Alpha Erased

by Aileen Erin

  I was starving, so I shrugged. “Shame to let this get cold.” I moved over to the table and noticed a big painting on the wall. I paused to look at it.

  The woods were dark, but light beamed down on them from the full moon, giving them rich hues of green and brown. In the center of the trees was a pond. A little dock hung over the edge of the water. And— “Is that a wolf? I love wolves. They’re so beautiful.”

  I stepped around the table to get closer to the painting. There was a galaxy of stars in the sky. It was always too bright in LA to ever see the stars like that.

  The moon’s reflection in the pond rippled. I could almost imagine the girl poking her toes in the cold water on the hot summer night.

  My gaze drifted back to the wolf. It looked so cuddly and soft, and the girl had one arm thrown across its back. Like it was nothing more than a big dog. “Wolf or a dog? Do you know?”

  “It’s a wolf in that form,” Chris said. “Do you like it?”

  “In that form? Is it a werewolf?” I looked at the painting closer, but it just looked like a wolf to me.

  But the girl kept drawing my eye. I couldn’t see her face, but something about her felt familiar. Something about the dock girl. The color of her hair and the way she was sitting. Her comfort with the wolf. The land seemed familiar, too, but I’d never been to the country. It was just something that I dreamed about.

  And then my gaze went back again to the girl.

  Why did she seem familiar?

  A headache started to pulse at my temples.

  “Do you like it?”

  My head wasn’t hurting that bad, but it was making it hard for me to think. I wanted to answer his question, to say yes—I knew I should—but something about that picture was uncomfortable to look at. I glanced away for a second and then went back to it.

  My headache went from pulsing to stabbing. “Ummm. I like wolves, but werewolves scare me. I…”

  “You don’t like werewolves?” Cosette’s tone sounded a little amused, but I was staring at the painting too hard to look away again. I needed to see something there. Something—

  Pain sliced through my skull, and I hissed. I pressed my fingertips to my temples, trying to massage the pain away. “No. I don’t. I don’t know. I…”

  Cosette sounded like she was choking—or maybe laughing—but my eyes were squeezed shut. I tried to open them, but the lights made it worse. So much worse.

  “Are you okay?” Dastien’s soft voice was filled with concern.

  “I’m okay. It’s just a migraine. I get them a lot since my accident.” I looked at the painting again, but it felt like someone stabbed me between the eyes with a sharp, fire-hot knife. The pain dropped me to my knees, but I never hit the floor.

  Someone picked me up, cradled me gently in their arms, and carried me across the room.

  “I think I have to go back to my apartment. I’m sorry. You went to all this trouble, but I—”

  “Shhh. Don’t talk,” Dastien whispered in my ear.

  He put me on something soft—must’ve been the couch—and there was some rustling around. I wanted to know what was happening, but I couldn’t think past the pain.

  A warm hand pressed against my forehead, and there was a quiet murmuring in a language I didn’t understand.

  The pain started to go away, and I blinked my eyes open. It was too bright, and I squeezed them closed.

  “Turn out the lights, Dastien.” Cosette’s words were quiet, but the command was clear.

  There was a click.

  Cosette massaged my temples for a second, murmuring something else before sighing. “Okay. I think that’s better. Try opening them now.”

  I blinked my eyes open, and it was much better. They’d left on a light in a room down the hallway, and it was enough to see by. “I’m sorry to cause—”

  Cosette moved her hand from my forehead and sat on the pouf in front of me. “Do you get migraines often?”

  Sometimes I got them every day, and then I’d go months with none. It didn’t make any sense. “They’re a side effect from my accident.”

  “Accident?”

  “Yeah.” I tried to sit up, but the room swam.

  Cosette put her hand on my shoulder. “Just stay still for a minute.”

