Zero Apologies

by Autumn Jones Lake

  “Good. I was worried about him around the pool.”

  Here’s the point in the conversation where I should invite my brother over for dinner. Normally, I would’ve done it weeks ago after we moved in. But his attitude toward Z and our relationship kept making me push it off.

  “You sound tired. Is everything okay?” he asks with so much brotherly concern that I almost break down and tell him the truth.

  “I’m fine. It’s been a busy day.”

  From the hallway, Grace screams and Hope hushes her. Their door closes, but I can still hear Grace’s cries.

  “Is that a baby?” Alex asks.

  “Hope and Rock are here,” I explain.

  “Oh.”

  There’s an awkward silence I’m not sure how to fill. How am I supposed to explain they’ve been staying here helping me out while Z’s in jail?

  “Z doesn’t mind?”

  “Hope and Rock? Or the baby? No, he’s fine with both.”

  “How’s Hope?”

  I blow out an exasperated breath. “What’d I tell you about that?”

  He laughs. “It’s a normal, friendly question.”

  “She’s fine.”

  “That’s good.” He’s silent for a few seconds and I almost check to see if the call dropped. “So, everything’s okay? You’re happy down there?”

  Happy. The last time I experienced that emotion was the night of the clubhouse party. Right before the police showed up and shattered my whole world. “Yes. The neighborhood is great. I haven’t gotten to know the area well, but I’ll get there.”

  “Where’s Chance taking the lessons?”

  “Here at the house. A girl in the neighborhood is a lifeguard and swim instructor. She does private lessons.”

  “That works out well. He likes it?”

  “So far. I think having the lessons with Alexa helps.”

  He chuckles. “You’ll have to give him a brother or sister soon.”

  Startled by the comment, I sputter. “Seriously? I thought you—”

  “I’m sorry I gave you grief.” He hesitates and clears his throat as if that apology wounded him. “I worry about you and Chance. I mean, would you be thrilled if I started seeing some biker gang chick?”

  The image is so absurd, I burst out laughing. “As long as she made you happy. I wouldn’t care.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “I do. Thanks, Alex.”

  What am I thanking him for? His honesty? Maybe I’m sorry my brother feels too exposed. I certainly can’t remember the last time he apologized to me for anything. He makes a few excuses and we finish our conversation.

  Even though we sort of patched things up, I’m still feeling restless and conflicted. I’m not sure what to do with myself. I used to tell my big brother everything. But somewhere over the years, our relationship twisted into equal doses of sibling love and animosity.

  Maybe it bothered him that I didn’t help out my parents more, so he got stuck with the work. I’m too chicken to ask.

  Beyond that, I honestly don’t want to know. I can’t handle any more guilt trips. After everything I’ve been through in the last few years, I think I’m entitled to shield myself from any more emotional trauma.

  Chapter Nine

  Lilly

  The next morning, the front gate calls my cell phone.

  “M’am. We have an Alex Volkov here to see you, but he’s not on our list.”

  Shit, shit, shit.

  “He’s my brother. Sorry about that. He should’ve been on the list.” What does that say about me? A good portion of Z’s biker brothers are on the list at the front gate, but my own brother isn’t.

  “No problem, Mrs. Frazier.”

  What the hell is Alex doing here? I should’ve given my brother more convincing answers last night. Something to reassure him he didn’t need to drive all the way down here this morning to check up on us.

  “What’s wrong?” Charlotte asks.

  “My brother’s stopping by.”

  The look on my face must be pure panic. Rock walks over and places his hand on my shoulder, forcing me to look up. “You okay?”

  “I’m not sure…What do I say to him?”

  “The truth.” Rock studies me for a minute. “We’ve got nothing to hide, Lilly. If he doesn’t like us here helping you out, that’s his problem. Not mine. Or yours.”

  Shit. I don’t want Rock to kill my brother if he says something nasty about Z. Even after the apologies he gave last night, Alex won’t let this one go. “He’s already not Z’s biggest fan.”

