Live by the Sun, Love by the Moon

by J.T Jackson

  “Don't be sorry. What are you sorry for?” I fake a smile.

  “I don't wanna leave you alone.”

  “I'll be fine. You don't wanna keep daddy waiting.” I joke.

  “I'll see you around then. Don't leave.” I nod my head. He leans over to kiss my face, but I turn my head. He got the point.

  I probably shouldn't be mad, but I can't help it. I knew he had a girlfriend and that was bad enough, but now he's engaged. I chug down the rest of the champagne and go out to the backyard. It's as bright out here as it is inside. Big too. A water fountain sits right in the middle of it all. People are out here. Talking. Laughing. I just walk around. I look up to the sky, to find the moon. But it's still cloudy. The moon always brought me comfort. It eased pain for me. Brought me joy. And I'm lost without it. I still stare into the sky. Looking for where I think it is.

  “Hey Cinderella!” a voice from behind me says. I turn to see who. It's a boy. About my age, holding two glasses of champagne.

  He holds one out to me and I take it.

  “Thank you.”

  “What are you looking for up there?” He looks up.

  “Oh, nothing.”

  “Well you were looking for nothing pretty hard.”

  “Yeah, I guess I was.” I smile.

  “I'm Andre, by the way. I know it's probably weird having a guy walk up to you and start talking, but I'm sure you use to it.”

  “Not really.”

  “What? I don't believe that for a second. I mean, look at you. You're a princess.” I smile a little.

  “There it is. I knew I could get you to smile.”

  “Do you work at the firm?” I ask, trying to change the subject from me.

  “Oh, hell no, the money is good, but I couldn't sit in an office all day. I'm here with my parents. My sister's boyfriend works here.”

  “Oh ok.”

  “What about you?”

  “Yeah, I'm interning here. For a few more weeks anyway.”

  “Cool. How's that.”

  Well, it started fine until I think I started developing feelings for my boss who just happened to be engaged to someone else and the son of the man who started the firm.

  “Interesting. But I'm learning a lot of new things.” I sip my champagne.

  “I bet. So, maybe we can chill sometimes.” He smiles to me

  “Yeah, ok.” I could use a new friend I guess.

  “Ok, you got a number?”

  “Yeah, you got a pen.”

  “Just put it in my phone.” He hands me the phone and I put in my number,

  “Here.”

  “Cool. I'll call you sometime.” I notice these girls standing near us. About my age. They both keep looking over. I didn't hear them before, but I can now.

  “Would he really hire a stripper though? I mean I thought this was a professional company.”

  “You know how she probably got in. My brother, an honor student tried getting an internship there last month. He didn't get it. But her. She probably showed up in a trashy outfit and danced on his desk for him. Andre hears them too because he kept looking over at me.

  “Excuse me.” I said to him. I feel the tears building up. I rush into the house, but when I walk in, Ian blocks me and I fall into his arms. Again, I am crying on him.

  “Hey, hey. What's wrong?” He pulls my face up so he can see it.

  “Why are you crying?”

  “I want to go home!”

  “Ok, ok, I'll take you home.” We walk across the open dance floor and out the door. He takes his coat off and wraps it around me. He handed a young boy a ticket. He holds my shoulders and kissed my head. The boy comes back with Ian's car. He walks me over to the passenger side and guides me in.

  Chapter Thirteen

  "Are you going to tell me what happened?"

  "Nothing."

  "It doesn't seem like nothing. What happened Luna?"

  I honestly started crying because of what those girls were saying, but I couldn't help but feel like I was more hurt by him not telling me he was engaged.

  "I don't want to talk about it."

  He drove in silence. I stared out the window the whole time. But I knew he kept checking on me.

  When we got to my house, he came and opened the door again.

  "Thanks." I said pulled my keys out of my purse. I walk inside.

  "You want me to sit with you?"

  "No." I closed the door, but he stops it with his foot.

  "I think I will. Just make sure you're ok." He pushed the door open and walked in.

  "I don't want you here Ian."

  "Really?"

  "Yes! I want you to leave." He steps closer to me and closer. I hold my arms out to stop him from getting any closer. He pushes against them.

  "I'm serious." He pushes back a strand of my hair that has fallen out of my bun. Brushing his finger across my face. My heart drops a little. What is going on with me? I never feel this way. Then he comes around and I go weak. I'm crying and smiling and falling all over him every time he's near me. Why?

