My Favorite Souvenir

by Ward, Penelope

  I shook my head. “We need a clean break, Brady. One where we don’t see each other for a while. Don’t have any contact.”

  “Great. So you want me to fuck other people?”

  It felt like someone sliced into my heart. “If that’s what you need to do.”

  Brady rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head. “It was just a kiss. Just a damn birthday kiss.”

  “I’m sorry, Brady.”

  “Whatever.” He shrugged, sounding defeated. “Go, if that’s what you really want.”

  While I hated to leave on such a sour note, I knew it was time to get out of here. I’d never been nervous around Brady, but for a split second there, when he didn’t heed my nudge, it made me realize how much bigger and stronger he was. And I didn’t like that feeling at all. He was upset. I knew that. But it was time to go.

  Brady stood and watched while I went to the closet and grabbed my coat. Thinking it was best to not drag things out, I walked to the front door without trying to talk to him further. I never looked back as I opened the door and walked out. Whatever the future was for Brady and me, it was not in the past, and that’s where we seemed to be stuck. It was time I gave myself permission to let go, decide what I wanted for myself, and see where life took me.

  • • •

  I walked for over an hour.

  It was cold out, but somehow I didn’t feel it. Once I stepped out of Brady’s building, I turned right and just walked and walked and walked. After a while I didn’t have even a vague idea where I was. But I wasn’t in Brady’s apartment anymore, and at the moment, that felt right.

  Maybe I had been giving Brady mixed signals. I couldn’t be sure. Every time I played back what had transpired tonight in my head, the only thing crystal clear was the memory of my heart racing as I shoved Brady off of me. Everything else was a blur. So rather than continue to focus on what had happened, I decided to concentrate on what would come next.

  Before, even though I might not have been dating Brady anymore, that felt more like a technicality. Somehow I’d still been tethered to him in a way that spending time with anyone else made me feel disloyal. But now, that tether had been severed. It was truly the first time in four years that I was free.

  Of course, that didn’t mean my feelings for Brady disappeared, because they didn’t. Nor did it mean I wanted to jump into something else. Besides, whatever was going on between Matteo and me, I knew it couldn’t happen while I was running away from Brady. Matteo was a man who deserved to have a woman running toward him because she wanted to—not because she needed to get away from something else.

  That being said, Felicity had also been right. I needed to spend some time with Matteo. Not on an adventure, but just living our ordinary lives, to see if that changed the way I thought I felt about him. And now that the shackles were off, maybe I could do that. I’d never really been with him without Brady being at the forefront of my mind.

  I turned right at some corner, and my cell phone buzzed from my purse. Taking it out, I saw a New York City number, but one I didn’t recognize. I swiped to answer anyway.

  “Hello?”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Matteo?”

  “Yeah. I’m calling from the front desk at the hotel. I didn’t want my cell phone number to flash on your phone and Brady to see it. But it’s late. You’d said you’d probably be leaving by about ten, and I was getting worried about you.”

  I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I should have called. I’m fine. I just went for a walk.”

  “A walk? By yourself?”

  “Yeah.” I sighed. “I needed to clear my head.”

  I stopped walking for the first time and looked around. But nothing looked familiar, and I couldn’t make out the street sign up ahead from this far away. “I’m not sure where I am.”

  “I did that the other day. I walked out of my hotel and just kept going. I had no idea where I was, and I didn’t really care. But it’s getting late now. So I’m not sure if it’s such a good idea for you to be walking around the city aimlessly while in a fog thinking.”

  “What time is it?”

  “It’s almost eleven thirty.”

  Wow. I’d gotten to Brady’s apartment at seven thirty. Dinner couldn’t have been more than two hours. I would’ve guessed I’d been walking for about a half hour, but apparently it was more like two.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

  “Are you okay, Hazel? Did something happen that made you take the long walk?”

  “No. Well, yes. No… I mean, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

  “Where are you? I’ll come to wherever you are, and we can talk about what’s on your mind.”

  “It’s okay. I can just grab an Uber to you. At least if I call for a car it will know where I am.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah. But do you think we could talk in your room? I know you were trying to avoid that, but I really just want to take off my shoes and sit with you for a while.”

  “Yeah. Sure. Of course.”

  “Okay. I’m going to call a car now. I’ll see you in a little while. What room are you in?”

  “713.”

  “Okay. See you soon.”

  Chapter 23

  * * *

  Matteo

  Hazel arrived just as room service was leaving. Her nose and cheeks were bright red from the cold, and she looked a little lost.

  “Hey.”

  She practically ran into my arms. It felt so good to hold her. I hadn’t realized how tense I’d been all day until I felt the equivalent of a giant sigh roll through my body. Hazel’s hair smelled so good, and she just fit so perfectly under my chin. We stayed glued to each other for a solid five minutes. I stroked her hair with one hand and held her close with the other while she clung to me. But the desperation in her touch had me concerned, and I needed to see her face to know she was really okay.

  Pulling back, I cupped her cold cheeks in my hands. Her teeth were chattering. “Are you okay? What’s going on?”

