Autumn Secrets

by Katie Winters

  It was a sad tragedy about love and passion that sometimes it couldn’t last.

  Toward the end of the night, Nancy found herself again in the ladies' bathroom, peering at a reflection of a funny-looking, wind-swept fifty-nine-year-old lady. Her makeup was smudged, and her hair flowed wildly, like a shampoo commercial, and her lipstick no longer paid any mind to the outline of her lips. She looked passionate and wild— more like a younger version of herself than the woman Neal had married. Maybe that was okay.

  “You are not your past,” she told the reflection now. “Or are you?”

  Maybe you could pick and choose what you wanted to bring with you into the future. Maybe this wedding had proven something to her about the elements she had missed from the past: the dancing, one and the making rash, passionate decisions— kissing strange men on the lips and living to tell the tale.

  Nancy began to mop herself up just the slightest bit. After many guests retreated into the night, she knew she and Janine would pile into the same taxi and head home together. She wanted to look the part of a more sophisticated woman if only to avoid questions. She slid a wad of toilet paper beneath her under-eyes as delicately as she could and mopped up the dark ink.

  As she worked, several other women came in and out of the bathroom to pee and wash their hands and gossip. Nancy was distracted, so much so that when she realized Maxine was the only other woman in the bathroom, stationed directly beside her at the other sink, her heart nearly shattered with something like fear.

  But a moment later, Nancy realized that Maxine’s face was streaked with black makeup; it was clear she had been crying. Nancy dropped her hands to her sides and watched as Maxine performed a similar clean-up with toilet paper. Only then did Maxine’s eyes find Nancy’s in the mirror. She nearly jumped from her skin.

  “Nancy,” Maxine breathed.

  “Maxine.”

  Maxine blinked several times and then dropped her eyes to the ground. After a long pause, she murmured, “That was a beautiful wedding. Wasn’t it?”

  “Yes, one of the best.”

  Maxine pressed her lips together. “Maybe it’s weird to say, but I always did love Maggie and Alyssa. A lot. I remember so clearly when they were born.”

  Nancy nodded. “I can’t say the same for me. I wasn’t around.”

  Maxine’s cheeks brightened to a sterling shade of red. “Funny how things change, I guess.”

  Nancy couldn’t stop herself before she said it. “But you look almost the same as you did when I met you. Or you at least seem the same. I still remember that brash and arrogant little French girl Janine dragged home. I was half out of my mind at any given time, but I had this sense that she was protected when you were around. I knew you had one another’s backs.”

  Nancy hadn’t said it as any sort of knife in the back or with any resentment. She’d simply felt the memory and wanted to share it.

  “I always loved going to your house,” Maxine admitted. “You always had the best snacks.”

  “Probably the ones most parents wouldn’t have allowed in their houses.”

  “There was a terrific amount of chocolate. That’s for sure.”

  They held one another’s gaze for a moment. Maxine lifted her wad of toilet paper and said, “I don’t know what kind of novice I am, coming to a wedding without wipes.”

  “I’m the same.”

  “At least I’m not alone.”

  Nancy’s heart thudded. In truth, the woman she had witnessed hours earlier, being screamed at by Jack Potter, had seemed far more alone than ever before.

  “You do look remarkable, Nancy,” Maxine said then, tenderly. “I know everything was very heavy for you before. In ways that neither Janine nor I could fully comprehend.”

  Nancy wasn’t entirely sure how to answer. Her lips dropped open. Outside, there was the sound of clacking heels, then the boom of a familiar voice. Nancy’s brow furrowed as all the color drained from Maxine’s cheeks. She leaped for the door and drew it open to find Jack Potter and Janine Grimson Potter— still married and recently separated. Jack had Janine up against a wall, his finger lifted as he hissed at her.

  “I don’t know where you think you get off saying what you did to my cousin,” Jack blared. “And when you stood up to make that speech? Do you know how much you embarrassed me?”

  Janine’s nostrils flared with rage. “Step back, Jack. Get out of my face.”

  “I paid for every single minute of this godforsaken wedding,” Jack growled as he shifted his weight to his other foot.

