Jase

by Fields, M. J.

  “Carly?” Brad’s voice made me jump, I had almost forgotten he was here.

  “Sorry. Thanks for the phone, I guess,” I looked up at him.

  “I’m sure,” he smiled shyly, “I do think you might be happy I brought this though,” Brad opened the bag and pulled out chocolate ice cream and a box of tissues.

  “You shouldn’t have,” I was embarrassed.

  “Well look-- I have two sisters and apparently this stuff really works,” Brad smiled. “But in order to get the full effect, you have to eat it out of the carton with a friend as you talk about all the rotten things he did to hurt you.”

  “I don’t have friends remember?” Yes-- I was pissed about the comment he made.

  “You have me, and I’m used to this, so grab two spoons,” Brad reached into the bag and pulled out a movie, “I even brought a movie.”

  I smiled and shook my head in agreement.

  Brad and I sat on the couch laughing and eating Ice Cream as we watched the newest Vampire spoof movie. I learned a lot about him. He was from the Midwest and had two sisters: one older, one younger. His parents owned a ranch and he was at school on a full scholarship. He and his girlfriend of three years broke up before he left for school, and he had not dated since. He was too busy with classes for that. He was going into medical research and wanted to cure cancer. His paternal grandfather had died from the disease the month before he graduated high school and that’s when he decided that’s exactly what he would do.

  Mom came home and was happy to see me smiling. Brad left shortly after she returned.

  “Anytime you need a friend remember—I’m here.” He said before leaving.

  “Brad seems nice,” it was a statement but I knew it was more a question.

  “I left my phone,” I smiled and then corrected myself. “Jase’s phone, in class. He returned it.”

  “And he brought a movie and ice cream,” she smiled.

  “And tissue’s. We have a few classes together. Jase called and he answered the phone, apparently that pissed Jase off,” I rolled my eyes.

  “Okay,” Mom grabbed two cups and made some green tea.

  Mom and I talked for a while about her doctor’s appointment after school and then I lied and said I was tired. I was just trying to get out of talking about Jase and I think she knew that.

  I put the Jase phone on the charger: the battery was almost dead. I know I shouldn’t care and should just send it back but I couldn’t.

  -Going to sleep, confused, thinking about you…Carly

  He didn’t reply.

  5

  Jase opened his eyes. He had fallen asleep on the hard, cold chair at Chicago’s O’Hare airport. He had missed his flight by five minutes. Five fucking minutes! Putting him behind schedule by ten hours. He looked at his phone and read her text. He wanted to reply, but he couldn’t. He missed his flight because he needed to try to comfort her. When there were far more important things going on at home. As much as he wanted to blame her, it would make all of this easier, he couldn’t.

  He received the call from his mother at four in the morning. He should have woke her then, to try to explain the situation but when he thought about it-- he couldn’t imagine disappointing her any more than he already had to.

  He could not focus on Carly anymore. If she knew, she would try to help him or hate him for not telling her sooner. He ran the whole scenario through his head. Just promise me you’ll finish school, he had heard her mother say and Carly promised she would. He would not want it any different for her. His past was his, he owned it and he carried the guilt for two years now. He wouldn’t ever want to cause stress in another person’s life that he loved. He was sure he had fallen in love with Carly. He had planned on telling her that before they made love for the first time, her first time.

  He closed his eyes remembering the phone call he had made from the airport’s bar. He had hurt her enough. He wouldn’t do it again. No matter what the cost to him, to his heart right now. When he returned home all his dreams would come true, he would hold Isabella again and never let her go, no matter what it cost him.

  ~

  I woke and immediately looked at the phone, nothing. No goodnight, no falling for you, not even a fuck off! Unbelievable!

  So, you know how you write a message and mean to press cancel and hit send instead? Yeah that’s what I did.

  -Good morning, hoping things are well, I miss you…Carly

  I felt panicked, why why why? Stupid thumbs, stupid, stupid thumbs! And I swear I stopped breathing anticipating his reply. It literally felt like hours, when in reality it was only ten minutes. When it didn’t come, I felt the burn in my throat. I felt sick to my stomach.

