Tessa. I always thought that was a shit move. It’s why I thought for a second she and I…” Chris trailed off, and I was glad he did.

  I knew he kissed her. It was irrational to be mad about it now, but if he really wanted to bring it up, I was happy to get angry about it all over again.

  “I’m glad it didn’t end up that way, but you know, she’s amazing. And she deserved better than you biting her like you did. So, you’re going to do what you should’ve done from the beginning. Michael’s working getting you set up for that right now.”

  I wasn’t following him. “Working on what?”

  “He was on the phone when we got to the waiting room. He said he had this feeling that it would take longer than we all wanted to get her back.”

  Michael and his feelings were so annoying. They’d always been annoying, even when I was little. They were never enough to actually do any good.

  And then I’d gotten used to how accurate and clear Tessa’s visions were. Somehow that made Michael’s vague hunches even more frustrating. “What’s he doing exactly?”

  “He’s getting her neighbor in the apartment across the hall from her to move out right now. They were negotiating on price when I left. You’re moving in.”

  What? How was Michael planning all this without telling me anything? “I am?” I wasn’t pissed, just confused.

  “You are, and since you’ll be so close to her, you’ll run into each other. But you’re going to wait for her to come to you. You’re going to wait until she falls in love again. And then you’re going to kiss the hell out of her, and that fey magic will go away. But don’t you dare kiss her until then. Okay? We don’t want her back in the hospital. Forcing memories, forcing the magic, forcing her to love you—none of that will work. And your wolf has to be patient. None of him taking charge again.”

  My wolf was testy on a good day, and I hadn’t really seen a lot of good days lately. But in this, we were of one mind. Tessa mattered more than anything. He wouldn’t lose it. Not with her. Not again.

  And yet, I had something pitifully embarrassing that I had to deal with before I moved across the hall from Tessa. “I won’t lose control, but…”

  “But what?”

  I shoved my pride as far away as I could.

  Chris knew Tessa. They hung out. He talked to her. If I was going to ask anyone that wasn’t Meredith—who was beyond biased—it had to be Chris. He’d give me an honest answer. “Do you think she’s better off without me? Without all the magic and bonds and danger—”

  “Jesus, Dastien.” His gaze searched me as if he were trying to see into my
head but couldn’t. “You don’t really think that. Do you?”

  I turned away from him and stared hard at his drawing on my lap. At the look on her face. At her smile. At her eyes. “Yeah. I thought it all the time before, and since she’s been gone… Yeah. I think that all the time. And now that I know she’s okay and—”

  “She’s not okay! She’s in a coma because of some stupid fey magic. How could she possibly be okay? Dude. Where’s your confidence? What’s happened to you?”

  I tried to remember when I saw Chris last. I guess he’d been there to pick out furniture a few months ago, and maybe I hid the despair and heartache and sadness well enough that he hadn’t seen it. “I lost everything that mattered to me. The only thing that mattered. I had nothing left. No reason to live. I…” I let out a harsh breath. “I’m doing better than I was, and now that she’s here, much, much better, but I still… I wonder if I ruined her life. I wonder if what I did…if biting her was…” I wasn’t one to spill my guts—even when I had so many doubts and needed someone to help me.

  The words I’d managed to get out would have to be enough.

  Chris put his hand on my shoulder, but I still couldn’t look at him.

  “Look, man. You’ve been through hell. We all know it. Maybe now your heart will be more open, more patient. Because you sure as shit were never patient. If you think you didn’t deserve her before, now’s your chance to prove it to yourself that you always did. That she was always meant for you. Because you sure as shit didn’t ruin her life. But prove that to yourself. Win her over the way you should’ve the first time before you lost control. Show her—”

  The door swung open so hard it slammed into the wall. Cosette wasn’t a wolf, but she was growling just the same.

  Chris rose. “What?”

  Cosette’s heels might as well have been breaking the floor with how hard she was stomping. “It was definitely my mother. I’m going to need to talk to her. I’m going to need to kill her.”

  I didn’t envy Chris at all right now.

  “We can’t murder your mother without major consequences.” Chris reached for her. “And we knew that she was responsible. Right?” Chris’s calm seemed to ease Cosette’s anger.

  She took a breath and let him hold her for a second. “We assumed, but we didn’t know. Now we do. We didn’t have proof. But now I do.” Cosette stepped away from Chris. “Van!”

  The fey warrior appeared. He scanned the room before taking in Cosette. “Yes. What’s happened? Where are we?”

  “It was her,” Cosette said. “Proof.” She flicked her hand toward him, and I felt magic slip past me.

  “This changes things.” He nodded to her before turning to me. He closed the distance between us, gripping my shoulder. “I’m glad you took my advice. I know waiting was hard, but now we’ll work to make sure she sees that new home of yours soon.” He dropped his hand and looked at Cosette again. “I’ll be back.”

  Before I could say anything, Van disappeared again. “What was that?”

  “My mother has been begging to talk to me, and now, I think I’ll take her up on that.” Cosette ran a hand through her hair. “Van will set the terms of our meeting.”

  Chris gripped Cosette’s hand. “Are you sure this is a good idea? If it goes wrong, we have war.”

  “I think we might be at that point already. Maybe not, but we’re close.” Cosette faced me. “I’ve good news and bad. I usually would’ve let you pick which first, but I’m not going to today. The bad news is too obvious. Eli was right. I can’t change the magic. Samantha was also right. The fey magic is imbedded in Tessa’s soul.”

