Love Notes (Equilibrium Book 1)

by Christina C Jones

  I shook my head. “It’s not like that though. Like… we aren’t even official like that or anything. And doing it without protection wasn’t even… I want to say it wasn’t on purpose, but—”

  “I understand,” Viv laughed.

  “Thank you. But seriously… I wasn’t trying to get her pregnant. Hadn’t even considered any shit like that yet. But when she told me she’d taken that pill, and squashed any chance of it… it was like a blow to the chest. Logically, I know she did the responsible thing – hell, for both of us. We’re still in the very early stages, still getting to know each other, still figuring out the vibe. I… shit, I don’t even know why I reacted like that.”

  Viv gave me a sympathetic smile. “Because it is a sore point for you. Just like Carter, you want to correct where you feel you were slighted. Break a generational curse – or, in your case, create a new path. You were human, and that is okay.”

  I scoffed. “Tell Jules that. She flipped me off with both hands.”

  “Oh damn,” Viv cringed, then laughed. “I think I love her.”

  “Because she was mean to me?”

  Viv laughed harder as she shook her head. “No, because she is not afraid to express herself. Just how bad was what you said to her?”

  “Uh… I said she was acting like having my baby was a curse or something. Like I wouldn’t take care of her.”

  “Bad thing to say to a woman with no desire to be taken care of. What else?”

  “That was pretty much it. She got pretty pissed. I may have told her to relax.”

  Viv dropped her face into her hands for a moment before she looked up again. “And you already know—”

  “Telling a woman to “relax” is basically hitting a “please don’t relax” button? Yeah.”

  “So you are not completely stupid then,” Viv teased. “There is hope for you.”

  I shook my head. “Man, I don’t know. She was pretty hot about it.”

  “Yes, I am sure she was. Give it time. If it is meant to be, it will be. Your paths will cross without you seeking her out.”

  “So you’re… just leave her alone?”

  Viv nodded. “That is exactly what I am saying. You say she flipped you off with both hands, you had better leave her alone,” Viv laughed. “Now, if that is all, I am tired, and ready to get home.” Her hand went to her belly as she stood, reminding me that she was nearly four months along now, even though she wasn’t really showing.

  “Are you walking? You want me to walk with you?”

  “Oh my goodness, no,” she said. “I have been on my feet all day – I called a car service… after Carter’s insistence.”

  “Sounds like him,” I agreed. “But, cool. Thanks for the advice.”

  She grinned as she came around the desk, and I stood. “Anytime “little brother”,” she told me, pulling me into a hug and planting a kiss on my cheek. “Let me know how it goes?”

  “I will,” I promised, walking her out. I helped her into the car that was waiting for her outside, and then headed home, with my head swimming about the events of the day.

  This was definitely not the note I’d expected to end on when I woke up this morning. Now… all I could do was hope Viv was right.

  So, I really did plan to stay away.

  I was going to do exactly like Viv said, giving Jules whatever time she needed to not be pissed, so that we could get back to… whatever it was we’d been doing. But then I checked my mail, and found something that damn near had me in a trance for the next two days. I was completely on auto-pilot, to the point that it was a wonder I didn’t fuck up a cut.

  And I hadn’t even opened the shit yet.

  Just the thought of it had me paralyzed, but I knew I couldn’t stay like that forever. If I wasn’t going to just open it, I knew I should at least talk to someone about it.

  The problem with that was… Jules was the only person I’d told.

  So that was how I found myself walking through the door of the bike shop and heading up those stairs, hoping to find her at her place. She hadn’t been at her studio, and I didn’t want to face the rejection of her ignoring a phone call or text. I knew it was a risk – I could be pissing her off even more by showing up at her apartment unannounced.

  It was one I was willing to take.

  Or… I thought so, until she opened the door, looking none-too-pleased to see my face.

  “Troy. What the hell do you want?”

