Alaska, With Love

by Sandrine Gasq-Dion

  No, it’s not….oh shit. God, I’m so sorry.”“ “ Josh, wait.” Mark watched as Josh fled the room, and sat down with a loud sigh. He didn’t know if Josh freaked out because he kissed him, or if it was something else. God, he hoped it was something else. “Great.”

  ~~ Josh retreated to his room and leaned against the door. What the fuck had he been thinking? Mark had been raped on almost a daily basis, and here he was kissing the guy. He banged his head on the door and fought for control. He had to get out of the house and make sure Mark was taken care of. He sat on the bed and dialed Troy. He couldn’t stay in the house with Mark

  Patterson without wanting him.Shit.

  ~Chapter Four~ Mark sat at the kitchen table. He ran his fork through the eggs on his plate and thought about Josh. When he’d woken up Josh was gone, and Troy was in the kitchen making coffee. Now Troy sat at the other end of the table quiet. Mark had no idea what had set Josh off last night,

  but Mark hadn’t kissedhim. Josh had done the kissing

  and oh what a kiss it was. Mark could still feel it on his lips. Even after what had been done to him he’d wanted Josh last night. Mark wanted to feel Josh’s arms around him, holding him, keeping him safe. He did feel safe with Josh, more than he’d ever thought possible. Mark looked up at Troy. He was playing with his coffee cup, trying to avoid eye contact.

  “What did he say to you last night?” Mark saw Troy

  flinch, he looked uncomfortable. “ He just said I needed to come here and replace him, that he’d lost perspective.” Troy looked at Mark, he was just another man, but for some reason this man had sparked something in Josh that had him running to the other side of the damn country.

  “Troy.” Mark looked at him. “Please tell me.”

  The back door flew open and Mateo strolled into the kitchen. “ Good afternoon campers!” Mateo’s loud voice boomed out. Mateo stopped abruptly, forcing Riley to backpedal, or plow right into him. He looked from Mark to Troy. Wait…Troy? What the hell was Troy doing here? Before Mateo got the chance to ask, he heard Riley’s voice doing it for him.

  Riley looked from Mark to Troy. “Where’s Josh?” “He left some time in the night.” Mark looked back down at his plate. He had done something wrong somehow, that had to be it. “Troy, outside now.” Mateo turned on his heel and left the kitchen.

  Riley sat down next to Mark and took his hand. The guy looked like someone had taken his favorite toy. Josh

  was a toy, one that was meant to be played with.FocusRiley. “What’s wrong?”

  “I think I did something wrong. We were talking last night, and then Josh kissed me—”

  “What wait, Josh kissed you?” Riley almost screamed it. Mark blushed and looked down again. “Yes, but then he ran out of the room apologizing. I tried to tell him it was okay.” Mark’s throat constricted. “It’s because of what happened to me isn’t it?” Mark whispered. “He thinks I’m dirty somehow.”

  Riley sat back and his jaw dropped. “Oh hell no, I know that’s not it. I may not know Josh well, but that’s not the way he thinks.” Riley took Mark’s hand. “He has feelings for you, and he’s confused about it.”

  “We just met though. I mean we haven’t even been together that long.”

  Riley sat forward and pulled Mark’s face up. “Sometimes, dear, it takes less than that.”

  ~~ Troy tried to look anywhere but at Mateo. Fuck Josh for putting him in this position. It wasn’t his fault that Josh had freaked out, yet here he was trying to keep an eye on Mark. Yeah, Josh had it bad, and was so fucked up about it, he’d damn near run screaming from the house. “Go on, interrogate me.”

  “ Okay, what the fuck Troy? Where the hell did Josh decide he needed to be that was more important than staying with Mark?” Mateo looked Troy right in the eye, which was a little difficult seeing how the guy was taller than him.

  “ Look, all I know is he called me last night telling me that I needed to be here to watch Mark because he couldn’t. Like he’d done something he shouldn’t have and that Mark deserved someone that wasn’t a sexual deviant, and don’t ask. I don’t fucking know.”

  Mateo looked at Troy with an arched brow. “Okay, well Mark didn’t look like something bad had happened to him. What’s the whole story?” Troy shifted and Mateo narrowed his eyes. “You do know.”