  She smiled sadly. “I’m fine. Freezing suddenly, but okay. It’s funny, I walked for a long time and didn’t feel the cold at all. But now it seems to have caught up to me.”

  “I figured you might need to thaw out, so I ordered a carafe of hot chocolate. Let me pour you some.”

  Hazel had on a dress and high heels. Her legs were bare, and she’d said on the phone that she wanted to take off her shoes. So I poured her a steaming mug of hot chocolate and lifted my chin toward her feet. “Do you want a pair of socks or something?”

  She sipped the hot cocoa. “I’d love that. Actually, do you have a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt I could borrow, too, maybe?

  I loved the thought of her wearing my clothes. “Yeah, of course.”

  Digging into my luggage, I searched for something clean. I’d gone through most of my stuff by now, but I still had a fresh pair of socks and an unworn pair of sweats. I was out of clean T-shirts, but I held up one I’d only worn for a few hours the other day.

  “This is all I have left. I wore it, but just for a few hours. It wasn’t to the gym or anything.”

  Hazel smiled and took the clothes from my hands. “Pretty sure I’d wear your smelly gym clothes if it meant I got to change into something comfortable and sit down and enjoy this hot chocolate.”

  While she went into the bathroom to get changed, I poured myself a cup of hot cocoa and clicked off the TV. Hazel emerged a few minutes later, looking freaking adorable. The first smile I’d had in days spread across my cheeks. “You look really cute.”

  She glanced down. My sweatpants were rolled at the bottom and top. The T-shirt was so big that she didn’t even really need the pants to cover herself. It hung down to her knees.

  “You’re sweet. But I think I could’ve worn this with my mud mask as a deterrent.”

  I grinned. “Trust me. You wearing my clothes is the exact opposite of a deterrent.”

  S
he smiled.

  I looked around the room. It was nothing but bed and a lone chair stuck in the corner. And the chair held my luggage, because otherwise there wasn’t even enough space for me to walk to the window.

  “Do you want me to move my luggage so you can sit on the chair?”

  She shook her head. “Can we just sit on the bed together? Maybe I can put my feet under the covers? They’re still freezing.”

  “Yeah, of course. Let’s get you into bed and warmed up.”

  Hazel climbed up onto the bed and sat with her back against the headboard. She snuggled under the covers and patted the bed next to her. “Come sit.”

  I took a seat, but toward the foot end of the bed, and I lifted the blanket from the bottom. “Give me your dogs. I’ll warm them up.”

  Taking one of her little feet in my hand, I could feel the cold radiating through the socks. So I rubbed like I was trying to start a fire with a stick through friction.

  “How’s that?”

  “That really works!”

  After a while, I put down the first foot and picked up the other. “So talk to me. Did something happen between you and Brady tonight?”

  Hazel sipped her hot chocolate and nodded.

  “Do you want to tell me about it?”

  “Not really. He just…” She looked down at her hands. “I don’t think I was doing either of us a favor by spending time with him. He apparently thought my head was in a different place than it was and... Well, I told him I couldn’t see him anymore. Not until I figured some things out.”

  It was like I’d been carrying around a boulder on my shoulders and someone had lifted it for the first time. She wasn’t saying she’d ended things for good, but at least I didn’t have to sit around wondering what the hell the two of them were doing anymore. That had been tearing me up inside, particularly today. Though I couldn’t imagine Brady took that news well, especially on his birthday. It hit me for the first time that Hazel would never have gone over there on Brady’s birthday to break things off, so something big had to have gone down between them.

  She was still avoiding my eyes, so I leaned forward, put two fingers under her chin, and gently lifted. “What did he do?”

  Hazel frowned. “How do you know he did something?”

  “Because I know you. You weren’t going to hand him his walking papers on his birthday unless he fucked up royally.” The muscle in my jaw flexed. “Did he…hurt you in any way?”

  She looked down again. “No, I’m fine.”

  We sat there quiet for a few long moments. A hundred different things spun through my head. He had to have done something pretty shitty. The longer she kept quiet, the worse the shit I imagined became. If he laid one hand on her…

  Hazel reached over and covered my hands. I looked down to find them in fists. I watched as she gently unfurled my fingers and laced her hand with mine.

  “Matteo?”

  I looked up.

  She smiled, looking into my eyes. “Could I come home with you?”

  “Home with me? You mean to Seattle?”

  She nodded.

  “I’d love that. When?”

  Her smile was sheepish. “I’m free tomorrow night. If that’s not being too forward.”

  “What about your work?”

  “I only have one more shoot tomorrow. Then things are always dead for me until after the holidays. That’s the way the schedule runs in my business. Since I do mostly school photography, I’m really busy at certain times, like the beginning of the year and the spring. Then I get a lot of downtime when the schools go on break.”

  “You really want to come to Seattle?”

  “I do. I can stay for a few days and leave before Christmas. I want to see where you live. I want to see the places you go to spend your free time, meet some of your friends, see where you work… I even want to meet Bach.”

  I smiled. “You want to meet my cat?”

  Her face lit up. “I do! You’ve met Abbott. I think it’s only fair.”