  "I'm serious too." He whispers and inches his face down to mine. I never realized how much taller he was than me. And I'm not a short girl. I just look up at him. Not stopping him this time. I know I should, but I don't think I want to. No, I know I don't. I throw my arms around him and reach into his kiss. He lifts me up by my waist and holds me in place. He carries me all the way into my bed room, kicking the door open with his foot. Never releasing himself from me. He slowly lowers me to the floor, grasping the laces on the back of my dress at the same time. I just look him in his eyes and he looks back into mine. He loosens the ties and the dress falls to the floor. I'm standing in just my bra and underwear. Good thing they're matching. He unbuttons his shirt and throws it behind him. And pushes me onto my bed and comes above me. My first instinct is to throw my hands up to stop him again. But I just let it happen. I close my eyes as he kisses my face and neck. I feel him all over me, realizing how he wants this to go.

  "I can't."

  "You don't want to?"

  "No, I think I do but…" I look away from him and at the wall. Hoping he understands what I'm trying to say.

  "You've never...?"

  I shake my head no.

  "But your…"

  "A stripper? Doesn't mean I sleep around with people Ian. I push him up and slide to my beds backboard. Bringing my knees to my chest. He crawls up to me. And rests his hand on my knees.

  "You can't really get mad for me thinking that, can you?"

  "I can, and I just did."

  "Come on Lulu? I mean, your really good at your job, that's all I meant. You're believable."

  A half smile creeps across my face.

  "There it is. I'm sorry. I know I'm always putting my foot in my mouth about that."

  "Yeah, you do."

  "You're not supposed to agree with me." He pushes me.

  "Oh, but I do." I tease him.

  "Ok." He pulls me down and starts tickling me all over. I'm laughing so hard, I think I'm going to pee myself.

  "Stop, stop." I shout. I kick and push but he's so strong, he holds me in place. He gets me on my back and then holds my arms down. And he kisses me. But my mind starts to wonder. Wondering too much. I push my face from his.

  "Why didn't you tell me you were engaged to her?"

  "Would it has made a difference?"

  "Yeah."

  "Like what?"

  "Like the fact you would have been telling me the truth and not lying to me. Like the fact that her as your girlfriend just means she's your girlfriend and not your fiancee meaning that one day you're going to spend the rest of your life with this girl."

  "I'm not going to spend the rest of my life with her."

  "That's not what the 5 carat on her hand says."

  "Luna, I don't want to be with her. I want you."

  "No, you don't know what you're saying."

  "Yes, I do. Look Liz is.. She's not you."

  "Yo
u don't even know me. Ian you don't know me."

  "I do."

  "No, you don't."

  "I know your favorite color is green. Not just any green, but a hunter green because it reminds you of trees and the rainforest. When you were six, you hit your head on the monkey bars you were climbing on, that's how you got that scar on the side of your face. Your favorite number is 0 because no one ever chooses it. And, your biggest fear is being alone. Although you do it every single day."

  "How do you know all that?"

  "You told me. Over the pass three weeks, I've listened to every single word that has come out of your mouth. Even when you're rambling and you don't think I'm listening. I do know you. Now liz, I have no idea who she is. I couldn't tell you what color her eyes are, if I'm not standing right next to her."

  I close my eyes real fast.

  "What color are my eyes?"

  "They're brown. But with flickers of green and gold around the inside."

  I open my eyes slowly and he's staring back. I run my hand down his bare chest. His skin is so hot.

  "I'm tired. I think I want to go to bed."

  "Ok.” He says. He stands up from the bed and walks to the door. But instead of walking out, like I excepted him to, he turns the light out and crawls back into the bed.

  "What are you doing?" I ask him in the dark.

  "Going to bed. Goodnight."

  "This isn't funny, Ian."

  "I'm not laughing." He kisses my head.

  "Goodnight." He lays his head on the pillow and closes his eyes.

  I still look at him to see if he was really going to sleep in my bed. Then my eyes got heavy and I'm asleep too.

  Chapter Fourteen

  When I wake up, Ian isn't beside me. I run my hand over the pillow where he slept. I bring it close to my face so I can breathe his smell in. I look at my bathroom door and it's closed with the light on. He must be in there. I slowly sit myself up. He opens the door and walks out. Only a bath towel wrapped around his hips. I stare at the muscles in his arms and stomach. He so toned. He must have taken a shower because water is reflecting off his body. He runs his hands over his head and walks to the chair in my room.Where are his clothes?

