Compass

by Deborah Bladon

  Kristin doesn’t need to hear that.

  “We’re going to look for a new house.” Kristin wraps her arms around my neck. “You can live next door.”

  Tears prick the corners of my eyes.

  This is exactly what I’ve wanted.

  “Daddy has a new family now too.”

  I glance at Madison and the look I toss her this time is a clear, what the fuck are you talking about?

  “Granny and Papa Burke met us at the airport.” Madison smiles. “Your mom said that you were back with Kate Wesley.”

  My parents had to have been overjoyed to see Kristin. They missed being called Granny and Papa. They missed everything about her almost as much as I have.

  When I called them before I left New York, I mentioned that I reconnected with Katie. I didn’t expect a response from them, so I wasn’t surprised when my dad changed the subject to the weather.

  There was no offer from them to meet me when my flight landed.

  “Is Katie your new family, Daddy?” Kristin nudges my face so she can look into my eyes. “Does she have a baby in her tummy too?”

  “No baby.” I kiss the tip of her nose. “Katie is my old friend. I want you to meet her.”

  “Slow down.” Madison’s hand jumps into the air. “One step at a time, Gage.”

  “Our first step is having dinner together.” I give Kristin a big hug as I look at Madison. “We can take care of everything else after that.”

  Chapter 49

  Kate

  I stare down at my phone.

  I haven’t heard anything from Gage since yesterday.

  He called me from Minneapolis. His connecting flight to L.A. was delayed by a few hours.

  I was in the middle of a consult with a bride and her party of twelve friends and relatives.

  All their voices drowned out Gage’s.

  I explained that I was busy. He understood, ending the call by telling me that he was excited to be a dad again.

  I clutched the phone in my hand as I bit back the emotion that swept over me.

  When I turned back to the face the soon-to-bride she mistook the tears in my eyes for approval of the gown she had on.

  She bought it on the spot.

  “What secrets does that thing hold?” Callie asks from behind the bar.

  I’m at Tin Anchor.

  I stopped in after work for a martini.

  The need to feel close to Gage was strong so coming here seemed like the right thing to do.

  “This thing?” I wave my phone in the air. “My mom calls it a stress magnet.”

  Callie laughs.

  I expected her brother, Zeke, to be tending bar, but he’s not in sight.

  I only sat on this stool and introduced myself as a friend of Gage’s ten minutes ago, but I already like her.

  She’s younger than me, but she’s wise.

  I listened to her offering advice to the man who was seated next to me. She told him to push his stubborn male pride aside and tell someone named Gina that he’s crazy about her.

  She tucks her dark brown hair behind her shoulders. “Your mom is right.”

  A laugh bubbles out of me. “What’s it like working for Gage?”

  Her blue eyes widen. “This is off the record, right?”

  I nod. “I won’t tell him anything.”

  “He’s the best.” She wipes the top of the bar with a towel. “He’s been good to Zeke. He hired him first and when he heard that I needed a part-time job, he offered this to me on the spot. I pick and choose my hours. He pays well and we keep all of our tips.”

  “He’s a good man,” I say without any hesitation.

  “Can I tell you something?”

  I scratch the back of my hand; anxious that it will be something I don’t want to hear. “Please.”

  “The first time he talked about you I thought to myself that I hoped that one day a man would love me that same way.” Her lips curve up. “You’re the luckiest woman in the world, Kate.”

  I don’t ask her to repeat what Gage told her about me. I already know. I feel it when he touches me, and I hear it his voice.

  I see it when I look up at the shelf behind the bar that holds the treasures of my past life with him.

  “Does he have a brother?” she asks jokingly.

  “Two happily married ones.”

  “Well, shit.” She laughs. “I guess I have to wait until my Prince Charming finds me the way yours found you.”

  Twice.

  He found me twice. I am the luckiest woman in the world.

  We can’t change what’s already happened. We can only accept it and embrace the future.

  Once Gage is back in New York, I’ll share my past with him so we can start building a new tomorrow together.

  ***

  Gage: I have some legal stuff to deal with here. I’ll be back in New York ASAP.

  “You look worried,” Tilly notes as she slathers soft butter onto a piece of bread. “Is it about Gage?”

  I haven’t told Tilly or Olivia that Gage isn’t Kristin’s biological father.

  All they know is that he’s been in California visiting his daughter for the past week.

  I watch as Tilly takes a big bite of the bread. “Someone is starving.”

  She chews, swallows and then answers, “I haven’t eaten anything yet today.”

  It’s noon and we’re waiting for two big bowls of pasta at a restaurant around the corner from my store.

  The only thing that I’ve consumed today is a cup of lukewarm coffee, even though I’ve been up since six.

  My communication with Gage has been sparse and interrupted by my work.

  We talked on the phone once but that was two days ago and it was brief.

  I could hear Kristin in the background calling to him, so I made an excuse about needing to get to the showroom floor. I didn’t want to steal a minute away from his time with his daughter.

  I expected Gage to come back today, but the text message he just sent rained on that parade.