  Rock smirks. “I gathered.” His gray eyes sparkle with the first bit of humor I’ve seen in days. “I won’t choke him if that’s what you’re worried about.” He glances over his shoulder. “Unless he asks my wife out. Or touches her.”

  I laugh until tears run down my cheeks. “I warned him.”

  More serious now, Rock pins me with a stern look. “You’re with Z.” It’s a statement, not a question. “So Alex is family.”

  His words make me think of how the club treats Charlotte’s younger brother. Carter has nothing to do with the club, but he’s almost always included in club family events. Teller loves teasing Carter, but he’s also protective of him. Rock gave Carter a job, again bringing him into the family even though he doesn’t wear a patch.

  “I’m not sure he’ll see it that way, but I appreciate that you do, Rock. Thank you.”

  There’s a knock at the door and I hurry to answer it.

  “Hey!” I pull the door open wider and try to act casual. “What are you doing here?”

  Alex shifts from foot to foot and cocks his head. We’re past the part of the greeting where I should step back so he can come in. “You sounded sad or something last night. I was worried about you.”

  My chest squeezes at the concern in his voice. But the rest of me is still on edge.

  He draws me in for a hug. “Are you all right?” he murmurs against my hair.

  “I’m fine.” I take his hand and drag him farther away from the front door, closing it behind us.

  He stops me from dragging him all the way back to his truck by jerking my hand, bringing me to a stop. “Lilly, what’s going on?”

  My gaze lands on the sidewalk. “Z’s in jail.”

  Alex places a finger under my chin and tips my head back. His dark, stern eyes search my face. “Why? What happened?”

  “Nothing.” I swat his hand away. “We’re not sure. Rock has an attorney working on it. I just…he’s not here. I didn’t want you to say something. And I don’t want to talk about it in front of Chance.”

  He places his hands on his hips and drops his gaze. “Jesus Christ.” He squeezes his eyes shut and slowly opens them. “I’m sorry. Do you need anything?”

  Shocked that’s the first thing out of his mouth, I back up a step. “No, I’m fine. I’m worried sick about him, but I’m fine.”

  “Can’t he get bail?”

  Surprised my brother cares one way or another, my answer comes out slow. “They’re…working on that.”

  “Have you at least been able to see him?”

  Again, I don’t have an answer ready. “Z doesn’t want…” God, I can’t explain that Z doesn’t want a connection between us because someone might figure out Z is responsible for blowing my rapist to bits. That’s several conversations worth of information I don’t want to share with my brother. Ever. “He doesn’t want me coming down to the jail. Rock agreed that it wouldn’t be good for me and asked me not to go.”

  Alex blows out a breath. “Well, I can’t argue with that. At least he’s not being selfish about it.”

  “Z’s the least selfish person I’ve ever known.”

  Alex stares at me, searching my face. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “No. I’m tied up in knots worrying about him.” I nod to the house next door. “Murphy was arrested with Z. Rock and Hope have been staying with me to help me out and help keep things as normal as we ca
n for Chance and Alexa.”

  He raises his eyebrows. “Really?”

  “Yes.”

  “You could’ve called me.”

  “The way you’re always criticizing Z? Why would I want to call you for help? So you can say you told me so?”

  He’s silent for a few seconds, absorbing my words.

  “Fine, yes, Lilly, this is exactly the sort of thing I worried about. I don’t want this for you.”

  “Alex—”

  “Let me finish. I’ve been thinking about this a lot since the stuff with Dad.”

  Fantastic.

  “Dad’s always been halfway to being a criminal himself.”

  Blown away doesn’t quite describe my reaction to Alex’s words. “What?”

  “Come on, Lilly. You don’t remember his friends at the port bringing him boxes of stuff that ‘fell off the truck’ when we were kids?”

  I squint, trying to force a vague memory to come to the surface.

  “So, I guess your attraction to this life isn’t a surprise.”

  “What? That’s gross.” I slap his chest. “What’s wrong with you?”

