There was no way I was ready to be a mother, there was no chance I could give her the kind of life that she deserved, but that didn’t mean I didn’t miss her, that I didn’t still long for her.
As I stared at the very first picture I’d taken of her, my phone buzzed with a text.
Chuck’s name flashed across my screen, followed by his words.
We need to talk.
Chapter 11
As I stared at the text on the screen, my mind swirled once more. Did Chuck sense somehow that I was thinking about him? I hadn’t spoken to him since I’d left Oak Brook Academy the year before. What little communication we did have had been conducted through lawyers and parents, and everyone had gone to great lengths to make sure that we’d remained separated. We didn’t need any help with that.
I, at least, didn’t have any desire to see or speak to him.
So what could he possibly want to talk about?
I didn’t want to find out.
I ignored the text and tucked the photo album back into the box. Only then did I remember my meeting with the principal. Now I needed it more than ever. Oak Brook might once have been my home, but now it was a place I didn’t belong, and the longer I tried to make it work, the more painful it would become. It had been a bad idea to even attempt to come back in the first place.
I shoved the photo album back into the box and headed back outside. Even my favorite place to hide out was full of memories that I couldn’t stand to experience.
As hurried toward the courtyard I hoped that the principal would still be in his office. The sooner I made arrangements to leave, the sooner I could put everything behind me. With my focus on my thoughts, I didn’t notice someone else in the courtyard until I heard my name being called.
“Jenny!”
I turned to face him as a shiver coursed down my spine. “No, Gabe. No, not right now.”
“You’re upset.” He sighed as he reached for my hand. “Listen to me, Jenny, it doesn’t have to be like this. Let me show you that you can trust me.”
“You’re so eager, aren’t you?” I raised an eyebrow. “Brand new at the school, brand new to me, and yet you’re acting as if you’ve known me for years. Why the draw?”
“What do you mean by that? I told you how I feel about you. I can’t help that it happened quickly. I’ve never experienced something like this before either.”
“Well, I have.” I stared straight into his eyes. “I know what it’s like to be swept up in passion with a guy who told me I could trust him. But you already know that, don’t you? That’s why you keep showing up. That’s why you keep acting like this amazing person.”
“What are you trying to say?” He narrowed his eyes.
“I’m saying that you think I’m a sure thing. You think because I’ve obviously had sex once before, I’m going to want to do the same with you. It’s disgusting. I don’t want anything to do with you!”
“Unbelievable!” He glared at me. “How could you even say something like that to me? I’ve never done anything but be kind to you and protect you and you accuse me of something like that?” He shook his head. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I don’t know anything about you. I thought you actually cared about me the way that I care about you, but clearly that’s not the case.” He turned and walked away.
As he disappeared into the common room, I felt the urge to chase after him. I wanted to demand that he admit the truth. But the truth was, I didn’t really believe my own accusations. The Gabriel I thought I knew was not someone who would do that to me or to any girl. As my mind spun with the consequences of my actions, I wondered if I would ever find solid ground to stand on.
I spent the night holed up in my room, despite Maby’s best efforts to draw me out. I could barely bring myself to open my eyes, let alone check my phone or answer my door. I needed everything to just stop or at least to slow down for a little while.
Instead, the night became day in the blink of an eye and I was faced with a terrible choice.
Did I tell the principal I wanted to leave Oak Brook Academy? Or did I stay and face the fact that it would never be the same sanctuary it had once been for me?
I found a fresh cup of coffee and a banana nut muffin in the kitchenette along with a note from Maby.
Everything is better with bananas.
I couldn’t help but smile. It was such a simple note, but so true. She knew it would make me smile. How could I leave a friend like that?
I took a few bites of the muffin, then made a decision—or at least, a temporary decision. I would stay for another day. I wanted to make sure that leaving was the right choice. Lately, I’d been making decisions too fast and based on the wrong reasons—like the way I’d spoken to Gabriel the night before.
I winced at the memory of it. He hadn’t done anything to hurt me—that was the truth. He’d been nothing but kind to me and I’d accused him of a terrible thing. I doubted he’d ever speak to me again, but the truth was, I still wanted to see him.
As I started to tuck my phone into my pocket, it buzzed with a text. I pulled it out and saw Chuck’s name on my screen again.
Please, Jenny, can we meet?
I glared at the text, then shoved the phone down into my pocket. The last thing I wanted was to deal with Chuck.
I managed to get through most of my morning without too many problems. I heard the usual whispers, received the usual stares, and could barely concentrate on my work, but I made it to lunch without another confrontation—and without any sighting of Gabriel.
I noticed as soon as I walked into the lunchroom that he wasn’t at our table.
Maby waved to me as I walked up.
“Did you get your muffin?”
“I did, thanks so much.” I sat down across from her and smiled at the rest of my friends.
“Are you doing okay?” Candy studied me. “I was going to come over and watch a movie with you last night, but Maby said that you weren’t in the mood.”