  Maxine and Nancy stood off to the side of the bathroom door. Nancy’s heart raced as Maxine seemed to allow herself to be swallowed up. Her shoulders fell forward; she looked like a wilting flower.

  “I hardly protested when Maggie wanted to move this shindig to this stupid island,” Jack continued. “I went along with it, but now I get here, and you want to mock me and say stuff about me to my family members and—”

  “That’s enough, Jack! Anything I said about you was true. And you know that,” Janine blared, trying to hold her stance.

  “Shut up, Janine. Can’t you ever shut your mouth?”

  Toward the far end of the hallway, Maggie and Alyssa appeared. They walked hand-in-hand, both giggling like little girls and staggering slightly on their heels. Nancy bolted toward Jack and Janine with a single mission: she had to break up this fight if only so Maggie wouldn’t remember this moment and associate it with her wedding day.

  Plus, she felt endlessly protective of her daughter.

  “Jack Potter.” Nancy stomped up directly beside him and shoved his shoulder the slightest bit back so that his eyes found hers.

  “Get away from me, old lady.”

  Nancy set her jaw. “You will not make a scene at your daughter’s wedding. Not like this. You’ve already done enough to ruin this family because you lack self-control and empathy and many other things that decent people offer the world. Get away from my daughter. Take your girlfriend, and go.”

  Jack’s face grew shadowed. His eyes peered beyond Nancy, finding Alyssa and Maggie, still far enough away that they didn’t understand what was happening.

  At that moment, Nancy realized that Maddox was in earshot. He lurked near the men’s bathroom, his hands in his pockets. He gave her that smile again, then winked.

  Jack lifted his chin as though poised to give Nancy the ultimate insult, the kind of thing that would destroy her. But instead, he turned and gripped Maxine’s hand angrily. “Let’s get out of here,” he told her. He then stormed down the hallway toward Maggie, paused, hugged her, and said what appeared to be kind words. Nancy couldn’t hear them.

  Meanwhile, Janine quivered against the wall. She buzzed her lips and then said, “I don’t know what came over me. I felt like my old self. The one who was always slightly afraid of Jack Potter. The one who wanted our marriage to work so badly, I let him do and say whatever he pleased.”

  This broke Nancy’s heart in two. “You should have called me years ago. You should have asked for help.”

  But of course, why would Janine have done that? There had been too much bad blood between them. It was all Nancy’s fault. Maybe the fact that Jack existed at all in Janine’s life was all Nancy’s fault. Her heart felt so battered, so ominous. Her eyes returned to Maddox’s. He nodded with approval, then turned and walked down the hallway, soon disappearing into the darkness of the night. Nancy had a feeling she would never see him again.

  She was grateful that this could be his last memory of her, though. An image of a strong and powerful woman, one who’d put Jack Potter in his place. She wanted to be remembered for everything she had done that night. She’d felt complete, with the best elements of her previous life and her current one all rolled up together as one. She felt free.

  “Are you okay?” Nancy finally asked as she wrapped her arms around Janine.

  “I am. I won’t let him get to me.”

  Maggie and Alyssa appeared alongside them.

&n
bsp; “Is this a family group hug?” Alyssa asked.

  Nancy turned her head and then nodded. “Get in here, girls.”

  Maggie and Alyssa joined in. They were the beautiful Grimson-Remington-Potter girls all latched together, in a flurry of emotion, perfume and makeup, something uniquely theirs. Nancy’s heart swelled at the immensity of love she had for all of them.

  When their hug broke, Alyssa yawned and stretched her arms over her head. “I think it’s time for me to sleep.”

  “I have to find Rex,” Maggie stated as she looked around.

  “You already lost your husband? It’s only been a few hours,” Alyssa returned.

  “Last I saw him, he was doing a very embarrassing dance with the other groomsmen,” Maggie said. “I just couldn’t take it.”

  “Uh oh. Are you going to leave him?” Alyssa asked.

  Maggie rolled her eyes and stepped back toward the reception area. More and more guests had begun to filter out, either headed to their hotel rooms or back to their other residences on Martha’s Vineyard. Maggie lifted her dress and fled for the reception area to find Rex. Alyssa dallied behind and reported that she’d already broken things off with Peter.

