Live by the Sun, Love by the Moon

by J.T Jackson

  “No..no.. Stop please stop.” I scream. He lets go of my hands and grabs my throat, cutting off my voice and my air. I choke. He starts fumbling with his belt buckle as I'm still trying to kick. I can't breathe. I feel like I'm going to pass out. He lets go of my neck and holds my hands together again. I choke on air. Coughing and wheezing. He reaches for my underwear and tries pulling them down. I move so he can't. And he hits me across the face. I felt it on my cheek. The pain shot down to my jawbone. But I can't move. It's taking all the energy in my body I have left. And he hits me again. And again. My face in numb with pain. I'm so focused on it and forget about the rest of my body. He gets them down.

  “Stop fighting. I know you want it.” He says to me. All I could do was cry. And plead. My mind starts spacing out. I'm weak and tired. He lifts up my shirt and rubs his hand all over my chest and stomach. Then leans down and kisses me. I move my face but he grabs it with both of his hands and holds me still. I can't move. I can't fight. I can't do anything. I'm helpless. He reaches in his pants and then slowly pushes his way inside of me. My body suddenly gained all feelings back. It was a pain I didn't know I could feel. I stopped my breathing. Knotted my stomach. He move inside of me to a rhythm. In and out slowly. Every time hurts more than the first. I lost. I lost the fight. I don't even move anymore. I don't scream. I turn my face into the bed and shut my eyes. I thought I was going to die. My breath was shallow. I couldn't think. All I could hear was him. He's breathing and groans and grunts. I felt it on my skin. I look at the clock on the wall. What seemed to be forever was only three minutes. Three minutes. In three minutes, he took away the most precious thing I have. He took away my everything. Out of no where. He stops. He pops his head up like he heard something. Then keeps going. But now I'm listening and I do hear something. Footsteps. I take everything I got and scream.

  “Help, help me please...someone help me.” He hits me in my mouth, and I could taste the blood pouring into my mouth.

  “Luna?” I hear the voice call out to me.

  “Luna? Baby where are you?” It's Ian.

  Andre pulls off of me and hops up, but before he can even stand, Ian come though the door. He catches Andre and throws him against the wall. The room is spinning, everything is fuzzy. All I can do is lay there. Andre punches Ian it the stomach a couple times and Ian throws him on the ground. Ian's on top and hits Andre in the face, over and over and over again until I see him cough up blood. Ian rushes over to me and pulls my pants over me. He carries me in both of his arms. I press my face into his chest and wrap my arms around his neck. Tightly. Like if I let go, I might fly away. He walks down the stairs and to the car. He places me in gently. I'm so physically, mentally and emotionally tired I pass out before we even leave the drive way.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  I wake up screaming at the top of my lungs. I could swear I felt someone on top of me. Ian comes over and sits on the bed and grabs me. Holding me in his arms. I didn't even notice that I was crying.

  “Shh..shh.. You're ok now. I got you baby. It's ok.” He rocks me back and forth and I calm down. I lean back into the bed. Which isn't mine. I'm not home. So I assume I'm at Ian's.”

  “Luna. How do you feel?”

  I hear him. But I don't answer. My face feels puffy. I reach up to it, where he had hit me. Half of my face is swollen. My lip too.

  “Don't touch it baby. Don't touch it. I got you a ice pack."

  He reaches down and picks it up and places it on the right side of my face. My skin is so hot that the coolness felt nice. I try sitting up, but I'm still weak.

  “Rest baby. Just rest.” Ian says. He reaches for my hand, but I pull back fast.

  Ian stands up and leaves the room. I hold the pack against my face for a few more minutes and then fall back asleep. Or I try to. Every time I close my eyes, I see his face. The look he gave me right before he attacked me. It haunts me. I cry even in my sleep now.

  -

  The next time I wake up, I finally have enough energy to move and get up. I stumble to the bathroom and stand in front of the mirror. I have my eyes shut, then open them slowly. Afraid of what I'm going to see.

