Compass

by Deborah Bladon

  Madison made a choice, but Gage did as well.

  He could have told me what was happening. I would have told him to take a step back and consider the possibility that the child wasn’t his.

  I admit that the drive to urge him to question Kristin’s paternity would have been coming from a selfish place. I didn’t want kids when I was on the cusp of becoming Gage’s wife.

  Despite that, I know that I would have accepted his daughter. I would have fallen in love with her as desperately as he did when he saw her beautiful face with those big green eyes and the crooked grin.

  It might have taken me time to do that.

  Not months, or years, but weeks.

  A heart can heal when it’s placed in tender hands.

  My mom said that to me a month-and-a-half after I’d moved to Manhattan. She wanted to fix me up with the son of one of her friends. He lived in Boston but was headed to New York City for business.

  I turned her down.

  My heart was already in tender hands by then.

  “I’m doing everything I can to see her.” His voice quakes. “I won’t stop until I can tell her face-to-face how much I love her.”

  “I’m sorry that Madison won’t let that happen,” I offer, fighting the urge to call his ex-girlfriend a bitch.

  “Perry’s threatened by my relationship with Kristin.” His jaw clenches. “He petitioned the court to have his name added to her birth certificate. Madison hasn’t admitted it, but I know he was behind my arrest when I tried to see Kristin in London.”

  He was arrested trying to see his daughter?

  What the hell?

  How can any parent cut off contact with a person who raised their daughter? What is the reasoning behind removing a loving caregiver from a child’s life?

  “I’m sorry, love.” The endearment leaves my lips before I realize what I’ve said.

  I haven’t called him love in forever.

  Gage shifts until he’s right next to me. His hand darts to my cheek. “You can’t know what that does to me, Katie. Hearing you call me that.”

  I stare into his eyes. “I want to help. Tell me how I can help you see your daughter.”

  “We will see my daughter,” he says assuredly. “I want you to meet her.”

  I want that too, more than I realized until this very moment.

  “I should have explained about the complications with her custody the day I told you about her.”

  I quiet him with a soft kiss to the lips. I hold him against me, my breath melding with his.

  As desperately as I want to confess my secret to him, I can’t. Not now. Tonight I need to comfort him.

  Chapter 46

  Gage

  I curse under my breath. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking when I agreed to host this bachelor party.

  Katie is waiting for me at her apartment.

  We made love early this morning after I told her that I wasn’t Kristin’s biological father.

  It was Katie who urged me back into bed.

  She dropped my shirt on the floor and wrapped her body around mine.

  I was hard instantly.

  After taking me in her mouth, she took me inside of her.

  I was sheathed and wanting. I fucked her slowly, but the need to hear her come drove me to up the pace.

  With wild, frantic fucks I took her over the edge before I emptied myself into the condom with long, heavy breaths.

  She kissed me goodbye before she left for work and made me promise that once Myles’s bachelor party was over, I’d be in her bed.

  It’s after midnight.

  Cases of beer have been emptied. Money has exchanged hands at the pool table and the ball game that was blaring from the television was over hours ago.

  I shut down Tin Anchor for this.

  I won’t lose time more time with Katie for it.

  “You’re itching to leave.” Zeke elbows me. “Isn’t the best man supposed to have more fun than the groom at a party like this?”

  “I don’t have a rule book.” I pat the empty back pocket of my jeans. “I’m winging it.”

  “You’ve done good.” He points a finger at Myles who is barely managing to keep himself upright on a chair. “He won’t remember a thing tomorrow.”

  I laugh. “I wouldn’t bet against you on that.”

  “What’s his bride’s name again?” Zeke runs the bar towel in his hand over a wineglass.

  “Annalise.”

  “That’s a far cry from Karen.”

  I know where this is headed. I heard Myles mention his ex once or twice tonight. I tried to get him back on track by talking about how excited Annalise is for the big day.

  We’re three weeks out from the wedding.

  “If you did have that rule book,” Zeke starts before he turns to face me. “On page nine, paragraph three you’d find that it’s the best man’s duty to have a talk with the groom about the ex he’s still in love with before he takes a vow to honor another woman for eternity.”

  My brows pop up. “Is that so?”

  “Would you want your sister marrying a guy who is hung up on someone else?”

  “I don’t have a sister,” I point out a fact that Zeke knows all too well.

  “I do,” he counters. “I have two and I can tell you that I would step into the middle of it before any shit hit the fan.”

  “It’s already hit, wouldn’t you say?” I jerk a thumb in Myles’s direction.

  Zeke looks over to catch the groom-to-be sobbing over his empty beer glass.

  I tug my phone out of my pocket so I can send Katie a text telling her I’m on my way soon. “I’ll have a sit-down with Myles in a day or two. I can’t stand next to him when he marries Annalise if Karen is still carting his heart around town.”

  Zeke pats my shoulder. “Myles knew what he was doing when he picked you to be his best man.”

  “Get him an Uber and a coffee to go.” I pull up Katie’s contact information even though I’ve got her number saved to memory. “Let’s clear this place out. There’s somewhere I need to be.”

