Blue Love : Blue Valley High — Senior Year

by Mj Fields

  Becca pulls in, and I jump out. I run to the side and walk through the gate.

  He’s in the hot tub, shirtless, and head laying back. For a second, I think he’s asleep, but even with the sun setting in the distance and shining in my eyes, I see a smile spread across his insanely handsome face.

  Smiling back, I hold up the bag. “Hey, I wanted to see you, so I brought you …”

  My mouth drops open, and I drop the bag when he groans, hisses, and a blonde head rises from the bubbling water.

  When she tries to kiss him, he opens his eyes and yells, “Dammit, Sadi!” and jerks his head to the side.

  His eyes widen when he sees me.

  Move, just move, I scream, but no words come out, and I remain frozen.

  When he yells out, “Fuck, Tessa!” I am able to turn and run.

  “Bye, Tessa,” Sadi calls after me, and I hear a splash.

  Fighting with the gate latch, Lucas grabs me with wet hands and turns me around. I smell alcohol on his breath.

  “I didn’t fuck her, Tessa. Don’t be mad.”

  “I’m not mad, Lucas. I’m broken.” I try to turn before tears fall, but he pulls me toward him and tries to hug me. “Get your hands off of me before I scream.”

  He shakes his head, and the pain in his eyes hurts me worse than my own.

  The first tear falls and, of course, it’s for him.

  “You are so much better than this.” I try to pull away, and he tightens his grip. “You need to let go of me now!”

  “Tessa, you okay?” I hear Jade just beyond the gate.

  “Now Lucas. Let go of me. Now.” Another tear falls, and he wipes it away. “Don’t. I’m not one of those weak, needy, sick bitches you seem to thrive off of. I want you to hear me now, Lucas Links. I will never chase you like those—”

  The gate opens, and I hear Jade gasp.

  I hold up a finger, telling her to give me a minute, and finish. “—like those whores. I will never chase you. This is over. Take your filthy hands off me now!”

  “Tessa, I know you hate me right now, but I love you, baby,” Lucas pleads.

  “I don’t want that kind of love.” I swallow back the tears, and they burn like lava. “I was devastated when I met you, and I’m a little bit broken right now, but not that kind of broken. If you ever thought you loved me, I’m telling you that you lied to yourself, and to me. Now, you will leave me alone.” I turn and walk toward Jade.

  Sadi yells from behind me, “Buh-bye, farm trash.”

  Jade starts toward her, but I grab her arm and whisper, “Don’t. I need you now, and this is done.”

  I look up to see Phoebe and Becca standing just beyond the gate, their faces telling me that they heard everything.

  We drive home in complete silence, and not one more tear spills.

  “I need a minute,” I say as Becca puts the car in park.

  “Of course. Mind if I go in and use the bathroom?” Becca asks.

  “Me, too?” Phoebe asks.

  “Of course.”

  A few minutes later, Alex walks out, and I can tell he knows.

  I open the door and get out. Jade follows me.

  He grabs me and pulls me into a hug.

  I whisper, “Alex, I’m not going to fall apart.”

  “No, you aren’t. We Rosses are strong.”

  The first thing I do when I walk into the house is grab a garbage bag from the pantry then head upstairs, where I fill it with everything he has ever given me. I set it by the door, kiss Kendall, and then lay down in her bed.

  Minutes later, Jade climbs in behind me and hugs me.

  “You’re going to be fine,” Jade whispers.

  “I am, but what a waste of a bikini wax.” Then the realization hits. “I have to sing the ‘National Anthem’ tomorrow at the game. Do you think they’ll be pissed if I blow it off?”

  “No. But you won’t.” Jade hugs me tighter.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I walk onto the field just before the homecoming game starts.

  “Thank God, you’re here, Tessa. You’re on in five minutes.” Cody, the announcer, sighs his relief. Then he hurries me off to the center of the field to do a mic check. A few seconds later, the music starts. I look up in the stands, find Kendall and Jake, and smile. Then I look to the sky as I sing.

  Relief washes over me as I hit each note, and when the crowd cheers and claps, relief washes over me that it’s done.