  My face. Black and blue. My eye half swollen. My lip too. The pain is creeping back in. I feel it. I feel the inside of me too. I'm sore. I think I hurt more there than in my face. It's the reason I can't walk right. It hurts too much. But I try and make my way back to the bed. Ian walks in and helps me to the bed.

  “How do you feel Luna?”

  “Like someone just stole my everything from me. My trust. My innocents. My hopes. My dreams.”

  Ian looked mad. Something I don't see in him much.

  “Luna, when I saw him... When I walked in. I thought I was going to kill him. I have never felt so much anger inside of me before. And I am sorry. So sorry he did this to you.”

  "Why did you come? To the house."

  "Honestly, I don't know. When I talked to you, I told myself that was enough, but something just pushed me to see you. Before I knew it, I was in my car driving to you. I guess I just didn't like the way we ended things, I thought you being there would give a good excuse to see you. But it's good I did in time, if he would have hurt you anymore, I don't know what I would have done to him. Just the thought of losing you...”

  Ian stops. He looked down at the ground and shuts his eyes. I rub my hand down his back. It hurts me to see him hurt. I wish I could take all the pain away. Mine, and his. But I know that it will make us grow. Together.

  --

  “Have you call Toby? Does he know where I am?” I shout to Ian from the couch to the kitchen.

  “I told him you were here, I didn't say why?”

  “He wasn't wondering why I haven't been home in four days? How is he getting groceries? Getting to therapy?”

  “Well, I had this little thing called a driver, sent to pick him up for whatever he needed. Food, appointments, dates, whatever.”

  “Why are you so nice to people? Toby was a jerk when you met him.”

  “True, but that doesn't mean I have to be a jerk back. And if I help you by helping him, then that's what I will do." I smile a little. Speaking of therapy, do you think you're going to see one?" Ian ask.

  I'm a little shocked that he did.

  "Why?" I ask back, flipping through the channels of the tv.

  "To help you. You know why."

  "I don't think I need to. They're just gonna tell me stuff I already know. How it's my fault, I was dumb and stupid..."

  "Stop! Is that what you think? That it was your fault?" Ian comes to me on the couch.

  "It was. I mean, I shouldn't have kissed him, I shouldn't have went over there. I shouldn't have..."

  "Listen to me Luna. This was not your fault. He's a sick bastard. Do you understand?"

  I nod my head. But I can't help but feel like it was still my fault. That if I would have done something different, said something different, then maybe it wouldn't have happened. I still can't believe it did. Every single night, I have nightmares about it. So bad that I'm afraid to even sleep now. I've been at Ian's house since it happened and I sleep in his bed. Alone. Before this all happened I would have welcomed the idea of being able to sleep next to Ian. To have him hold me and rock me to sleep. But now, I can barely look him in the eyes. Stand him touching me. I wish I could let him hold me. Especially now when I need it the most. But I just can't.

  "I'll think about it." I said. He kisses the top of my head. Then I try to distract from the topic before anything else comes up.

  "I've been here for four days, and Liz hasn't been by. I don't see any girly things no shoes, clothes, pink anything. What's up with that?"

  "She doesn't live here."

  "You guys don't live together?"

  "Nope."

  "And why? She is your soon-to-be-wife."

  Ian looks a little uncomfortable. Like I was a little kid asking where babies come from.

  "Well, we just never got around to it."

 
"And what about after you got married? You live here and she'll live... Wherever she is?"

  "We ... Luna, I don't really want to talk about it right now."

  "Too bad, we are. What? What were you gonna say?"

  "We were gonna buy a house. After the wedding."

  "Oh. I see. And have you spoken to her since, you know?"

  "Yeah. Andre apparently thought it would be a good idea to get out of town for a while. Which is good for him, cause I probably would have killed him the next time I saw him."

  "Ian."

  "I mean it. I mean it with all my heart. Luna, if you could understand the rage I had when I found you. When I started hitting him. I wasn't sure if I would stop. But I took one look at you. And even though it could have pushed me right over the edge, you pulled me back in. You stopped me. I love you too damn much."