  ***

  The beauty in this vision could drop me to my knees and keep me there for eternity.

  Katie in a white tank top and white lace panties with a just woken glow about her is angelic.

  I storm past her and slam the door to her apartment shut.

  I take her in my arms. The warmth radiating from her body permeates my skin. The scent of her is intoxicating.

  Jesus, I love this woman with every part of my soul.

  “I fell asleep after you texted me,” she whispers into my neck. “I was dreaming about you.”

  I walk backward down her hallway, tugging her along with me. “Tell me about that dream.”

  “We were on the sailboat.” She sighs. “It was windy. Not crazy windy but just the right kind of windy. You know what I mean.”

  I know exactly what she means.

  It’s the warm wind that she always loved.

  It would bathe her skin after we fucked on my parents’ boat. She’d lie naked on her back while she floated down from the high of her orgasm.

  I’ll never forget those moments.

  The world didn’t exist. It was just the water, the sky and the two of us.

  “What else do you remember about the dream?”

  “He was there,” she murmurs.

  I stop dead in place. “Who?”

  Her heavy-lidded eyes drift up to my face. “Who what?”

  “You said he was there, Katie.”

  Her brows pinch together. “I did?”

  There was only ever one he other than me in our relationship. Teddy, the cranky cat that Katie adopted from a woman in our building.

  The cat couldn’t fucking stand me, but it loved Katie.

  She loved him just as fiercely.

  When he died, she was inconsolable.

  “You’re talking about old Teddy, aren’t you?” I stop when the back of my knees hit her bed. “
You were dreaming about him being on the boat with us?”

  “Teddy,” she says his name on a sigh. “I miss him.”

  “I’ll help you forget about him for tonight.” I brush my lips over hers. “I’ll give you something new to dream about.”

  Her gaze drops to my hands. “I think I’ll like that dream if it involves you without any pants on.”

  My jeans slide to the floor, followed by my boxer briefs. My cock is painfully hard. “In that case, you’re going to love that dream.”

  Chapter 47

  Kate

  Last night is a blur.

  I fell asleep but was jarred awake by a text message from Gage telling me he’d be at my place within the hour.

  I drifted off again after that so when he knocked on my apartment door, I stumbled to open it.

  I told him about my dream.

  I didn’t mean to tell him about all of it.

  Secrets will find a crack and they’ll seep out eventually.

  When my mom said that to me I was fourteen-years-old and a cheater. It wasn’t a boy that I couldn’t stay faithful to. It was my history teacher.

  I stumbled on the answer key to a midterm quiz on his desk after school.

  I stored to memory the first ten answers and then aced the fifteen-question test the next day.

  My mistake was thinking that I’d gotten away with it.

  A month later I thought I was home alone. My mom thought I was a straight-A student based on merit.

  We were both wrong.

  She was in the laundry room when she heard me humble bragging about the test to my best friend at the time.

  I failed the class.

  I haven’t lied since, until now.

  A lie of omission is still a lie.

  I walk back into my bedroom and the sight of the man I love fast asleep in my bed.

  Today is the day that I put my heart back in his hands.

  Pieces are missing.

  It’s bruised and battered, but it belongs to him.

  ***

  An hour later, he’s finally awake.

  I wish I could say it’s because he sensed when I walked back into the bedroom to check on him, but that’s not what woke him up.

  It was the ringing of his phone.

  It’s in his hand now, pressed to his ear.

  He’s talking to a man named Dylan about Kristin.

  I turn to leave the room because this conversation feels private. Gage’s voice is low pitched and his gaze is pinned to the bed.

  I walk back into the living room.

  I showered and dressed while he was asleep.

  I applied my makeup and made a pot of coffee.

  The entire time I rehearsed what I need to say to Gage in my head. I ran over the words dozens of times, tweaking them until I finally settled on a mini-speech that I pray I can get through without falling apart.

  “Katie.”

  I turn at the sound of Gage’s voice. He’s standing behind me, still dressed in only boxer briefs.

  “Is everything all right?”

  “Better than all right.” He smiles broadly. “Madison put in a call to her attorney. She wants to talk directly to mine ASAP. I think I’m a step closer to seeing my daughter.”

  That’s cause for celebration. I have orange juice and a cheap bottle of champagne that Tilly gave me so I could ring in the New Year while I watched the ball drop in Times Square on my television.

  I wasn’t in the mood to celebrate then. I’m not now.

  I’m in the mood to confess.

  “Is that coffee that I smell?” He turns toward my kitchen. “I’d give almost anything for a cup. Name your price.”

  Forgiveness. That’s all I want.

  “I’ll get it.” I move toward my small kitchen.

  “Are you going in to work?” he asks from behind me. “It’s not even eight a.m. and you look ready to face the day.”

  I’m not.

  I’m not even sure I’m ready to face him, so I keep my back turned as I pour hot coffee into a ceramic mug.

  I feel the brush of his hand on my shoulder just as I’m reaching for the sugar. “What’s wrong? Something’s not right.”

