by Callie Rae
“Okay. I can do that.” He grabs his keys to walk out the door and pick up the only thing in this world that I care about.
“Cason?” I say at the last minute. “There’s more.”
He pauses mid-step. “What do you mean?”
“I overheard something James said the other night when he was talking with Vic’s guys. I think it’s about Fallon.”
He turns around, and I can see the fear on his face.
“He said, ‘She was supposed to disappear.’ That’s all I heard, but I … I hope it doesn’t mean what I think it means.”
“Shit, man.” Cason pulls on his hair. “Fuck. Do you think he would have helped you get her back if he was involved?”
I nod.
“You sure? That could have been about anything.”
I grit my teeth. He doesn’t understand. “He’s tried to mold me into him for eighteen years. It’s exactly what I would’ve done if I believed someone was a problem.”
“Don’t do that. You’re not him, Jesse. You’ll never be him.”
“But aren’t I? I’ve hurt the people I care about to achieve my end goal. It’s the same game.”
“No, it isn’t. It’s different. Your end goal isn’t selfish. James is always selfish.”
“My end goal is selfish. Because if I lose her, I lose myself.”
“You’re late.” The fact that he’s waiting for me at my desk is the first clue that I won’t actually be at my desk for long.
“I do have school, you know. I can’t be here all fucking day long. Not unless you’d like to explain to your associates that your kid is a high school dropout. I’m sure they’d love to invest in that.” I throw my bag in my chair without bothering to sit down.
“I’ve got a meeting to go to,” he says.
I pick up my bag and sigh.
“Okay. Where are we going?”
“We aren’t going anywhere. I am going to this meeting and you need to go down to the docks to accept the next shipment.”
I clench my jaw. “Don’t you pay people for that?”
“This shipment is important. We shipped in some artifacts for a client that are worth millions. I need you there to handle it.” He leans in and sneers at me like I’m an idiot. “Think you can do that, or should I call your mom and tell her you quit playing ball?”
“I’ve got it,” I sneer right back.
Then I turn and walk away from the asshole.
Chapter 17
Fallon
Catherine and my mom have been alternating cooking meals every day. Those two make quite the pair. I thought Catherine being here would be awkward for me, but it really hasn’t been. She’s been really good to us. As much as she smiles and helps, there is an undercurrent of sadness that washes over her face when she thinks we aren’t looking. It can’t have been easy being the wife and mom she’s had to be. Nothing brings her more joy than having her children with her. Jade is always here, of course, and Cason stays every afternoon until after supper unless he has practice or a game.
She treats them how any mom would: with love. But there is also respect—she respects her children, and I can see why. They have had to grow up fast with James as their father and because of the resulting trauma they’ve endured. But they’ve survived. Thrived, even. That brings a certain level of respect that, in a perfect world, no mom should have to give, but one Catherine is proud of. She’s proud of them for fighting, surviving, and then coming out on top as decent people.
I watch Cason help Catherine in the kitchen. Any time there is food involved, Cason is there. She opens the oven, but Cason stops her and kisses her head, pointing toward the table as he pulls the mitten off her hand and covers his own with it. I am amazed he is capable of loving her so much, like a child should love a mother, even though his birth mother abandoned him. She comes over and sits down at the table as I continue sketching.
“I like it.” She smiles as she lifts a lock of my hair.
I reach up, brushing a hand through it. Last night while I was out, I asked my mom to stop at a drugstore. I came out with a box of hair dye and a box of bleach. I knew it was a risk, but I didn’t care. Mom helped me bleach and then dye my hair a warm brown. My roots turned a darker shade of brown and my ends were much lighter, almost caramel. After we finished, I took the kitchen scissors to it. I hacked it off to right below my shoulders, then mom came through and evened it up.
“Thanks,” I say.
“What are you working on?” she asks, peeking over my shoulder to see.
“Just a few sketches,” I tell her, glancing up from my sketchbook.
“Can I see?”
I sigh. Jesse is the only person who has ever looked at any of my sketches up until now, and it wasn’t because I allowed him to. Sketching is a part of me, a glimpse into my soul that I hadn’t wanted to share with others before the accident happened. I didn’t want people to see me. But after everything I’ve been through, this part feels small. Unimportant.
“Sure.” I slide my sketchbook over to her.
She picks it up and her eyes immediately scan the page. She takes a long minute surveying my handiwork. Then she looks up, bringing her hand to turn the page.
“Do you mind?”
I nod, giving her the okay, even though I’m not actually sure I’m okay with this.
She turns the page and lets it drift. She gasps the moment she sees the image. Her eyes glisten as she covers her mouth with her hand.
I know what she’s looking at. I knew the moment she asked to turn the page what she would find.
It was her children. But not how everyone usually sees them—not the kings and queen of a high school that won’t matter in two years. Just three siblings, smiling with laughter in their eyes, playfulness on their faces, and love radiating between them as they wrap their arms around each other. It’s an image I’ve had in my head since before the accident, one my brain captured on a day when we were all together. Jade, Jesse, Cason, and I were at Pete’s, just being kids. It’s a moment I will always remember in vivid detail, because for once, I wasn’t the girl who lost her child, or the girl who was running away from her problems. I was just a girl with her boyfriend and her friends.
