Love Notes (Equilibrium Book 1)

by Christina C Jones

  Troy nodded. “Okay. So… I wanted to eliminate casual sex from my life. It wasn’t how I wanted to operate anymore.”

  “Right.”

  He covered my hands with his, holding them between us as he peered up at me. “Jules… are you telling me this feels “casual” to you?”

  No…

  But of course, I didn’t give him the straight up answer, like I would for probably any other question. I punked out, turning my head to look away until he grabbed my chin, turning me back.

  “I don’t know what you’re trying to suggest here,” I started, only for him to interrupt by shaking his head.

  “I’m not suggesting anything. I’m telling you that I like you too. That I want you too, right now. And I’m not sure why me reciprocating what you expressed not even ten minutes ago would be a problem. Have you changed your mind since then?”

  “No.”

  His eyebrows went up. “Then… what’s up?” he asked, laying back into my pillows, hands propped behind his head, which pissed me off. How dare he be so casually sexy, so laid back, so… intuitive enough to know that this wasn’t really about my concern for his “hoe rehab”. It was about me being faced with exactly what I’d told Josiah I wanted, and not knowing what it actually meant.

  Since when has that ever stopped you?

  I pushed forward, onto my hands and knees, crawling the few inches it took to put my face back in line with his. Troy met my gaze with a smirk, and was about to tease me, undoubtedly, but I took away his chance by pressing my lips against his.

  And then we were on again.

  Because I wanted this, and I wanted him, and everything else could matter a different time.

  I let myself get lost in the perfection of Troy’s lips, in the tickle of his beard against my chin, and then my neck once he flipped us over, trailing kisses along my jawline. I squirmed underneath him as his tongue, then lips, touched exactly the right place on my neck to guarantee a flood between my legs. Pushing him back, I sat up halfway to snatch off my shirt, giving him free access to where I hoped his attention would go next.

  I was delightfully correct.

  I relaxed into my comforter, lip between my teeth, eyes half open, in near-bliss as he lavished attention over my breasts, teasing me with little bites and kisses through the soft lace of my bra. My position on the pillows left me slightly elevated, with a perfect vantage point of his clear reverence after he’d slipped his hands underneath me, unhooking my bra to slip it off.

  The sensation made me want to close my eyes, but I couldn’t, too caught up in the visual of my nipples disappearing into his mouth just before the real pleasure came, when his teeth sank down. Troy was so beautiful that the shit was like must-see-TV, watching as his nimble fingers moved up to tweak the nipple that wasn’t in his mouth, pinching and pulling for a flawless mix of pleasure and pain.

  Those lips of his were A-list stars, plump and perfect as they pressed to my skin, making a path from my breasts, down my stomach. My breath caught in my throat as he moved past my belly button, chest heaved in anticipation as he hooked his fingers in the sides of my cute little athleisure sweats and pulled them down, taking my panties with them.

  His lips never left my skin as he maneuvered them all the way off and tossed them away, leaving me completely nude in front of him. My mouth stayed open, catching shallow breaths – the only kind I could manage when he was looking me right in the eyes as he moved off the bed, onto his knees on the floor. He wrapped his arms around my thighs, pulling me open, and closer to him as he leaned in, still staring, with a smirk that made my heart race.

  When he put his mouth on me, I damn near arched off the bed.

  But I wasn’t going anywhere, not with his arms locked tight around my thighs, keeping me in place, and his thumbs spreading me open so he didn’t miss a spot. Reflexively, my hand went into the thick coils of his hair, gripping harder than I probably should because I couldn’t decide between pulling him closer or pushing him away to get relief from the onslaught of pleasure.

  My mouth was still open when I propped myself up on my elbows and let my head fall back. I gave him his flowers for this performance in the form of his name on my lips, over, and over as he devoured me like a thirsty man trying not to miss a single drop. And then the orgasm that had been building hit me like the crack of a whip, and I screamed his praises, because I couldn’t help it.