  I lay back on the couch. “I was in a car accident a while back and suffered a head injury. I lost most of my memory from before the accident, and sometimes get these episodes that land me in the hospital for a few days. But mostly, I’m okay now.” I looked at the guys. They were standing shoulder to shoulder behind Cosette as they watched us. “I should go. My head’s feeling better, but I ruined—”

  Cosette grabbed my hand. “You ruined nothing. Stay. Eat.”

  “Are you sure?” I looked over at the table. “The painting! Where—”

  “I moved it to my bedroom,” Dastien said. “It was hurting you to look at it, so I moved it.”

  Shit. I was the worst guest ever. He shouldn’t have to redecorate because of me. “But—”

  “Don’t worry about the painting. It would bother me a lot more if you left before getting to eat.” He gave me a smile that was soft and sweet and made me think that he was telling the truth.

  “If you’re sure…”

  Cosette stood and tugged on my hand, pulling me up with her. “Come on. Let’s get some food in you. It might help your head.”

  I thought about leaving, but I was hungry and they did go through all the trouble of cooking. And they’d moved the painting.

  Plus, Cosette was right. Food usually helped with the headaches. “Okay.”

  I followed Cosette’s lead and sat at the table. There were a few lit candles on the table and in the kitchen that I didn’t notice before they’d turned out the lights. It was just enough to see by, but not so much that it would bother my head.

  Cosette had been with me, which meant that the guys had done that. I couldn’t believe how nice they were to go so far out of their way for a total stranger.

  Dastien placed a tall glass filled with ice and a can of Diet Coke in front of me. “Thanks.”

  “My pleasure.”

  Chris handed out plates, and I took one from him.

  Dastien sat next to me and started piling his plate full, full, full. And then he grabbed a side plate and started piling food on there, too. The man wasn’t joking. He ate a ton.

  I put a much more modest amount on my plate—though it was still more than I’d eaten in front of anyone in more than a year—and for the first time tonight, I let myself look beyond Dastien’s face.

  He was wearing a shirt that had printing on it, and now that I was starting to get used to how pretty he was, I could focus on the letters and actually read them. Above & Beyond was in thick, white block font. “You like Above & Beyond?”

  His hand froze as he reached for another hunk of meat, and I could almost hear him arguing with himself on how to answer. He forked the meat onto his plate and turned to me. “They’re my favorite.”

  “Really?” I didn’t know why that surprised me, but it did. No one I knew would even know who they were, much less own a shirt with their name on it.

  “Yes.”

  As I watched him, I listened to the music playing. I’d been so distracted by making new friends that I’d noticed there was music on but hadn’t really heard it. “Is this Group Therapy?”

  “Yes.” He sat straighter and his gaze finally met mine. His rich brown eyes showed surprise.

  I listened for a second and heard the mix move into the next song. “Oh! Episode 361, right? I’m addicted to this episode.”

  “Me, too.” Two dimples winked at me as he smiled, and I swore my heart fluttered.

  Why did a guy that looked like him have to have dimples? It was massive overkill.

  “I take it you like them?” Cosette asked.

  “I’ve never seen them in person, but I hope that I will one day.” I took a bite of brisket and moaned. “This is so good.”

  D
astien forked more onto my plate, and I couldn’t help but laugh. “I can’t eat all that.”

  “I double-dog dare you.”

  This guy. He was too much. I took another bite.

  “You know they’re playing tomorrow.”

  My smile fell. “Above & Beyond? They are?” How did I not know this?

  Dastien nodded. “Yep. At a club in Hollywood. Want to go with me?”

  Yes. Oh my God, yes, I wanted to go.

  I couldn’t believe it. That they were playing here and I had no idea, and that I suddenly had a friend who loved them and invited me to go. It was almost unbelievable. A coincidence of epic proportions.

  My doctor said that I needed to take coincidences as just things lining up correctly, but this was crazy how everything seemed to be so easy with Dastien. Things like that just didn’t happen to me.

  New friends. New adventures. That’s what I’d wanted, and apparently, that’s what I was going to get. “Really? You don’t mind me going with—”

  “I wouldn’t offer it if I didn’t want you to go.” He motioned to Chris and Cosette. “That’s why they’re in town.”