  "Good morning sleeping beauty." He smiles at me and says.

  "What time is it?" I ask. Stretching out across my bed.

  "It is ten thirty."

  "Well, I guess I'm late for work."

  "Yeah, I think I'm gonna take the day off. So you don't have to come in."

  "I thought you were gone when I woke up."

  "No, Just needed a shower. I stayed in bed as long as I could. I like watching you sleep. You look so… peaceful."

  "You do too." He looked confused

  "You fell asleep first last night." I just kept looking at his body. It was very distracting. There was a half naked man sitting in my chair. He looked so calm. I stare at his chest, I see he has a tattoo on the right side on his body. A quote.

  “Live by the sun.” I say in a whisper.

  "What?" He says standing up reaching for his towel.

  I didn't even know he heard me. I shut my eyes real fast.

  "Lulu, calm down. I already have my underwear on." I open one eye at a time. He's standing in front of me now, only in underwear. I think it was better when he had the towel on. Now he looks like a male model straight out of a Calvin Klein catalog. He's simply beautiful. I feel my mouth drop a little and I close it and hop up. I step over my dress from last night and go for the bathroom. I get in the shower really fast and wash up. Afraid if I take to long, he will be gone. I grab my toweled robe off of the door and put it on before I go out of the room. Ian is sitting on my bed now. Only in his pants from last night. Why won't he put a shirt on?

  "You got something against shirts or something?"

  "No. Not really." He looks at me in my robe.

  "What?"

  "Nothing. Just wondering what you have under your towel?"

  My eyes pop open. Shocked to hear him talk like that. To me.

  I walk over to him and take him by the arms and walk him to the door. I open it and push him out.

  "I don't have on anything under this." I say and close the door. I dress in some old holey jeans and a white t-shirt. When I open the door, he's sitting on the couch looking at the news on the t.v.

  I walk into the kitchen.

  "You want some coffee or tea or something." I asked as I walked to the coffee maker.

  "Sure. I'll make it." He stand up and walks to me.

  "I got it." I protest.

  "Let me." He reaches for the coffee grinds bag in my hand. I hold on to them.

  "Ian.."

  "Luna.." I release my grip and give them to him.

  "You won't know how to use it." I tease.

  He fumbles with my coffee maker and then I hear the sound of it heating up the water and pouring out of the tips.

  He looks at me and I just roll my eyes.

  "Ok, I got a new question for you. How do I take my coffee?" Since he thinks he knows everything about me.

  "Well, You used to drink triple expressos but when you started working at the coffee house, you stopped drinking them because you couldn't stand the smell of coffee. But when you want a taste of something hot, you drink chai lattes. That was a trick question."

  He really does pay attention to everything I say. Even if I've only said it once.

  “How do I take my coffee?” He mocks back at me.

  “Black.”

  “I've never told you that though, so how do you know?”

  “Cause you have a coffee maker in your office, and when you make a cup, you never have sugar or cream around. You pour it straight into the cup and drink.”

  He takes the pot of coffee out from the machine, and I hand him two cups. He pours coffee into both and sets them on the counter. He picks up one and takes a sip.

  “So you're not making chai?”

  “No, it takes too long. I have a chai creamer though. Not the same but.”

  I gave him the creamer from the refrigerator and he pours it into my cup. Then I hear my phone ringing. I put my cup down and go to the bedroom. It's on the floor under my dress. It's a text message.

  “Hey,” was all the message said.

  “Hey," I text back. Not sure who it is.

  “It's Andre from last night.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Oh. I didn't save his number in my phone.

  “Oh right.” I didn't really know what to say.

  “I wanted to check on you.. You knw about what happened.”

  “I'm fine, really. I think I'm just a little sensitive right now.”

  “ Enough said. Thts gud, Ur feelin better tho.”

  “thaxs :)”

  “So wat u doing la8ter 2day?” I look out of my room and Ian is back on the couch staring at the t.v. Intensely. I’m positive he isn't going to be here all day.

  “Um, hanging with a friend right now. Idk what I'm doing later tho.”

  “Oh, well I wanna ask if u wanted to come to this dinner thing at my house. My parents house.”

  Meet his parents?

  “umm. Idk.”

