Alpha Erased

by Aileen Erin

I needed to be here when she came home from the hospital.

  I should get some sleep, but I wouldn’t be able to do that. Not when there was still so much to do to get this apartment set up. I ran a hand down my face.

  “What’s wrong?” Michael stepped toward me.

  “Nothing. I just…” I didn’t know what to tell him, so I went with the easiest thing. “This place is a mess—”

  Cosette waved a hand through the air, and the apartment was suddenly sparkling clean. It even smelled faintly of fresh lemons and lavender. “Any other problems?”

  I walked into the kitchen and swiped my finger over the top of a cabinet. It could’ve been a fey illusion, but there was no dust on my finger.

  I walked into the living room to see Cosette smirking proudly to herself.

  If she could just magic the apartment clean, what else could she do? “Furniture. Can you—” I mimicked moving my hand through the air. “—and make that appear?”

  She shook her head. “But Van could. He could take us into any store, and we’ll just send him back here with whatever you want.”

  “You’re talking about stealing?” Michael asked.

  Cosette’s grin was nearly wolfish. “Eh. Let’s not put a label on it.”

  “No. That’s not a plan. Or not one that we will be participating in.” Michael pulled his cell phone from his pocket. “I’ll make some calls. Where do you want to shop?”

  “It’s nearly midnight.” Where were we going to get furniture at this hour?

  Michael raised an eyebrow at me—it was his yes-I-am-aware look. “This is Los Angeles. Anything can be opened for a price. So, where?”

  Everyone looked at me, but I didn’t know. “Wherever is fine. As long as Tessa likes it.”

  “We’ll go to some of the same places we got the furniture for your house,” Chris said. “Everything we got was already Tessa-approved. But I need food.”

  “You drive. Cosette will give me names of stores.” Michael tossed me car keys. “We’ll make calls on the way. By the time we’re done eating, I’ll have some stores opened.”

  True to his word, he arranged for a string of stores to open. Not just one store. A string. He even had a truck ready for us to haul everything to the apartment. He also had a Target stay open for an hour later than their normal.

  I wasn’t sure how Michael pulled all of this off with a few phone calls, but I was thankful.

  We hit the Target last. By that time, we were in full-on shenanigans mode as we slurped down milkshakes and tore through aisle after aisle. We already had a TV waiting at the front of the store, plus some video games and three other full carts. I wasn’t even sure I needed all this shit, but I was having too much fun to stop everyone from dumping anything and everything into the carts. Cosette kept throwing in unicorn stuff, swearing that Tessa was obsessed with them.

  She wasn’t. As far as I knew, Tessa didn’t have strong feelings one way or the other toward unicorns. Axel backed me up on this. So, we kept sneaking them out of the cart and back onto random shelves.

  We were making a mess, and Michael would just have to up whatever we were paying them to stay open. No one should have to deal with this many werewolves and a fey princess.

  The only time I stopped to really think about what we were getting was the book section, since Tessa had strong feelings about what was on someone’s shelves. Axel and I stopped to pick out books, and the others wandered off.

  A few minutes later, Cosette came back with a massive framed print.

  “Check out what I found.” Cosette flipped it around so I could see.

  Surprise had me laughing before I knew I was still able to laugh.

  “Oh my God.” Axel grabbed it from her. “This is amazing. You have to get it.”

  I wanted to answer, but I couldn’t stop laughing at it.

  The print had three wolves howling at a full moon, and it looked like it might’ve been printed with blacklight reactive paint. It was cheesy as hell and amazing.

  Chris walked down the aisle with some Bluetooth speakers. He tossed them into the cart. “What’s so funny?”

  Axel turned so he could see.

  “You’re not buying that, are you?” Chris looked so horrified that I couldn’t help it. I laughed harder. “This is bullshit. Put that back.”

  He stormed off, but Cosette placed the print in the cart.

