Compass

by Deborah Bladon

  “Are you taking these with you?” Natalie’s hand floats over the tea and treat.

  I huff out a laugh. “Consider those yours, Nat.”

  “A tea, a blueberry muffin, and a nickname?” She reaches for the tea. “You’re a keeper. I hope Kate has figured that out.”

  I hope she has to.

  Chapter 42

  Kate

  I took a Kate-day today.

  My mom coined the phrase when I was struggling with an assignment in high school. She knew that I was beating my head against the wall, in a non-literal sense, so she proposed that I skip school for the day so I could hang out with her.

  We started at her favorite spa.

  I had my first manicure and pedicure that day.

  Our next stop was the mall. I spent some of the money I’d saved from working at a candy store after school twice a week.

  I bought a pair of ripped jeans and a sweatshirt.

  Lunch was my mom’s treat. We had steak sandwiches and red velvet cake for dessert.

  That was one of the best Kate-days I ever had.

  Today’s version was more subdued.

  I went to the library to return two poetry books I’d loaned out. After that, I dropped in to see my favorite hair stylist. She fit me in for a quick trim.

  Crispy Biscuit was my next stop. Usually, I’m there with Tilly or Olivia for brunch, but today I ate lunch alone at my favorite diner.

  I’ve spent the last two hours on a bench in Central Park watching the faces of the city pass me by.

  Today’s Kate-day had no rhyme or reason to it.

  It was simply a few hours with my phone turned off and my mind racing.

  I couldn’t stop thinking about Gage. Every thought about last night was balanced with a memory from five years ago.

  I want a new beginning with him, but the past feels like it’s watching from somewhere in the darkness waiting to leap out to steal the future away from me again.

  What if we can’t make this work?

  What if he moves to London to be closer to his daughter?

  What if he can’t look at me the same way after he learns my secret?

  I press the home button on my phone to power it back up. On a typical Kate-day, no one notices that I’ve checked out of my daily life for a few hours.

  Today is different.

  I scan the screen of my phone as it chimes, buzzes and even rings reminders of all the messages and calls I’ve missed.

  Three of the text messages are from Natalie. They can wait. The issues she asked about would have been resolved by now since it’s been hours since she texted me.

  My mom called twice and left one voicemail. I don’t listen to it. I’ll save it for tonight when I have time to sit through a ten minute recounting of the yoga class she had this morning.

  Her bi-monthly trek to the yoga studio a few blocks from her house is always followed by a call to me to describe the new poses she’s learned.

  I skim through the rest of my text messages.

  One is from Tilly about dinner later this week. Olivia sent one to tell me that Arleth finally mastered rolling over. I open the video clip she attached.

  Joy tugs at my heart as I watch the little girl wiggle her hips before she slowly rolls over. The sound of Olivia cheering her on in the background brings a smile to my face.

  I scroll back to the notifications.

  Gage called twice, but he didn’t leave a voicemail.

  I see why when I read the string of text messages from him.

  The first is simple and straightforward.

  Gage: I’m looking for you. I just left your store.

  I check the time on that one. It was shortly after nine this morning. I had been at the boutique but left after a delivery arrived.

  The second message was an hour later.

  Gage: Look up at the sun. It’s got nothing on you. Your smile is brighter and better.

  I laugh aloud. Whenever he took me out on his parents’ sailboat he’d say that to me. The first time I heard the compliment, I accused him of trying to charm his way into my bikini bottoms. He laughed and winked. The second time he said it, my bikini hit the deck as soon as we were in open water and out of view.

  I glance up at the late afternoon sun before my gaze drops back to my phone and the last message he sent.

  Gage: Today is Kate-day, isn’t it? I hope it’s everything you need it to be.

  With tears clouding my vision, I read the last two lines of his text in a whisper, “He knew where she was without a word from her lips. She lived in his heart; today and forevermore.”

  Chapter 43

  Kate

  Two hours later, I walk into Tin Anchor with a red dress on and a poetry book in my hand.

  After I got home from Central Park, I pulled a cardboard box out of my bedroom closet. I stared at it for at least ten minutes before I opened it and tossed all the contents onto my bed.

  Most of it was my collection of winter accessories. The countless pairs of knitted mittens and scarves are courtesy of my mom.

  I have at least one set in every color of the rainbow.

  Hidden beneath that treasure trove was the item I needed to see.

  It’s the poetry book that I’m clinging to now.

  It was the last gift that Gage ever gave to me. It was wrapped in newspaper and a pink ribbon when he put it in my hands.

  My favorite poet, Grayson Marks, inscribed the book to me. Crying, I thumbed through it noting right away that Gage had dog-eared a page. On it was a poem and a circle of red ink.

  Inside the circle were two simple lines.

  He knew where she was without a word from her lips. She lived in his heart; today and forevermore.

  Gage told me to always remember that I would live in his heart until the day he died and that if he closed his eyes, he’d feel me with him.

  Just a few months later, he set sail without me and everything changed.

  I approach the bar, hoping that he’ll be finished with the male customer by the time I reach him.