  There it goes again. The L word. I still don't know how to respond to it. Although I slipped up once and kinda hinted that I love him, I still can't say it back. To his face. But just like clockwork. His phone rings. He doesn't even leave to answer it.

  "Hello... yeah. I'm kinda busy.. yeah yeah I know. Can't you just reschedule for sometime next week. I told you I'm busy. Fine then, I'll be there in 45 minutes." He hangs up. I pretend like I wasn't listening.

  "Where you going?" I ask him sweetly.

  "Um, to taste cakes."

  "Oh, well, have fun."

  He stands up from the bed, the pause.

  "I already know what your answer will be, but I think you should get out. You wanna come with?"

  "To taste cakes? For your wedding? No thanks."

  "I kinda want you to come."

  "No. Not really in the mood. And plus, your fiancé hates me."

  "She hates everyone. Look she's bring her friend and her friend's boyfriend so it won't be all weird."

  "Yes it will."

  "Look. Liz knows that we're at least friends. I talk about you all the time. So she's not gonna think anything weird."

  "You talk about me to her?"

  "I mean, she thinks we're friends. She knows I'm with you a lot. She doesn't know details."

  "She thinks we're friends? Well what are we Ian?"

  "Please Luna. Not now."

  "No, I just wanna know. Cause if I'm not your "friend" then honestly, I don't know what I am to you."

  "I don't know how to say it."

  "Well, I'm not your friend, I'm not your girlfriend and I'm not your wife. There's not many other things I can be."

  "You're.. Damn, your about to make me sound really corny. Luna, when I'm with you, I'm who I am. Who I truly am. I don't have to be smart or rich. I don't have to impress you with expensive gifts or fancy restraints. And we don't need them to have fun. You are everything I could possibly dream about having and so much more. I'm never happy unless I'm with you. Never. I truly believe you are the sole reason why I exist. And that's not something I have ever been able to say about anyone else in this world."

  I hate him. He can't go telling me I'm the reason for his existence. Telling me things like that. It plays with my mind. My heart. It effects me because I feel the same. I just would have never been able to find the words to say so.

  "Why are you marrying her?" I ask like he didn't just say everything he did. He takes a deep breath.

  "Before I met you. I was just a pawn in my fathers game to be on top. That's all life has ever been for him. A game. And the people in it were just chess pieces. They all had a role to play in his race to success. Mine, is to marry Elizabeth. My father and her father had made plans for us. Big plans. We started dating for the sole purpose that our families would be one. Sounds all medieval right. But together, because my father company and her father company were once rivals, when I took over, half of whatever I owned would also be my wife's. keeping both of our father businesses in one family. It once seemed like a good idea. Being with Liz use to be easy. And then she got high maintenance, started spending all my money. Just bitching at me all the time. I have broken up with her a million times. Our fathers push us back together. I've called off the wedding twice. Once when she said some dumb ass comment about my mom."

  He pauses. And just looks at me. For the first time in four days I can actually look back at him in his eyes.

  "When was the second time?" I ask. Never breaking his eye contact.

  "The day I fell in love with you. Truth of it is My father kept threatening to take me off his will if the wedding didn't happen. I could careless at this point. There's not enough money in the world that could stop me from loving you. Now he's sick and dying. Pushing his whole company on my shoulders and all the responsibility that comes with it. Liz father maybe the only one who can help. Naturally and of course he wouldn't help if I broke up with his daughter. So please, don't think as this wedding as a love thing."

  "Then what is it?"

  "It's more like a .... Business proposition. Something to get done for the sole benefit of the company. And so my father's 'Great' name can live on."

  "Well when you put it like that. It makes sense." I say sarcastically.

  "So? You'll come?"

  "Whatever. But the second she gets all in my face..."

  "Yeah yeah I know. I won't let it get that far.."