  Troy sighed. Fucking Mateo and his ability to know when someone was lying, fuck. “Fine,” Troy looked at him. “Josh kissed Mark last night and felt like shit because of the fucked up shit that was done to the guy, okay? He felt like he took advantage and he had to go. Happy now?”

  “But he didn’t.” Mark stood on the porch looking from Mateo to Troy. Mateo turned to see Mark with Riley. He could see the look on Mark’s face. The guy had feelings for Josh, too. “Didn’t what?”

  “He didn’t take advantage. I wanted him to kiss me.” Mark looked at Troy. “Where is he?”

  Troy shifted and looked at Mateo, then back at Mark. “He said he was going to Alaska.”

  “Alaska?” Mateo arched a brow.

  “Where, in Alaska?” Riley piped up. “I’ve always wanted to go there.”

  “Riley.” Mateo rolled his eyes and looked at Troy. “Where?”

  “I don’t know.” Troy saw Mateo’s mouth open and cut him off. “I swear I don’t.”

  “Well, we can find out.” Riley smiled and pulled out his cell phone. “I’ll do whatever I can.” Everyone had gone back inside, and Mark stood in the backyard looking at the view of the valley below. He had to get his affairs in order, and after that he was going to find Josh Montgomery. A guy that kissed like that was going to be his. “You can run, but you can’t hide.” Mark whispered.

  ~~

  Josh looked around the apartment. It felt weird to be standing in it. It was Naomi’s apartment, well Nimah’s. Mateo had decided to keep it after Naomi was put in prison. He understood in a way, the place was filled with happy memories of a better time. He’d only spoken to Naomi one time since she’d been incarcerated and knew she’d held back information from her brother. Naomi had given Mateo a head start, and then informed her brother of his whereabouts. It was when he started getting suspicious, that Naomi gave him the info. It turned out to be the day Riley was kidnapped. Now, he and Sam used the place whenever they came into town.

  Josh sighed and sat back on the couch, he had no idea what he would’ve done had it been someone close to him. Mateo was still hurting from Naomi’s betrayal. Josh looked at his cell phone and contemplated who to call. Everyone he was friends with, was either on a mission or in the house with the man he’d run away from. Except one. Josh scrolled down his list of contacts and stopped at one number. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and hit ‘talk’.

  “ Hello?”

  “James?”

  “Yes, hey, what’s up Josh?”

  “Um, can I come and see you?” Josh played with the string on the end of his shirt.

  “Yeah, sure, what’s going on? You sound funny.” James sat back in his chair.

  “I’ll tell you when I get there.”

  ~~ The drive to the FBI office only took an hour; he’d

  shaved a half hour off the drive. Helovedopening up the

  Mustang on I-10. Parking in the secured parking lot, Josh looked around. It was hard to believe that a year ago Riley was taken right in the middle of the street, leaving Mateo one hell of a mess. Josh shook his head and locked his car, making his way inside the secured building. George was on duty at the metal detector. Josh flashed his patented grin and pulled out his badge.

  “ George…”

  “Montgomery.” George smiled. “Packing heat?”

  “ When am I not?” Josh pulled his Desert Eagle .44 out of its holster and laid it on the counter as he sauntered through the metal detector. The beeping went off and Josh arched a brow.

  “Nipple piercings?” George chuckled softly.

  “Nope,” Josh smiled wide. “Maybe I have a Prince Albert?”

&n
bsp; “Yeah,” George handed Josh his weapon. “I don’t want to check.”

  “It’s my belt buckle ya perv.” Josh waggled his eyebrows. “Later, George.” Josh made his way to the elevators and swiped his key card, the elevator doors opened and Josh rode up to the third floor. Stepping out, he heard voices around the corner. He recognized one immediately, it was Keegan Ripley.

  “You guys think this is so funny.” Keegan sighed. Josh listened carefully, but he didn’t recognize the other two men. They were giving Rip shit for something, Josh stayed still, listening in.

  “There’s no room for gays in the bureau, Keegan.” “Fuck you, Smith.” Keegan snarled. “I do my job just like everyone else.”