  I have a million things to say, but only four words have been playing on the tip of my tongue since I read his last text. It’s the words I haven’t said to him since the day before he left me.

  I love you, Gage.

  He spots me as I near him. The serious look on his face softening into something I’ve seen countless times.

  It’s love, compassion, kindness, and a heavy dose of lust.

  He always loved me in red.

  He used to tell me that it was a reflection of the spark that’s inside of me.

  I watch as he smiles at the man before he moves to the side.

  “Katie.” My name leaves him in a low growl as soon as I’m standing next to an empty stool across the bar from him. “Red is your color.”

  “You love me in red,” I say softly. “You used to tell me that.”

  “It captures your fire.” His gaze drops to my hand. “Is that…”

  “The book you gave me.” With a shaking hand, I rest it on the bar. “You remembered the passage.”

  With a heavy swallow, he exhales. “I didn’t think you kept anything. It wasn’t in the box of things you left behind in our apartment, so I thought you trashed it.”

  “I couldn’t,” I admit, taking a seat on the stool. “I packed it away. I brought it to New York with me.”

  His eyes catch mine. “I’m glad. I’m really glad.”

  “Did I live in your heart, Gage?” I ask, my bottom lip trembling. “Did you think about me after you left?”

  His hands find mine. He scoops them into his, calming them instantly with his touch. “You always lived in my heart. I thought about you endlessly. A day didn’t pass where I didn’t wake up with you on my mind.”

  He was never far from my thoughts either.

  I may have fooled myself into believing that I could forge a life without him, but if I’m being honest, I longed for his touch every minute of every day.

&nbs
p; “I love you, Katie.”

  I stare at his lips, soaking in the depth of those words.

  He used to say them to me at least a dozen times a day, but never before have they pierced my heart the way they are now.

  I’m aching to repeat them back to him, but there’s something I need to tell him first. I’m not brave enough to do it today. I want a little more time to bask in the knowledge that he still loves me.

  “Should we take this to my place?” he asks with a perk of his right brow. “Zeke can cover for me.”

  I nod without saying a thing.

  All I want tonight is to be in his bed. I hope with everything I am that when I wake in his arms tomorrow that courage will have found its way to me.

  ***

  Gage lets out a deep sigh. “You have the most perfect ass. How in the hell is it this perfect?”

  Glancing at him, I laugh. “Your ass isn’t half-bad either.”

  All of him is chiseled perfection.

  I watched him undress in the daylight. We used to make love with the lights on back in California. Dusk hasn’t settled over Manhattan yet, so we’ve been enjoying the early evening light by exploring one another.

  I’m on my stomach. My nude body is stretched out on Gage’s bed. He’s next to me, on his side, his stiff cock teasing me each time I steal a glance at it.

  We’ve been at his apartment for almost an hour, but we haven’t fucked yet.

  Our hands have been on a quest to write to memory every inch of each other’s skin.

  His hand grazes over my ass again. “I could stare at this for hours.”

  I rest my cheek on my arm. “I can think of something else you can do for hours.”

  “Eat you?” His fingers dive between my cheeks, skimming lower until he touches my core. “Is that what you want? You want my mouth here?”

  I part my legs slightly, granting him more access. “Your fingers.”

  A deep groan comes from somewhere inside of him as he skims two fingers over my pussy. “You want me to finger fuck you, Katie?”

  I close my eyes. “Please.”

  He slides one finger into my channel. Within a second another joins it. It’s not nearly as much as his thick cock, but it’s enough to lure my hips off the bed.

  “That’s it,” he whispers into my ear. “Fuck my fingers.”

  I easily find a rhythm, pushing up against his hand before I draw back down.

  “Let go.” His breath skims over my shoulder. “Fuck it until you’re close.”

  I up my pace. Chasing my release, sweat beads on my forehead.

  “Tell me how badly you want to come.” His teeth graze the skin of my neck. “How much do you want it?”

  “So much.” I pant, not caring that I’m losing control from just the touch of his fingers.

  “Touch your clit,” he orders. “Lightly, Katie. Don’t take yourself there yet.”

  I nod. My hand crawls down the blanket until it reaches my core. I moan aloud when my fingertips skim the swollen nub of nerves.

  I hear the nightstand drawer open and the grunt that follows. He’s sheathing his cock so he can drive it into me.

  I apply more pressure. Making tighter circles, I moan as I race to the edge.

  “Don’t come,” he says harshly. “You’re going to come on my cock.”

  He flips me over, pins my hands to the bed above my head and pushes into me with one fierce thrust.

  I come instantly, colors dancing behind my eyelids, my skin heating, and my heart exploding.

  “Ah, fuck,” he bites out before he pounds into me, sending me straight into the clutches of another climax.

  Chapter 44

  Gage

  I wake to the image of Katie standing in my bedroom.

  She’s not watching me sleep. She’s staring at the picture of Kristin and me. I don’t know how much detail she can make out in the darkened room, but it’s enough to keep her attention laser-focused on the photograph.