  Chris coughed, and there was a thunk from under the table.

  Chris tapped his chest. “Sorry. My drink went down the wrong way, but yep. That’s why we’re here.”

  That was the most unconvincing lie I’d ever heard. I didn’t know Chris, but I knew that much. “You’re messing with me. Right?”

  “No.” Dastien smiled, and I forgot all about Chris’s awkwardness. “And I have another ticket, but our other friend couldn’t make it. So, I have an extra.”

  I looked between the three of them, trying to figure out what was the truth. Dastien didn’t sound like he was lying at all, but it seemed to take Chris by surprise. I didn’t quite trust it, but then Dastien caught my eye.

  It wasn’t just his looks that had me hooked, although that was a no-brainer. Something about him seemed safe and comforting when I had absolutely no reason to feel that way toward him. At least not yet. My attraction to him should make me feel anything but safe, and he was little more than a stranger.

  But when I looked at him, it felt like something inside me just unlocked. He felt familiar in the most unusual way. I had such a hard time making friends, and yet this was coming so easy.

  Maybe it was just who he was—nice, understanding, kind, generous. I mean, he heard my stomach growl and made me this feast. Who did that for a stranger? And now we liked the same music, and he magically had a spare ticket to my favorite DJ-production group?

  Life didn’t work out this way for me. It wasn’t ever easy. Good things didn’t just happen out of nowhere. At least not in the last twenty-one months I could remember.

  I had a really tough time making friends. For some reason, everyone in my classes ignored me. Anytime I asked someone to study or grab a coffee, they no-showed.

  Georgine was the only person who ever showed up, and that was only because she had some sort of obligation to my mother. We had nothing in common except our classes. And she absolutely despised dance music. She’d never go with me to something like a club. She’d be horrified that I would think of going to something so crowded and loud.

  But I wanted to go to the club. And not just because it was Above & Beyond. I wanted to go with Dastien. “Are you sure you guys don’t mind me tagging along?”

  “Don’t make the guy beg for—” Chris started to say, but there was another thunk under the table.

  I looked at Cosette, but she just grinned as she stabbed a noodle off her plate.

  Something was going on, but it felt like I was missing everything. “What’s the deal?”

  “You should try the mac and cheese. It’s delicious. Dastien made it with four kinds of cheese.”

  “That was a really abrupt subject change.” I usually wasn’t one to call someone on it, but I was feeling particularly comfortable. Maybe it was the flip-flops and T-shirt. Maybe it was the music. Or maybe it was that I really liked these people. All three of them.

  Cosette put down her fork and leaned a little on the table. “Can I be honest with you?”

  “Please.” I hated lies.

  “The guy at the end of the table—” She nodded her head toward Dastien. “—has his eye on you.”

  She couldn’t be serious.

  But she seemed serious.

  No guy had ever shown any interest in me. Why would he?

  “He’s a really nice guy. Hang out with us as much as you want. We’d love it.” She reached between the plates of food to grab my hand. “I swear, everything is great.”

  There was something calming about the way she said it, and her hand felt so warm. The kind of warmth that spread through my body, through my soul, until I felt settled. Relaxed. At home.

  “Okay.” I heard the word come out before I could think it through, and for once in my life, I didn’t want to think it through.

  Instead, I pulled my hand away from Cosette and took a bite of the mac and cheese.

  Cosette wasn’t lying. It was incredible. Chris asked Cosette about her favorite place to eat in LA, and then everyone seemed to settle into conversation. I was glad that I could contribute a little. I’d gotten really familiar with all the restaurants around town. I’d learned to cook pretty well, but sometimes it was a pain to cook and clean up. So, I ordered in a few times a week. Almost everywhere in the city did amazing takeout.

  The whole time we sat there, Dastien kept adding other things to my plate and telling me to try it.