  “I can’t buy that. It’s so stupid.” Because it was really cheesy. It wasn’t as bad as the nearly naked chicks we took down from the walls, but I was trying to impress Tessa with my good taste. If she saw this hanging on my wall, what would she think?

  “But it makes you smile. It can’t be all that bad.” She had a point. “See? I’m so right about this.”

  We were grabbing some other odds and ends for the apartment when Chris came back. He stared at the shopping cart for a full minute before dumping the art supplies in his hands into the cart.

  “Jesus. Get rid of it already. I can’t even look at that. I’ll be back with canvas. You’re not allowed to buy that piece of crap.”

  Before he reached the end of the aisle, we were laughing again.

  It’d been a really long time since I’d had fun. Since I’d laughed. Since I didn’t have this feeling of absolute dread weighing on me.

  Not knowing where she was or how she was doing had been too much to breathe through at times. But now I knew where she was. I knew she was okay. And I knew that before long, I’d have my Tessa back.

  So now, for the first time in an impossibly long time, I was allowed to laugh.

  I was allowed to truly live.

  When we got back to the apartment, Chris took his art stuff to the unit’s balcony while the rest of us unloaded and set up. He was still working after we left again and came back with groceries. And when he was finished, he walked into the dining room and put a nail in the wall.

  Without saying a word to us, he went back to the balcony, grabbed the canvas, and hung it.

  We all stopped what we were doing and went to look at it.

  He’d painted a girl and her wolf sitting on the dock of a pond. There was movement in the wolf’s fur, and her hair was flowing in the wind. I couldn’t see the girl’s face, but I knew that it was Tessa. And the wolf was me. The dock was on my land. We’d built it a few months ago.

  He was right about that shit art from the store. This was better. It was so much better.

  “Oh, wow,” Axel said. “That’s Tessa.”

  “Yeah, but don’t touch it. The paint is still drying.” Chris glanced at his hands. “I’m going to clean up.”

  After he was done, there wasn’t much for anyone to do. It was nearly dawn, and we all needed sleep. So, I sent them to a hotel.

  And I was alone again.

  As soon as the door closed, I leaned back against it and stared at the apartment. The kitchen was to my left, blocked off from the living room to my right by a half bar. Next to the kitchen was the dining room. From the door, I could see Chris’ painting. It was breathtaking.

  The living space was really one big room that had all three—dining, kitchen, and living room—but area rugs and the kitchen’s bar served to separate the spaces. Beyond the living and dining room was a hallway. On one side was the master bedroom with en suite bath. Across the hall were a smaller bedroom and a half bath.

  I strolled through the apartment, taking in everything that we’d gotten. The navy couch and love seat were smaller versions of what I’d bought for our house. The coffee table was really just an oversized pouf with a tray on top. It was brightly colored, and not something I would’ve picked without seeing it in Tessa’s binder. But it brought a lot of color into the room. It made it feel homey.

  There were some linked Bluetooth speakers throughout the apartment. Tessa and I always listened to music. It was the thing that brought us together. The thing that might bring us together again.

  I’d gotten a few young adult books and some romance, too. Some cooking and non
fiction. And then some science fiction and fantasy that I usually enjoyed.

  One unicorn made it back to the apartment, but it was really just a nightlight. There were some superhero figurines and a Lego set. Some board games and a calendar featuring pictures of the French countryside.

  The mix of things from the fancy stores and Target made it look comfortable. The bed set I’d gotten was a little too matchy-matchy, but Cosette swore that’s what normal guys tended to buy if they didn’t shop with a fey princess and someone with an artist’s eye to design the layout.

  I was pretty sure that Tessa would approve of everything in the apartment, which meant if she ever decided to come over, she’d feel comfortable. At ease. At home.

  And that’s what I wanted more than anything. For her to walk through that door and see this place as her home. Because if she did that, then maybe she’d see that I was her home.

  Because she was mine. My home. My heart. My everything.

  The sun was rising, and I wasn’t sure I could settle.