  She chews on the nail of her right thumb.

  I know exactly what that means. She has questions.

  “You’re awake,” I croak out in a deeper than normal voice.

  “You’re sexy,” she says quietly looking over at me.

  I’d tell her the same thing, but sexy doesn’t even begin to describe how she looks.

  She’s wearing a pair of red lace panties and nothing else.

  I was always enamored with Katie’s body. That hasn’t changed. If anything, I’m more obsessed with her now than when I was twenty-four.

  “Come back to bed.” I pat the wrinkled sheet next to me.

  “In a minute.” Her gaze drops to the floor. “When’s the last time you saw your daughter?”

  The answer should be simple. I wish I could say that I saw her this afternoon or a week ago.

  The reality is that it’s been way too fucking long.

  I push the sheet down and swing my legs over the side of the bed. I won’t have this conversation when I’m naked.

  “I’ll make some coffee.” I reach for the boxer briefs I kicked off before I climbed into bed.

  I feel her gaze on me as I tug on the briefs and cross the room to my closet to grab a pair of black sweatpants.

  “I should get dressed too,” she says. “Where did my dress end up?”

  It’s in the living room. I stripped her bare right after we got here.

  I tug a blue dress shirt from one of the hangers in my closet. “You can wear this.”

  She nods. “Is it alright if I meet you in the kitchen in a few minutes?”

  I welcome the time alone. I need to figure out how the hell to tell her the secret I’ve been carrying with me since we reconnected.

  Pressing a kiss to her mouth, I hand her the shirt and take off down the hallway, with my heart thundering inside my chest.

  ***

  “Did I overstep when I asked about Kristin?”

  I glance up from my half-empty coffee mug and study Katie’s face. I see concern blanketing her expression.

  I know why it’s settled there. She thinks I’m torn up about the fact that I haven’t seen my daughter recently.

  She has no idea that it reaches well beyond that.

  I shake my head. “No, not at all.”

  She takes another small sip of coffee. Her gaze wanders around the living room. We’re sitting on the sofa. She gathered the blue wool throw she knit for me over her legs.

  I love that she felt comfortable enough to do that.

  Memories of nights in California spent on our sofa flit through my mind.

  I was too trusting back then.

  I took the word of an ex-girlfriend over the plea in the eyes of the woman I loved.

  If I had told my fiancée that Madison claimed Kristin was mine, Katie would have kept a level head.

  I know for a fact that she would have told me to get a DNA test.

  I didn’t cross that bridge until Perry, Madison’s ex-lover and current husband, walked into the picture and I saw my daughter’s chin, and her nose in his profile.

  “Will you be seeing her soon?” Katie presses for more.

  I can’t blame her for wanting to know. I fucked off once because of my child. There has to be concern rooted deep within her that the same thing would happen all over again.

  I rest my mug on the table and turn to face her.

  I bite the fucking bullet because I’m done hiding behind my view of what I think Katie needs or wants to hear.

  I give it to her straight knowing that the chips are about to fall where they may.

  “I don’t know when I’ll see Kristin.” I pause and draw in a deep breath. “I’m not her biological father.”

  Chapter 45

  Kate

  I’m speechless.

  I’ve never met Kristin, but I’ve seen pictures of her. She has the same color eyes as Gage. Her brown hair is the same shade as his.

  When I saw her smile in the first photograph he showed me, I swore that i
t was the spitting image of her father’s smile.

  Gage isn’t her father.

  At least not by blood, but the love he has for that little girl is evident in his voice when he talks about her and in his eyes now.

  He can’t mask the pain that he’s in.

  “I didn’t question whether she was mine or not.” He hangs his head in his hands. “I love her as much as I would a child that had my blood running through them.”

  Emotion knots my gut.

  “Madison’s ex came to Nashville looking for her a couple of years ago.” His voice evens. “I didn’t meet the guy right off, but months later I ran into him when he was leaving Madison’s place one morning.”

  “He looks like Kristin?” I ask the obvious question.

  “There’s a resemblance.” His hand scrubs his chin. “I shrugged it off at first, but it all came to a head one morning and the truth came out.”

  “What happened?”

  “I asked Madison if there was a chance that I wasn’t Kristin’s dad.” He finally glances in my direction. “She came to my apartment and confessed. She told me that she’d screwed him once days after our last time together. She did the math.”

  “She sucks at math,” I say under my breath.

  It lures a faint smile to his mouth. “She said he was her rebound. When she was found out she was pregnant, she assumed I was the dad.”

  “She didn’t tell you for four years.” I shrug my shoulders. “Why did she wait so long?”

  “Our relationship ended badly.” He closes his eyes briefly. “She said that she didn’t want to subject a child to that bitterness.”

  She changed her tune as soon as she found out that Gage was set to marry me. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out.

  “Madison stopped at my parents’ house because her mother willed a necklace to my mom,” he goes on, “from what I understand, my mom told her that she’d wear it to my wedding.”

  “She told you about Kristin once she knew that you were marrying me.” My words sound petulant.