  “He just wasn’t who I thought he was,” she walked alongside her mother.

  Janine laughed heartily. “You’re still only twenty-two. I suppose you have a lot more men to meet along the way.”

  “Oh great,” Alyssa returned. “More men to disappoint me.”

  “Not all of them are so disappointing,” Janine returned. “I met Henry, didn’t I?”

  “Henry is an artistic saint,” Alyssa affirmed. “Oh, did you see Dad’s face when he saw you with Henry? I mean, they used to work together, right?”

  Janine was silent for a moment. “Your father used to help sponsor some of Henry’s documentaries. He thought Henry was a genius, and he is, but I’m not with Henry to get back at your father.”

  Alyssa thought for a moment, then added, “But it doesn’t hurt.”

  Janine laughed good-naturedly. “I can’t fight that. It doesn’t hurt. That’s for sure.”

  Back at the house, Nancy, Janine, Carmella, Elsa, Mallory, and Alyssa all changed out of their dresses and gathered for tea and hot cocoa on the back porch. They wrapped themselves up in flannel blankets and swapped stories from the previous hours.

  “I miss Maggie,” Alyssa admitted as she placed her empty mug on the table.

  “Oh, you girls will see each other just the same,” Janine offered. “You’re neighbors in the city.”

  “I know. But the next part could be rough. Once there’s marriage, then what? Babies? Big moves to stupid places like San Francisco or Seattle?”

  “They had better not move anywhere,” Janine warned in a way that seemed only half a joke.

  “I don’t know. I can’t let her go.” Alyssa stuck her lower lip out and exhaled.

  “It’ll be okay. What you and Maggie have is special,” Carmella affirmed. She then lifted her eyes toward Elsa and winked, proof that their relationship continued to grow intimate and more powerful. “Rex is nothing compared to what you girls have.”

  “I hope you’re right,” Alyssa replied. “If she pulls back, I’ll just break into her house and demand squatter’s rights. She can’t get away from me, even if she tries.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Alyssa bounded down the steps the following morning and flung herself into Maggie’s arms. Maggie nearly fell back as Alyssa howled, “She did it! She lost her virginity!” Maggie’s eyes rolled into the back of her head as Rex scrambled to keep Maggie upright. Nancy watched from the porch and joined in Maggie’s laughter as Janine, Carmella, and Elsa padded out onto the porch as well.

  “What’s gotten into you?” Janine called.

  “Don’t you dare tell her what you said,” Maggie hissed at Alyssa.

  “I just wished her a happy marriage, Mom,” Alyssa called as she stepped back from Maggie, then adjusted a curl around her sister’s ear. “You ready for breakfast? We’ve slaved away for you two since the crack of dawn.”

  “She talks like she’s helped at all,” Janine said. She stepped down and hugged her eldest, then greeted Rex warmly. “We have fresh croissants from the Sunrise Cove, plenty of donuts, eggs, bacon, and sausage and on and on. Carmella and Elsa have done the brunt of the work, and Grandma Nancy, of course.” She turned and winked toward Nancy as Nancy’s heart swelled.

  How she loved caring for her girls like this. She lifted her chin skyward and admired the fluff of a September cloud as it crept back out toward the ocean. Yet again, she thought of Neal, of how pleased he would have been to know all this love bubbled within his house. Before she’d moved in, he’d described how desolate the place had been years before, when Elsa and Carmella had been young, and their brother had died in a horseback riding accident. Shortly after, a car accident had claimed their mother. “It was as though a dark cloud existed over the top of us for years,” Neal had described. “But with you here, the dark cloud has passed away.”

  “Don’t call her Grandma Nancy. That woman is no grandmother,” Alyssa said as they entered the back porch area, where already Carmella and Elsa had set the table.

  “Why not?” Janine asked.

  Alyssa waggled her eyebrows. Nancy shook her head wildly so that her hair wafted around her ears.

  “What?” Alyssa asked mischievously. “You don’t want me to tell them that I caught you making out with a handsome guy by the water?”