  It took me a while to realize why I went so crazy when Tessa left—other than the obvious reasons. I’d been so used to being in her head and never feeling alone. I could always hear her thoughts, feel her emotions, know exactly where she was. To go from that level of noise in my head to nothing…

  It was like something had been severed inside of me—which it had. My bond was gone. Tessa was gone.

  But now I knew where she was, and yet it still left this anxiety in the pit of my stomach that wouldn’t go away.

  I grabbed my phone. She still okay? I texted to Claudia. I’d been trying not to hound her while we’d been getting the apartment ready, but I couldn’t stop myself anymore.

  Yes. She’s fine.

  I wasn’t expecting her to text back right away, but I was thankful that she did.

  And then another text came through from Claudia. The doctor came by an hour ago. She’s sleeping normally, and when she wakes up, she’ll be released. But she keeps asking for her mother. I’m not sure who she thinks that is.

  Helen? I texted back.

  Maybe. Or it could be another fey. Or a human who the fey magicked into believing that Tessa was her daughter.

  Has anyone been by?

  No, but she has her phone. She called this mother person earlier and left a message. Another person called back—a friend who sounded annoyed at being bothered and even more annoyed that Tessa hadn’t shown up for class. But when Tessa mentioned the hospital, she asked a lot of questions.

  What does that mean? Claudia wouldn’t mention it unless she was worried about something, but anyone would ask a lot of questions if their friend was in the hospital.

  Maybe I’m being paranoid. I just didn’t love the tone the girl took with Tessa. It’s like she was checking on someone that she hated. We don’t know how closely Tessa’s being watched.

  I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or bad. What did Tessa tell the person?

  She said exactly what she thought happened. She collapsed, and someone called 911.

  That was good. At least no one caught our exchange on video. That hadn’t been my finest hour.

  My phone buzzed with another text from Claudia. You’re going to have to be really careful. If they know we are here, they could act. You need to fix this quickly.

  I’m going to do everything I can. Because that was all I could do. But suddenly, that didn’t feel like enough. Maybe we should just take her. Keep her asleep and leave.

  No! She only just woke up. A shock like that might put her back in a coma or worse. Too much of a risk!

  Everything was a risk. Everything.

  I wanted to throw my phone against the wall, but that wouldn’t make this hopeless feeling go away.

  It felt like after so long, I was so close to getting her back, but everything was hanging from spider silk. One wrong breath and everything could fall.

  I could lose everything. Again.

  Only this time, it would be forever.

  Chapter Eighteen

  DASTIEN

  I tried sleeping, but that wasn’t happening. Instead, I sat on the balcony and watched the sunrise. The hardest part of this whole thing was going to be patience. The risk of having her scared of me if I said or did the wrong thing—or worse, ending up in the hospital again—it was almost too much.

  The knots in my stomach grew and turned into a city of knots, until I gave up trying to sit still entirely. I paced up and down the small hallway in the apartment from the front door to the master suite.

  Before they got on the plane to Texas, Michael called me earlier to ask if they should stay and help, but I sent them home as planned. Claudia and Lucas would watch her until she got here, and then they were leaving, too.

  Everyone would fly back to Texas and wait for me to fix this. Eli said I had to do this alone, so I was trying to believe that I could. That somehow, I’d find a way to make the impossible happen a second time.

  My phone buzzed, telling me it was time to eat. I wasn’t hungry, but I swore to Chris that my wolf wouldn’t slip up a second time. I was going to keep that promise. Which meant food was necessary.

  I went to the kitchen, opened the fridge, and froze.

  We’d gotten all of Tessa’s favorites from the store—everything I avoided since she’d been gone. If she wanted to come over and watch a movie, I had anything she could possibly want. Right now, all I could see was the case of Diet Coke and the bars of chocolate that she loved.

  I closed the fridge and turned around. On the counter were Cheetos, Oreos, and two more cases of Diet Coke. The Tessa Trinity. That plus the two cartons of coconut chocolate chip ice cream in the freezer, and suddenly it was like everywhere I looked, Tessa was here.