  Before I could answer, there was a low whistle behind me, and I looked up to see Josiah and Noble heading out of the apartment across the hall. I knew Noble for reasons I wasn’t that proud of anymore – used to be his greenery supplier – but he was cool, so I lifted my chin in a greeting that he returned as he came my way, extending his hand to dap me up. Josiah, I knew because I’d seen him on stage at UG with Noble, but I didn’t know his ass like that, for him to have commentary on my interaction with Jules.

  But he still had it.

  “Must’ve fucked up bad, bruh,” he chuckled, and I gave him back nothing but a blank face, because I didn’t understand why he was talking at all. “Good luck with that,” he called as the two of them headed toward the stars.

  “Kiss my ass J,” Jules snapped, seeming pretty unamused herself.

  I could’ve really knocked the smirk off ol’ boy’s face when he stopped to respond, “Just come knock on the door anytime, and I got you.”

  “Man bring your ass on before that girl stabs you,” Noble chuckled, ushering his homeboy down the stairs.

  I blew out a breath through my nose, reminding myself that whatever the hell was going on – if anything was going on – between her and Josiah was none of my business, that it would be out of pocket for me to ask. But apparently, my silence was a problem too, because when I turned back to Jules, her arms were crossed.

  “I don’t know what you’re at my door deep-breathing about, but I’m getting ready to close it.”

  “Could you hold up?” I asked, not bothering to sound any less agitated than I was, especially with her attitude not making anything better. My tone made her scowl deepen, but she didn’t move, so I pulled the folded envelope from my back pocket, unfolded it, and held it up. “This came a few days ago.”

  She rolled her eyes, then looked at the envelope in my hand. As soon as she saw the logo on the front, her whole expression changed.

  “You haven’t opened it?” she asked, confused. “Why not?”

  I scoffed, shaking my head. “I… I don’t know. I can’t.”

  For a few seconds, she stared at me, and then took the envelope. “I can.”

  She stepped out of the doorway, motioning for me to follow her inside, and I did, closing the door behind me. The smell of citrus was strong in the air, and the kitchen counter was littered with cleaning products, making it clear what Jules had been doing when I knocked.

  I followed her to the living room where she plopped down on the couch to tear into the envelope, but I remained standing, needing an outlet for my nervous energy that sitting wouldn’t provide.

  “They got this back to you really quick. Like, crazy fast,” Jules mused as she pulled several folded papers from the envelope.

  I nodded. “Yeah. It was supposed to be eight to twelve weeks, but it’s only been maybe… three. What if it’s something like… I don’t know, like my shit is blocked or something stupid?”

  “Well, I doubt your “shit is blocked”,” she drawled, her tone sarcastic as she unfolded the papers, spreading them out on her lap. “But I’m sure the answer is right here, if you want to hear it. Do you?”

  “Please.”

  She nodded, then looked down and began to read. “Dear Mr. Baldwin, thank you for trusting us to help with your pursuit of your family’s history, we received your application and sample swabs on blah blah blah, and we are currently working through the process of generating your full results. Our process works by blah, blah, blah, blah, don’t have blah yet, should receive in a few more weeks,
blah, blah, blah, however. Because of the contents of your answer to the question of why you wanted to complete this process, one of our case managers expedited your samples through our familial match archives.

  One of the most insidious injuries of the slave trade was the heartbreaking mutilation of families. Children torn away from the arms of their parents, marital bonds ripped apart, and siblings forced to endure the agony of never seeing their brothers and sisters again. Roots was not around then to help with that necessary healing. None of the benefits of today’s technology was on our ancestor’s sides. But it’s why we do what we do now.”

  For some reason, Jules stopped there, raising a hand to her mouth.

  “What? What?” I asked, feeling like my heart was about to beat out of my chest. “What is it? Why’d you stop?”

  She shook her head, and my heart sank as she looked up at me with glossy eyes, hesitating for a moment before she lowered her gaze back to the paper.

