Advice from a Sunflower

by Jen Stevens

  “Wait! What do you mean? You can’t really be mad. I was just trying to help you. It’s not like I stood there and forced him to kiss you. He did that on his own. He’s liked you for a long time. Don’t tell me you haven’t seen it.”

  She’s following me up the stairs now, matching me for every step. I’m surprised she can keep up the way she is after she’s been losing her breath so easily from the baby. If I wasn’t so pissed, I’d be turning around to make sure she was okay. Instead, I spin at the top of the stairs to get in her face and make sure she hears what I’m about to say.

  “No, it’s not me he likes. It’s never been me. He’s always loved you, just like everyone else. Me and Eli have only ever been friends, and now we can’t even be that because you went and stuck your big nose where it doesn’t belong.”

  How could I be so naive?

  I make my way to our room and grab my suitcase, slamming it onto my bed. I planned on doing my last-minute packing tomorrow, but right now sounds better if it means I can get out of this hell hole any sooner. Marnie hasn’t walked through the doorway yet. I can see from where I stand against my bed that she’s stuck in the same spot, a look of total shock strewn across her face.

  “I can’t believe how ungrateful you’re being. I was trying to help you and you spit in my face! You clearly don’t see things the way they really are. You’ve spent so much time alone, you can’t even recognize when someone genuinely wants to be around you anymore. It’s no wonder no one around here bothers with you. You’re just a rotten troll who’s going to be stuck by yourself forever.”

  Fat tears are streaming down her face now, but before I can reach out to comfort her or apologize, she’s already running down the stairs and slamming the front door. I abandon my packing mission and plop down onto my bed, allowing myself to consider for just a moment that Marnie’s right.

  It just doesn’t seem plausible, and even if it were, Eli should have told me how he was feeling himself—without intervention from my pushy sister.

  Why would he wait until the night before I’m supposed to leave this place in my rearview mirror to come clean? For all I know, this is all a sick joke they’re playing on me and I fell right into the trap. Marnie and Eli have probably already met up with Emma to rehash the night, telling her what a huge success it was and what a pathetic loser I am. The pitiful virgin who gave it up to the first guy who offered, truly believing his feelings might be real or genuine.

  I knew I should have trusted my gut. I knew it all seemed too good to be true, but my stupid brain took a vacation and let my foolish heart take over the one time I needed it.

  I fall asleep next to my suitcase and don’t wake until the morning with just enough time to pack my things and leave. Marnie stayed out all night, not even bothering to come home and see me off. Somehow, despite the betrayal I felt from her and Eli the night before, I walk away from our childhood home feeling gutted by guilt. As if it were me who had meddled. As if I were the one in the wrong.

  Marnie and Denise always have a way of doing that to me. Turning the tables and toying with my emotions to get out of feeling things on their own and accepting that their actions had consequences. I’ve always been the one to pay.

  Chapter 9

  Lyla

  18 years old

  Marnie has her baby on Thanksgiving, two weeks before her due date. I had a plane ticket purchased to fly in within two hours of finding out. It wasn’t my mother who called me with the happy news, or even Josh. It was Lottie, a midnight Labor and Delivery nurse who’d visited the diner regularly after her shifts while I worked there.

  She was bursting with contagious excitement over the phone, practically screaming into my ear that the baby had come and that she and mom were doing perfect. We each exchanged a few squeals before I asked where my mother was. Her voice dropped a few octaves as she held the microphone right up to her mouth, muffling her words a bit so no one else could hear.

  “She left about an hour after she was born. Said something about celebrating with a few friends. Marnie begged her to at least call you before she left, but she was refusing. I told them I’d take care of it, and then Denise left.”

  Typical Denise. Turning something that had virtually nothing to do with her into a reason to soak up the attention at church. We haven’t spoken since the day I left for Cornell. It was one of the first times she had ever acted like my leaving was bothering her.

