Fantastic Mr Fox

by Roald Dahl

  'To Mr Fox!' they all shouted, standing up and raising their glasses. 'To Mr Fox! Long may he live!'

  Then Mrs Fox got shyly to her feet and said, 'I don't want to make a speech. I just want to say one thing, and it is this: MY HUSBAND IS A FANTASTIC FOX.' Everyone clapped and cheered. Then Mr Fox himself stood up.

  'This delicious meal...' he began, then he stopped. In the silence that followed, he let fly a tremendous belch. There was laughter and more clapping. 'This delicious meal, my friends,' he went on, 'is by courtesy of Messrs Boggis, Bunce and Bean.' (More cheering and laughter.) 'And I hope you have enjoyed it as much as I have.' He let fly another colossal belch.

  'Better out than in,' said Badger.

  'Thank you,' said Mr Fox, grinning hugely. 'But now, my friends, let us be serious. Let us think of tomorrow and the next day and the days after that. If we go out, we will be killed. Right?'

  'Right!' they shouted.

  'We'll be shot before we've gone a yard,' said Badger.

  ' Ex-actly,' said Mr Fox. 'But who wants to go out, anyway; let me ask you that? We are all diggers, every one of us. We hate the outside. The outside is full of enemies. We only go out because we have to, to get food for our families. But now, my friends, we have an entirely new set-up. We have a safe tunnel leading to three of the finest stores in the world!'

  'We do indeed!' said Badger. 'I've seen 'em!'

  'And you know what this means?' said Mr Fox. 'It means that none of us need ever go out into the open again!'

  There was a buzz of excitement around the table.

  'I therefore invite you all,' Mr Fox went on, 'to stay here with me for ever.'

  'For ever!' they cried. 'My goodness! How marvellous!' And Rabbit said to Mrs Rabbit, 'My dear, just think! We're never going to be shot at again in our lives!'

  'We will make,' said Mr Fox, 'a little underground village, with streets and houses on each side - separate houses for Badgers and Moles and Rabbits and Weasels and Foxes. And every day I will go shopping for you all. And every day we will eat like kings.'

  The cheering that followed this speech went on for many minutes.

  18

  Still Waiting

  Outside the fox's hole, Boggis and Bunce and Bean sat beside their tents with their guns on their laps. It was beginning to rain. Water was trickling down the necks of the three men and into their shoes.

  'He won't stay down there much longer now,' Boggis said.

  'The brute must be famished,' Bunce said.

  'That's right,' Bean said. 'He'll be making a dash for it any moment. Keep your guns handy'

  They sat there by the hole, waiting for the fox to come out.

  And so far as I know, they are still waiting.