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  "Here we have 25 different kinds of cakes. From white to rainbow. Please take your time in choosing."

  The man left the table. There were a lot of pieces of cake on it. Different colors and textures. Cakes I didn't even know existed. Me and Ian sat on one side of the table while Liz and her two friends sat across from us. Right away they started tasting the cakes. Chatting about the cake like a bunch of school girls chatting about boys. Me and Ian took our time. Tasting. Really enjoying the cake.

  "Babe, try this one. I like it a lot."

  Liz leans over and hands Ian a piece of white cake with caramel and some kind of nut all over it. Ian takes it and looks at it.

  "I can't eat that." He says to her. He looks over at me then back at Liz. She looks confused. I know he was checking to see if I had the same look. Of course not because I know he's allergic to nuts.

  "It's good."

  "It has nuts in it. I'm allergic."

  "I thought that was cheese."

  "That too."

  "Well, I like it. So maybe you just won't eat any cake at the wedding then." She laughs at her own joke and then her friends join in.

  "This isn't enough, I'm gonna see what else they have."

  All three of them get up and leave the table. It's just me and Ian left.

  "I like this one. It's graham cracker cheesecake." Ian takes a piece off the fork and brings it to my mouth. I take it.

  "Can you eat that?" I ask.

  "Yeah, this is fine." He laughs.

  "That's a good one. That's my vote." I say

  "Mine too. Thanks for coming Luna.”

  “Yeah, I just figured it was about time I get out of the house.”

  “I'm glad you did.”

  I pause and look at Ian. The way we use to. Where we would just stare into each other's eyes and the whole world would stop. I'm finally getting that feeling back. Where nothing else in the world could make me happier than when I'm with him. But of course this feeling doesn't last very long before Liz’s screeching voice comes back.

  "Ian, O.M.G they said they can do a eight tier."

  "You don't think that's too much cake?”

  “Of course not. A lot of people are coming.” She looks over at me like she wants to say something. But then decides against it.

  “Maybe a four layered one would be good enough.”

  “No, I want eight.”

  “Liz, how much does that cost?”

  “About 1400."

  “1400 dollars? For a cake? How many people are coming?”

  “350.”

  “Do we know 350 people?”

  “Friends, family, family friends, friends of friends and their family. Yeah we do.” />
  “No, I'm pretty sure I don't. Not close enough to invite them to our wedding.”

  Our wedding. He says. He looks at me quickly and back to Liz. She doesn't notice cause she's rolling her eyes.

  “Invitations have already been since. Most have R.S.V.P'd so it doesn't really matter what you think. I'm getting the cake."

  "Whatever Liz, do whatever you want."

  "Don't worry, I will." She walks back to the baker.

  "I don't understand her sometimes." He sighs and sits down.

  "I don't think I'll ever understand her. I don't see how you can do it."

  He laughs a little.

  "Lulu, we're spending close to 50,000 dollars on this."

  "Interesting."

  "Interesting?"

  "Yeah. Interesting."

  "You know Luna, No matter how well I think I know you. You always turn into a mystery to me."

  "Good. I don't want you figuring me out all the time."

  “You know I will one day though. Do you wanna grab something to eat? Liz and her crew are leaving for L.A after this.”

  “I'm good, I think I'm just gonna go home.”

  “Luna, you know you haven't been eating much lately. I don't want you to get sick or anything.”

  “What are you, my father? I'm fine, I'm not hungry.”

  “I know, that's what you keep saying. I think this cake is the first thing I've seen you stick in your mouth for two days.”

  “I'm fine. Honestly. I'll eat when I get home.”

  “Promise?” He looked at me with his big hazel eyes.

  “I promise.” Truth is I really wasn't hungry. I haven’t been all week. And if I do. I feel like it's gonna come back up.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  After the cake tasting, Ian took me home.

  “Remember to eat.” Ian said as I stepped out of the car.

  “First thing.” I smile back at him and close the door behind me.

  Toby was pretty happy to see me.

  “Ian said make sure you eat?”