  “You’re still serious about this whole college thing? Come on, Mouse; wake up. You can go off to that ridiculous school and rack up your student loan debt all you want, but you’ll never be able to get The Hollow out of you. It’s inside of you. Regardless of how much you wish it to be true, you’ll never be better than me or your sister.”

  She leans back into her recliner and slams her coffee mug onto the side table with a loud thump, her lifeless eyes never leaving mine as I process the cruel words she had just spoken.

  I was standing at the front door waiting for a taxi when she finally decided to speak her mind. Surrounded by everything I owned—all of which fit in one small suitcase sitting at my feet and a second-hand laptop bag strapped around my shoulder—I’d never felt smaller. There was no apology in her voice. No shame for the words she had just spewed to her daughter, who was doing her best to better her life and break the cycle that had begun generations before all of us.

  She wholeheartedly felt that was the truth. That I’d never amount to anything more than she was: a lonely single mother living off welfare in a town that did nothing more than eat away at its residents. She didn’t even bother to recognize that I wouldn’t be taking a single loan out for school. I had earned my entire tuition, room and board, and living expenses through hard work and scholarships. She was just angry that I wouldn’t be staying here to worship the ground she walked on anymore.

  Just as I opened my mouth to speak, a yellow cab pulled in front of the house and honked three times. I held a finger out the door to signal I’d just be a minute and then turned to my mother, who hadn’t moved a single muscle since she dropped an atomic bomb on my chest.

  “I’ll call when I get there. Love you, Mom.” I took one last look at her dead, black eyes and then walked out the door.

  When I called the house later that night, no one answered. I called repeatedly for three days straight until a very annoyed Marnie picked up and informed me that Denise was ignoring me and that I was interrupting her nap. That was the last time I’d bothered to dial that number again and Denise made no moves to reach out since.

  The ladies at the diner held a baby shower for Marnie a few months later. Denise got into a fight with Tina and refused to help with a single thing. She claimed that Tina and the other ladies were stepping on her toes as a mother. That she was supposed to be the one to host the baby shower for her daughter. They went back and forth for a while until she finally got her way and didn’t have to lift a finger. Tina was apologetic toward Marnie, promising that she had no intention to step on Denise’s toes, but to her knowledge, there hadn’t been anything planned, so she decided to step in.

  Tina was right, though. Denise had been refusing to acknowledge the pregnancy so long as Marnie refused to heed her warnings and fall under her control. It wasn’t until other people took interest that she realized it might look less godly for her to ignore the pregnancy altogether, so she started participating.

  I only knew all of this because Josh had gotten a new job at the plastic factory one town over and surprised Marnie with a new cell phone. She texted me constantly and we talked on the phone as often as my school schedule would allow. I wasn’t sure what changed her mind about me, especially after the argument we had the last time we spoke in person, but I decided not to question it. If Marnie wanted to be close again after years of icy distance, I wouldn’t be the one to stand in the way.

  She did make a point to leave Eli out of every conversation we had, even though I knew Emma would still be keeping tabs on him while he’s away. I made
sure to leave that night exactly where it belonged: in the past. Filed away with the rest of my stupid, naive decisions, never to be thought of again.

  I sent my regrets for the shower, claiming I had three exams to cram for and couldn’t get away. It wasn’t a total lie. I did have exams to cram for, only they weren’t administered for a couple of weeks after the shower. The truth was, I wasn’t ready to go back to The Hollow. Not yet. While I know I'll never forget the place that made me who I am, it was almost too easy to drive away and barely think of again.

  I spent a large chunk of my savings from working at the diner the summer before to send a large gift basket filled with the best toys that moms were talking about in the online baby forums and a ton of diapers. Marnie called me that night gushing over her gifts and all the attention she got at the party.

  It didn’t escape me that while everyone in town was doing their best to support Marnie, a lot of them ended up only being able to scrape together enough for a couple of outfits, some toys, a bouncer, and some diapers. The baby didn’t even have a crib to sleep in once she arrived home. Denise hadn’t bothered to buy anything, claiming that her gift would be to watch the baby when Marnie was exhausted or needed a break. I wasn’t sure about the validity of that statement but either way I hoped it wasn’t true. I wouldn’t trust Denise with a baby if she was the last person on Earth.