  “Yeah? Well, I heard you like sucking cock on stakeouts. Isn’t that how you got your partner killed?” Josh sucked in a breath and balled his fists. He came barreling around the corner, the rage evident on his face. “ Back the fuck off of him now.” Josh snarled. The faces on the two other agents went ashen. “I think you both know the circumstances of Keegan’s partners’ death. I don’t think either one of you would’ve survived what Keegan endured. I suggest you take your little asses out my face before I break them both.” They both mumbled as they turned to walk away and Josh cocked an eyebrow. “Excuse me? I didn’t quite hear you.”

  “It’s nothing, Montgomery.” Smith looked at Keegan. “Sorry man.” “ Yeah, you will be, if I catch you giving him shit again. I’ll make sure Mateo, Sam and Troy know as well.” Josh smiled wickedly. “First and last my friends.”

  Keegan watched Smith and his partner hurry down the hall; glancing back to make sure Josh wasn’t following them. He smiled and looked up at Josh.

  “You didn’t have to do that.” “ Yeah, I did.” Josh smiled looking down at Keegan. “How are you?” Josh found out what happened to Ripley a while ago from James. Five years ago, Ripley and his partner Spence, were on a stake out when they were both kidnapped from the car. Ripley was privy to information that the kidnappers wanted. They tortured him endlessly, and when Ripley wouldn’t talk, they shot his partner. The kidnapper was a notorious child killer and had many enemies. Ripley knew where all the kids of said enemies were kept. They’d finally found Keegan, half dead, and the kidnappers had gotten away.

  “I’m good,” Keegan smiled. “You don’t look so good though.” “ I’m alright.” Josh smiled. “Just here to see James. Look, if you need anything, or if anyone ever bothers you, you tell me or one of the guys okay?”

  “You’re sweet, Josh.” Keegan smiled up at him. “I’m a big boy. I can take care of myself.” “ I know, but still.” Josh sighed. “Take care of yourself okay? It was good to see you again.” Josh gave Keegan a quick hug and walked towards James’ office. He heard talking behind the door and knocked once. Opening the door, he got a ‘one minute’ finger from James at the desk. He sat in the corner of the room and folded his hands in his lap.

  James hung up the phone and looked at Josh in the corner.

  “Did you do somethingbad?” James arched a brow.

  No, why?” Josh sat back and sighed.“ “ You’re sitting in the corner like you’re being punished.” James chuckled softly. James watched Josh sitting in the corner wringing his hands, something was up. He waited for Josh to come forward with whatever was bugging him. After a few minutes, James was getting the idea Josh didn’t know where to start. He squinted his eyes, looking at Josh.

  What are you doing?” Josh sat forward.“

  “I’m trying to read your mind, since you’re not offering me anything.” “ Well?”

  “There’s nothing in there to read.” James chuckled. “Asshole.” Josh sighed and dropped his head.

  James narrowed his eyes. “This is about Mark Patterson, isn’t it?” James smiled when Josh’s head sprang up in surprise. “Yep, it is, I knew it. I saw how you were looking at him in the hospital.”

  I…I kissed him.” Josh confessed, blushing furiously.“

  James tried to contain his surprise. Josh was gay?

  Well shitandfuck. “And so now what, are you are having

  a moment of confusion? Do you have feelings for him?” “Yes, no, I think so.” Josh sighed in frustration. “I need a fucking vacation to sort all this out, James.” The door slammed open and hit the wall, bouncing back. Derek entered the room and put his hands on James’ desk, leaning over it.

  “Where the fuck were you?” Derek almost shouted. James sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. “You’ll have to be more specific.”

  “Don’t fucking play with me James, you weren’t at the meeting! Are you fucking avoiding me now?”

  “Now why would I do that, General?” James sat forward putting his hands on the desk. “ Because you want more from me and I’m not there yet.” Derek sighed in frustration and ran his hands over his face. “I get it okay? I’m a bastard. I look forward to these meetings. I have to go back to Afghanistan at the end of the month and I wanted to see you before I left.”

  “Well, you’re here now.” James smiled. “ Was that your plan? To not be at the meeting so I’d come find you? Well it worked, didn’t it?” Derek threw his hands up in the air. “What do you want, James? You want to go out for drinks, talk maybe?”