  I type back a response to him as Tilly finishes her bread and butters another slice.

  Kate: I’ll see you when you get here.

  As much as I want to pry and question what’s going on there, I don’t want to insert myself into the middle of a situation that I don’t belong in.

  I haven’t met Kristin yet and the conversations I’ve had with Gage about her have only touched on where things stand in terms of his right to custody and visitation.

  All I do know is that something has shifted.

  He’s in the same city as his daughter now and lawyers are involved. That has to be good news.

  Chapter 50

  Gage

  A man can wish for many things in his life.

  Health.

  Happiness.

  Wealth.

  Love.

  I’ve had every last one of them.

  My good health is a gift. Happiness has eluded me at times. Wealth was there until it was stripped from me when I dropped out of medical school. My parents donated my trust fund to a worthwhile charity since I wasn’t in line to follow the dream they had for me.

  Love is the most complex in my life.

  I have loved one woman. I still love her with every cell of my being.

  My heart beats for her. My future belongs to her.

  Yet, here I am, at the East River wondering what the hell I’m supposed to do next.

  I touched down at La Guardia an hour ago.

  I went home and then hit the sidewalk in running shorts and shoes.

  This is where I landed, looking out over the water that used to be my oasis.

  Katie is that now.

  I want to be that for her, but I don’t know if life is going to allow it.

  Madison is set on settling down in Los Angeles. She’s looking for a job and a place to live.

  Perry is hanging back to start a new life in London, so Madison agreed to grant me as much time as I want with Kristin.


  Her plan is simple.

  I move into a place close to them and we pick up where we left off in Nashville before Perry dropped back into the picture.

  Kristin will still visit him twice a year, but Madison and I will be her caregivers.

  It’s not going to be easy since I’ve built a life in Manhattan.

  I spot Gus walking toward me. I raise a hand in greeting. He responds in kind.

  “You’ve been MIA.” He pats my shoulder as he passes behind me on his way to the bench. “Where did life take you, Gage?”

  “Back to California.”

  “You went to see your folks?”

  Gus knows I grew up out west. I haven’t gotten into the details about my complicated relationship with my parents.

  They love their granddaughter.

  They’d love their son more if he were a doctor and not a bartender.

  “My daughter,” I correct him taking a seat next to him.

  “Kristin.”

  I’m surprised that he remembers her name.

  “How’s your girl?” He taps my knee. “I bet she’s growing like a weed.”

  He’s never seen a picture of her. He has no idea how old she is yet he’s interested.

  I suspect that stems from the lack of a family in his life.

  “She’ll be as tall as me soon,” I joke.

  “Time slips by in the blink of an eye.” He winks at me. “How’s Katie been?”

  Supportive. I’d bet my last dollar that she’s also confused and concerned.

  I need to see her. I have to explain where things stand with Kristin.

  “Beautiful.” I smile at him.

  “Bring her around.” He crosses his legs. The hem of his pants slides up, revealing a brown sock with holes.

  His shoes look to be about a size nine.

  I store that to memory so I can pick up a raincoat and socks. A sun hat wouldn’t hurt on mornings like this.

  “You’ll be here tomorrow?” I ask as I push to stand.

  “If that’s God’s plan you’ll find me here.” He gazes out over the water. “Whatever is troubling you, look to Katie for the answer.”

  “Who says I’m troubled?”

  He looks up into my face. “It’s not just words that tell a story, Gage. Your eyes give you away.”

  I shove a hand at him. “You’re the wisest man I’ve ever know, Gus.”

  He takes my hand in both of his. “You’re the kindest I’ve ever met so I’d say we’re even.”

  ***

  I watch through the glass window at the front of Katie Rose Bridal as Katie consoles Annalise.

  I’m not shocked that she’s back with her wedding gown in her hands. I am surprised that she’s here this early. The store doesn’t open for another twenty minutes.

  Some might say it’s my fault that Annalise is facing the end of her engagement, but I did what needed to be done.

  I called Myles when I was in Los Angeles, and we talked.

  I reminded him about my mistakes with Katie and the loss that I carried with me for years.

  He brushed it off, telling me that his situation is different than mine.

  I pulled out the big guns and brought up the bachelor party.

  I asked him to consider Annalise in this and whether it was fair to marry her if he still loved Karen.

  He told me to mind my own fucking business.

  Katie glances at the windows, her gaze catching on me. She looks beautiful in the white dress she’s wearing. Her hair is pulled up into a high ponytail.

  I give the handle on the door a tug. It’s unlocked so I walk in.

  “That’s a great idea, Kate. I’ll donate the gown today. I love the idea of someone else having a chance to wear it,” Annalise says before she looks in my direction. “Gage?”

  “Annalise,” I answer back.

  She drops the gown and rushes at me, launching into my arms. “Thank you. Thank you a million times over.”

  I step back to study her face. “Thank you?”

  She glances back at the crumpled dress on the floor. “I knew that he didn’t love me, but I got so caught up in the idea of the big wedding, the gown, some kids in the future… all of it.”