That doesn’t exist anymore.
“Would you like to have it?”
Her head shoots up and her eyes widen. “Really? Are you sure?”
I nod my head again and take the sketchbook from her.
I carefully rip the page out of the book and hand it to her.
“You deserve to have these moments too.”
She takes it from my hand and stands. She wraps her motherly arms around me and whispers in my ear.
“You have no idea how much this means to me.”
I swallow hard. I do know what it means to her. It means to her what it meant to me that day. But she doesn’t understand that it doesn’t exist. That moment did, but the reality is, we will never be just a few kids. It’s not in the cards for us.
She loosens her hug and looks me in the eye. “You’ll be all right, Fallon. You may not know it yet, but I see it. One day, you will too.”
She releases me from her hold completely and looks back at the sketch. “I’m going to go put this in a safe place.”
As she walks toward her bedroom, the view toward the kitchen is clear and I see Cason watching us. His eyes bore straight into me, radiating appreciation. She needed a win, and I gifted her a small one. Cason knows exactly what I just did for her. He winks, then gives me a small nod before he clears his throat and gets back to finishing dinner.
I pull my sketchbook across the table and turn the page one more time. It’s of Jesse, before he was mine. Or maybe he was already mine, but I hadn’t accepted the idea. I sketched him when he wasn’t looking from where I’d sat in the corner at lunch, listening to my music and people-watching as I always did.
No, that’s not entirely true. I didn’t people-watch; I only watched him. Then I’d pulled out my pad and quickly sketch
ed him.
He’d been in his element. He was king here, but there had been a softness in his eyes as he interacted with his siblings. That was the moment I’d wanted to capture, and I did.
I run my hand over the image. My chest tightens, wishing things were different. I wish that this moment was something else. That I didn’t both miss him and fear what would happen to us if we stayed together.
I quickly rip the sketch out of the book and crumple it up. I back up from the table and roll myself to the trash can, where I drop the ball of paper into it.
I leave that piece of me there in the garbage and roll to my room, Cason watching my every move.
Chapter 18
Fallon
“Open the fucking door, Catherine.” Loud banging and a booming voice wake me from my nap.
I look to the window, and nothing but darkness filters in.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
“I know you’re home! Your car is in the driveway. Open the damn door before I break it!” James’s bellows filter all the way into my room from the front door.
I sit up and pull the covers back, forgetting my boot as I hop down the hall. When I turn the corner, Cason is standing at the open door with a nervous Catherine behind him. My mom rubs Catherine’s arms, trying to soothe her nerves.
“James, you need to leave. This is ridiculous,” Catherine says, fear lacing the edge of her voice.
“I’m not going anywhere unless you come with me,” James sneers.
Cason blocks him from coming into the house, but I doubt that will last long. James looks ready to knock Cason down if he has to.
James looks to Cason. “Move out of my way, son.”
“I can’t do that. You need to leave,” Cason says with a shake of his head.
“This is my house. I’m not going anywhere,” James says. “Now move out of my way.”
Catherine steps up to Cason and pats him on the arm. “It’s fine, honey. Let him in.”
“No way. He needs to leave,” Cason says.
Catherine places her hands on each side of Cason’s face, caging it in. “My sweet boy, it’s fine. This isn’t your fight.”
He stares at his mother for a few moments before backing away, allowing James to come inside.
“Go pack your stuff. Let’s go,” James says to Catherine. “This charade has gone on long enough.”
“I’m not leaving, and I’m done going home to a man with no morals.” Catherine crosses her arms, her voice steadier with something that sounds a lot like strength.
“You will leave with me, immediately.” James steps toward her.
I can’t stand it anymore, and I step in between them.
“She’s not going anywhere with you.” I wrinkle my nose at the foul man standing before me.
He aims his icy glare at me, growling. “Stay out of this, you little bitch. You’ve done enough to this family.”
“And you haven’t? You’re a shit father, a shit husband, and now you’re just a shit human being. Get the hell out of this house.” I clench my jaw as I look at this man. All the anger I’ve had built up inside of me about to explode into him.
“You stupid whor—” James reaches out with his hand toward my throat, but before he can touch me, Cason has him wrapped up, pulling him towards the door.
“That’s enough!” Cason drags a struggling James towards the door.
I hold my breath as I watch Cason struggle. James isn’t a small man, and I’m not convinced Cason can handle him.
“Dad, just get out! Just leave! Why can’t we just be a functional family for once? Why do you have to always break everything in your path? Just leave! Leave mom alone and stop destroying us!”
Jade’s high shriek shocks everyone, so much so that James and Cason both stop fighting to look back to where she stands in the threshold of the hallway.
Tears streak down her face as she stares at her father with a hatred I’ve never before seen in her, the kind that comes from being heartbroken. Her family is in shambles, and I guess I’d never thought about how that would affect her.
