Time to Say Goodbye

by Rosie Goodwin

  He drew her down onto the straw and when his hand found her breast and started to tease her nipple she gasped with pleasure as she experienced feelings she had never known existed. Soon she was naked, and as his hands roved across her soft flesh she groaned with anticipation. She knew what she was doing was wrong; Sunday had always drummed into both her and Livvy that they should never allow a man to go too far with them before they had a ring on their finger. But this was Ben, the man she had loved all her life and it felt right. Her mother would be horrified if she were ever to find out what was happening between them, but his soft feather kisses were leaving a trail of fire across her flat stomach and when she felt his hand slip between her legs she sighed with pleasure as his fingers slid inside her. Then he parted her legs and climbed on top of her and as he penetrated her, she gasped and closed her eyes tight as he began to buck on top of her.

  Sometime later, as she lay with her head on his bare chest listening to his heartbeat, she smiled with satisfaction. After all the years she had worshipped him he was finally hers, all hers, and she was his. Surely he’d have to marry her now and make her dreams come true? She wouldn’t allow herself to think what her mother would say about such a thing – she was determined that nothing should spoil the moment, it was just too special. It was the first time she had ever given herself to a man and she was wondering what all the hoo-hah the young nurses at work talked of was all about. She had enjoyed the foreplay and the closeness, admittedly, but the act itself had been rather painful and over very quickly. Perhaps sex was like a good wine, and improved with time?

  However, while she was quite happy to lie there in the afterglow of their loving, Ben seemed to have other ideas and, rising abruptly, he told her curtly, ‘You’d best get dressed. They’ll be wondering where you are over at the house.’

  She stood up quickly and began to throw her clothes on as colour burned into her cheeks. Suddenly it felt as if Ben couldn’t get rid of her quickly enough.

  ‘D-did you never guess how I felt about you?’ she asked softly, hoping to recapture the moment as she struggled with the buttons on her dress and tried to untangle the bits of straw from her thick, dark hair.

  ‘Why should I have?’ His voice was abrupt, and she felt hurt.

  ‘S-so, what happens now?’

  He scowled as he snapped his braces into place and raked his fingers through his thatch of hair. ‘Nothing happens. We go on as before, of course,’ he answered tersely. ‘Do you really think your mother would accept anything else? We’ve been brought up as older brother and little sister.’

  ‘I know, but we’re not, though, are we? So why shouldn’t we make a life together?’

  ‘Whoa there,’ he exclaimed, holding his hand up as if to ward her off, much as he might have done to one of the horses. ‘We’d be best to keep this to ourselves.’

  Tears welled in Kathy’s eyes as she absorbed the pain of his words. ‘But surely what just happened between us meant something to you?’ There was a catch in her voice, but it did nothing to soften him, and he turned away and headed for the loft hatch.

  Kathy had no choice but to scramble after him. As she descended the ladder the sweet smell of hay and horseflesh met her, but Ben was already striding towards the door.

  ‘Sh-shall I come over and see you here when I get back from the hospital tomorrow?’ she asked hopefully.

  ‘You come to the stables every night,’ he pointed out and then he was gone, his boots striking the cobblestones in the stable yard.

  She stood quite still, until she heard him enter the house and only then did she allow the tears she had held back to fall. But it wasn’t over yet, she silently vowed. Now that he finally knew how she felt about him she would make him love her too if it was the last thing she did!

  When Kathy came down to breakfast the next morning, all prim and proper in her nurse’s uniform, Ben was sitting drinking tea. The second she appeared he hastily drained his cup and strode from the room without giving her so much as a second look.

  ‘Somebody got outta bed the wrong side this morning,’ Cissie commented wryly, cocking her head towards the door. ‘I really don’t know what gets into him lately. But now what do yer fancy fer breakfast? There’s some porridge, or I could do yer some bacon an’ eggs?’

  ‘I, er … I’m not hungry thanks, Cissie,’ Kathy said, her cheeks flaming. ‘In fact, I think I’m late so I’d better be off. Bye for now.’ And with that she was gone like a bullet from a gun, leaving Cissie to shake her head.