  “Um,” James pointed behind Derek. “I have plans already.” Derek turned to see the amused look on Josh’s face. “Oh shit.” He whispered. Then it clicked. Plans? The jealous rage rose instantly and Derek felt his lips curl. “Plans?”

  Josh saw the change in Derek’s face. “Whoa,” Josh put his hands up in defense. “Nothing like that, General.” James sighed and stood up. “I’ll give you the time off Josh, take all you need. I need you whole when you come back.” James grabbed his jacket. “I’m going to the damn bar to get a drink.”

  “Can I come with you?” Derek turned around to look at James. “ Sure,” James stopped at the door. “For whatever reason, Josh, you’ve been given a chance at something. Remember the words of the fortune teller. I’ll see you when you get back.”

  ~~ Four hours later, Josh was boarding the flight to Alaska from Sea-Tac. He found his seat in first class and sat down, mentally exhausted. Closing his eyes, he saw

  Mark’s face, it wasalwaysthere. As soon as they were in

  the air, Josh unbuckled his seat belt and went to the restroom. He hadn’t even gotten the door shut, when he was forced into the bathroom and the door was shut and locked. His face registered shock when he saw the flight attendant smiling at him.

  “Sabine?”

  “Joshua…” Sabine smiled wickedly. “I have missed

  you, how long has it beencheri?”

  “ Um, a few months?” Josh swallowed hard. Sabine’s hands slid down his torso to cup his cock. “Look, I don’t —”

  “ Shhh,” Sabine smiled, rubbing the front of his slacks. “I have missed your lips.” Sabine pulled Josh down to her lips and kissed him hard. After a few seconds, she realized he wasn’t kissing her back. Not only that, his dick was soft. “Joshua? You do not find me attractive anymore?”

  Josh sighed, rubbing his face with his hands and sat down on the toilet. “It’s not that, I have feelings for someone else.” Josh blinked in surprise. He’d just

  admitted it out loud.Shit.

  Sabine smiled wide. “My Joshua has finally found ‘the one’? Oh, I am so happy for you!” Sabine hugged him hard.

  “ Really?” Josh looked at her. Sabine was beautiful. She had black hair pulled up in a French twist, with smokey grey eyes. She had a face like a porcelain doll. His mother would love her.

  “ But of course! We have fun, nothing more, and I have always known that.” Sabine palmed his face. “Something is troubling you, no?”

  “It’s complicated,” Josh sighed. “But my heart is taken now.”

  “Well then,” Sabine stood him up and fixed his shirt. “It will all work out.”

  “God, I hope so.” Josh smiled.

  ~~ “Mark?”

  Mark blinked and looked up.
“Yes?”

  “You zoned out again.” “ Oh,” Mark blushed. “Sorry, I was thinking about something else.” Mark sat back and took a good long look at his therapist. Doctor Cormick Forrester was in his thirties as far as Mark could tell. His hair was strawberry blonde; he had crystal clear blue eyes and a creamy complexion broken up by a smattering of freckles across the bridge of his nose. Needless to say whoever he had at home was one lucky fuck. Mark’s mind, however, was elsewhere, on a tall blonde with emerald eyes.

  Care to share?” “

  “Well, I’ve already told you about Josh.”

  “Yes, you did.” Cormick tilted his head. “What I want to know is how you’re dealing with the nightmares.”

  “Well, I really have no choicebutto deal with them

  don’t I?” Mark tried to smile; it turned out to be more like a grimace. “I wake up soaked in sweat, screaming.” “ You need to give yourself time, Mark. It’s only been three months. You’ve said you don’t want to pursue Josh until your whole again, correct?”

  “Correct.” Mark nodded. “I also want to make sure he’s

  still theretopursue.”

  Cormick sat forward resting his elbows on his knees, with his notepad dangling from his fingers. “You really don’t have much self-esteem anymore do you? You’re a beautiful man Mark, anyone would be lucky to have you.”

  “ You have no idea what Josh looks like, Doc. He’s probably got thousands of women waiting in line outside of his house with food in their hands, along with their panties; just dying to be given the chance to take care of him.” Mark chuckled softly, running a hand through his hair. Damn, he’d be the first one in that line, hissing at the other women. That brought a smile to his face and he saw Doctor Forrester arch a brow. “I had a visual.”