  I finally closed my eyes, savoring the wrung-out, post-orgasm feeling until I felt Troy on top of me, holding my face in his hands. I opened my eyes, thinking he had something to say, but he kissed me again instead – a slow, deep kiss that felt like he needed to do it, and hell, me too, because he tasted good and he felt good, and there was no part of me that wanted to stop.

  “Jules…,” he groaned against my lips as his hands moved down to my ass, cupping and squeezing as he pulled my body upward against him, even though we were already flush. “Please tell me you have protection.”

  Goddamnit.

  “I was hoping you might have that covered,” I told him. “None in your wallet?”

  He closed his eyes, pushing out a sigh as he shook his head. “Nah. I stopped carrying them because in the beginning, it helped me… keep my dick to myself.”

  I cursed under my breath. “I don’t want to not do this. I need this.”

  “I don’t want to not do this either,” he declared, looking at me like I was crazy.

  “Okay so… are we?”

  “If you’re good, I’m good.”

  “I’m good.”

  There was silence between us for a few seconds, and then… a scramble to get him as naked as I was, and then a deep, shared moan of satisfaction as he sank into me. And then toe-curling bliss as he began to move, in slow, all-encompassing strokes that had me digging my nails into his back.

  He brought his lips back to mine, kissing me damn near as deep as he was stroking me, getting me caught up all over again. As we went through different tempos, different rhythms, different angles, my legs moved from around his waist, to the bend of his arms, to hooked over his shoulders as drove into me, hitting every inch of me. I was right on the verge of another implosion when he lowered himself on top of me again, putting us chest to chest as he rocked his hips into mine, and I rocked my hips into his.

  “Troy,” I whispered, with what little breath I could come up with. “You… gotta… pull… out,” I reminded him, and was met with a look so skeptical that I laughed.

  “Shit,” he laughed too, shaking his head. “I feel like you’re asking for the impossible.” He met my eyes again, moving in for another kiss. “You feel… incredible,” he said, letting my legs down so he could press in even closer, wrapping his arms around me.

  “Mmmm, so do you,” I murmured back, hooking my legs around his, in my own attempt to get closer.

  That little move put just the friction I needed against my clit to make me combust, and the throbbing contractions of my orgasm brought Troy with me, with a deep stroke that knocked the breath from my lungs.

  He collapsed on top of me, still inside me, the pleasant weight of his body feeling like a lullaby to my tired brain.

  I gave into it.

  Closed my eyes, and didn’t open them again until the sound of my phone ringing jolted me from my sleep. Troy was still on top of me, his soft snores punctuating the silence between the chimes of my phone.

  I grabbed it from the bedside table, eyes bugging wide when I saw that it was Anika.

  “Hello?” I answered, trying to gently nudge Troy awake.

  “Jules! Hey boo! You hungry?” she asked, way too perky for… damn near two in the morning, according to my clock.

  “No, I’m good,” I told her, shoving at Troy now to get him awake. “Why, what’s up?”

  “I’m leaving work in like fifteen minutes, and I’m starving. I’m gonna grab some food before I come home, just wanted to see if you wanted something too.”

  “No, but thank you. “ I rolled my ey
es at the feeling of Troy’s hard dick pressing into my stomach. He may have still been asleep, but it was not. “I’ll see you in a little bit.”

  “Okay cousin! Bye!”

  As soon as I dropped the phone back to the table, Troy’s lips were on my neck again. Even though I was feeling anxious about Anika being on the way home, I couldn’t help giggling as he teased me with his tongue.

  “Hey,” I managed, trying not to give in to the clear signs he was ready to go at it again. “You gotta go. I don’t want to answer questions from Anika yet.”

  He groaned into my neck, then looked up, meeting my eyes, and nodding. “Okay. I can leave. But before I go, let me just—”

  I let out a shout of laughter that quickly developed into a moan as he pushed into me again, feeling just as good as he had a few hours ago. He sat up on his knees, holding one of my legs open with one hand, pushing into me at an angle that felt like goddamn.

  “Oh, shit,” I yelped, grabbing onto my breasts for something to hold as he pressed his thumb to my clit, circling it as he stroked me deep, and fast, and… perfectly.

