A Secret of the Heart (Amish Secrets--Book 3)

by J. E. B. Spredemann

  Lillianna and Thomas both inched closer.

  “I know the Amish are hard workers and are good with children. I’m in desperate need of a nanny for my children and someone to do light housekeeping. If you agree to work for my wife and me for a year, I will pay Thomas’ medical expenses.”

  Lillianna’s jaw dropped. “You would pay for his treatments?”

  “It would be a full-time, live-in job, so your room and meals are included. But my home is in Virginia. Does that sound like something you’d be interested in?”

  Lillianna’s face beamed. This is an answer to prayer!

  Thomas spoke up. “Do you mind if we discuss this first?”

  “Of course not. The decision is yours. Let me call my wife, though, to make sure she hasn’t already found someone for the position.”

  Thomas pulled Lillianna to the side. “You don’t have to do this, Lil.”

  “Tommy, he’s going to pay for all your medical treatments.”

  “I know, but an entire year? I don’t want you to give up an entire year of your life because of me.”

  “I would consider it an honor to do this for you, Tommy. I love you. I want you well. Besides, I love kinner. It wouldn’t be a difficult job for me at all,” she reasoned.

  “What will your folks say?” He frowned.

  She shrugged. “How else would we get the money? I think this is an answer from God. What else could it be?”

  “A coincidence.”

  “Coincidence? You’ve got to be kidding. This is God, Tommy, and I think you know it.”

  He shrugged. “Think what you want. I admit that it’s a great opportunity.”

  “What more would you like God to do for you, Thomas?”

  He put a hand out to halt her words. “Not now, Lil.”

  “Okay, but I’m going to tell that man yes.”

  Thomas pasted on a fake smile. “Enemas, here I come. I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.”

  Lillianna crossed her arms and frowned at him. “Thomas Girod,” she warned.

  “All right, let’s go tell him.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Lillianna’s mind swirled with emotion as she thought of telling her folks what she had planned. What were they going to say? She gave the pot of soup one more stir, inhaling the delicious aroma, and placed it on the table along with a loaf of bread Mamm had made earlier this morning.

  She glanced up and caught Tommy’s wink when the family sat around the table. Dat said the prayer, and then each person began helping themselves to the nourishment in front of them. Lillianna’s hands felt clammy knowing she needed to speak up. She wiped her hands on her dress and took a bite of bread to try to calm herself.

  “How did the fundraiser go today?” Dat asked.

  Whew! This was the perfect time to tell her folks. “We didn’t do very well, but a man came by.” She glanced up at Thomas, then rushed on. “He made us a good offer.”

  Her father looked up. “Offer?”

  She swallowed. “Jah, he asked what the car wash was for and we told him about Tommy’s treatments. He said that if I come to work for him for a year then he would pay for all of Thomas’ medical expenses.” Lillianna gave each of her folks a pleading look.

  “A year is a long time. And you have your classes coming up,” her mother said.

  Her father glanced at Thomas and shook his head. “I don’t think that is a good idea. You do not know this man.”

  “He is a congressman,” she said.

  Her father shook his head.

  “But how else will we get the money?” Lillianna cried.

  “I don’t know.” Her father shrugged.

  “But Dat, Tommy needs his treatments now! He doesn’t have a lot of time.”

  Dat gave her a look of warning. Raising one’s voice was not permitted. “You have my answer.”

  She looked to her mother. “Mamm?”

  “You heard what your father said.”

  Thomas spoke up, a look of resignation on his face. “Lil, it’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not okay. I’m not going to just let you die, Tommy! I won’t do it.” Lillianna pushed her chair back and ran out of the dining room. How could Mamm and Dat be so uncaring? How could they just let Tommy die? Do they not care just because Tommy’s Englisch? She suspected her last thought to be the truth.

  “Lil,” Tommy approached the porch swing and sat down next to her. He took her hand in his.

  “I’m going to do it anyway. They can’t keep me here.”