  The nights were beginning to draw in and it was already getting dark when Kathy returned from her shift that evening. As she had been about to leave the hospital an emergency had been admitted and she and David had both stayed behind to help deal with it so they were much later than they should have been. David had given her a lift home in his car, which was his pride and joy. They were supposed to have been going to the picture house, but Kathy had pleaded a headache, so after giving him a peck on the cheek she got out of the car and watched his car lights disappear down the drive before entering the house.

  ‘Oh, you’re earlier than I expected – what happened to the pictures?’ Sunday greeted her. ‘We’ve kept your dinner warm in the oven, everyone else has eaten.’

  ‘Our plans changed, so sorry for ruining your evening,’ Kathy snapped as she flung her cape over the back of a chair. ‘We had an emergency appendix case come in just as me and David were about to leave so we stopped to help get him ready for theatre.’

  Sunday glanced across her shoulder as she carried Kathy’s dinner to the table. ‘Is that why you decided not to go to the pictures after all?’

  ‘I have a headache, so he’s gone home for an early night.’

  Kathy didn’t really have much of an appetite, but she supposed she should at least make an effort to eat something if Cissie had gone to the trouble of cooking it for her. Her thoughts had been on Ben and what had happened between them last night all day and as if she could read her mind, Sunday told her, ‘Ben is over at the stables. Midnight’s foal is due any time, so I dare say he’ll be spending most of his time with her now till it arrives, and Livvy has gone out with her friends from work.’

  ‘Mm.’ Kathy mumbled as she attacked the chop on her plate. It had dried up considerably and was as tough as old boots, but she forced a mouthful down.

  ‘Jamie and Flora came to see me today,’ Sunday rambled on. ‘Apparently Constance is pregnant. It’ll be their first grandchild.’ She beamed happily. ‘So that makes me almost a great-grandmother!’ Jamie was another person who Sunday had brought up since he was a small child and she was very close to him and his wife who lived in a small cottage in Hartshill village.

  ‘That’s nice.’ Kathy tried another mouthful, sure that she would need a new set of teeth if she tried to eat it all. Eventually she gave up and apologised, ‘Sorry, Mum, I’m afraid with this headache I’m not really very hungry.’

  Instantly concerned, Sunday whipped her plate away. ‘It is a bit shrivelled,’ she admitted. ‘How about I make you a nice sandwich instead?’

  When Kathy shook her head, she sighed. ‘Then if you’re not feeling grand get yourself upstairs to bed and I’ll bring you a cup of tea and a nice hot-water bottle.’

  Kathy smiled tiredly. ‘Thanks, but there’s no need to fuss. I think I’ll get changed and go and see if Ben needs a hand. The fresh air might help clear my head.’

  Sunday nodded as Kathy left the room before turning her attention to the dirty pots in the sink as yet another lonely night stretched ahead of her. Cissie and George had already gone home to their cottage. Livvy wouldn’t be in till late if Sunday knew her, and once Kathy was with Ben and the horses, it was doubtful she would be back any time soon. She paused with her hands deep in the soapy water as she gazed towards the window.

  ‘Oh, Tom, I miss you so much,’ she whispered to the empty room, then blinking away tears she forced herself to continue with what she was doing.

  Chapter Seven


  Just as Sunday had predicted, Kathy found Ben in Midnight’s stall. He was tenderly stroking her silky mane and talking soothingly to her as she restlessly pawed at the ground. It was clear that it wouldn’t be long before her foal was born, and she knew that Ben had high hopes for it. Both the mare and the stud had pedigrees as long as her arm, so Ben was expecting the foal to be something very special. If it was it would be worth a great deal of money.

  He suddenly seemed to sense her presence and straightening he inclined his head as she slipped into the stall with him.

  ‘How is she doing?’

  He shrugged. ‘She shouldn’t be long now.’

  An awkward silence stretched between them, until Kathy said quietly, ‘It’s a wonder George hasn’t stayed to help you.’