  “I’m only kidding. Sort of. Besides that, Dad’s cheated on Mom forever. I don’t want that constant heartbreak for you, Lilly.”

  What can I say? Z’s had more than his fair share of conquests. He’s never hidden it from me. But I trust him. “He’s well-aware of my feelings on that subject.” My mouth twists into a wry smile. I’m not about to explain the I’ll-cut-your-dick-off-if-you-cheat-on-me warning I gave Z.

  Alex flicks his hand toward the house. “I thought he was bringing you down here to be his, I don’t know what they call it, citizen wife? While he has other girls at the club.”

  “I spend plenty of time with him at the clubhouse.”

  His jaw locks as I’m sure he’s imagining what those parties are like, and since he’s probably not too far off the mark, I don’t bother defending myself. I’m a grown ass woman who goes where she damn well pleases.

  “I don’t want you dragged into his crime stuff. I don’t want you and Chance ever hurt by whatever he’s into.” He pauses and glances away. “But the fact that he doesn’t want you to visit, honestly makes me dislike him a little less. He’s worried about what’s best for you.”

  “More than you know.”

  He jerks his head at the closed front door. “And I’m glad he’s tight enough with his friends that they’d help you out instead of shunning you.”

  “Rock and Z are truly like brothers.”

  “I don’t like it, Lilly. I don’t want this for you. But you love this guy?”

  My throat’s too tight to answer, so I nod.

  “You promise he treats you well?”

  “Yes.”

  He shrugs. “It’s your life. Is Chance okay?”

  “He misses Z, but otherwise, yes. He’s totally enamored with baby Grace, so having them here has been a good distraction.”

  “Well, that’s good, I guess.” He stares at the door again.

  “Come on in. I just wanted to explain it to you so you didn’t say anything—”

  “That might get my ass kicked?”

  “Well, yeah.”

  “Great,” he mutters. “I’ll behave.”

  “And for god’s sake, do not hit on Hope.”

  “One time, Lilly. One time,” he mumbles, following me inside.

  “Aleth!” Chance yells, running toward the door.

  “Hey, little man!” Alex sweeps him up in his arms and peppers his little cheeks with kisses. “Missed you.”

  Chance babbles on about the pool and the dogs and Grace and so much stuff Alex can barely keep up. Chance squirms to be set down and drags his uncle into the living room first to show him the race track.

  Rock stands and gives Alex the sort of once-over any sane man would have nightmares about, but my brother endures it with his mouth shut. They finally shake hands and I breathe a sigh of relief.

  “Hi, Alex,” Hope says, sitting forward but not getting up.

  “Good to see you again, Hope.” He gives her a clipped wave. “Thank you for staying and helping my sister out.”

  Alexa peeks out from behind Hope’s side and says a soft ‘hi’ to Alex.

  Chance leans on Hope’s legs and stares up at her with affection. “Can I say hi to baby?”

  “In a bit. She should wake up from her nap soon.”

  His little face falls, but he nods. “Otay.”

  Rock’s phone goes off and he tilts his head my way, silently asking if everything is all right. I nod and he leaves the room to take the call.

  “Do you want something to drink, Alex?” Hope stands and motions toward the kitchen.

  “I’ll get it, Hope.”

  She waves my offer away and yeah, I guess she might not want to be alone with my brother.

  “This is something else,” Alex says, nodding to the racetrack and cars.

  “Teller helped him set it up one afternoon. They went a little overboard.”

  “Another friend?”

  “Heidi’s older brother.” I can’t remember if he’s ever met Heidi or not. “Alexa’s uncle.”

  “Lexa and I go swimming,” Chance announces.

  Once Chance is involved with the cars, Alex glances up at me. “So, you’re just hanging out here…waiting?”

  “Pretty much. We’re safe here. If we need anything, someone from the club brings it. Or one of the guys takes us out to get it.”

  “And how long is this going to go on?”

  I shrug. “It’s only been a couple days, Alex.”

  “Until we’re sure she’s safe or Z’s home,” Rock answers, returning to the living room.