  I stepped into the shower needing to wash away the hurt, the pain, and the stupid fucking girl feelings. It made me even sicker that I was capable of feeling this way after only knowing him for three months. What the hell, I had always thought it was so lame when the group of girls I hung out with in high school acted heart broken. What a judgmental bitch. And here I was feeling all of that, and I was an adult.

  When I got out of the shower I dressed quickly and sat on the bed holding that phone.

  -I wanted you to know that I did not mean to send the text I sent before. It truly was an accident. I wish I didn’t send it. I wish none of the past day and a half happened. I wish you could trust me to tell me what you were feeling or enough to know I would always listen. I did fall. But what do you do when you fall? You stand up, dust yourself off, and continue on. If I hurt you in any way Jase, I’m very sorry. I’ll stop bothering you, because I know that’s what you want. I’m going to turn this phone off and force myself to send it to you in the mail so that I am not tempted to message you anymore. I ask that you don’t say anything to Abe, it’s not like he needs to know. I’m thankful we never told him. That way he does not feel any different about either of us. I hope things are well, I will always hope that for you. Take care of yourself… Carly.

  I didn’t have class today and was thankful. Mom was still in bed which was normal for her at--I looked at the clock, yeah normal for most people to sleep past six in the morning on a Saturday.

  I grabbed an envelope off of Mom’s roll top desk and ruffled through the drawer to find stamps. I decided I would go the nearest super mart that housed a mail service. I didn’t trust myself to keep that phone. I took my phone from the charger and went to his contact info and hit delete. There no more Jase, temptation diverted. The only chance I had of running into him was when I went to Jersey for Christmas. I seriously hoped I could come up with an excuse to get out of that one.

  When I got home mom was still in bed. I headed right back to mine. I needed to sleep for like a week.

  ~

  When I woke up I heard my Mom talking in the kitchen to someone whose voice I didn’t recognize. I threw my still damp hair up and shoved my feet into my house shoes and walked out.

  “Good morning Carly how are you?” It was Brad.

  We had a fine time last night and all, but I really wasn’t in the mood today. “Hi, Brad.”

  My mother scowled at me. Yes I was being rude, but I couldn’t be nice. I just wanted one damn day to lay in bed and do nothing.

  “I brought by notes from class, you left early and I thought you may want them. We have a test Monday,” Brad smiled and handed me the copies he had made.

  “Thanks,” I looked down at the papers not wanting to look at Brad.

  “You are more than welcome,” Brad stood for a moment and then smiled and chuckled, “Alright then see you Monday?”

  “Thanks Brad,” I finally looked up.

  My mother thanked Brad and walked into her study.

  “Look, I’m sorry if I was rude, I just …”

  “Carly I understand. I brought you notes,” Brad smiled. “I’m not trying to push you into being my friend okay? When you’re ready… it will happen. We’ll be very good friends. I’ll see you Monday.”

  I didn’t und
erstand why he was pushing so hard to be my friend, “Thank you.”

  ~

  I sat in class on Monday when Brad walked in with an off- white sweater and light denim jeans, And why the hell am I noticing that? Oh yes I remember, I’m getting over Jase. So I decided to fixate on Brad, but he would never know that. He is cute, sandy blond hair, soft blue eyes, very nice smile. He may be six foot and he was built nice, not Jase nice but nice. Hold on who’s Jase? Yeah, that’s better.

  “Hello Carly,” Brad smiled when he sat next to me.

  “Hey Brad,” I looked away from him. I had gawked long enough, I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea.

  We sat and listened to the lecture, boring and long. I closed my eyes at some point and stupid Jase’s beautiful face popped into my head. So I decided to switch it up. The picture now was Jase with horns and red eyes. I giggled out loud.

  “Miss Smythe, did you have something to add?” I opened my eyes and the eyes of everyone in the lecture hall were on me.

  “No, no I don’t. Sorry Professor Higgins,” I was completely embarrassed.

  “I would like to see you after class,” he turned and continued.

  I looked at Brad and we both looked vexed.

  “You’ll be fine,” Brad patted my knee.

  “Easy for you to say,” I slouched down in my chair.