  The following week, I scraped together some of the money I had been given from my scholarships for living expenses and sent a bassinet to the house anonymously. Marnie immediately called me when it arrived to thank me.

  “How did you know it was me?” I asked through a guilty smile.

  “Because no one else is as selfless as you, Mouse. I appreciate you so much.”

  I cried myself to sleep that night missing home. Not The Hollow itself, or the house I lived in when I was there. I missed the people that felt like home: Marnie, Eli, and even Denise.

  ***

  When I arrive at the hospital on Thanksgiving night, Lottie meets me at the front doors to let me in, taking me to a back elevator that leads to the Labor and Delivery unit. Marnie's sleeping when I walk into the room, her daughter tightly swaddled in a clear plastic bassinet beside her bed. I stand over it and stare down at her, memorizing every curve of her plump little face. She’s beautiful, just like Marnie and I instantly feel a strong sense of protectiveness over her the moment she opens her tiny little eyes and lets out a soft groan.

  Marnie’s eyes flutter open at the sound. She immediately sits up in her bed to check on her daughter, wincing at the sudden movement of her torso.

  “Hey,” I say, stepping beside the bed. “Slow down. She’s okay, she just made a little noise. Lay back down.”

  I help ease her back, noting that she still hasn't taken her eyes off the bassinet.

  “Isn’t she perfect?” she gushes, finally tearing her gaze way away from the baby to meet mine.

  “She is. You did a good job, Mom.”

  Her lips lift at the new name and I decide that this is exactly where Marnie is meant to be. The name fit perfectly. There isn’t anyone else more worthy of that little girl than she is.

  “We’re naming her Allyson. Allyson Grace. We haven’t announced it yet; I wanted to wait to tell you first.”

  “That’s a beautiful name, fit for a beautiful girl.”

  Her smile grows instantly, pride oozing from every pore on her body. “Do you want to hold her?”

  “Definitely,” I agree eagerly, stepping over to the bassinet to slip my hands under the tiny body.

  Marnie instructs me how to support her head before I walk over to the chair beside the bed, relaxing into it as Allyson relaxes into me.

  “You’re a natural. I can’t wait to see what your kids look like,” Marnie says, tears misting her eyes.

  I don’t bother telling her about my doubts when it comes to having kids. Not from lack of wanting them. Family and a love life just don’t seem to be in the cards for me. I haven’t even given it much of a thought until this moment while holding my niece in my arms with nothing but love and joy in my heart.

  Marnie’s eyes drift closed, and I send a silent prayer up to whoever's listening that one day I’ll get to be in the same spot, holding a child of my own. It's an odd request, one I’ve never considered before but desperately want now that the thought is infiltrating my mind.

  I look Allyson right in her glossy little eyes and speak to her for the very first time.

  “Hi, Allyson, it’s your Aunt Lyla. I’m so happy to finally meet you. I know we’re going to be the best of friends when you grow up.”

  Tears well up in my eyes as I find the courage to quietly whisper my next words.

  “I’m going to get you out of here before this place consumes you. I’m not sure when, but I’ll find a way. I promise.”

  I know, with every fiber of my being, that I’ll make good on that promise. There’s no way I’ll let another generation of Scott girls rot in The Hollow. She’s a victim of circumstance. Someone who doesn't deserve to have history repeat itself on her because Marnie’s incapable of learning from our mother's mistakes long enough to do it herself.

  Two hours later, I say goodbye to Allyson and set her back into the bassinet before placing a soft kiss on Marnie’s forehead. Without bothering to enter The Hollows town limits, I head back to the airport to catch a flight back to New York.

  Chapter 10

  Lyla

  Twenty years old

  I took a redeye flight back to The Hollow over the weekend.