  Janine’s jaw dropped. Elsa clapped her hand over her mouth while Carmella burst into laughter. Baby Zachery let out a wild screech in Mallory’s arms as all eyes continued to dig into Nancy.

  “Alyssa. Why did you tell on me?” Nancy cried as she looked at each of the women that now stared at her for an explanation.

  “The world deserves to know what a badass you are,” Alyssa affirmed, her smirk plastered on her face. “Peter and I thought we were so cool, stealing a bottle of wine from the bar and going to make out by the water. Little did we know, Nancy here already had that idea up her sleeve.”

  Nancy’s cheeks burned. She knew they were bright red.

  Janine clucked her tongue as a smile spread wider. “You can take the girl out of the madness, but you can’t take the madness out of the girl.”

  “What? It was a wedding! I was all hyped up on love and excitement and all that jazz,” Nancy shot playfully.

  “Yeah, yeah,” Elsa said, teasing her. “We get it. You’re so wild and free, even at fifty-nine, and we’re just as lame as ever.”

  “I didn’t say any of you were lame.” Nancy leaned back in her chair and ran a hand through her hair. “You girls, I swear.”

  “It was implied by how much cooler you are than us,” Janine pointed out.

  “Good grief.” But Nancy couldn’t get the smile off her face throughout breakfast. It pleased her to know that they thought of her this way, even if they teased her.

  They ate a sinful breakfast— oozing droplets of honey across their croissants and eating greasy sausages and laughing until their stomachs ached. Outside, a late September wind forced the waves to crash against the beach and the trees to extend toward the ground below. Elsa suggested they all go for a walk to stretch their legs, and everyone hustled into their autumn jackets and padded off the porch and toward the waterline.

  “You coming, Teenage Nancy?” Alyssa teased.

  Even as Nancy smiled down at her beautiful granddaughter, another crashing wave of fatigue came over her. She shook her head delicately. “I don’t think so, honey.”

  “Too much wine last night?”

  “Something like that,” Nancy said. “I have to rest up for my next adventure.”

  “Suit yourself.” Alyssa then hustled up to walk alongside Mallory, where she lifted baby Zachery from her arms and draped him across her shoulder.

  Again, Nancy’s heart swelled, even as she swam through this horrific wave of pain and fear.

  With everyone gone, s
he stepped back into the shadows of the house. Dishes pushed above the sink-line, but she knew they could wait. Nancy leaned against the doorway and tried to will this current wave away from her. Maybe all this could be solved with mind-over-matter. She had once watched a special about hypnosis on PBS, which had explained that so much of the mind was at a distance from you, but if you could tap into whatever that other stuff was, you could have much more control over your health and well-being.

  Maybe, she could break into that darkness and convince her health to return to normal.

  But as the minutes passed, fear wrapped itself around Nancy’s throat and threatened to make her tumble to the ground. Her shoulders sagged forward, and tears fell. A sob escaped her throat, one that ricocheted and echoed through the entire house. She clenched her eyes closed tightly and thanked her lucky stars that the rest of her family was out in the wild salty winds rather than there to watch her break down.

  “Nancy? Is that you?”

  It was some kind of trick, wasn’t it? Nancy’s eyes popped open as she turned to find Carmella. She stepped out from the living area, rubbing her own eyes.

  “Oh. I thought you’d gone with the others.” Nancy’s voice sounded like she had been taken off guard. In truth, Carmella was the very last person of the group she wanted to interact with at that moment. She felt she couldn’t be fully honest with her, as they’d never had much to say to one another. Plus, Carmella went through so many dark moods, ones Nancy wasn’t entirely sure she could carry at the moment.

  But Carmella stepped toward her as her eyebrows lowered. “Nancy, are you okay?”

  Nancy’s chin quivered. She rubbed at one of her eyes and willed herself to stop crying. Why didn’t she have more control? Why did she always fall apart?

  Carmella came closer. When she stood a foot away from her, Nancy removed her hand again and let Carmella find the full view of her tear-blotched face. She knew she looked like a mess. She felt suddenly vulnerable.