  ~

  I sat and waited for the lecture hall to empty and then stood up and walked down the stairs and waited for Professor Higgins to summon me. He stood shuffling through papers, for a long time. I considered clearing my throat in order to gain his attention.

  He finally looked up and crossed his arms over his chest and looked at me over his reading glasses, “Carly…”

  “Look I’m sorry I laughed. It was…”

  He rolled his eyes, “That’s not why I asked you to stay. I wanted to ask if you’d be interested in assisting in a research project.”

  “Oh. Oh… well, what is it?” I should have just said yes.

  He looked at me confused for a brief moment, “Human embryonic kidney cells research. If it’s not something you’re interested in I can look elsewhere.”

  Professor Higgins began loading his briefcase, “I just haven’t decided on which direction I’m going. I am also interested in English literature.”

  “I am aware of that, this is an opportunity. It would help you decide,” he grabbed his bag, “I can find someone else if you feel it would be too much.”

  “No, I think I would like to be involved,” a distraction.

  “Are you sure? This is rather important. Your social life will take a hit,” I laughed when he said that and he leaned back against the podium. “Will that be a problem?”

  “Not at all,” I looked up at him and smiled, “I don’t really have one. So this is perfect.

  He did not say anything for a moment he just looked at me which made me feel uncomfortable, “Alright then, we start tomorrow what time does your last class end?”

  “Three,” I answered following him out of the room.

  “That sounds good, three thirty, my office. We can go over everything then,” he stopped and shook my hand, “See you then.”

  Mom was excited for me. She said it was a wonderful opportunity. I assumed she was also excited that I would no longer be moping around, which-- might I point out-- that I only actually moped for two days. I figured that was acceptable. One day per month I had spent with my head in the clouds over Jase Steel and if I needed more time, I would allow myself one more day.

  Jase Steel. I had not heard from him in three days. I am sure he wasn’t thinking of me. Consoling Pam I assume, grrr. Yes I know, I’m not mad at her. I feel sorry for the situation she is in. I do the whole father, son, Holy Spirit thing on my chest although I’m not catholic, I am really not anything. Which makes me think of Dad, and then that bitch rat terrier lover who foiled my plans to get laid. Yeah I grab my imaginary penis, you know like all those boys do, because I am sure I just sounded like one. Who else says laid? What the hell is that about anyway, boys grabbing their junk-- that would be an amazing research project. Amazeballs, I laugh to myself.

  ~

  At three fifteen I walked into Professor Higgins’ class and he looked up from his desk, “Good afternoon Carly, have a seat.” He motioned to the chair and I sat, “We are waiting for another student who will be joining us. A last minute decision, just in case this becomes too much for you.”

  I turned hearing a knock on the door and saw Brad walk in. I wanted to roll my eyes but figured with my luck I would get caught, “Thanks for joining us on such short notice Brad, have a seat.”

  We sat and listened to Professor Higgins explain the project and the results he hoped to find. He gave us his expectations and a schedule to follow. If we chose to do more that would be great. We had planned to meet every day for the next few weeks in the lab. Professor Higgins would be there on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.

  ~

  On Friday, Professor Higgins came in while we were wrapping up.

  “You two have done an amazing job this week,” he smiled. Really smiled, I had not witnessed him smile before, not out of sheer happiness, only out of feeling obligated, “Dinner is on me.”

  We went to dinner at the Sky Lounge. Professor Higgins insisted we call him by his first name outside of class, Thomas.

  It was awkward to say the least. I excused myself and went to the bathroom. When I came out Professor Higgins was walking out of the men’s room. “Would you like a drink, Carly?”

  “I really don’t drink,” I started to walk past him and he put his hand on my back and directed me to the bar.

  “Come with me while I get one, I don’t really want to stand there alone. Someone might get the wrong idea,” and then he winked.

  Brad looked at me and tried to smile but then he looked quickly at the table. The waitress came and offered dessert and all three of us passed. We left immediately after and Professor Higgins dropped us off at the student parking lot.

  Brad and I both got in our cars and then Professor Higgins pulled away. I turned around to back up and Brad was parked behind me blocking me in. He jumped out of the car and I rolled down the window.