  “Mr. Baldwin, you’re receiving this correspondence in advance of your full results because we simply couldn’t hold it in, knowing that you’re searching for connections to bring more meaning into your life. We are very excited to inform you that…” she stopped again, sucking in a breath before she continued in a choked voice, “… to inform you that Roots currently has another patron on file who is your 99.99% genetic match. We have already requested permission from this patron to share his contact information, and he agreed. You’ll find that information included on the subsequent pages.” She stopped reading then, to shake her head. “And… there’s some other shit too, but Troy… oh my God!”

  I… was frozen.

  I heard her talking, was absorbing everything she said, but it was like… was this really happening?

  “Are you… you’re serious?” I asked, narrowing my eyes. “Like… no bullshit, it really says that?”

  “It really says that,” she confirmed, dimples popping on full blast as her lips spread into a huge smile. “That’s what it says.”

  I shook my head. “Nah, man… Ain’t no way…”

  “Yes way,” Jules said, pulling herself up from the couch to come and stand in front of me. “Yes way. A 99.99 percent match.”

  “What does that even mean? How is that even possible?”

  “A twin, Troy. An identical twin,” she explained, her eyes glossy with happy tears. Happy tears… for me.

  I could wrap my head around that, but I couldn’t wrap my head around… “A brother? Like… a for real brother?”

  “A brother who wants to meet you,” Jules gushed, reaching up to cup my face in her hands. “See? And you thought there wouldn’t be anything. You remember that?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I do. I was wrong.”

  “And doesn’t it feel good?”

  “It… doesn’t feel like anything, honestly. It doesn’t feel real. Like… you sure you’re not still pissed, pulling a prank on me?”

  “I’m not pissed anymore, I was just enjoying being a bitch to you,” she admitted, with an impish grin. “I was gonna find you tomorrow. And I bought condoms.”

  My face pulled into a frown. “For real?”

  “For real. If you have an apology ready, that is.”

  “I’m sorry,” I immediately shot back. “You were right, I was wrong.”

  “You were buggin’.”

  “I was,” I agreed, tentatively raising my hands to put them around her waist. “You forgive me?”

  “I do. You had a moment. And… I thought about why, after I spent a day cursing you out in my head. I understand. But you have to understand that you cannot pressure me like that.”

  I gripped her tighter, pulling her into me. “I do.”

  “Good,” she nodded. “Then we’re good. And besides… you don’t need that from me anymore anyway now… you’ve got a twin brother to meet.”

  She made that statement with a huge smile, full of excitement that I couldn’t match, because I still hadn’t wrapped my head around it.

  All because of a letter.

  A piece of paper.

  That was all it had taken to move me from alone in the world to having a brother. Somebody who shared my blood. Hell, somebody who shared my face.

  I’d wanted this. This was the whole purpose of sending off the test, to see if I could finally get that connection I’d been craving all my life. But now that it was in my reach… I was paralyzed by the thought of what came next.

  “Why don’t you seem that excited?” Jules asked, practically bursting with energy. “I thought you wanted this.”

  I nodded. “I did. I do. I just… I need to sit down for a second.”

  “Oh! Of course, come here,” she said, grabbing my hands to lead me to the couch. She took a seat beside me and then said nothing, simply staring like she was waiting for me to speak up.

  But I didn’t.

  Maybe couldn’t, because I had no idea what to say, or how to move forward when I was still wondering if I might need to pinch myself and wake up.

  “Okay,” Jules started. “They said they included his contact info, so maybe knowing his name,” she said, reaching for the pages of the letter that she’d tossed onto the coffee table. I couldn’t even answer why, but for some reason I dove ahead of her, snatching the papers to shove behind me, out of her reach.

  She groaned. “What the hell, Troy? Seriously? You’re not even gonna see what his name is at least?”

  “I will,” I defended myself. “Eventually. Once I can… once it makes sense to me. I just need some… I don’t know, some time to contemplate.”

