“I don’t see why not. It would be a great way for you to make some friends and as talented as you are, I know that everyone would be thrilled to hear you perform.” She glanced over at me, but quickly turned her attention back to her son.
“It’s not going to happen, Mom. We’ve already talked about this. Jenny and I were just playing together for fun. That’s all.” He looked over at me. “Did you hear her sing?”
“Sure I did.” She grabbed Gabriel’s hand. “Let’s go—you’re supposed to be at lunch, aren’t you? The next class is about to start.”
“I have a few minutes.” He frowned.
“No, you don’t.” She stared hard at him. “You’re not where you’re supposed to be. I told you when we came that we were going to try to make it work here. You told me you’d cooperate. Now I’m already dealing with complaints against you—some wild story about spraying orange soda at some girls?”
“That wasn’t his fault.” I glanced over at her.
“I’m sure it wasn’t.” She pursed her lips.
“Mom, you don’t understand.” Gabriel sighed.
“Great, you can tell me about it on the way to your next class, which I’ll be escorting you to. Let’s go.” She tugged his arm until he took a step forward.
“I’ll see you later?” Gabriel glanced over his shoulder at me.
“Sure.” I nodded as I recalled our plans to meet in the courtyard. After they stepped out of the music room, I stepped out as well and started to go in the opposite direction. As I walked away, I heard a snippet of their conversation.
“You listen to me, Gabriel, I don’t want you to be alone with her, do you understand? You need to stay focused on making this school work. I don’t want you getting distracted.”
They turned the corner of the hallway.
Mortified, I felt my cheeks heat up. Of course his mother wouldn’t want me anywhere near her son. Of course she would see me as a threat. It didn’t matter that Gabriel had been the one to come to me.
His words echoed through my mind. I would do anything for you.
Was that just a line he was feeding me? How could he feel so strongly about me?
I closed my eyes and leaned back against a row of lockers. I knew exactly how he could feel so strongly about me. I felt the same way about him. But it didn’t matter. His mom was right, he deserved to be with someone safer, someone that didn’t have all the baggage I had to lug around with me.
I started to walk down the hall when I was suddenly slammed back against the lockers.
“Where have you been?” Maby sighed. “I’ve been looking for you.”
“I got caught up in the music room with Gabe.” I frowned.
“How did that go?” Maby winced. “I think I might have pushed way too hard.”
“You did.” I straightened up. “But it doesn’t matter anyway. I probably won’t be seeing much of him anymore.” I shook off the sadness that my words triggered in me. So what? It was for the best. It was silly of me to think that there could be something between us in the first place.
“Well, I booked us a horseback riding lesson this afternoon. I thought we could all use the fresh air.” She waved to Oliver at the end of the hall. “Are you ready? We’re excused from our afternoon classes.”
“Sure, that sounds amazing.” I felt some relief as Maby’s arm draped around me.
Maybe she had no idea when she’d booked the classes, but a little time out on the trails was exactly what I needed at the moment. Anything to get me as far from the school, the whispers, and the judgment as possible.
As I followed Maby and Oliver out of the school, I promised myself that I’d be more careful. Letting my emotions get out of control would only send me backwards. I wanted more than anything to be able to move on.
During the taxi ride to the stables, I listened to Maby and Oliver banter back and forth about who was the best rider. I smiled at the warm way they teased each other. In all the years that Maby and I had been friends, I never expected her to find someone that she could really and truly love. Yet she’d managed to. Oliver was the perfect fit.
As soon as I mounted my horse, I felt the tension of the day begin to drain from me. As if the horse understood what I needed, she took off with a burst of energy.
I held on tight and smiled into the wind that rushed across my face.
Chapter 9
A good ride through the woods was exactly what I needed. With the powerful animal propelling me forward and the sunshine and wind in my face, I felt as if everything that weighed on my shoulders disappeared—at least for a little while.
By the time I turned back toward the stables, I felt more like me than I had in a long time. Maby and Oliver were still pretty far behind me. I knew she wanted to spend time with me, but the fast pace of my ride had shaken free a sense of happiness that I didn’t know I was still capable of, and I was grateful to feel it again.
Out on the trail, there was no one to taunt me, no one to remind me of the mistakes I’d made and the consequences that would continue to ripple through my life. No one to make me think about crazy things, like falling in love, like being in a new relationship. All of the pressure lifted from my shoulders and I savored a taste of what it would be like to be truly free.
What if it wasn’t just a taste? What if it could be more? The thought both frightened and thrilled me, as my mind began to spin through an idea that just might solve everything.
“Are you two ever going to catch up?” I called out as I glanced back over my shoulder. Maby and Oliver were still near the end of the trail. “Slowpokes!”
I watched as they murmured to each other and leaned so close that I thought they would have to kiss or they might both fall off their horses. With my heart in my throat, it hit me. It didn’t matter how hard I tried to convince myself that I was okay on my own, a part of me still craved that kind of connection with someone.
My mind flipped back through memories of Chuck as he took my hand, as he pulled me close, as his lips met mine. Hot tears burned at my eyes as I turned away from the two of them. I was happy for Maby—I really was—but I didn’t know how much of it I could take. When I glanced back again, I saw Maby’s horse trot up beside mine. She slid down from the saddle and walked Goldie over to a post near the stable.