  He had me coming again in no time, and then it was his turn. This time, that pull out actually happened, and then I was rushing him to the bathroom on wobbly legs, helping him gather his things, and then showing him to the door.

  I couldn’t even begin to describe the feeling that coursed through me when he pulled me right up against him before he left, pressing a kiss to my lips that damn near made me want to drag him back inside – Anika’s nosy ass be damned.

  But I wasn’t ready for that, and I knew it. So while I may have been a little reckless earlier – as “clean” as I assumed Troy to be, I knew better than what we’d done… twice – I told myself that it was time to be a big girl again, and send him on.

  There sure was a big ass smile on my face when I locked the door behind him though.

  Eight.

  Knowing when to pump my brakes had never been a problem for me.

  Usually, it was just a matter of common sense, paying attention to the signs and shit that were right in front of you, using them to determine your next move – stop, slow your ass down, or full speed ahead.

  Jules had my damn sense of direction messed up.

  After putting me out at two in the morning because her cousin was coming home, we didn’t even see each other the rest of that day, after being pretty inseparable. Now, normally that was nothing to trip about, except I was picking up an awkward vibe that had never been part of our interactions.

  I hit her up in the morning to ask about breakfast, didn’t get a response until hours later – my bad, my phone died, guess it’s too late for that, huh? Cool. What about lunch? – Oh, uhhhh… I already had lunch plans with Anika, and then I really need to buckle down and do some business stuff. I’m sure we’ll run into each other though.

  I wasn’t imagining that shit – she was blowing me off.

  Which was her right to do.

  If she wasn’t feeling it, she wasn’t, but it was so different from what our usual vibe was that I had trouble letting that shit ride the way I usually would. I’d never chased a woman down, and my ego wasn’t ready to let me do it now either. But when it came to Jules… I didn’t want to do the typical thing because she wasn’t a typical girl.

  So I swung by her studio after I left the shop.

  “Yo,” I called as I stepped in, announcing my presence.

  Her pretty face appeared a moment later, not smiling – but not frowning either – as she came from somewhere in the back.

  “Troy… what are you doing here?” she asked, sounding more subdued than I was used to.

  I swallowed my concern to shrug. “I… am really not sure. You went kinda cold on me yesterday, so I figured I’d at least make sure it wasn’t a misunderstanding before I… fell back.”

  Her eyebrow went up. “Fell back? I’m a little quiet for one day and you’re ready to fall back? I didn’t realize you were so needy, barber man.”

  “Damn,” I chuckled, swiping a hand over my face. “My bad for coming across like that, I’m trying not to misread anything. I’d rather talk to you about the shit and seem corny than act on an assumption.”

  A little smile came to her lips. “I don’t think it’s corny, Troy. I’m just teasing you. And if it seems like I “went cold on you”, it’s because I did, because I don’t feel well,” she told me. And now that she mentioned it, she wasn’t glowing like she usually did, and her eyes were puffy like she was tired.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, and she held up a hand as she nodded.

  “Yeah, totally. It’s just the stupid Plan B pill. The hormones or whatever have me exhausted, and sick to my stomach. The feeling is supposed to pass though.”

  She said all that, and I heard her, but my brain got hung up on that whole, Plan B thing.

  I pushed my hands into my pockets. “Oh… so you took one of those?”

  “I sure as hell did,” she scoffed. “Mr. You’re Asking For the Impossible.”

  “I tried… kinda…” I admitted. I really had attempted to pull out, but she was so wet, and warm, and had her legs locked around mine like she didn’t really want me to, so—

  “Whatever,” she laughed. “Either way, yes, I took one of those, there will be no baby in ten months, so you’re welcome. I did my part to ensure minimum blowback from our recklessness the other ni—what, why are you scowling right now?”

  I didn’t even bother fixing my face as I shrugged. “Shit, I don’t know. But it’s like… you’re acting like my baby would’ve been the worst thing in the world. Like I wouldn’t make sure you were good, that everything was taken care of.”