  I’d gone from wanting to beat the shit out of someone, to feeling like I just won the lottery in the span of five minutes.

  “Come here.” I opened my arms, and she crawled over into my lap. I pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “I would love to take you home with me.”

  “Then let’s do it!”

  I felt like the luckiest man alive. My girl was free and coming home with me. The only problem was: How the hell was I ever going to let her leave once she did? And would I ever be able to look my friend in the eye again?

  • • •

  Being at the airport with Hazel the next day felt downright nostalgic. It was as if the past couple of weeks had never happened, and we could just be Milo and Maddie Hooker again—in spirit, at least.

  Hazel had booked the last available seat on my flight. Luck was on our side, and I could only hope that continued once we landed out west.

  Last night, we’d fallen asleep in each other’s arms, the shitty and exhausting experience she’d had over at Brady’s thwarting any potential of something happening in that hotel room. Which was for the best. Even though she was on an alleged break from Brady, I needed to proceed with caution. It ain’t over till it’s over.

  As we stood in line to board, I still couldn’t believe she was coming home with me. It felt like a dream. Although, the fact that Brady kept calling her phone was the reality check and reminder that we were never really in La La Land anymore.

  She kept letting his calls go to voicemail.

  “What are you going to tell him?”

  “You mean about where I’m traveling?”

  “Yeah.”

  She blew out a breath. “Right now, I’m avoiding having to lie to him. I’ll probably text him later, letting him know that I went away to think. There’s no good way to lie to anyone, but I told him I needed a break, so I’m not sure why he’s continuing to call.”

  “Well, he probably regrets letting you walk away like that.”

  A little pang of guilt hit me all of a sudden. That seemed to happen in waves. But then I’d remember what I knew about Brady cheating on her, and that would help curb the guilt. I still struggled with whether to tell her what I’d discovered. But ultimately, I knew why I hadn’t. I needed to make sure she made the decision she truly wanted in her heart without my influencing it. If she chose me only because of Brady’s infidelity, how would I ever know I was the one? The uncertainty would kill me.

  If she ended up choosing him, I’d probably figure out a way to tell her, though—because once a cheater, always a cheater. I’d deal with that when the time came.

  We were still standing in line when Hazel turned to me.

  “So, what’s their story?”

  I looked around at the swarms of people, remembering the game we used to play at airports. “Who’s our target today?”

  She gripped my shirt and pulled me close. “These people. Us. What’s their deal?”

  I paused. “Oh, these two crazy people? They’re running away for a while.”

  “Why?” she asked.

  “Because their reality is crazier than any fantasy. But they handle life better when they’re together. And they missed that feeling.”

  She smiled.

  “He just hopes she doesn’t want to turn around and head back home when she realizes how small his apartment is.”

  “I thought you were going to finish that sentence a different way.” Hazel laughed.

  When it hit me what she was referring to, I smiled. “Oh no. My apartment is the only thing you’ll find too small. I can assure you of that.”

  Chapter 24

  * * *

  Hazel

  Despite his warning, Matteo’s studio apartment was definitely smaller than I’d imagined. But because it had three windows, it didn’t feel so claustrophobic.

  I looked around as he wheeled our suitcases to a corner.

  “This place is cute.”

  He raised his forehead. “Code
word for tiny and stifling?”

  To the left was a small kitchenette. To the right was the living area. A guitar stood upright against the wall, and a shelf housed dozens of vinyl records.

  “It’s small...but it’s you.”

  “Please don’t associate the word small with anything having to do with me.” He winked.

  “Sorry.” I laughed. “What I meant is, it has your personality.”

  “It’s what I can afford if I want to be in the middle of the action downtown. Most one-bedroom apartments in this area go for about triple the rent, so I figured I’d make due with a studio. It’s really only cramped when I have people over, which I rarely do.”

  I peeked out his window at the city. “I’m really looking forward to seeing Seattle.”

  “Tomorrow we can see whatever you want. Everything is within walking distance.”

  I turned to him. “It’s also perfectly fine if we don’t sightsee, by the way. I can imagine you have a lot to catch up on after being away for so long. I can help with anything you need around here. We should go food shopping and stuff.”

  “Yeah, I have absolutely nothing in the fridge. We can do that, but I’m not gonna put you to work, Hazel. This is supposed to be a vacation for you.”

  “Actually, it’s not, Matteo, remember? I want to experience life with you as it is. So, yes, while I’d love to see Seattle at least one day, the rest of the time, just do what you normally would do without me here. That likely doesn’t include sightseeing. I’ll just go along for the ride.”

  “So, you want me to sit around scratching my stomach like Al Bundy from Married with Children while eating pork rinds and watching TV?”

  “If that’s what you do, sure.” I shrugged.

  His tone turned serious. “This trip is a test in a sense, isn’t it? To see if there’s something about my life that turns you off?”

  I hated that he thought that. “That’s not it at all. Please don’t feel that way.”

  “Well, it is a competition, isn’t it?”

  His change in mood surprised me. But I guess it was stupid of me to expect him to display no frustration, given this messed-up situation.