  Katie moves closer to where we’re standing. The expression on her face is unreadable.

  Fuck. This can’t be easy for her. I didn’t leave her because I loved another woman, but still, she was left with a wedding dress and no groom to exchange vows with.

  “Myles told me that you talked to him.” Annalise wrings her hands together in front of her. The left is missing her massive engagement ring. “You told him to be honest with me, didn’t you?”

  “I told him to be honest with himself.” I lock eyes with Katie. “I have some experience with that.”

  Annalise’s gaze volleys between Katie and I. “I want a man who looks at me the same way you look at Kate. That’s what I’m waiting for.”

  “You’ll find it,” I assure her.

  “I hope you two know how lucky you are.” She looks to Katie before her eyes land on me. “One day you’re going to make beautiful babies together.”

  A pained sound escapes Katie as her hands dart to her face.

  Her knees give out, but I’m on her before she reaches the floor. I scoop her into my arms and carry her to a bench.

  “I’m going to go,” Annalise whispers somewhere behind us.

  Katie sobs into my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Gage. I’m so sorry.”

  For what? What the fuck does this woman have to be sorry for?

  “No,” I whisper as I hold her against me. “I’m sorry. I’m the one who fucked up the best thing that ever happened to me.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whimpers.

  “Katie.” I cup my hands around her face, forcing her to look at me. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

  Her bottom lip trembles as she stares into my eyes. “Please forgive me.”

  “For what?” I spit out as tears cloud my vision.

  What the fuck is going on?

  Her voice is strangled as it leaves her lips. “I lost our baby, Gage. It’s my fault that our baby died.”

  Chapter 51

  Kate

  Fear has more power in the darkness than in the light.

  My mom only said that to me once. It was six weeks after I arrived in Manhattan.

  I had called her in a panic one afternoon. She thought I was crying about Gage. She told me that she knew that I was scared about the next steps in my life, but that I’d make it through if I tackled it head-on.

  She was offering advice about my broken heart, but I was facing something life-changing.

  My heart was still aching from the loss of my fiancé, but in a free clinic, three blocks from my apartment on the Upper West Side, a doctor with a graying beard and a thick Scottish accent told me that I was going to be a mom.

  I’d missed my period.

  I didn’t notice at first, but when it dragged into the next month and I realized that I hadn’t bought tampons since I moved to New York, I knew something wasn’t right.

  I attributed it to not eating right, or stress.

  I expected to walk out of the clinic with a stern warning about taking better care of myself.

  Instead, I walked out with a new feeling in my chest.

  It was a different kind of love than what I’d felt for Gage.

  This was peppered with hope and sprinkled with a fierce need to protect.

  I wanted that baby more than I wanted anything other than to be Gage’s wife.

  Just a few weeks later, in a hospital uptown, my dream to be a mom ended after I started bleeding.

  Fear has kept me from telling anyone, until today.

  “You were pregnant?” Gage’s gaze drops to the front of my dress. “When?”

  “I found out after I moved here.” I glance down at the floor. “The doctor said that sometimes the pill doesn’t work if you’re sick. I had caught a cold.”

 
“After we went for that walk in the rain.”

  I nod. “I took some cold medicine. It did something to my birth control.”

  He turns his head, staring out the front windows of the boutique. “A baby. Our baby.”

  “The doctor said it was best to wait to tell anyone until I was three months along.” I push the words out in haste, trying to crowd everything that I’ve wanted to say into a few short sentences. “I didn’t tell anyone. No one knew.”

  His head snaps back. “You didn’t tell anyone?”

  I was mindful of what the doctor said, but it was a secret that I cherished.

  I would spend hours in my apartment thinking about baby names, and where I’d put the crib in my bedroom.

  I window shopped at a baby store two blocks from here.

  I’d stand in front of the display every day, cataloging in my mind everything I needed and wanted for my baby.

  “I was almost twelve weeks when…” I hold back a sob. “I tried my best to take care of him. I wanted to take care of him forever.”

  His control breaks right in front of me. I see it. “It was a boy?”

  I slide my fingers over my cheeks to push away my tears. “It was too early for a sonogram, but I knew. I just knew it was a boy.”

  “Our boy.” He closes his eyes. “Our little boy.”

  “Something happened one morning.”

  I’ve relived that moment in my mind every day since. It was raining. I was wearing heels. I was hurrying. I ran into a woman on the sidewalk.

  I stumbled but didn’t fall.

  Later that day at work, I saw blood in my panties.

  The doctor in the emergency room told me that there wasn’t a heartbeat. She tried to comfort me by explaining it wasn’t my fault and that bumping into a stranger’s shoulder wasn’t what caused my baby to die.

  “What happened?” Concern knits his brow.

  “The doctor said that sometimes a baby’s heart just stops beating. I almost fell that morning. I thought that was why.”

  “No.” His hands jump to my face. “Jesus, Katie, no. It wasn’t your fault.”

  “I would have traded my life for the baby’s life.” I can’t hold in a sob.