  Her face scrunched up. “No, I’m acting like I’ve been in this city less than six weeks, haven’t even gotten my business established yet, and therefore have no business chancing a pregnancy!”

  “Whatever you say Jules,” I told her, shaking my head.

  She sucked her teeth. “Yeah, I know. That was never in question. You can get the fuck out of here with this bullshit.”

  “Jules—”

  “No, for real,” she said, walking up to unsuccessfully shove me toward the door. “You get the fuck outta here, since you seem to think that me doing what I needed to do to keep my life on track after our mistake is a problem.”

  “If you just relax—”

  “Get. OUT!”

  I was gonna leave anyway, but I could’ve sworn I saw her eyes go red as soon as the word “relax” crossed my lips. She followed me to the door, huffing and puffing the whole way, and then slamming and locking it behind me.

  “This is me going cold on you!” she shouted from the other side of the glass, and then flipped me off with both fingers before she walked away, leaving me to figure out exactly what the hell had just happened.

  How did I walk in there wanting to make sure things were okay between us, and end up making it a hundred times worse?

  Instead of just standing in front of her studio looking stupid, I moved along, not really knowing where I was going until I turned the corner. As soon as I saw that Guilty Pleasures sign, I jogged across the street and opened the door, taking a chance that the person I needed to talk to hadn’t left yet.

  “Hey Bria,” I greeted the worker behind the glass counter display full of chocolate. “Viv still here?”

  She nodded. “But, she’s on her way out, so you may want to make it quick.”

  “Thank you,” I told her, then heading to the back, to the office, where I found Viv digging through her bag like she was double-checking it.

  She looked up when she heard me in the doorway, and smiled. “Troy, how are you? Bell just asked this morning if you were coming for dinner this week or not.”

  “Yeah, tell baby girl I’ll be there for sure. But uh… I was hoping I could talk to you about something if you have a second.”

  Her eyebrows lifted in concern. “Yes, of course. What is it?”

  “Uh…” I reached up,
scratching my head. “It’s… relationship stuff? Kinda, but not really.”

  Viv nodded. “Ah, trouble in paradise with a certain photographer?”

  “Yeah,” I said, letting out a dry chuckle. “I would certainly say so.”

  “What did you do?”

  I frowned. “Why you assume it’s my fault?”

  “Why would I assume it is hers? You are the one who wants to talk, so you are probably the one who needs to fix it. So, out with it. What did you do?”

  Dropping into the chair in front of her desk, I pushed out a sigh. She sat down too, hands folded under her chin, elbows propped on the desk, waiting.

  “This stays between just me and you, right?” I asked, making Viv’s nose wrinkle.

  “Of course. Why would you even need to ask?”

  My shoulders went up. “I’m just… making sure. I’m about to tell you something personal about her, just to give context, so I want to make sure.”

  “Protecting her privacy.”

  “Right,” I nodded. “But… okay. So… she took a Plan B. Because we went there without protection.”

  Viv gave me a blank look. “Okay… what is the problem?”

  I scoffed. “I… nothing, I guess. I just… shit, she couldn’t have talked to me about it first? Ran it past me to see how I felt?”

  “What? You expressed this to her?”

  “I mean… more or less.”

  “Oh God,” Viv groaned, briefly dropping her head to the desk before she looked up at me again. “You and your “big brother”. So many great things in common, and so many stupid things as well.”

  “Huh?!”

  Viv sat back, arms crossed, glaring at me. “Your friend Carter. As soon as he decided he wanted to be with me on a serious level, he was ready to get me pregnant. No regard for what I wanted, how it affected my goals, my life. He wanted a baby, so that he could… course correct his own childhood. Sound familiar?”

  I wanted to deny it, but… I had to nod instead.

  “Exactly,” she said, but then her expression softened. “Troy, listen… I get it. You want a family, and there is nothing wrong with that, but… if you like her, you have be mindful that her timeline may not be the same as yours. And besides that, you are very young. You have time. You do not have to rush this.”