  “Thank you,” I say into the microphone.

  As I walk off, Toby Green, homecoming king and star quarterback from two years ago, who also works on the farm every summer, touches my shoulder. “You have an amazing voice, Tessa Ross. And can I just say … wow.” He looks me up and down. “You are gorgeous.”

  “And you’re just as handsome as ever.” I force a smile and, yes, flirt, which is totally out of character for me, but Sadi Black has not stopped smirking at me, and fuck her if she thinks I’m anything like her. Like I ever will be.

  “Do you have a date for tonight’s dance?”

  “Actually, I don’t. Why do you ask?”

  “That’s criminal.” Ever the character, Toby drops to one knee, takes my hand, and kisses it. “Tessa Ross, can I escort you to the dance tonight?”

  “You’ll have to ask Alex. He’s over on the bench.”

  “Stay here.” He stands and winks. “I’ll be right back.”

  I watch him—well, Lucas’s reaction to him—as he asks Alex if he can take me to the dance.

  Jade comes up beside me. “Toby Green, Tessa? He’s hot!”

  I shrug. “And right now, he’s asking Alex, who happens to be standing next to Lucas, if he can escort me to homecoming.”

  We watch as Toby runs across the field to me. Then he grabs me up and swings me around in a circle before setting me back on my feet and kisses my cheek. “He said I could take you as long as I was a gentleman.”

  “Great. We can meet here at eight.”

  “No, Miss Ross. I’ll pick you up at seven thirty.” Toby nods toward the field. “I have to go announce homecoming court. See you around.”

  Cody announces Toby, and the entire field erupts in applause. He’s kind of a hometown legend and the first to be accepted into Annapolis Naval Academy. But more than all that, he’s genuinely a nice guy. If you asked anyone what they thought of Toby, not one person would have a bad thing to say about him.

  The first person he calls out is Lucas, and my heart slowly sinks. It plummets when he stares directly at me as he walks onto the field. And then, when he mouths, “I love you,” I hurt for him. I hurt because he clearly has no idea what love is. Not that I’m an expert, but the kind of love I want involves two people. Two.

  I shake my head as Toby calls the last boy, Alex.

  I tear my eyes from Lucas and search for my brother, who looks completely taken aback, not having expected, like some of the others have.

  I smile at him, and he shrugs.

  A moment later, Jade’s name is called, and then … mine?

  I look at Alex, and he laughs, apparently reading the shock on my face.

  Standing on the field, Lucas makes his way to me and positions himself next to me as we stand for pictures. I look at the crowd, and in it I see at least three men with clipboards. College scouts.

  “Yes, I do love you, Tessa. Don’t give up on me. I fucked up, but I have—”

  “Good luck today, Lucas.” I force myself to smile.

  He stares at me intently, looking for something he’s not going to get, and then, shoulders slumped, head hung down low, he walks back to the bench.

  “What was that about?” Jade asks.

  “I want him to be okay.” I shrug. “Head in the game, you know.”

  The game starts, and I sit with the girls. Toby comes to sit with us.

  He puts his arm around my shoulders. “So, that QB out there, was he your date?”

  I nod.

  “Did he hurt you?”

  “First”—l
ove—“crush thing, you know.”

  “Did he cheat?” Toby asks.

  “Yeah,” I whisper.

  “We’re going to have a lot of fun tonight making him wish he never messed with Tessa Ross. Make him jealous. But, for now, I’m going to sit down there so we win this game. Then you’ll see I’m a much better option … when you’re ready.”

  Shocked, I swing my glance to him.

  He winks. “By the way, what are you wearing?”

  The blue dress, but not anymore. What can I do besides laugh? So, I do. Then I tell Toby, “I have no idea.”

  The Saints won the game. As much as I wanted to run from the field and get to the falls, I held my head high as I walked past the snickering Sadi and her group of friends and out to Alex.

  “You played amazing.” I hug him.

  When I step back, Lucas is standing next to me, arms crossed, head down, peering up at me through black lashes, eyes pained.

  “Could you come with me, please?” I ask him.

  “Yeah, yes, of course, anywhere.” His voice is full of hope, which again, hurts me.