“You win—again.” She rolled her eyes.
“I can’t help it.” I slid down from my horse and tied it up as well. Quickly, I blinked back any remaining tears. I didn’t want her to know that I was upset. “I love feeling the breeze in my hair. Being cooped up at my aunt’s house was no fun at all. It’s great to be back here. I just wish everyone felt the same way.” My voice wavered some as she stared into my eyes. I knew that she could see the truth there. I’d never been able to lie to Maby.
As she hugged me, I felt the floodgates threaten to open. I wanted so much for time to rewind, for this hug to be between friends that had never been torn apart for a year.
“Jenny, I’m going to tell you a secret.”
“You are?” I smiled as I recalled one of Maby’s favorite places to tell secrets. “But we’re not in the right place to tell secrets.”
“It’s alright, I don’t need to whisper it.”
“So? What’s the secret?” I took a breath and hoped it would be something funny, something to shake me out of my sadness.
“One day you’re going to meet someone, someone absolutely wonderful. When you do, nothing that anyone else thinks is going to matter to you.” She tipped her head toward Oliver, who tied his horse up near the stable. “Trust me, I know.”
“That’s sweet, Maby.” I smiled as I looked over at Oliver. “He really is a great guy. But that’s just not in the cards for me.” I did my best to sound completely confident.
“What do you mean?” She met my eyes. “Don’t you want to fall in love?”
“No.” I pursed my lips. “I don’t think anyone could understand what I’ve been through over the past year. I don’t think I
want to explain it. I just want to be on my own for a while.”
“I can understand that. But I’m living proof that things don’t always work out that way. I would suggest that you keep your heart open. See where it leads. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.”
“Hm, well, it all seems to have worked out pretty well for you.” I smiled thinking about my friend’s happiness. “Everything happens at the right time, right? I’m just pretty sure that this isn’t the right time for me. Maybe one day, though. Maybe.” I shrugged. “Your romance turned out to be pretty great. Mine didn’t. As much as I believe in love, I’m not sure that I’ll want to take that risk again for a long time.”
My heart fluttered as I realized that I already knew the answer to that. I knew I wanted to take that risk and I knew who I wanted to take it with, but it just wasn’t possible. I had to be stronger than my desires and make the right choice.
“Whatever you need, I’ll be here for you.” She hugged me.
“I know you will be.” I smiled as I looked into her eyes. “Now go snuggle up to that adorable little creature before he gets too lonely without you.” I gave her a light shove toward Oliver.
As she ran into his arms, I watched the two of them embrace. Yes, I was happy for my friend and Oliver seemed like a very nice person. But feelings like that were off limits for me and I had to face that fact. Maby had good intentions, and though it broke my heart to even think it, I realized that maybe I needed a little space from her too.
Until I could figure out who this new Jennifer was, I would have a hard time being around people who still saw me as the girl they knew before. The girl with a wild smile who didn’t have a single thing hidden inside to haunt her.
When I returned to the school, I knew what I had to do.
I placed a call to the principal’s office and asked for a meeting. The school was partially empty but extracurricular activities kept a few students in the halls. As I headed for the principal’s office, I prepared in my mind what I would say. He would be happy to hear it, I was sure, as would Gabriel’s mother.
Lost in thought, I didn’t notice the girls approaching me until it was too late. I felt someone grab my shoulder and turned just in time to catch a punch to my stomach.
As I gasped in pain, I heard laughter surround me. One of them shoved me into the lockers. Another landed a kick just below my knee.
Tears flooded my eyes as I put my hands up in an attempt to protect my face. Laughter again echoed around me. I could hear their taunts, but I couldn’t understand the words as panic rushed through me.
I heard some shoving, some shouts, and suddenly I felt arms around me. Only they didn’t try to hurt me. They held me.
“Jenny.” His voice rippled through my senses as pain continued to throb through my body.
I knew I should pull away. I knew I shouldn’t let him touch me. But it felt so good to press my face against his chest and to feel his arms around me. I wished the moment would last forever. I tilted my head up to look at him and his lips brushed across my forehead. A fierce desire overcame me. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to kiss him more than I’d ever wanted to kiss anyone.
“No!” I broke free of his embrace and started to run down the hall.
“Jenny, wait!” He ran after me, caught my hand, and held it tight.
“I can’t do this, Gabriel! I won’t!”
Chapter 10
“Do what?” He stared at me, his hand still tight around mine. “I don’t want to hurt you, Jenny. I promise, I won’t.”
“You can’t promise that. You can’t possibly.” I twisted my hand until it was free of his grasp. “I heard what your mother said to you. I know that she doesn’t want you anywhere near me.” I took a sharp breath. “And you know what? She’s not wrong.”
“She is wrong.” He stepped closer to me, though he didn’t attempt to take my hand again. “She’s absolutely wrong.”
“No, she’s not.” I looked into his eyes as fresh tears burned mine. “She’s right. They’re all right. I don’t belong here. I thought I could come back and it would be just like it was before. But it isn’t. It isn’t anything like it was before.”