“I had a hard time last night.” I sighed. If I couldn’t talk to my friends, then who could I talk to? “Coming back here has been harder than I expected.”
“I was afraid of that.” Apple frowned. “People can be such jerks.”
“But you can’t let them get to you, Jenny.” Maby met my eyes. “Remember, it doesn’t matter what other people think.”
“I know, I know.” I shook my head. “I just don’t know if coming back here was the right decision.”
“Don’t say that.” Maby grabbed my hand. “Oak Brook is where you belong.”
“Maybe I don’t belong anywhere.” I bit into my bottom lip. “There just might not be a place for me.”
“You belong right here.” Candy added her hand on top of Maby’s.
Soon all my friends had piled their hands on top of mine. The warmth of their support filled me with a sense of strength that I hadn’t felt in a very long time. Maybe there were bullies, maybe I’d messed everything up with Gabriel, but having a circle of friends who would do anything to help me made me realize how lucky I really was.
“I know it isn’t easy, Jenny.” Maby squeezed my hand. “But no matter what, you’re never alone. We’ve got your back.”
By the time lunch was over, I felt as if I had an army behind me. Maby was right—I really wasn’t alone.
Chapter 12
My afternoon went smoothly until my last class. Music class. The class I shared with Gabriel. I couldn’t even imagine facing him and yet my heart skipped a beat at the thought of seeing him again. No matter what I told myself, the feelings I had for him refused to fade. Not that it mattered now. He had good reason to hate me and never speak to me again.
As I settled at the piano, I noticed him walk into the classroom.
He noticed me too but looked away the moment he did.
I turned my attention to the piano and did my best to ignore the tears that wanted to form. I had no right to be sad after the way I’d spoken to him, after what I’d accused him
of trying to do.
“Alright, today we’re going to work on duets,” Mrs. Yarrow announced. “Now, you can choose any song you’d like and you can sing as well if you’d like or it can just be instrumental. The important thing is that I want to feel something from your music. All of you have learned a great deal of technique, but this is one type of technique that can’t be taught through repetition. Some of the greatest musicians are those that learned to communicate through their instrument. They could tell a story without ever saying a word, a story that evoked emotional responses from their audience. Allowing emotion to flow through your music isn’t just about skill, it’s about being willing to be vulnerable in front of your audience. With the talent show coming up, I feel this is the right time to work on this.” She walked among the students and began to rattle off names. “You’ll all work in pairs and I want the goal to be to play something—to sing something, create something—that really communicates an emotion that you’re feeling.”
As she continued to pair students up, I braced myself. I already knew that she would pair Gabriel and me up. She loved how we played together. But would Gabriel be willing to play with me or would he ask for a different partner?
My stomach twisted as I wondered if I was willing. The more time I spent around Gabriel the harder it was to resist him. I couldn’t imagine that playing with him again would make it any easier. Maybe his mother had insisted that he have nothing to do with me, but I had given him good reason to want to avoid me as well.
“Gabriel and Jennifer.” She smiled. “I just can’t wait to hear what the two of you come up with.”
“Excuse me.” Gabriel stood up from his chair.
I closed my eyes as I prepared myself to hear his reason for not working with me.
“Yes, Gabriel?”
“I’d just like to make sure that Jenny wouldn’t prefer to work with someone else.” He looked straight at me.
As he met my eyes, I felt a crack of electricity course through me. How did he have such an impact on me?
“Jennifer?” She looked at me. “Is this okay with you? Would you like to be paired with someone else?”
“It’s fine.” I looked back down at the keys on my piano. I knew that Gabriel asked for more than one reason. He wanted me to admit that I didn’t want to avoid him. Or maybe he extended me the courtesy because he wanted to make sure that I was comfortable. Either way, he had his reasons and I got the impression that he wasn’t going to let me get out of an explanation for the way I’d treated him.
“Fine.” He picked up his guitar and walked over to me.
“Great.” The teacher turned to face the rest of the class. “Now, we only have a short time to work together, which actually makes this an even more amazing experience. You will all have to dig really deep to produce something genuine and emotional. Remember, it’s okay to ask your partner questions, to find out if there is a common emotional experience that you may have had that you can integrate into your music. This is a partner activity because it takes communication. Duets began as two people blending their voices and having a conversation. It works the same way with instruments. So, everyone get started and if you have any questions, feel free to ask.”
“Any questions?” Gabriel began to unzip his guitar case and refused to look at me.
“No.” I pressed a few of the keys under my fingertips.
“If you want me to work with someone else, I can find a different partner.”
“Please don’t.” I looked up at him just as he looked at me.
He frowned as he slung his guitar strap around his neck. “Let’s just work on the assignment. Alright?”
“Alright.” I studied him for a moment. “Maybe you could tell me a little bit about why you are so sad.”