  It’s been nearly two years since the last time I’ve done this. Even as I sit here on the plane, I can’t help but be grateful for the changes that have come during that time. I’m not the same scared girl that left to chase her dreams. I’m not the same woman who made a promise to her firstborn niece that she would get her out of there with no clue how she would do it. I’ve managed to build a life outside of this soul-sucking town; one that I’m proud of.

  I’m headed back to The Hollow to meet my second niece. Marnie called me seven months ago to the day to tell me about her positive pregnancy test. We were both so happy and squealing through the line, neither of us even considered what the stress of a second baby might do to her. That is, until Denise cut the call short with a loud scream that woke Ally up from her nap. According to Marnie, she was less than thrilled about the new addition to the family, already griping about the space that “the other one” took up. I begged her to come out and live with me constantly, but she always politely declined, claiming that Josh didn’t want to pick up and leave his family to move so far away.

  In truth, I believe Marnie got pregnant again to mend her broken relationship with the girls’ father. Naturally, it didn’t work. The stress of supporting their small family on one income had them falling into a dysfunctional routine shortly after Ally was born. Their relationship went on the back burner and resentment settled in. She wanted him to be more present at home. He wanted her to appreciate his efforts to support them. Neither was able to see the other one's side.

  It was heartbreaking watching their relationship crumble under the stress of simply loving each other so much, they couldn't see that it was breaking them apart. According to Dottie, both Josh and Denise were nowhere to be seen tonight as Marnie delivered the baby. She walked into the hospital with soaked pants and a toddler clinging to her hip, calmly telling the nurses she was in labor and the baby was coming any minute.

  Twenty minutes later, my niece was born in the triage room while Ally sat in a chair beside her. When Dottie explained the night to me, my heart shattered for Marnie. She didn’t deserve this. I just wished she was able to see that, too.

  “How are you feeling?” I ask as I enter the hospital room.

  It’s early in the morning by the time I make it to her, the hospital already buzzing for the day as a new shift takes over. Marnie looks worn down and tired, more so than I’ve ever seen her before. She lifts her shoulders in a pathetic shrug a
nd then returns her gaze to the TV above.

  Ally notices me from her spot on the couch and toddles over, her face bright with excitement. “Aunt!”

  I grab her up and kiss her cheeks and neck, igniting a fit of loud giggles that have her mother wincing in pain across the room. When she’s calmed down, I walk us over to the bassinet sitting beside the hospital bed and gaze down at the angel inside.

  She looks nothing like her sister, or even Marnie for that matter. In fact, her round cheeks and pointed nose resemble mine more than anyone else’s. I suppose she favors mine and Marnie’s father, the poor girl. I reach down to brush my fingers against the dusting of auburn hair sitting on top of her perfectly round head.

  “Sister,” Ally says, pointing a finger down at the sleeping baby below us.

  I nod and smile, pleased with how well her speech has been forming lately. I should’ve never worried about it with Marnie’s obsessive teaching skills.

  “Go ahead and say it,” Marnie grumbles, the first words she’s spoken aloud since I walked into the room.

  “Say what?”

  “She looks exactly like you!”

  I purse my lips, staring down at the baby again to buy myself some time. She does look like me, but Marnie doesn’t seem to be happy about that and I can’t decide if that pleases or offends me. When I look back over at my sister, she’s biting back a smile.

  “She does,” I concede, a chuckle leaving my mouth with the last word.

  Marnie lets out a loud cackle, her eyes quickly widening in surprise at the noise that has escaped her. That only results in more, until she’s howling so hard, she can’t even stop to take a breath. I watch in confused amazement, a couple of giggles hesitantly leaving my mouth as I consider whether it’s appropriate to laugh with her or call a nurse in and have her checked. She’s holding her abdomen and wincing in pain but can’t seem to stop laughing. Ally joins in, mocking her mother’s ridiculous laugh with a version of her own that makes us all sound like we were having a fit.