  Emotions war within me. Sadness clashes with anger. Fear battles with desperation.

  Ultimately, grief wins.

  Tears well in the corners of my eyes as I stare down at the countertop.

  “I need to tell you something,” I whisper.

  “Tell me.” Both of his hands are on my shoulders now. “Please, Katie.”

  I suck in a breath that’s meant to strengthen my resolve to do this. I just need to get out four words to start with. They are words that I’ve never uttered aloud. I’ve carried them inside of me for so long that they’ve etched themselves into my soul.

  Leaving the coffee mug on the counter, I turn to face Gage.

  I have to be looking into his eyes when I say this. I need him to understand how profoundly my life was impacted five years ago.

  I packed this pain into a box somewhere deep inside of me. That was the only way I could deal with it, but I can’t ignore it anymore. Being with Gage again has opened it up and everything that I’ve kept hidden has surfaced.

  “Whatever it is, you can tell me,” he says as he studies my face. “Whatever it is, it’s all right. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

  I nod. Pulling every last shred of strength from within me, I grab his cheeks and cradle them in my hands. “Gage, I…”

  The shrill bite of his phone ringing interrupts me.

  His gaze drops to it and with it my heart plummets in my chest.

  “Fuck,” he says between clenched teeth. “It’s my lawyer. Dylan. It’s about Kristin. I have to take this, Katie. I’m sorry. I have to.”

  I turn back to the counter.

  Tears stream down my cheeks as I listen to him tell the man on the other end of the call that he’s leaving now to go see his daughter.

  Chapter 48

  Gage

  I’m dressed and out the door of Katie’s bedroom before I end the call to Dylan.

  I can’t believe that my daughter will be in my arms in less than twenty-four hours.

  “Katie,” I call out her name as I pocket my phone. “Where are you?”

  “In the kitchen,” she says in an even tone.

  I round the corner and almost run right into her. I study her face. She’s been crying. I don’t have to ask why.

  “You always cried whenever I got good news.” I skim my fingers over her chin. “When I was accepted into medical school, I think you cried more tears of joy than I did.”

  Her lips part but she doesn’t say anything.

  I want her next to me when I see Kristin, but that’s asking too much of her and too much of my daughter.

  I want her to know Katie. Hell, I know Kristin is going to eventually love Katie as much as I do, but I have to pace this. They both need time to adjust to the presence of the other in my life.

  “Kristin is on her way to Los Angeles.”

  Surprise draws her brows up. “I thought she was in London.”

  “I thought the same.” I rub my jaw. “Madison is visiting family in L.A. and Kristin is with her. They’re set to board a flight within the hour. I need to get home and pack. I’m heading back to California.”

  I kiss her hard. I can’t contain everything I’m feeling. I want to head to the top of the Empire State Building so I can scream to the world that I’ve got my life back.

  I fucking have everything I’ve wanted in my hands and I’m never letting go.

  “I love you, Katie,” I tell her so she knows that this time I’m coming back to her. “I’ll be back in a few days.”

  “You’ll be back,” she repeats.

  “I. Will. Come. Back,” I say each word slowly and with purpose. “Nothing is going to keep me away from you.”

  Her eyes lock on mine.

  I kiss her again, wrapping my arms around her. “I’ll call
you after I see Kristin.”

  I turn and march to the door of her apartment. Glancing over my shoulder, I see her standing next to the window staring up at the blue sky.

  I can’t wait to get back to her, but for now, I need to get my ass to California so I can hug my little girl.

  ***

  “Daddy!”

  I’m on my knees before Kristin reaches me. I don’t give a shit that we’re in the middle of a hotel lobby.

  I’ve waited for this day for months.

  I cradle her face in my hands, studying the light in her eyes and the smile on her face.

  Her features have matured. She’s at least an inch taller than she was the last time I saw her.

  Madison cut off video messaging between us months ago before she axed text messages too.

  I have less than two days to catch up on my little girl’s life.

  “I’ve missed you, Tin.”

  “Oh, Daddy.” She kisses my cheek. “I’ve missed you so much. Mommy said I get to see you more.”

  I look up at Madison. I haven’t given her a second glance since she waved me over after I walked into the hotel.

  “Madison,” I say her name curtly.

  “Gage.” She nods, her arms crossing her chest.

  Nothing about her has changed. Her brown hair is still cut in a bob. Her blue eyes are tinged with sadness.

  “How’s Perry?” I ask without a hint of resentment.

  I never wanted Kristin to be subjected to the bullshit around her.

  I tried to keep things calm after I found out I wasn’t her biological father. I didn’t want anything to change, but Perry wanted the family he thought he deserved.

  “Divorcing me,” she quips, waving her bare left hand in the air.

  “Daddy Perry is divorcing us.” Kristin shrugs. “He found a new family, Daddy.”

  I raise a brow at Madison. “He what exactly?”

  “Fell in love with his assistant.” She pats her stomach. “She’s having his baby. He calls it a new beginning. I call it an alimony check.”

  I toss her a look meant to silently tell her to shut the hell up.