“Let’s just play.” He strummed his guitar.
“But that isn’t the assignment.”
“It’s all I’m willing to do.” He locked his eyes to mine. “So, will you play with me or not?”
“Of course I will.” My chest tightened as I realized that he might be willing to work with me, but that didn’t mean he would still consider me his friend or ever anything more than that.
I began to play the piano with hesitant plucks of the keys.
He strummed his guitar, the melody littered with sharp edges and uneven notes.
It sounded awful to my ears. It sounded like the musical version of our conversation the night before.
“This is pointless.” I pulled my fingers off the keys.
“Maybe if you’d just listen.” He strummed his guitar again.
“I am listening. I know that you don’t really want to work with me.” I frowned as I looked up at him.
“I’m here, aren’t I?” He began to fiddle with a melody. “Let’s just get through this.”
I sighed as I looked back at the piano. He was right, there was no reason not to just get through it.
I began to play, without worrying about what he might think. As I did, I heard him begin to play as well.
The music he played inspired such a sense of peace in me that it brought tears to my eyes. It felt as if he was embracing me, soothing me. I realized that I wanted to do the same for him. Whatever sadness he carried, I wanted to ease it.
My fingers flew across the keys as I responded to his music with a similar but softer melody. Soon our music blended together to create a melody that I couldn’t deny was beautiful.
It wasn’t until we finished that I realized the rest of the room had grown quiet. The silence was interrupted by a burst of applause. All the other students had been listening to us.
The bell rang just as the applause faded.
I turned to look at Gabriel but he’d already tucked his guitar back into its case and started toward the door.
“Gabriel, Jennifer, wait just a minute please.” The teacher blocked the doorway before Gabriel could get through it. “I want you both to know that I’m holding a place in the talent show for you. If you choose to participate, I’ll consider it a large portion of your grade. I’ve never heard two students play so well together and I’d really like the whole school to have a chance to experience it. So, will you join in?” She smiled as she looked between us.
“I can’t.” Gabriel shook his head. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t.” He pushed his way past her through the door and out into the hall.
Chapter 13
I followed after him into the hallway. There was no question in my mind that he didn’t want anything to do with me, but I still couldn’t resist speaking to him. After the way his playing made me feel, I wasn’t sure that I could go another minute without being close to him. As much as I wanted to ignore that feeling, it seemed impossible.
“Gabe, wait up.” I jogged after him, as he’d already almost made it to the exit.
He froze for a few seconds, then glanced back at me.
I saw it in his expression. He was deciding whether to stay or just continue on. I wouldn’t have blamed him if he had just walked right out the door. Instead, he waited for me to reach him.
As I stopped in front of him, he didn’t utter a word as he continued to stare at me.
“Can we talk for a minute?”
“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.” He quirked an eyebrow.
“Listen, I know that you don’t want to do the talent show, but the way we just played together—well, it’s not like anything I’ve ever experienced before.”
“Oh yeah?” He adjusted his guitar strap. “You felt that too?” His voice remained cool.
“Gabriel, about last night.”
“Don’t.” He held up one hand. “I can’t play, alright? I just can’t do the talent show. Nothing you say to me is going to change that.”
“What are you so afraid of?”
“You’re asking me that?” He shook his head. “Why don’t you ask yourself first?”
“That’s not what this is about.” I frowned.
“That’s what all o
f this is about.” He lowered his voice as he took a step closer to me. “You think you can be cruel to me and then just ask me to play with you?”
“I didn’t mean to be cruel.”
“Then what did you mean when you said those horrible things to me?” He narrowed his eyes. “I would never treat you like that, Jenny—never.”
“I know that.” I closed my eyes, then opened them again and looked into his. “And you’re right, I was scared. Look, Gabriel, I can’t deny how I feel about you or how I feel when we play together, but that doesn’t change anything for me. I just can’t take those kinds of chances right now. I didn’t expect to feel this way about anyone. It’s all been a shock to me.”
“I didn’t expect it either.” He sighed as he studied me. “I shouldn’t have tried to kiss you.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I knew you were afraid. The last thing I want to do is cause you any more pain. I guess I just thought that maybe with us it would be different.”
“It feels different.” I lowered my eyes. “But it doesn’t change the fact that it’s not something I can do.”
“I get it.” He cleared his throat. “And the talent show is just something that I can’t do.”
“What if we played together each night? Just to see how it feels? If you still don’t want to perform by the time the talent show comes around, then you won’t.” I smiled some. “It can’t hurt, right?”
“I don’t know, can it?” He raised his eyebrows. “Do you really want to be alone with me that much?”
As I looked into his eyes, I couldn’t form an answer to that question. “Just meet me tonight—in the music room—if you want to.” I walked past him out into the courtyard. I had no idea if he would show up that night, but I hoped that he would.
A Fresh Start: A Young Adult Sweet Romance (Oak Brook Academy Book 5) Page 5