  He chuckled. “Come here, my little warrior princess.” Tommy pulled her close. “No one would ever mark you for a coward.”

  “I don’t want to lose you.” Lillianna sobbed. “I’m going to go work for Congressman Stevenson.”

  “I wish I knew some other way.” He sighed, and then shot up when he had a thought. “I have an idea. Let’s not wait, Lil. Let’s get married now.”

  Lillianna’s jaw dropped. “Married? Now?”

  “Yes. We can marry next week and enjoy a whole week together before I go in for treatment. What do you say?”

  “But you’re not Amish.”

  “Neither are you. It’s perfect.” He paced the porch.

  “But my family,” she protested. “If I become Englisch, they’ll shun me.”

  “Trust me, Lil. After you’ve been living in that Englischer’s fancy house for a year, you’re not going to want to go back to the Amish,” he reasoned. “Besides, if you haven’t joined the church, you won’t be shunned. You know that.”

  “I know. It’s just that…” She hung her head.

  His exuberance deflated. “Lil, if you have no desire to marry me or you don’t love me, please say so. If you–”

  “No. You know I love you, Thomas. And I want to marry you. I’m just scared, I guess.”

  Thomas sat back down on the swing, next to Lillianna, and gathered her into his arms. “You have nothing to be scared of.”

  “How can you say that? You might die soon, Tommy!” She couldn’t help the tear that trickled down her cheek.

  “Well, look on the bright side. If I die, you can always join the Amish again. And you can remarry some Amish guy.” He chuckled.

  “I don’t think that’s funny, Thomas.”

  He lifted her chin and gazed into her troubled eyes. “If I live, we get to spend every day of our lives together, and maybe even have a family of our own someday. How does that sound?”

  “Wonderful.”

  He smoothed her hair. “Lil, let’s just take one day at a time. Today has enough problems of its own without us heaping on a bunch more. Don’t borrow trouble, the interest is too high.”

  “You’re quoting the Amish and the Bible? Hmm…maybe there’s hope for you yet.”

  “I wouldn’t hold my breath.”

  “No, you wouldn’t. Because then you’ll die and find out that there actually is a God Who you’ve been denying.”

  “Ouch, that wasn’t nice.”

  “And not saying anything and allowing you to go to Hell is?”

  “Enough. Point taken.”

  Lillianna sighed. “What am I going to do with you?”

  “Marry me, hopefully?”

  “I’m not ready yet, Thomas.”

  “Why?”

  “Well, because. There are just so many things that we need to work through first. We don’t believe the same things. I…I’m just not ready. If I marry, I need total peace about it.”

  “Will you please wait for me then?”

  “Of course. I already told you I would. Do you doubt my word?”

  He shook his head. “Just worried, I guess. A lot could happen in a year. We’ll be so far apart.”

  “Tommy, I can’t imagine marrying anyone but you.”

  He bent down and pressed his lips to hers. “Nor I, you.”

  “I love you.”

  “I know. And I’m going to be dreaming about you every day that I’m gone.”

  CHAPTER TWELV
E

  Carolanne and Samuel had returned from their trip to California last week. They’d had a wonderful gut time, Carolanne had said, but Lillianna detected weakness in her voice. Her once- vibrant skin seemed sallow; a sure sign her health was failing.

  Lillianna wished with all her being that Carolanne would’ve tried the treatments Thomas would soon be undergoing, but she’d refused. She was certain her death was God’s will and Lilly knew there was no way to change her mind. She’d tried to reason with her, and even talked to Samuel as well. He wished she’d do something too, but he let her have her way. Lillianna realized that Samuel would probably take Carolanne to the moon and back if that was what she wanted and he had the means to make it a reality.

  Every day since they’d been home, Lillianna visited Carolanne. Each day it seemed that Carolanne’s health grew worse. It wouldn’t be long before her best friend was gone from this life. Since she knew these were Carolanne’s final days, she’d called Congressman Stevenson and requested a later starting date. Fortunately, he’d agreed. From what Lillianna could see, he seemed like a compassionate man.