  “I am going to follow you.”

  “What? Why?” I laughed.

  “Professor Higgins kind of freaked me out. The way he looked at you and…”

  “Seriously? I think you are overreacting,” I rolled my eyes. He did wink at me, but that could have been anything.

  “I’m following you anyway,” Brad walked to his car and reversed giving me enough room to back up.

  As I drove home I realized it had now been over a week since Jase Steel had been in my life. He had to have gotten the phone. If he wanted to talk to me, he could’ve called me. I deleted him. He must have done the same.

  I pulled into the driveway and Brad pulled in behind me. I got out of the car and so did he.

  “Have you been crying?”

  “No. Thanks for following me even though I think it’s … oh,” Brad hugged me tightly. It felt good. So good in fact that I wrapped my arms around him. His body was hard and strong and then I kissed him. Not just a kiss. I bit his lip so that his mouth opened and I rubbed my tongue all over his.

  He pulled back and looked at me. The confusion left quickly and then he kissed me, he didn’t ease into it like Jase he just kissed me. His tongue explored every inch of the inside of my mouth as his hands gripped my hips pulling me closer to him.

  I pulled back after a very long time and I looked at the ground and bit my lip and tried not to laugh.

  He lifted my chin and I looked up. We both started laughing and he pulled me in for another big old hug.

  “I should,” we both said at the same time and laughed again.

  “What are you doing tomorrow?” Brad smiled as he finally stepped back.

  “Oh, stuff,” I looked up at him.

  “I’m going to take you out to dinner, be ready at six,”
Brad turned to leave.

  “I don’t think that’s…”

  “Sorry Carly I can’t hear you, see you at six,” Brad smiled as he got into his car and then backed out.

  I walked inside, went in my room, and flopped on my bed and looked at the clock, it was ten. I have no idea what came over me. Kissing Brad like that where was my head? What was I now, one of them, a GIRL?!?! I know what I am, I’m a ho! Which made me laugh.

  ~

  Brad picked me up at six on the dot. He came in and told my mom where we would be and what time he would have me home. Mom was playing it cool but I knew she was excited that I was going on a date. A real date not a fake date, stupid Jase. I had to mentally un-invite him on this date, three is a crowd.

  “Have you ever been to the BBB?” Brad asked breaking the silence.

  “A dinner theatre? I have heard about it, never been though.”

  “Good, sounds like fun.”

  And fun it was, the big hats, the silly songs, the costumes. It was great. It was not a cozy romantic atmosphere it was more like a group date which was perfect. Brad and I laughed the entire time.

  Weeks passed, and I grew to really enjoy hanging out with Brad. It was not like what’s his name. It was relaxed, we talked about our research project, and the way he felt Professor Higgins looked at me. We went to dinner on Friday and Saturday nights, and we never saw each other on Sundays. Tuesdays were Mom and my night and Thursday was book club. We kissed goodnight before we left the lab on Mondays and Wednesdays and after our real dates. I think I was getting used to the tongue invasions. I was used to something more gentle and sensual with what’s his name, but Brad was a completely different breed of man. It wasn’t all sexual and he certainly wasn’t the alpha male type. My mom and her friends liked him a lot.

  Thanksgiving came and he went home to Ohio. I wasn’t at all sad, as a matter a fact I was excited to see Cameron. Mom promised not to bring up what’s his name, I didn’t want to deal with whatever Cameron had to say about him. I was doing fine.

  I really enjoyed the pace that Brad and I were progressing at. Nothing was rushed, nothing was uncomfortable… it was nice. Not like what’s his name. I wasn’t awkward or clumsy or burning from the inside out with Brad. I wasn’t wasting my days waiting for the nights that at nearly twenty years old I would shimmy down a tree to sneak out and see the bad boy, what’s his name. I seriously missed what’s his name, yeah I know, it’s Jase. Jase Steel, beautiful bad boy that made this awkward good girl want to do naughty things. Prince Albert may have been nice in the can…okay enough time on what’s his name. I would not waste my last day of moping thinking about anal.