  Before I could process that, Cosette kept talking.

  “The good news is—she’s awake and remembers nothing from your encounter with her. Which means you start with a clean slate instead of fighting that awful first impression where you freaked her out.” She poked me in the chest twice. “Don’t do that again.” She poked me three more times as if that would drive home her point. “You might not get as lucky again.”

  “What do I do now?”

  Chris picked up the sketchpad from where I’d set it down. “Move into that apartment. We’ll help you get settled and then get out of your way. You need us to come, you tell us. Otherwise, we’ll leave you to do your magic and win her over again but, um, shave. She likes your dimples a lot, and she can’t see them right now.”

  I rubbed my hands down my rough face. I guess I hadn’t noticed it or really cared about shaving regularly. “This is insane. This feels insane. I have to treat my wife like she’s a stranger?”

  “Yes, but you can do this.” There was zero doubt hiding in Cosette’s words.

  I looked up at her. “Can I?” Cosette couldn’t lie to me.

  “Yes. You can.” Cosette’s words were clear.

  “See? She agrees. You can do this,” Chris said. “It was more than just fate—more than just magic and bonds—that brought the two of you together. I saw how you’d train with her. Laughing and sharing headphones while you ran. I saw it. She loved you for more than just your alpha power.”

  “More than just your abs, too,” Cosette said. “Though those are fine.”

  Chris stared at his mate for a hard second. “Why were you looking at his abs? When did you see—”

  Cosette touched Chris’ cheek, and then he laughed. “Fine.”

  My phone beeped, and I pulled it from my pocket.

  Michael texted me an address. We need to go. Meet me outside the hospital.

  I looked up to see Chris standing over me, reading the text. “Looks like he got the apartment.”

  Be right there. I texted Michael back.

  “This is just step one to getting our girl back,” Chris said. “Just take it one step at a time.”

  “Okay.” I could do this.

  I would make her fall in love with me.

  Because they were right. There was more than just magic and bonds and fate between us. So much more.

  I just had to figure out how to start over, but I wanted my Tessa back. I couldn’t get this close and lose her all over again.

  I had to fix this before anything else went wrong.

  Because knowing Tessa’s luck, something would happen, and I had to be ready to fight for her like I’d never fought before.

  Chapter Seventeen

  DASTIEN

  They’d kept Tessa one more night at the hospital, and while she was there, I moved in across the hall from her apartment.

  Apparently, Michael paid the guy who lived there an ungodly amount of money. I would’ve said something about paying him back, but I knew he didn’t care. He had more money than anyone I knew. When you grew up with werewolves with long lives to accumulate wealth, then that was saying something. If anything, he’d be insulted if I offered.

  I was just glad to have a place so close to her so quickly. I wasn’t sure how I’d repay him for thinking of that, but I would figure something out.

  Samantha left the hospital when Michael, Axel, and I came to check out the apartment and get the keys. It was after nine, and she said her mom wanted her home. I wasn’t sure what more she could do for us anyway, so that was fine.

  Chris and Cosette got to the apartment shortly after us. They left Claudia and Lucas to discreetly watch over Tessa. Now that we finally found her. No one was taking her again.

  Together, the rest of us helped the guy box up his stuff and move it into another apartment in the building.

  He thought we were weird but seemed really glad for the money. He even agreed to let me keep his furniture. For what we were paying, he said he could just pack a bag and camp out in the new place until new furniture came.

  But that wasn’t happening. His furniture smelled of a thousand different disgusting odors—some I wished I’d never smelled—and it had to go. Immediately. The guy also had some severely questionable artwork—lots of partially dressed women with motorcycles—and zero books. Tessa liked books. It was one of the first things
she did when going into someone’s house or room. She snooped on the shelves big time. She said that you could tell a lot about a person by what they read. Which I’d found to be accurate.

  It took a few hours to finish taking all of his stuff over, but then he was out of our hair.

  “Thank God he’s gone,” Cosette said. “If he checked me out one more time, I was going to call in my daggers.”

  “You wouldn’t need them. I was getting ready to kill the douche.” The rasp in Chris’s voice had gotten deeper and rougher.

  They started arguing over what the worst thing was about the guy, but I was busy staring at the state of the empty apartment. There were dust bunnies and dirt everywhere, and I didn’t even want to think about that bathroom.

  I was a clean freak. I liked everything neat and tidy and in its place. That was one thing that Tessa and I agreed on. One of the many things.

  My phone said it was nearly midnight. I needed cleaning supplies, furniture, sheets, towels, dishes, and a million other things to make this feel like a legit apartment. I wasn’t sure I could convince Tessa to come inside my apartment tomorrow, but hopefully, it wouldn’t take long. I was going to need it to look like I actually lived here.

  I could go to a hotel, wake up early, and get everything I needed, but I wanted to be here.

  No. I really wanted to be inside her hospital room, but that wasn’t allowed. She’d be confused as to who I was and why I was there.

  So, the next best thing was to wait for her to come back here. From across the hall, I’d be able to tell when she was coming and going. Depending on the noise in the building, I might even be able to hear if she was watching TV or talking on the phone. I’d get to know her schedule, and then I could invite her over for dinner. Or maybe I could go to the coffee shop we found her in when she was studying. Ask to sit with her. She might agree.

  Or she might call the cops because I’d gone full stalker on her.

  Damn it.