  Lilly knocked on the door of the Beachy home and Samuel answered with a half-smile.

  “She’s not looking so well,” he grimaced, permitting Lilly inside.

  “I’m sorry, Samuel.”

  He swallowed and nodded.

  Lillianna slowly walked to the bedroom with Samuel behind her. He pushed on the door and alerted Carolanne to their presence. She looked up from her bed and smiled. Samuel went near and kissed her forehead. “I’ll be back after Lilly leaves, okay?”

  Carolanne nodded.

  He turned to Lillianna. “I’ll be in the schtupp if you need me.”

  “Okay.”

  They both watched as Samuel walked out of the room.

  Lillianna took Carolanne’s hand. “How are you?”

  “Not so gut, but I’ll be better real soon.” Carolanne gave a weak smile.

  “I’m gonna miss you when you’re gone. I wish you could stay.” She sniffled.

  Carolanne shook her head slightly. “I guess you won’t be thinkin’ on Samuel now that you’ve found your Thomas.”

  “Nee, I don’t ‘spect so.”

  “I am happy for you, but…” Carolanne grasped her other hand. “Lilly, if your Thomas does go, you and Samuel will need each other, jah?”

  Lillianna nodded and an understanding passed between them. Knowing these were Carolanne’s last moments, she felt like breaking down in tears. But Carolanne wouldn’t want that. She’d said she didn’t want to die in an atmosphere where everyone was sad, because there was only reason to be joyful. She wasn’t really dying at all. She was passing from one home to another – one that was much more beautiful and magnificent than the one she currently inhabited. So why be gloomy?

  Early the next day, Samuel stopped by the house and notified Lillianna that her friend had passed during the night.

  <><><>

  The next few days seemed to go by in a flurry. She’d helped Carolanne’s mother prepare the body for burial, an honor with which she was pleased to have been bestowed. She’d helped clean and prepare food for the event as well. Many Plain folk attended the funeral and several Englischers as well. Lillianna surmised that they had probably been Carolanne’s customers at her bakeshop. Jah, her friend would be missed by many.

  Poor Samuel seemed somber, as she’d expected. He’d begun pouring all his extra hours into his business, no doubt to take his mind off his wife’s passing. It was a shame they didn’t have any kinner, but she guessed that must’ve been the Lord’s will. Perhaps Samuel wouldn’t have been able to care for them on his own.

  Lillianna recalled her promise to Carolanne on her deathbed. If Thomas didn’t survive, she’d agree to become Samuel’s wife. Now, she wished she had asked Carolanne if Samuel was privy to the idea. Had she asked Samuel the same thing? Did he have any idea what his wife had in mind for him? Lilly didn’t think so.

  <><><>

  An uncomfortable silence hung in the air as the family tended to the morning chores. Soon, Lillianna would be saying goodbye to her family. Most likely, she wouldn’t be seeing them for an entire year. She couldn’t help but feel a little nervous. What would it be like to be away from Dat, Mamm, and her five siblings who were still living at home? Aside from a couple of short trips, she’d been around her family every day of her life. It surely would be an adjustment.

  She’d only been in a couple of Englischers’ homes and felt ill at ease while visiting. Hopefully, the congressman’s home would be different. Lillianna couldn’t imagine becoming comfortable using electric, telephones, and computers regularly, and barely conversing with those around her. The whole idea seemed absurd.

  She swept up the heap of debris on the floor, just prior to the boys and Dat marching in from outside chores. They removed their hats, washed up at the sink near the mudroom, and then took their places at the table. Lillianna quickly washed her hands as well and sat down. Her father bowed his head in silent prayer and the others followed suit.

  Lillianna’s mouth became dry. She felt like she should say something, but what? When would be the next time she shared a meal with her family?

  “You aren’t still planning to go work for that Englischer, are you?” Dat frowned.