  At first, I turned it down, but then he added something to Chris’s plate, and then Chris put something on Cosette’s plate to try. It all just seemed like something they did, so I shrugged it off. As long as they were eating, then it was okay for me to keep eating.

  So that’s what I did. I kept eating.

  And eating.

  And eating.

  I wasn’t sure where it was all going—because there had to be nowhere else for the food to go—but I was still hungry.

  Eventually, Cosette stopped eating, but the guys kept tucking into their food. Cosette wasn’t giving me any dirty looks. Nothing even close to what I would’ve gotten from Georgine. So I kept going.

  And going.

  And going.

  And then, suddenly, for the first time that I could remember, I was full.

  I was actually full.

  I put down my fork. The constant gnawing feeling in my stomach was just gone. Totally gone. And I didn’t feel so weak.

  I didn’t feel weak at all. I felt strong.

  “Are you okay?” Dastien asked.

  “I’m actually great.”

  “You are?”

  “Yeah.” I looked around the table, and for a second, I thought I should keep my mouth shut. And then I realized that was no way to live. Second-guessing my words wasn’t getting me anywhere. I should just talk. “It’s been really weird for me for a long time. I haven’t felt right since my accident. But tonight, I feel okay. I might even feel good, and it makes me think that everything might be okay.” I laughed to cover my embarrassment. “Which is stupid because I don’t know you and—”

  “It’s not stupid.” Cosette reached her hand to me again, and I took it.

  The warmth in her hand felt like magic that fueled me with a bit of her strength.

  She smiled at me. “It’s not stupid at all.”

  Chris looked at Cosette for a second and then turned to me. “We were going to hate-watch some B-movies. Want to hang?”

  “Yes, please stay,” Cosette said, and then she squeezed my hand. “Stay with us.”

  I felt myself say yes before I could think about it.

  “Good.” Cosette let go of my hand and leaned into Chris’s side. “There will be popcorn. Plus, there’s dessert. We haven’t even touched the coconut chocolate chip ice cream yet. I’ve never had any, but a very good friend of mine told me it was the best. She’s got excellent taste.”

  “I’ve never had it
before, either. It sounds amazing. But…” I glanced at Dastien. I’d been avoiding his gaze while I was eating because I just didn’t understand why someone like him would be interested in me. I didn’t have a lot to offer. There was just so much I didn’t understand about myself, and getting involved with someone before I figured everything out seemed pointless.

  But I felt stuck and bored with my life right now. So much of it just didn’t seem to feel right, and something about being around them—these three friends who clearly knew each other really well—made me feel that a little more intensely.

  I wanted what they had. I wanted the comfort that they had around each other, and how thoughtfully they treated each other, the way they joked and teased. It was all…so great.

  Plus, coconut chocolate chip ice cream? I’d never heard of such a thing, but it sounded amazing and right up my alley. “How could I turn down ice cream? But I’m only staying if I can help with the dishes.”

  “I’ll take the help,” Dastien said a little too quickly.

  He started gathering up the dishes, but his gaze kept darting to me. He had a small, tentative smile on his face, one that made his dimples show just a little bit. The guy should’ve seemed nothing short of confident, but something about him seemed a little broken. It was both endearing and sad.

  I wasn’t sure why I thought that. Maybe it was the way that Chris and Cosette seemed to always try to encourage him. Or maybe it was the way that they kept staring at him—watching him—as if they were expecting something from him. I wasn’t sure what they were worried about, but I was convinced that they were protecting him. Something or someone had hurt him.

  When he came back for another round of plates, I stood up. “Okay.” I walked into the kitchen and turned on the faucet. “Let’s do this.”

  Chris and Cosette carried dishes into the kitchen until the counters were full, before moving into the living room. They immediately started arguing over what movie to watch. It was nice hearing the total nonfight. Even when they were clearly at odds over what to pick, they teased each other and laughed, and it felt like they were pretending to fight more than actually arguing.