James looks to his daughter and then back to his wife.
“Please, just leave. I just want it to stop,” Jade whispers to her father.
James looks back to his daughter and the barest hint of remorse flashes over his face before he masks it. It’s the same mask Jesse has perfected. He nods his head and turns, exiting through the front door without a word, leaving it wide open for all of us to stare after him. The silence in the room is disturbing.
“Sit down,” Cason mumbles.
I look over to him, confused. “What?”
“You don’t have your boot on. Sit down, please.”
He points to my leg, and I realize I’ve been standing on my hurt leg without any support. That may hurt later. I hop over to the couch and sit. Catherine sits down next to me, the bags and lines circling her eyes evidence of how exhausted she is.
I feel for her, I really do. I’m tired too. It’s all too much sometimes.
I grab her hand and hold on tight. We all need a little support from time to time, and right now, it’s my turn to give it.
Chapter 19
Fallon
“Hey, whatcha doin’?” Jade comes into the room and leaps onto my bed, bouncing me as I shuffle all of my homework so it doesn’t get smashed by her body.
I scowl and gesture to the papers sprawled on the bed. “Homework.”
She wrinkles her nose a bit but then smiles so big my eyes need to adjust to all the brightness she’s radiating.
“No. Whatever it is, the answer is no.” I shake my head.
I’m no dummy. I know she’s plotting.
“Oh, come on. You don’t even know what I’m going to say,” she whines.
“True, but I can see it written all over your face. You’re up to something. I am not here for it.”
“I just thought maybe we could have a girls’ night and hang out. We haven’t been able to hang out much since you got home. Everyone’s going to the Depot, and I thought maybe we could go too.”
I can tell how neglected she feels by the sad look in her eyes.
“Jade, I’m not going to the Depot. No way.” I close my textbook and shake my head.
“If you don’t want to go because of Jesse, you don’t have to worry. He won’t be there. He’s been working for Dad nonstop. No way he’ll step away to go.”
“Did you forget that I’m still using a wheelchair?”
“I have a solution for that!” She smiles big and holds a finger up. She runs out of my room and leaves me shaking my head for only a moment before she comes back in with my two crutches in her hands. “You can use these! And then when you get tired, we can sit on the back of the car.”
“What about the moms?” I say, crossing my arms.
“They’re on board. They both think you need a little time with your friends,” she says, still smiling.
I roll my eyes, because of course they are. “Fine. But, Jade, if I say I want to leave, then we are leaving. Immediately. Don’t try to talk me out of it.”
“Yes, ma’am.” She salutes me and then starts jumping up and down. It’s when she squeals that I start to regret agreeing to this. “I’m so happy right now! You have no idea how much I’ve missed my best friend.”
Her words hit me in the gut. Hard. I’ve neglected everyone, including Jade. But Jade’s been there for me from the moment I arrived in Cherry Creek. She helped me find my way until Marcus came along. She already feels left out by her father, and sometimes her brothers. I hate to think I’ve treated her the same way.
“I guess I need to find something to wear,” I say.
“Oh, I know the perfect outfit.” Jade starts walking toward my closet.
“If it’s not a t-shirt and jeans, then I don’t want it,” I say before she can reach into the back of the closet where my mom added girly clothes in hopes I’d wear them one day.
Jade rolls her eyes, and to my surprise, she p
ulls out just what I asked for. She even brings me my Converse to complete my typical Fallon outfit.
I smile at her in appreciation as she helps me get dressed. When I’ve finally got one Converse and the boot on, she sits down next to me on the bed.
“I don’t need you to change Fallon,” she says softly, then lifts her gaze and looks me in the eye. “I just need you to come back.”
She clears her throat and gets up to grab my chair before I can respond.
She wheels it over and holds it steady as I climb into the chair. “Now let’s go have some fun.”
I don’t know what I’ve gotten myself into, but in this moment, there is a small part of me that wants to come back, too.
Thank you, Jade.
The Depot is packed. Everyone from school is here, and I instantly regret letting Jade talk me into this. Cason pulls the Jeep up to the very front and then turns it around to back up, almost butting up to the track.
I look over at him and smirk.
“Just thought you might want a front row seat to all the action.” He smiles and winks.
I laugh. “Uh-huh. Sure, why not?”
I’m not dumb. He is making sure I don’t have to walk far. I’m grateful for the moments with Cason.
Jade and Cason both get out, and Cason rounds to the passenger side to help me down. Jade hands me the crutches, and I adjust them so I can balance on the dirt.
I hop around to the back of the Jeep, where Cason has already pulled the hatch open. He helps me up into the trunk, allowing me a full view of the track.
“You good?” he asks.
I nod as Jade hops up next to me with two beers in her hand.
“It’s not a girls’ night without a little fun,” she says, handing one to me.
I crack the top open and take a welcome sip, enjoying the way the cold liquid slides down my throat. It helps with the amount of tension I have in my body from being out around people.