  She swallowed. “Jah, Dat. I have to. Thomas needs money for his treatments.”

  “You have already done what you could. Let him find the rest of the money.”

  “But he doesn’t have time to wait. I have to go,” she protested.

  “I do not think this will be gut for you, dochder. Better to stay here and take your vows.”

  “No, Dat. I’m working for money for Thomas’ treatments.”

  “You will go against my command?”

  Lillianna wrung her hands. “I’m leaving at nine o’clock. They are coming to get me.”

  “If you insist on disregarding your father’s and mother’s words, you will not return home.” Her father hadn’t raised his voice, but he might as well have. His words pounded in Lillianna’s ears.

  Her eyes beseeched her mother’s, but Mamm remained silent. She figured Mamm wouldn’t go against Dat’s word, but begged anyhow. How can he force me to make this choice? “Fine. If you can’t understand that Tommy needs me, then maybe I don’t want to come back home!” She threw her napkin on the table and hurried to her bedroom. I can’t believe Dat’s shunning me.

  Two hours later, Lillianna left her childhood home for good, with nary a goodbye from anyone. She desperately hoped her sacrifice would be worth it. It would simply be unbearable to endure this hardship and lose Thomas as well.

  <><><>

  Lillianna entered the limousine in shock. She felt like breaking down in tears, but she couldn’t. She’d already shed so many over Carolanne’s passing and the situation with Thomas, it seemed her tears had run dry. Either that, or she could only sustain so much and her body was on overload.

  She was literally entering a whole new world now, full of forbidden things. She glanced around at the fancy car’s interior. Jah, this was a step up from a horse and buggy. To her dismay, a window rolled down revealing the interior of the front seat.

  “My name is Jones,” the driver informed her.

  “Hello, Jones. My name is Lillianna.”

  He nodded in recognition. “The congressman said to go ahead and enjoy some wine, which is in that black cooler there, and relax. We’ve got a seven-hour drive ahead of us.”

  “I don’t drink wine, but denki.”

  “You’ll also find other non-alcoholic drinks in there, as well as snacks. Mr. Stevenson usually likes to keep it stocked. If you need anything from me, just push that button by the window. The television and radio remotes are inside the wooden console there. If you need a blanket or a pillow, you’ll find them under the seat.”

  Lillianna nodded.

  “And we’ll be making a meal stop in a few hours.” Jones looked up as though he were trying
to recall if he’d missed anything. “I think that’s about it.” He smiled and the window rolled back up.

  Butterflies filled Lillianna’s stomach. This was all so exciting. Should she be excited, though? A feeling of guilt washed over her. How could she be happy right now with everything else going on around her?

  She took a deep breath and pulled out her Bible. By providence, it opened to the book of Ecclesiastes, chapter three. She glanced down and read the words, “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance…” Lillianna closed her eyes and offered up a prayer of thankfulness. Denki, Gott. You always know what I need and when I need it. You are so good. Help me to trust You more.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Lillianna’s eyes widened in anticipation as Jones pulled the limousine up to Congressman Stevenson’s grand estate. She’d never visited a private home so fancy. A long wrought-iron fence enclosed the property, separating it from the rural road.

  The entrance to the driveway screamed of wealth and prosperity. Important government folks must make lots of money. Lillianna inched closer to the window to take it all in. The long driveway, Jones had informed her, led up both sides of the grand courtyard lined with large oak trees. She guessed the mature trees to be over one hundred years old.

  “Alright, Miss Lillianna, here we are.” Jones smiled as he held the door open for her departure. “I’ll bring your bags up to the house.”

  “Denki.” She glanced around, wondering which door she should enter.

  “Follow me,” Jones instructed.

  Lilly quietly followed behind Jones as he led the way to the front entrance of the plantation-style home. She took in the sweeping front porch and turned back to gander at the great courtyard. What a joy it would be to walk in the midst of the large oaks. A sense of wonder filled her.