  ‘He wanted to, but I told him to get off home to Cissie. There’s no point in us both sittin’ up all night.’

  She nodded and, before she could stop herself, she blurted out, ‘I’ve been thinking about you all day.’

  He felt a momentary pang of guilt as he looked at her face but then he hardened his heart as he thought of Sunday. Very soon now his revenge would be complete, and he would hurt her as much as Tom had hurt him when he had chosen to leave Treetops and the business to his wife rather than his only son.

  I bet he wouldn’t have done that if I hadn’t been illegitimate, he thought, and again resentment coursed through his veins like iced water.

  Midnight tossed her head then, interrupting his thoughts, and he warned Kathy, ‘You’d better get on the other side of the door, she’s close and she could kick out.’

  Kathy hastily did as she was told. She knew how unpredictable mares could be when they were giving birth and she didn’t want to get kicked. Ben meanwhile had hurried around to the back of the animal and after lifting her tail he smiled with satisfaction.

  ‘That’s a good girl,’ he crooned as a gush of water flooded out of her. ‘Nearly there now.’

  It never failed to touch Kathy when she saw how tender he could be with the horses, and she made a silent vow that, somehow, she would make him love her as much as he did the animals.

  Twenty minutes later, after a lot of help from Tom, Midnight gave birth to a coal-black foal.

  ‘It’s a little filly,’ Tom said triumphantly as he lifted a handful of straw and began to wipe her before stepping aside so the mother could wash her. ‘I was hoping for a colt but she’s a little beauty all the same. She’ll be worth a small fortune in a few years’ time.’

  He watched as the filly struggled drunkenly to her feet and wobbled towards her mother. Satisfied that all was well now, Ben dried his hands and left the mother and baby to bond, joining Kathy on the other side of the stall.

  ‘She’s just beautiful,’ Kathy whispered as she looked at the foal, transfixed.

  Ben nodded in agreement and they stood side by side admiring the new arrival for a moment.

  ‘Right, I may as well turn in now that’s done,’ Ben suddenly said, and he turned and left without another word.

  Watching him, Kathy had to blink away the tears and compose herself before she dared go back into the house. It was as if the night before had never happened, but she wasn’t ready to give up on him yet – not by a long shot!

  ‘Off out with young Steven again, are you, darling?’ Sunday asked Livvy innocently a few evenings later. ‘That’s the second night this week you’ve seen him, isn’t it?’ Steven was the son of one the partners at the law firm in town where Livvy worked and much in demand with young ladies from what little bit of gossip she had heard. Perhaps he would be the one to steal her heart?

  Livvy giggled as she eyed her mother in the dressing table mirror. ‘Oh, Mum, you’re such a matchmaker. I could almost think you can’t wait to get rid of me!’

  ‘Of course I don’t want to get rid of you,’ Sunday denied. ‘But I would like to see you happily settled before anything happens to me. I’m not getting any younger after all!’

  ‘I’m far too young to think of settling down with anyone just yet. And that’s quite enough of that silly sort of talk,’ Livvy responded heatedly.

  ‘Oh, I wasn’t inferring that I was going to croak it tomorrow.’ Sunday grinned. ‘But I would like to see any grandchildren you might present me with before I do.’

  Deeply annoyed, Livvy tossed her head. She hated it when her mother spoke like that and couldn’t bear to think of a time when she might not be around. She knew only too well that her mother had never been quite the same since the death of her father but that was emotional rather than physical and Livvy hoped that time would be a great healer.

  ‘I’m not even prepared to talk about it anymore,’ Livvy said sullenly and rising from the stool she flounced out of the room, saying over her shoulder, ‘Don’t bother waiting up for me. I shall probably be in late.’

  Sunday listened to Livvy clumping down the stairs followed by the sound of the front door slamming before crossing to the window. She was just in time to see a car, driven by a very striking-looking young man, pull up outside just as Livvy appeared and hopped in beside him. She watched as the car roared down the drive before turning and making her way downstairs. Kathy was working a late shift at the hospital and it looked like another lonely evening lay ahead of her.