“Hey, take a breath.” He rested his hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes. “I saw what happened here. You and I can go to the principal’s office, those girls will get expelled and—”
“No.” I shook my head as I pulled away from his touch again. “You don’t understand, Gabriel, you can’t.” I wiped at my cheeks as a few tears slipped past. “I don’t belong here. Not anymore. At least somewhere else I might have a chance to become someone new, someone that won’t be a target.”
“I can protect you—if you let me.” His voice softened as his fingertips grazed my cheek. “I meant what I said before, Jenny, whether you believe me or not—I would do anything for you.”
“No, that’s part of the problem.” I shook my head as I pushed his hand away. “You wouldn’t. You don’t even know me. You would do anything for this person that you’ve imagined I am, but that’s not who I am.”
“Then tell me.” He gave a short laugh. “Because I don’t think there is a single thing you could say to me that could change the way I feel about you.”
“It doesn’t matter, that’s the part you don’t get.” I sighed. “Your mother is right. You shouldn’t be around me. If you are, you’re going to get yourself into trouble. She’ll decide to move again and it will all be my fault.” I started to turn away.
“Jenny!” He stepped in front of me before I could escape. “You’re the one that doesn’t get it. I don’t care about any of that. I don’t care what anyone says. I know what I feel, and although I might not know every single thing about you, I know that you are the only person on this earth that I have ever felt this way about. I know that you’re a good person and that you don’t deserve to be treated this way. I know that you think you do.” He cupped my cheeks with his hands and met my eyes. “But you don’t. I will do everything in my power to prove that to you.”
“Please, Gabriel, this isn’t going to work.” I shuddered as my heart lurched. I wanted to believe him. I wanted to plead with him not to give up on me, not to let me walk away. But I couldn’t get the words out. Instead fresh tears formed.
“Jenny, just give me a chance.” He stroked my cheeks with his thumbs. “I can’t let you walk away.”
“You have to.” I whispered my words as he leaned closer to me.
“I won’t.” He rested his forehead against mine.
“Gabriel. I don’t want to hurt you.” My voice trembled as I spoke.
“Then don’t.” He tipped his head to the side and his lips neared mine.
I felt the warmth that emanated from them. I could imagine their softness. My own lips ached to touch them, and for an instant I tilted my head to meet them, but just before they could collide, I pulled away.
“No, absolutely not!” I pushed my hands against his chest and created space between us. “The answer is no. Do you understand me?”
“Jenny, I didn’t mean to frighten you.” His eyes widened.
“Just stay away from me!” I glared at him as I backed away. “Please, just stay away!”
As I turned and ran down the hall, I forgot all about my appointment with the principal. All I knew was that I had to get as far away from him as possible. I pushed my way through the doors of the school as my heart slammed against my chest.
A mixture of panic and regret seized my thoughts, making it almost impossible to decide what to do next. There was only one place I could think of going. I couldn’t see Maby while I was like this; she would demand to know what was wrong.
Instead, I ran toward the hideout—a building in an area of the campus that was rarely used. It had become a storage place for old equipment and supplies until my friends and I had transformed it into a clubhouse of sorts. It was top secret among my friends and also the place I’d intended to invite Gabriel to.
What had I been think
ing?
I closed the door behind me and let the tears finally flow. Not even back for a full semester and already I’d stumbled into a romance that I’d promised myself I would do anything to avoid.
I sat down on the pile of pillows on the floor and started to lie back when I noticed a box shoved into the corner. It was decorated with doodles and stickers. I recognized it as one of our memory boxes.
I tugged it toward me, hoping that it would provide some kind of distraction. The first thing I picked up, however, was a photo album filled with pictures of Chuck and me together. He’d always had his arms around me. I was always kissing his cheek. Whenever we looked at each other, we smiled. I had been convinced at the time that Chuck was the one for me. No, there wasn’t any magic or rainbows, but he’d been loyal and supportive of me. He’d cared about me. That felt like magic.
We had even begun to make plans for a future together—going to college in the same town, imagining the possibility of marriage. Of course I knew it was too much. Maby warned me that it was too much. But I refused to hear her.
Instead, I’d tumbled headlong into passion and when Chuck and I surfaced, we were faced with a consequence that neither of us had ever expected. A baby.
I brushed my hand across my stomach and felt a rush of grief. At times I could forget. I could pretend that I was just another teenager like everyone else, but when I remembered, it rushed back to me all at once, and that one particular moment, the hardest of my life, took my breath away.
It wasn’t the pain of labor and it wasn’t the misery of morning sickness. It was the moment that I’d had to say goodbye.
Many times throughout the pregnancy, I’d wished that none of it had ever happened. I’d prayed that I would wake up in the morning and all of it would be a dream. But the moment my daughter was born, that all changed. The moment I saw her for the first time, I knew I would never wish for things to be different again.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and began to thumb through pictures of her on my phone. I’d taken as many as I could and I’d received more over the past few months—little updates of how she was doing. It thrilled me to see her so happy and loved, but it also broke my heart.
A Fresh Start: A Young Adult Sweet Romance (Oak Brook Academy Book 5) Page 4