  Except she wasn’t. Not yet.

  Tendrils of panic grew through my lungs, making it hard to breathe. I was being too optimistic. I was jinxing myself.

  Damn it. Why did I buy this stuff already?

  Last night, when everyone was here and hopeful and excited, it seemed smart to plan for success. Of course, I should get all of Tessa’s favorites. She’d be spending her days with me in no time.

  But now that I was alone, her wanting to suddenly hang out with me seemed like such an impossibly stupid stretch of the imagination.

  I’d barely gotten the chance to talk to her before she collapsed in the coffee shop. How was I going to go from that to hanging out today?

  I opened the fridge again—did my best to ignore all of Tessa’s food—and grabbed some stuff to make a quick breakfast. I’d eat, clean up, and then I’d figure out what else I could do to keep myself from going insane.

  I did the first two things, and then my phone buzzed, saving me from figuring out the next part, at least for a little while.

  Axel texted. Just landed. Has she gotten back to her apartment yet?

  No. It was only eleven here. Even if she was discharged today, it might be a while before she made it back. I wasn’t sure what I’d do between now and then, but I’d figure something out.

  Okay. Let me know when she does. I feel bad leaving. As soon as we got on the plane…we all feel the same. We want to come back. You don’t have to do this alone.

  I’m fine. Stay there. I might regret that in a few, but for now, I needed to do this on my own. I’d been leaning on everyone for far too long.

  Bullshit.

  I’m fine. I swear.

  Okay, but I got this alert when we landed. Above & Beyond is playing there in two days. I keep thinking that she’d want to go and that we should take her but she doesn’t know who I am anymore and I don’t even know if she likes them anymore. This is so fucked up.

  Sometimes Axel was so much like his sister. When we have her back, we’ll figure out where they’re playing and take her.

  Fine. I just want her back.

  She will be. I’ll let you know if I need you. Let the others know the same goes for them.

  Will do. BTW—my sister was obsessed with you
from the beginning. I remember the way she looked at you that day at the mall. She didn’t know you then either, but she wanted to. You can do this.

  I stared at the screen for a minute. Could I? Did he really think so?

  It was going to be so much harder this time because I knew what was on the line. If I messed this up, both of us could end up dead.

  My cell phone rang, and I answered it before checking to see who it was, assuming it was Axel. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been staring at my phone, trying to figure out what to text.

  “Is she back from the hospital yet?” Adrian’s voice came through my cellphone.

  I looked at the phone to make sure I was hearing right and saw his name. Adrian. He’d been hunting some fey from Leaves that got loose and were wreaking havoc on the people of Pittsburgh.

  “No. She’s not back yet.” But if everyone was going to call or text for an update every two seconds, I was going to go crazy. Or crazier than I already was.

  “How are you doing?” Adrian asked.

  “Fine. I’m just at the apartment waiting for her.”

  “You can’t sit there all day. You’ll go crazy.”

  Shows how much he knew. “I’m already going crazy.”

  “Go for a run. But with your shirt off.”

  With my shirt off? That was random. “What? Why?”

  “Because you might run into her. You all sweaty and no shirt? It’s hot, dude.”

  “Adrian,” I said, pleading with him to stop. He had to be joking. I wasn’t going to win her over by being shirtless and sweaty.

  Okay. That wasn’t entirely accurate. I knew Tessa liked my body, but this wasn’t going to be as easy as me walking around without a shirt.

  I needed Tessa to love me again. And not just an everyday kind of love. It needed to be epic. The kind of love strong enough to break the fey magic embedded in her soul.

  That was going to take more than attraction or lust.

  “I’m serious. She’ll dig it,” Adrian said.

  He was being stupid now. “I’m hanging up.”

  “Okay, but just as a general practice, no shirt. Sweaty is good. And dimples, dimples, dimples.”