  She was surprised to find Ben drinking tea and smoking at the kitchen table. Since his father had died, he had taken to spending most of his time in his bedroom when he wasn’t working either in the stables or in the gardens and when she entered the room he instantly stood up, stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray and turned towards the back door.

  ‘Don’t go, Ben.’ Her voice stayed him, and he turned slowly to scowl at her.

  ‘Did you want something?’

  ‘No … but it isn’t often we get a minute alone nowadays.’ She smiled at him. ‘I thought we could have a chat while I join you for a cup of tea. Is there any left in the pot?’

  He grudgingly sat back down as he nodded and when she had poured herself a cup, she joined him at the table.

  He seemed reluctant to even look at her so after a moment she asked softly, ‘Is something bothering you, Ben?’

  ‘No! Should it be?’

  Sunday sighed. She knew he was still grieving for his father, but didn’t he realise she was grieving for Tom too? If only he would talk to her they could comfort each other. The atmosphere between them was so thick she could have cut it with a knife, but she didn’t know how to change it.

  ‘If there was anything worrying you, you know I’m always here for you,’ she said tentatively, but once again he rose from his seat and, this time, he had no intention of sitting back down.

  ‘Look, I have work to do,’ he said curtly, and without another word he left the room, slamming the door resoundingly behind him.

  ‘Damn woman!’ he muttered to himself as he headed towards the stables; yet he couldn’t help but feel a small stab of guilt. He immediately hardened his heart and a little smile played around his lips as he thought of what he was about to do. He would be away from this place for good soon and suddenly it couldn’t come quickly enough and then Sunday would have all the time in the world to spoil her darling girls!

  His thoughts returned to Kathy. In truth he’d thought of little else since the night they had laid together and he had battled with his conscience, but that was behind him now. She would be just another means of getting revenge on Sunday before he left. And after all, it had been her who had almost thrown herself at him. Thinking of her taut young body made him harden and he rubbed the bulge in his trousers. Grinning, he entered the stables and began to settle the horses in their stalls. Maybe he’d wait up for her to get back.

  Much later as he was relaxing in his bedroom, Ben heard a car door slam when Kathy returned from her shift and, hurrying to the window, he watched her climb out of David’s car. He had obviously given her a lift home but thankfully he pulled away as soon as Kathy entered the house. Slipping from his room he hurried d
own the stairs in time to see her hanging her cape on the coat stand in the hallway.

  ‘Oh … hello, Ben.’ She had thought everyone would be in bed and looked mildly surprised to see him.

  She looked tired and slightly nervous as she peered at him. He had been avoiding her like the plague ever since the night she had told him of her feelings for him but now he was smiling.

  ‘I thought I heard you come in. Come through to the kitchen. I’ll make you a cup of cocoa. Your mother is in bed.’

  She followed him silently into the kitchen and once he had switched the light on and placed some milk to heat on the hob, he walked across to her and began to unfasten the pins that held her cap in place.

  ‘I … I don’t understand,’ she whispered, but there was no time to say any more before he kissed her roughly on the mouth.

  When they finally broke apart her eyes were shining. ‘Does this mean you don’t regret what happened between us?’ she dared to ask eventually. He hurried over to the stove and lifted the milk off the hob, then soundlessly took her hand and led her up the stairs to his room.

  Once inside, his hand fumbled at the buttons on her uniform and, once he had undressed her and laid her on the bed, she gave herself to him willingly. She had dreamed of this since she had been a little girl and for now no one else in the world mattered but him.

  Chapter Eight

  ‘Have you seen the papers this mornin’?’ Cissie asked Sunday when she entered the kitchen one cold and blustery morning in October with George close behind her. He did love his cup of tea before he started work.

  ‘No, I haven’t.’ Sunday yawned. She had barely had time to wake up let alone read the papers.

  ‘That Wallis Simpson has divorced her husband, Ernest.’ Cissie shook her head in disgust. ‘Didn’t I tell yer she had designs on the king?’