  He follows me to Jade’s car. I open the door and pull the bag, filled with the things Lucas has given me, out from the back seat and hold it out. “These are yours.”

  Lucas steps back, looking wounded. “Those were gifts, baby.”

  “I don’t want them.”

  Lucas grabs my hands. “Tessa, what can I do to fix this?”

  “Can you turn back time?” I ask, sadness for him dwindling and anger beginning to brew.

  He shakes his head.

  “Then nothing, Lucas.”

  “I won’t accept that.”

  “Then you never knew me. I’m not the do-over kind of girl. I’m not like them.” My throat begins to burn, and tears immediately fill my eyes.

  “I know that, Tessa. And I know I broke you, and I’ll do anything to put you back together.”

  I feel my face contort, anger near boiling point. “I’m not Humpty Dumpty!”

  “Fuck, Tessa, I wish I was like you. But everything about you makes me want to be better, and no one has ever made me feel that way. Please, baby, just let me explain,” Lucas pleads.

  “I went for a pedicure and came to see you because I knew something was wrong. I walked in to see a girl who attacked me, a girl who you profess to despise, with her mouth full of you. I will never be that person for you or anyone else. Even though it was only six weeks, I did love you, Lucas. I would have done anything for you. You thought so little of me that, out of all the people in the world, you chose to fuck her,” I spit.

  “I did not fuck her, Tessa—”

  “Okay, Lucas, you fucked her mouth, the same mouth that spewed disgusting comments about the person you profess to love. Do you know how wrong that is? Do you?”

  “I do.” He looks away, but not before I see his eyes misting over.

  No, no, no, I scold myself as my heart begins racing, and my hands wish to comfort him. I don’ t want to see him cry.

  “Don’t.” I shake my head. “Please don’t.”

  “What can I do, Tessa? Just tell me what I can do?” And a tear falls.

  I reach up and wipe it away. I can’t bring myself to remove my hand from his face. I swipe my thumb over his lips, and he pulls me into a hug.

  “I have never cried over a girl,” he whispers in my ear. “I have never loved another, not truly loved them. I’ve never wanted someone the way I want you, Tessa. I didn’t take you even when you offered yourself to me on a silver platter. I’m trying, baby. You deserve a better me, and I’ll prove that I can be that person for you, even if it takes me forever. And I don’t fail. I love you.”

  It almost sickens me how desperately I want to believe him, to kiss him. How I want him in every way that I have for weeks … but what he just said is just words.

  He pulls away before I do, further making me feel pathetic, and gently kisses my forehead.

  “Be better for you, not me, Lucas.”

  “I will, and then it’s you and me forever.” Again, he sounds hopeful. “See you tonight.”

  “Lucas,” I call after him, and he looks back. “I’m going with someone.”

  He scowls slightly. “I know, but I also know you’ll be okay. You’re not like me.”

  “This is perfect.” Jade holds up a chocolate brown, halter-style dress. “The open back is amazing.”

  She turns the hanger, so I can see it.

  “It’s great, Jade.” I look at her and smile. “You look stunning.”

  Jade is wearing red with a lot of sparkle, of course, and high heels. Her hair is done and swept half up, and she’s wearing gold hoop earrings and a necklace. She looks amazing. With her, that was effortless.

  “Hair and makeup time.” She smiles like she does every day. If you didn’t know Jade, you’d think it was kind of heartless, but knowing her like I do, I know that smile is the opposite. She’s all heart and wants everyone to be happy, and she once told me that everyone who is living and breathing should smile simply because of that.

  She works her magic, and when I look in the mirror, I almost don’t recognize myself.

  “Thank you, Jade.” I smile at my reflection then hers. “You’re stunning, Jade Ross, as usual. Tommy is a lucky boy.”

  A knock at the door has us walking into the kitchen. Jade opens the door then steps back, smiling from ear to ear as Tommy steps in, wearing a black suit and his hair is a little more styled than usual. He looks amazing.

  The way he looks at Jade is absolutely priceless. His eyes sparkle, and he looks at her with awe in his blue eyes, and she looks at him exactly the same.