  Jules inclined her head for a deep nod before she settled against me, placing her hand against my chest. “Well, quiet contemplation isn’t exactly my favorite thing, but if that’s what you need, I guess I’m into it.”

  Oh, shit.

  “Uh… Jules…”

  She peeked up at me with a grin. “Yeah, I know. You need to do your contemplating alone.” She patted me there on the chest and then stood, waiting for me to do the same. When I did, I’d forgotten just that quickly about shoving those papers behind me.

  There was a brief moment of panic when Jules reached for them, but she folded them again as soon as they were in her hands, and then put them back into the envelope, which she handed to me.

  “Whatever you do… you keep me updated, okay?”

  I nodded, then pushed the envelope into my pocket so I could grab her hands. “So… me and you… we’re cool?”

  “I feel like you’re worried about the wrong thing right now.”

  “I don’t,” I told her, swiping my thumb across the back of her hand. “That letter isn’t the only thing I’ve lost sleep about this week.”

  Jules dropped her gaze, chewing nervously at her lip for a second before she returned her eyes to mine. “Well… rest well tonight, barber man. We’re cool.”

  Great.

  That was exactly the somewhat-tangible good news I needed to carry me out of Jules’ apartment and toward my own in good spirits. The contents of the letter still felt abstract to me, but I would examine that on my own – with a little help from google and the narratives of other people in similar situations.

  I grabbed food, got my ass home, and settled in to do exactly that. I would figure this out, and then I’d reach out, and we’d meet. I would go to him, or he would come to me, whatever. We’d make it happen however.

  An identical twin.

  Shit, I thought, as I twisted the cap off a bottle of beer.

  Another person walking around with a face exactly like mine…

  “Lucky motherfucker.”

  “You think Viv is being nice to her?”

  Me and Carter exchanged a look over Roderick’s question. He was Carter’s brother, not mine, but even I’d been around him enough to understand that a query like that was packed with a lot, and not because of the chance that Viv wasn’t being nice. She had no reason not to be nice to the girl Rod had shown up to Sunday dinner with, surprising
everybody.

  For one, we all had in the back of our minds that he’d end up with Bria – the girl who worked the front counter at Guilty Pleasures. They’d been on and off for years, but apparently… he was trying to leave it off. I didn’t talk to Bria like that to know how she felt about it, but I was pretty sure she must’ve confided something in Viv, because she’d been ice cold to Rod all afternoon.

  Not to the new girlfriend though. She’d been perfectly sweet to Charlotte, who’d done nothing wrong, and insisted on helping Viv clean up while me, Carter, and Rod hit up the court to shoot around. Rod hadn’t wanted to leave, but Viv practically shoved him out, and Carter had quickly stepped in to save his little brother from his wife’s wrath.

  And now here we were.

  “You know, you wouldn’t have to worry about that if you hadn’t brought her. What were you even thinking?” Carter asked, catching a rebound of his own shot.

  Roderick shrugged, motioning for Carter to pass the ball to him. “I thought I wanted my brother to meet this woman that I really like.”

  “But you forgot that Viv has known Bria longer than either one of us. That girl is like family to her, so you’re activating that mama bear instinct. Does Bria know you have a new girlfriend? Cause last I heard, you two were just taking a “break” until you were finished with grad school for this semester.”

  “Naaaah, Rod,” I chimed in, shaking my head. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m not doing anything. I’m not official with anybody.”

  Carter kissed his teeth. “Not official, but you got one girl waiting for you to come home from college, and another sitting in my house with my wife and daughter. You sure are doing some official-sounding shit.”

  “The kinda shit that gets your windows busted… besides the fact that you’re playing with their feelings. You’re what, twenty-three? Nobody expects you to be all settled in right now, so if that’s not what you’re trying to do, don’t. And make yourself clear. And don’t do settled shit with people you aren’t trying to settle with,” I added.