  Hope curls her arm around his and sets a glass of water on the coffee table for Alex. With a visible tug, Hope drags Rock down on the couch next to her.

  “Is my sister in danger?” Alex asks.

  Shut your mouth, Alex.

  “No,” Rock answers smoothly. “But if the situation were reversed,” he squeezes Hope’s hand, “Z would make sure my wife was taken care of. I’m just doing the same.”

  “So, my sister isn’t a hostage of your club then?” Alex challenges.

  “Alex!” I snap.

  Rock’s mouth curls into a slow smirk that suggests if the two men were alone, Alex would already have a broken bone or two. “Does she look like a hostage?”

  Unaware of the tension in the room, Chance glances up at Alex and hands him a truck. “Race me.”

  Alex smiles down at him. “Sure.”

  I mouth, “I’m sorry” to Rock, but he shakes his head and gives me a not-your-fault-your-brother-is-an-asshole smile that almost makes me laugh.

  Almost.

  Chapter Ten

  Z

  “O’Callaghan, let’s go!” The guard squints in at us and sneers. “Sorry to break up the happy couple.”

  Murphy groans and gives me a hug. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.

  “Don’t be. I want you out, brother. It’s all good.”

  He pulls away and nods. “You’ll be out soon, too.”

  I force a smile so he doesn’t feel even worse about leaving me behind. “Take your girls somewhere nice for a few days.”

  He shakes his head. “When you get out. All six of us can go.”

  “Behave yourself,” I warn him.

  Instead of laughing, he nods and moves toward the door. He still gets handcuffed before the guard lets him out of his cell. We watch each other until he disappears behind the big steel door leading to freedom.

  Not going to lie, while I want Murphy out of here, I’m definitely going to be bored now.

  I stretch out on my cot and stare at the bunk above me. Even though the noise never stops, at some point, I must drift off.

  A jarring bang on the cell door startles me out of sleep.

  “Got you a new boyfriend, Frazier.” The guard grins as he shoves a tall, scrawny tweaker into my cell.

  Just what
I need. I sit up, putting my back to the wall and nod at the newcomer.

  I don’t want to start trouble with anyone. No reason to. This case is bullshit and I want to get out of here as soon as possible, not have additional charges added because I injured or killed someone. Even if it’s in self-defense, no one will care.

  I’ll watch my back until I figure out if this guy is a threat.

  One thing in my favor—I’m president of the Lost Kings MC’s downstate charter. Every criminal in here knows who we are. Hopefully none of them want to make a name for themselves by fucking with me. If they do, it’ll end badly for them. Surviving in here is a mixture of giving off a menacing vibe and a willingness to do what you have to do to survive. Without Murphy to watch my back, I’m prepared for both.

  The guy looks me up and down, strutting over with a hint of arrogance. His arms are covered in a blend of artwork and shitty prison tattoos, so this isn’t his first time inside. His squinty eyes and smirk already annoy me, but I lock down any irritation. If he wants to fight, he’ll have to make the first move.

  “How’s it going, brother?” he asks, stopping in front of me.

  “Fine. And we ain’t bros.” Fucking hate anyone outside my club casually calling me brother.

  “It’s like that?”

  “It’s like nothing. I’m not interested in a fight or a friend.”

  He looks around at our empty cell. “Seems to me you could use a friend.”

  I glare at him and he backs off. “I’m Husky. From Union city.”

  Unimpressed, I answer, hoping he’ll go away. “Congratulations. I’m Z, president of the Lost Kings MC Downstate.”

  Like I waved a magic wand in front of his sweaty face, his whole attitude changes. He relaxes his posture and drops the smirk. “Aw man, heard what happened to Sway. Used to hang with some of your bros back in the day.”

  “That’s nice.” Given that I’ve been around since “back in the day” and don’t recognize this peckerwood, I’m not inclined to get all social with him just because he claims to know my club.

  “This your first time inside?” he asks.

  “No, but it’s my first time inside here.”

  “Right. Right. This is nothing. Union Correctional is fucking Thunderdome, though.”