  I’m happy for her, truly, yet it also hurts a little bit.

  “Go.” I laugh, shooing them to the door.

  “See you at the dance, Tessa. We’ll wait for you so we can walk in together.”

  Alex walks into the kitchen, attempting to make sense of his tie. “You look amazing.”

  I walk over, bat his hand away, and start to fix his tie. “And Phoebe is a lucky girl to have arm candy like you tonight.”

  Alex frowns. “What did he do to you?”

  “Nothing physical, Alex. I’ll be fine. First crush.” I step back and look at his tie. “That’s all. And I want you to be his friend.”

  “Tessa—”

  “No, Alex, he needs people like you in his life, and I cannot be that person right now, but you can. You and Dad have made plans for shooting and hunting and—”

  “That’s not fair to you.”

  “He could have had anything he wanted from me, Alex, and he didn’t even—”

  His eyes smash shut. “Okay.”

  “And Jade’s boyfriend is his best friend, he’s your friend, teammate, and—”

  “Yeah, I said okay.”

  He opens his eyes, and I give him a smile.

  He hugs me again. “Toby’s a good man.”

  I push him away. “Go get our girl.”

  “Our girl?” He laughs.

  “Yeah, Phoebe is one of my favorite people, so—”

  “One of mine, too.”

  “Good, because if you hurt her—”

  “Oh no, if she hurts me, you still have to be her friend,” he cuts me off.

  “I said, if you hurt her.”

  He rolls his eyes. “Good to know what side you’re on.”

  “Oh, I’m definitely on yours. Have you seen how the single girls in our school, and those around us, act?”

  “Yeah, Tessa, which is why I’ve remained single.”

  “Until Phoebe.”

  He nervously messes with his tie. “Yeah. I guess.”

  Looking out the window, toward the back field, I want nothing more than to tear this dress off, put my hair in a ponytail, and run, but backward, rewinding the past few months, restarting my senior year, and remember who I am … or who I was. I am forever changed.

  When I see a navy blue Jeep Wrangler pull in, I inhale a deep breath, grab my
Polaroid so that I can get pictures of Jade and Tommy, Phoebe and Alex, and Becca and—I don’t remember his name, because I’ve been a shit friend—like she took all those pictures of me and Lucas. Something tells me none of them will ever throw their Polaroids into the garbage, wanting to forget that, deep down, so deep down, in fact, that I didn’t ever want to admit it, that I wished he would have been my first and forever. The fact that Alex burned the burnable portion of the trash that night was a sign. We were just a thing. Maybe a catalyst to helping Jade find Tommy, and Phoebe to come out of her shell, and Alex to take notice. And there it is … and that was that.

  I walk out onto the porch, feeling like a weight has lifted off my shoulders, and smile as Toby climbs the porch stairs.

  His eyes lit up, and it hits me that Toby Green truly is extremely handsome and has a smile that feels like a hug. “Tessa, you look stunning.”

  “Well, thank you. You look amazing, Mr. Green.”

  He holds his arm out, and I slide mine through his. Then we walk down the porch stairs.

  When I reach for the door, he beats me to it and opens it.

  “Thank you, sir.”

  “Where’s your dad?” he asks.

  “He’s in the shop.”

  “Can we go say hi?”

  “Of course.”

  After we pull around back, Dad walks out of the shop, wiping his hands on a grease rag. He walks up to the driver’s side.

  “Hey, Toby, how are things?” He holds his hand out, and they shake.

  “They’re great. I’m off for the long weekend, and then back to Annapolis. I wanted you to know Tessa is in great hands tonight, John.”

  “I have no worries.” Dad pats him on the back.

  “Can you take a picture of us?” Toby grabs my camera and hands it to Dad.

  We step out of the vehicle.

  “In front of the barn?” Toby asks.

  “Sure.”

  Dad takes several shots. Some are silly, and some are a little more of the typical posed photos. When we’re done, Toby opens the door for me, I get in, and then we head out.

  “You’re going to be okay, Tessa.” He squeezes my hand. “That boy is going to regret messing with my date. Are you ready to put on a show?”