  “it's not gonna be like last night. Just family and friends, nothing fancy. It'll be cool.”

  Me and people just don't go together. I mean some people I get along with, and then others, I just don't. But I figure it couldn't really hurt. Maybe I should start trying to make friends. And Andre seems harmless enough.

  “I'll think about it. Wat time?”

  “About five thirty.”

  “Ok, send me the address, just in case I come. Not promising tho.”

  “I'll take what I can get.” He sent me the address and I go back in the living room and sit on the couch next to Ian. He's still sipping his coffee.

  “Who were you texting?”

  “How do you know I was texting?”

  “Cause your phone was going off but you weren't speaking.”

  “I thought
you were a lawyer not a detective? It was just a friend.”

  “A friend?” his tone dropped a little.

  “Yes, a friend asking me over for dinner.”

  “Does this friend have a name?”

  “Yes. But I'm not telling you.”

  “And why not?”

  “Because honestly, you don't need to know. It doesn't concern you.”

  He lets out a little sigh and shook his head like he was trying to remember where he was. He turned his body so he was facing me and pulled at both of my hands and held them in his.

  “I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't treat you like your mine.”

  I'm not his? Well, of course not. I knew that. Kinda. No, it's news to me. I knew that he won't be able to be mine, but, I never really thought about not being his. I mean it was clear to see that there's something between us. Something deep. I could feel it rooted in my heart. I've never felt this way ever.

  “I should probably get ready to go.” He says. He stands up and walks to my room. When he comes back out, he's in his shirt. First few buttons unbutton and his coat in his hand. I stand up from the couch and walk behind him to the door.

  He leans down and kisses me. I stand on my toes to try to match his height.

  “I don't think I want you to leave.” I whimper in his ear.

  “I know, but I got to. Let me know what you're doing later ok. After the.. dinner thing with your boyfriend.”

  “He is not my boyfriend.” I push him.

  “So it is a guy?” He says.

  “Goodbye Ian.” I open the door and push him out, but he's pulling me with him. He kisses the top of my head and lets go.

  “Not goodbye, see you later."

  “See ya later.” There was a smile stuck on my face. It stayed even after he left.

  Chapter Sixteen

  I looked around my apartment and notice that I have been throwing crap all over the place for the last two weeks. I plug in my iPod and start cleaning up. I started with the dishes, worked my way through the living room and then to my bed room. I put something away in my draw and I see Ian's cell phone on it. Damn. I just look at it. Wondering what I should do with it. Hold on to it till Monday? It's not like I can call him and tell him he forgot it. I pick up the phone and hold it. Maybe he has a home phone number and I can call. But what if she picks it up? Who am I kidding, it 2014, who has a landline anymore? Ian probably would. He's old school like that. I decide to at least check. It's an iPhone so maybe there's an address or something too. I turn it on and of course, I'm stopped by a pass code. Shit. I don't even know where to start. I type in Ian Hanson. Wrong! It's not something easy like that. Then I think back to some of our conversations. I realize, I talk a lot about myself, and he doesn't talk much at all. I type in Elizabeth. It cut me to type it but I was being a realist. Then I got a little optimistic and typed Luna. Wrong. I think really hard now. I'm sure one more wrong password, and I'll get locked out. Then I remember this morning. “Live by the sun.” I type it in and the phone is unlocked. I wonder what It means to him. Anyway. I go to the contacts and look for home or something. There it is. My home. I click it and it has a number and address. I wonder if I should take the chance and call, or just drop it off. If I call and she answers, then I would have to explain where I found it. If I just drop it off, I could say he left it at the office and I'm returning it now. I contemplate on what I should do. I throw on my shoes and grab my keys without thinking too hard and I'm out the door. I guess I'm returning it personally. It's not too far from here. About twenty minutes. I play in my head all the things that could go wrong. If she answers the door, she could flip out and still question why I have his phone. She could assume he was with me instead of with her last night. Which is the truth. But I don't want her thinking that. She could be really nice and I'll be forced to not see him any more. Or she could be a total bitch which would make me want to see him even more. I pull up to the building and think that I'm at the wrong stop. These look like hotels. It's tall. With all the rooms stacked on top of each other. All with glass. Almost like fragile should be written on the top of them. I look back at the address and this is the place. I park my car and head to what I think is the front door. Inside there are three different set of elevators and next to them is a list of the residents.